patworks 5 #1 June 25, 2010 *Para Death Sky Dieing Equipment Catalogue* Pub. by Casa Grande, Arizona DZ [Casa Gulch] 5x11", B/W Felt tip pen, hand-lettered with 11 pen illustrations. USFET era. Published after Heydorn bounced. (Warning: R-rated, Black humor & Black Death. Now offensive to some.) - - - Item #1 - PARA-DEATH LAST CHANCE PRY BAR <<< Drawing of a crow-bar AKA pry-bar>> Use in addition to your last chance cord to pry open a hogback pack closure after cutting away. Makes a nice gift for your friends. Also available with rubber tips in case they’re not your friends. - - - Item #2 - PARA DEATH ANVIL RESERVE <<>> Your base man will never "Z" on you again. Never needs repacking. Complete with short chain link risers. - - - Item #3 - PARA DEATH EXTRA DIVE ALTIMETER <<< Drawing of a standard Altimeter but with Skull + words Para Death, AZ >>> Reads 50% high. Get 45 seconds on a 30 second load. More dive for your diving dollar. - - - Item #4 - PARA DEATH BLINDER GOGGLES <<< drawing of goggles that restrict vision to straight-ahead only >> Allows you to concentrate directly ahead. Why be paranoid about all those other turkeys on your load. - - - Item #5 - PARADEATH PACKING TABLE <<< Drawing of a large coffin w/ skull + Crossbones & packing tool>>> Order several if you have an active DZ (Death Zone) - - - Item #6 - PARADEATH SOLID STATE ALTIMETER <<< Drawing of ParaDeath Brand Altimeter with the indicator-hand painted on the face of the altimeter at 2K >>> No moving parts. Absolutely accurate when you're at 2,000 feet. Never be accused of low pulls again. - - - Item #7 - PARA DEATH HUNDRED MILE AN HOUR TAPE (also called Duct Tape) <<< drawing of a roll of duct tape >> Tape up broken jumpsuit zippers, rips and tears, tape down ripcords to prevent getting zapped, repair canopies, lines, tape over goggles to avoid getting ground rush. - - - Item #8 - PARA-DEATH SURE GRIPS (Order thru Hudson Bay Trapper Co.) <<< A) drawing of a poor grip titled: For the average Turkey ; B) Drawing of a grip enhanced by using a meat-hook to pierce their forearm w/blood gushing, titled For your own use >>> - - - Item #9 - PARA-DEATH AUTOMATIC OPENER <<< drawing of an AAD w/ skull >> Designed especially for the RW freak. Solves the problem of sometimes getting down there. 100% reliable. Fires on impact. - - - <<< LOGO >> SPORT DEATH Compute your teams bounce index (frapp factor) : Add points for all questions and divide by 10. Teams with Bounce Index greater than 8 should pay entry fee in Cash only. Individual bounce potentials (in days of expected lifetime) are computed by dividing you number of jumps by the team bounce index. - 1. In case of malfunction, team member’s emergency procedures are: *Cut-away.................... 0 Points *Hand-Deploy (belly reserve)..... 0 Points *Analyze the situation............ 1 point *Observe the crowds' reaction... 5 Points *Kick, scream, and freak the Whuffs....10 points 2. Team compliance with USPA BSRs: *Always............. 0 Points *What are BSRs? ...1 Point *What is USPA? ... 5 Points *Fuck USPA.........10 points 3. When was the last time your team saw a bounce: *On the way into Casa Grande... 0 Points *Last month.................. 1 Point *Last Year..................... 5 points *Never...........................10 Points 4. Team Members Gear: *Mostly conventional gear and new rags.... 0 Points *Assorted PC's, Death Rags, Pigs, Pop Tops, Plop Tops, etc... 1 Point *X-Bows, T-Bows, ParaPlanes, Delta-IIs, 24' twills, etc... 5 Points *What gear?.............................. 10 points 5. Team Objectives: *Win the meet.......... 0 Points *Scare each other ..... 2 Points * Freak the Whuffs ... 5 Points *Freak the other jumpers... 8 points *Freak the Casa Grande Mortician.. 10 Points 6. After-Star Sequential Maneuvers: * Never done........... 0 Points *Sometimes not completed before break off. 1 Point *Always completed before impact.... 5 Points *A good after-star is reflected by the symmetry of the craters.... 10 Points. 7. Team Philosophy: *Exit fast, fly slow, and break clean.. 0 Points *Get in or go in ........................ 1 Point *First one to the ground wins..... 5 Points *They don't pay to see a carnival ride kid (Gypsy Moths) .... 10 Points) 8. Where do you jump: *Coolidge .................... 0 Points * Casper Wyoming ........ 5 Points * Elsinore..................... 8 Points *Casa Grande Death Zone... 10 Points 9. Team's state of consciousness: * Slightly altered............. 0 Points * Spaced........................ 1 Point * Drunk.......................... 5 Points *Unconscious.................. 10 Points 10. Team's attitude toward fatality Reports *Avidly read all incident reports .... 0 Points *Enjoy good Bounce stories........... 5 Points * Tired of being upstaged by nonspectacular mundane bounces...10 Points * * * PS, I'll provide a copy to the cataqlog to anyone who will scan it in to a computer and post the page images , PDFs or whatever, on Dropzone.com ***Pat Works nee Madden Travis Works, Jr .B1575, C1798, D1813, Star Crest Solo#1, USPA#189, Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
