Cats & Dogs

[Slappie 9]

What is a cat?
- Cats do what they want.
- They rarely listen to you.
- They are totally unpredictable.
- When you want to play, they want to be alone.
- When you want to be alone, they want to play.
- They expect you to cater to their every whim.
- They are moody.
- They leave hair everywhere.
- They drive you nuts and cost an arm and a leg.
Conclusion:   They are tiny women in fur coats.
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What is a dog?
- Dogs lie around all day, sprawled on the most
- comfortable piece of furniture in the house.
- They can hear a package of food opening half a block away,
- but they don't hear you when you are in the same room.
- They growl when they are not happy.
- When you want to play, they want to play.
- When you want to be alone, they want to play.
- They are great at begging.
- They will love you forever if you rub their tummies.
- They leave their toys everywhere.
- They do disgusting things with their mouths and then
- try to give you a kiss.
Conclusion:    They are little men in fur coats.
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[chicagoskydiver 0]

Yep, that about sums it up!
Hackey

[quade 3]

Dude, why do you think they call 'em pussycats?
quade
http://futurecam.com

[Magistr8 0]

I'm going to get into a lot of trouble for this but why do you think there are so many more abandoned cats then dogs?
Who ever said comming down from a high was bad obviously never tried this.
Magistr8

[SkydiveMonkey 0]

You shouldn't put a knife in the toaster - but you're an adult now !!!

[ltdiver 3]

Sooo....every man should have a cat so he knows what a woman's like?
AND every woman should own a dog so she knows what a man is like.
Huh?
__________________________________________
http://www.discover.net/~ltdiver

[MrHixxx 0]

I've gotta cat, a dog, and bird. Does that make me bi-sexual? I don't feel bisexual...
-Hixxx
"Sous ma tub, Dr. Suess ma tub"

[ltdiver 3]

Well...maybe well 'rounded', then __________________________________________
http://www.discover.net/~ltdiver

[MrHixxx 0]

I've gotta strong and decisive side, a warm and compassionate side, and a will to fly...
-Hixxx
"Sous ma tub, Dr. Suess ma tub"

[Magistr8 0]

Having had both a cat and a dog I can say without a doubt that having a dog is definatley more pleasurable. here is the rundown lets start with the cat I loved snowflake
Kitten> aww he is so sute ( everyone loved him)
very playful loved chasing the balls around and played with his scrtchpad also loved chasing the birds
Adult Cat> Lazy, stayed on his window sill all day long. Dare move him and you would quickly begin to bleed or worse yet fall trying to get him to come down and eat.
Yet at night he wants to play and cuddle up to me when I sleep
Puppy> aww he is so cute ( everyone loved him). Loved to chase his toys around able to learn very quickly. Sit, play dead, roll over, catch frisbe and protect me if someone was pretending to horse around with me.
Adult> aww your dog is so loyal and smart. Happy to see me when I get home, wants to get some excersise to stop from getting fat ( unlike the cat ). Still knows all the tricks he knew when he was young. Even more loyal. and a people kind of dog.
After weighing in the contenders I would have to say that this is pretty typical for your household pets. Thus comming to the conclusion that dogs make better pets than cats.
Who ever said comming down from a high was bad obviously never tried this.
Magistr8

[Scratch 0]

How to wash the cat
1. Thoroughly clean the toilet.
2. Add the required amount of shampoo to the toilet water, and have both lids lifted.
3. Obtain the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom.
4. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close both lids (you may need to stand on the lid so that he cannot escape). CAUTION: Do not get any part of your body too close to the edge, as his paws will be reaching out for anything they can find. The cat will self-agitate and make ample suds.
(Never mind the noises that come from your toilet, he is actually enjoying this.)
5. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a "power-wash" and "rinse" which I have found to be quite effective.
6. Have someone open the door to the outside and ensure that there are no people between the toilet and the outside door.
7. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift both lids.
8. The now-clean cat will rocket out of the toilet, and run outside where he will dry himself.

[Kris 0]

This is too true:
CAT BATHING AS A MARTIAL ART
Some people say cats never have to be bathed. They say cats lick themselves clean. They say cats have a special enzyme of some sort in their saliva that works like new, improved Wisk--dislodging the dirt where it hides and whisking it away.
I've spent most of my life believing this folklore. Like most blind believers, I've been able to discount all the facts to the contrary - the kitty odors that lurk in the corners of the garage and dirt smudges that cling to the throw rug by the fireplace.
The time comes, however, when a person must face reality; when he must look squarely in the face of massive public sentiment to the contrary and announce: "This cat smells like a port-a-potty on a hot day in Juarez."
When that day arrives at your house, as it has in mine, I have some advice you might consider as you place your feline friend under you arm and head for the bathtub:
Know that although the cat has the advantages of quickness and utter disregard for human life, you have the advantage of strength. Capitalize on that advantage by selecting the battlefield. Don't try to bathe him in an open area where he can force you to chase him. Pick a very small bathroom. If your bathroom is more than four feet square, I recommend that you get in the tub with the cat and close the sliding-glass doors as if you were about to take a shower. (A simple shower curtain will not do. A berserk cat can shred a three-ply rubber shower curtain quicker than a politician can shift positions.)
Know that a cat has claws and will not hesitate to remove all the skin from your body. Your advantage here is that you are smart and know how to dress to protect yourself. I recommend canvas overalls tucked into high-top construction boots, a pair of steel-mesh gloves, an army helmet, a hockey face mask and a long-sleeve flak jacket.
Prepare everything in advance. There is no time to go out for a towel when you have a cat digging a hole in your flak jacket. Draw the water. Make sure the bottle of kitty shampoo is inside the glass enclosure. Make sure the towel can be reached, even if you are lying on your back in the water.
Use the element of surprise. Pick up your cat nonchalantly, as if to simply carry him to his supper dish. (Cats will not usually notice your strange attire. They have little or no interest in fashion as a rule. If he does notice your garb, calmly explain that you are taking part in a product-testing experiment for J.C. Penney.)
Once you are inside the bathroom, speed is essential to your survival. In a single liquid motion, shut the bathroom door, step into the tub enclosure, slide the glass door shut, dip the cat in the water and squirt him with shampoo. You have begun one of the wildest 45 seconds of your life. Cats have no handles.
Add the fact that he now has soapy fur, and the problem is radically compounded. Do not expect to hold on to him for more that two or three seconds at a time. When you have him, however, you must remember to give him another squirt of shampoo and rub like crazy. He'll then spring free and fall back into the water, thereby rinsing himself off. (The national record is--for cats--three latherings, so don't expect too much.)
Next, the cat must be dried. Novice cat bathers always assume this part will be the most difficult, for humans generally are worn out at this point and the cat is just getting really determined. In fact, the drying is simple compared to what you have just been through. That's because by now the cat is semi-permanently affixed to your right leg. You simply pop the drain plug with your foot, reach for your towel and wait. (Occasionally, however, the cat will end up clinging to the top of your army helmet. If this happens, the best thing you can do is to shake him loose and to encourage him toward your leg.) After all the water is drained from the tub, it is a simple matter to just reach down and dry the cat.
Do *NOT* try to use a blow dryer. You might as well use a vacuum cleaner.
In a few days the cat will relax enough to be removed from your leg. He will usually have nothing to say for about three weeks and will spend a lot of time sitting with his back to you. He might even become psycho-ceramic and develop the fixed stare of a plaster figurine.
You will be tempted to assume he is angry. This isn't usually the case. As a rule he is simply plotting ways to get through your defenses and injure you for life the next time you decide to give him a bath. But, at least now he smells a lot better.
Kris

[lazerq3 0]

What ever happend to the good old washing machine...equiped with lid, wash,rinse, and spin cycle!! Then throw them in the dryer.....setting for low Knit of coarse!!!jason

[kingbunky 3]

I have cats and dogs (and ferrets and a chinchilla). sooner or later they will need medication, here's a handy guide.
How to give a cat a pill:
1) Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.
2) Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.
3) Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.
4) Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.
5) Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden.
6) Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.
7) Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.
8) Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.
9) Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink 1 beer to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.
10) Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Open another beer. Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.
11) Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Drink beer. Fetch bottle of scotch. Pour shot, drink. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss-back another shot. Throw Tee shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.
12) Ring fire department to retrieve the f------ cat from tree across the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil-wrap.
13) Tie the little bastard's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table, find heavy duty pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak. Be rough about it. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of water down throat to washdown pill.
14) Consume remainder of Scotch. Get spouse to drive you to the emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and remove pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table.
15) Arrange for SPCA to collect mutant cat from hell and ring local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.
How to Give A Dog A Pill:
1) Wrap it in bacon.
Oh, I have slipped the surly bonds of earth
And danced the skies on laughter-silvered wings

[Scratch 0]

Bwhahahahahahahahahahahaha

[n2skdvn 0]

looks like im not the only one who has had to deal with cats
have the scars to prove it!!!!!
It's not the fall that kills you, it'ssudden deceleration syndrome.

[kingbunky 3]

actually i'm lucky, our cats are strictly indoor cats so we got them declawed. just the front paws though, you'd be surprised how quick they can twist those back paws into position! i find it safer just to leave the evil things alone, or throw them far enough that they can't scratch you. my dog, on the other hand, is the only living thing in the house that always meets me at the door when i come home and is always happy to see me. dogs rule!
Oh, I have slipped the surly bonds of earth
And danced the skies on laughter-silvered wings

[Scratch 0]

Cats are demon spawn.