wmw999 2,166 #2 June 25, 2010 QuoteItem #3 - PARA DEATH EXTRA DIVE ALTIMETER <<< Drawing of a standard Altimeter but with Skull + words Para Death, AZ >>> Reads 50% high. Get 45 seconds on a 30 second load. More dive for your diving dollar. Sounds good to me! Wendy P.There is nothing more dangerous than breaking a basic safety rule and getting away with it. It removes fear of the consequences and builds false confidence. (tbrown) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
BillyVance 34 #3 June 25, 2010 Quote *Casa Grande Death Zone... 10 Points "Mediocre people don't like high achievers, and high achievers don't like mediocre people." - SIX TIME National Champion coach Nick Saban Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
airdvr 200 #4 June 25, 2010 hadn't heard the term "Z -out" in forever. Please don't dent the planet. Destinations by Roxanne Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
skybill 19 #6 June 25, 2010 Hi Pat, There was more than one copy???? As I recall, there was a copy embedded in the wall of Joe Morgans' Trailer at Old Elsinore!!!! Geeked it many times!! He sold the trailer to Eric Bernstine and then I don't know what became of it?? SCR-2034, SCS-680 III%, Deli-out Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
airtwardo 6 #7 June 26, 2010 (Warning: R-rated, Black humor & Black Death. Now offensive to some.) ~Yeah, use to call 'em Wuffos! ~ If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn? ~ Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
patworks 5 #8 June 26, 2010 Quote Hi Pat, There was more than one copy???? As I recall, there was a copy embedded in the wall of Joe Morgans' Trailer at Old Elsinore!!!! Geeked it many times!! He sold the trailer to Eric Bernstine and then I don't know what became of it?? Robin Heid bought it and lived in it for years... sold it a few years ago to Swooper Clint Clausson. Still has the ParaDeath catalog on the wall.Pat Works nee Madden Travis Works, Jr .B1575, C1798, D1813, Star Crest Solo#1, USPA#189, Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
skybill 19 #9 June 26, 2010 Quote Quote Hi Pat, There was more than one copy???? As I recall, there was a copy embedded in the wall of Joe Morgans' Trailer at Old Elsinore!!!! Geeked it many times!! He sold the trailer to Eric Bernstine and then I don't know what became of it?? Robin Heid bought it and lived in it for years... sold it a few years ago to Swooper Clint Clausson. Still has the ParaDeath catalog on the wall. Hi Pat, Glad to hear that the Trailer and the catalogue survived!! Both are Skydiving Treasures!! 'Remember when "Desert Heat" came back from "China" they had some slides at the DZ and out in the woods somewhere around where they were they found this old beat up abandoned "trailer" that kinda looked like Joe's. The guys painted "Joe Morgan's place" or something like that on the side and "Took Pictures!!" God only knows what the Commies think of us after that??SCR-2034, SCS-680 III%, Deli-out Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
NickDG 23 #10 June 26, 2010 I lived in that trailer long before those guys. Those prints were partially hidden behind a built in couch and we found them when Anne and I were remodeling. That trailer was originally in the Elsinore Ghetto and it moved to Perris (along with a bunch of others) when the first big flood happened . . . NickD Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
airtwardo 6 #11 June 26, 2010 Quote I lived in that trailer long before those guys. Those prints were partially hidden behind a built in couch and we found them when Anne and I were remodeling. That trailer was originally in the Elsinore Ghetto and it moved to Perris (along with a bunch of others) when the first big flood happened . . . NickD That wasn't your 'guest' trailer was it? ~ If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn? ~ Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
MissBuffDiver 0 #12 June 28, 2010 Speaking of trailers...anybody know what happened to Tom & Jody Owens trailer?..It was painted to look like the Old Howard at Elsinore...My girls and I lived in it 1979-1980 in the Elsinore Ghetto...talk about being cramped...Sandy Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
diablopilot 2 #13 June 28, 2010 Quote (Warning: R-rated, Black humor & Black Death. Now offensive to some.) ~Yeah, use to call 'em Wuffos! Now we call them n00b's..... welcome to the pussyfication of the sport.---------------------------------------------- You're not as good as you think you are. Seriously. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
kkeenan 13 #14 June 28, 2010 Quote *A good after-star is reflected by the symmetry of the craters.... _____________________________________ Dude, you are so awesome... Can I be on your ash jump ? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
BlueSBDeath 2 #15 June 28, 2010 Pat, great stuff, lots of lost memory's, Please PM me and I will be happy to post the catalogue up for all to see :) BSBD Arvel Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
NovaTTT 1 #16 September 3, 2010 Pat - I found the Catalog on eBay and wondered if it's yours. Blues!"Even in a world where perfection is unattainable, there's still a difference between excellence and mediocrity." Gary73 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
