Blahr 0 #1 September 12, 2003 Little Billy was sitting on a park bench, munching on one candy bar after another. After the 6th one, a man on the bench across from him said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat." Little Billy replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old." "Oh?" replied the man. "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?" "No" replied Little Billy, "He minded his own fucking business" Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Casie 0 #2 September 12, 2003 LOL!~Porn Kitty WARNING: Goldschlager causes extreme emotional outbursts! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
CrazyIvan 0 #3 September 12, 2003 LMFAO!!!!__________________________________________ Blue Skies and May the Force be with you. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
turtlespeed 212 #4 September 12, 2003 Little Johnny was in class one day and the teacher asked what they learned over the weekend. Little sally told about her not counting the chickens before they hatch. Chris told about not crying over spilled milk. Finally it came down to Johnny's turn. So he sit's up and tells the class that his "Old Man" was in Viet Nam. The teacher said, "Johnny, what does his have to do with what you learned?" Johnny says, "I'm getting there!" and the teacher is getting worried about what will come next, because, well, this is a little Johnny Joke... So, he continues, "My Old Man was surrounded by 30 Charlie while he was in a fox hole. All he had was 5 bullets, and a bottle of Jack Daniels. So, he drank down that whole bottle, fired off the last five shots he had, killing five charlie, [Dramatic Pause] and killed the other 25 with his bare hands!" The teacher looked at johnny and asked, exasperated, "What does that have to do with what you learned?!" Little Johnny looked at her and said, "Well, I' tell ya what, I learned not to fuck with my Old Man when he's been drinkin!"I'm not usually into the whole 3-way thing, but you got me a little excited with that. - Skymama BTR #1 / OTB^5 Official #2 / Hellfish #408 / VSCR #108/Tortuga/Orfun Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
CrazyIvan 0 #5 September 12, 2003 HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAA!!!! __________________________________________ Blue Skies and May the Force be with you. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
pds 0 #6 September 12, 2003 Q: What do you say to a blonde with no arms and no legs? A: "Nice tits!"namaste, motherfucker. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
kansasskydiver 0 #7 September 12, 2003 Somewhere in Europe on an old park, there were 2 statues that were constantly mocked at and stared at while being in the nude. An angel from above felt pitty on the couple and came down from heaven and talked to them. "You know guys, you've stood here for years in the buff, cold and patiently. I'm going to grant you guys a wish and let you be humans for an hour!' So the 2 run off excited behind the bushes as the angel waits. There were sounds and moans and groans and then 15 mins later they came back. "Ok we're done!" "But you guys still have 45 mins left, don't you want to do something else or do it again?" The guys looks to the girl "You wanna do it again?" "I don't know you wanna?" "Ok let's do it! This time though, you hold down the bird and I'll shit on it's head!!!" (sorry i'm not a good story teller)<--- See look, pink dolphins DO exist! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
turtlespeed 212 #8 September 12, 2003 I love it!I'm not usually into the whole 3-way thing, but you got me a little excited with that. - Skymama BTR #1 / OTB^5 Official #2 / Hellfish #408 / VSCR #108/Tortuga/Orfun Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Casie 0 #9 September 12, 2003 Customer Service Funny This has got to be one of the funniest things I've heard of in a long time. I think this guy should have been promoted, not fired. This is a true story from the "WordPerfect Helpline" which was transcribed from a recording monitoring the customer care department. Needless to say, the Help Desk employee was fired however, he is currently suing the WordPerfect organization for "Termination without Cause." This is the actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee. (now I know why they record these conversations) "Rich Hall computer assistance; may I help you?" "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect." "What sort of trouble?" "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away." "Went away?" "They disappeared." "Hmmm. So what does your screen look like now?" "Nothing." "Nothing?" "It's a blank; it won' t accept anything when I type." "Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?" "How do I tell?" "Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?" "What's a sea-prompt?" "Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?" "There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type." "Does your monitor have a power indicator?" "What's a monitor?" "It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?" "I don't know." "Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?" "Yes, I think so." "Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall." "Yes, it is." "When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cords plugged into the back of it, not just one?" "No." "Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable." "Okay, here it is." "Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer." "I can't reach." "Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?" "No." "Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?" "Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle it's because it's dark." "Dark?" "Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window. "Well, turn on the office light then." "I can't." "No? Why not?" "Because there's a power failure." "A power.......a power failure?.... Aha, Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?" "Well, yes, I keep them in the closet." "Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from." "Really? Is it that bad?" "Yes, I'm afraid it is." "Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?" "Tell them you're too fucking stupid to own a computer."~Porn Kitty WARNING: Goldschlager causes extreme emotional outbursts! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
CrazyIvan 0 #10 September 12, 2003 That's a CLASSIC.__________________________________________ Blue Skies and May the Force be with you. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
wlie 0 #11 September 12, 2003 h n!!! You said the 'F' wordMy other ride is the relative wind. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
happythoughts 0 #12 September 12, 2003 Most tech support people know that the first question asked is "Can you see that little red light? Is it glowing? No? Apparently, there is a power problem. Try to start it up again..." That solves almost all printer problems. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
kansasskydiver 0 #13 September 12, 2003 I work tech support and, well the most obvious question is What color is the DSL light? Black Ok that means we don't have a DSL signal and that's the reason we can't get you online. Is the modem turned on? No... Ok let's turn the modem on then. Because of this problem, we actually started shipping the modems out with the power button in the ON position, so when someone plugged it in they saw the pretty lights<--- See look, pink dolphins DO exist! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
wlie 0 #14 September 12, 2003 Not to mention the sparks that come flying as soon as you plug it in the electric socketMy other ride is the relative wind. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
turtlespeed 212 #15 September 12, 2003 Are there really this many "Lutzes" out there?I'm not usually into the whole 3-way thing, but you got me a little excited with that. - Skymama BTR #1 / OTB^5 Official #2 / Hellfish #408 / VSCR #108/Tortuga/Orfun Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
kansasskydiver 0 #17 September 12, 2003 QuoteAre there really this many "Lutzes" out there? yes, i spend 8 hours, 3 days a week talking to them too. and the thing that sucks is, when they go "I've got to be the stupidest person you've ever talked to huh" i can't tell them the truth<--- See look, pink dolphins DO exist! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
wlie 0 #18 September 12, 2003 How the f*ck should I knowMy other ride is the relative wind. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
happythoughts 0 #19 September 12, 2003 My son used to do tech support for AOL. He said that over 1/3 of his callers were drunk. It was "Hey, I'm loaded, let's fix the computer..." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
turtlespeed 212 #20 September 12, 2003 QuoteHow the f*ck should I know F**k the F*****G F**ksI'm not usually into the whole 3-way thing, but you got me a little excited with that. - Skymama BTR #1 / OTB^5 Official #2 / Hellfish #408 / VSCR #108/Tortuga/Orfun Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
turtlespeed 212 #21 September 12, 2003 QuoteMy son used to do tech support for AOL. He said that over 1/3 of his callers were drunk. It was "Hey, I'm loaded, let's fix the computer..." My sex life is much the same...I'm not usually into the whole 3-way thing, but you got me a little excited with that. - Skymama BTR #1 / OTB^5 Official #2 / Hellfish #408 / VSCR #108/Tortuga/Orfun Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
wlie 0 #22 September 12, 2003 Do I look like a give a fk?My other ride is the relative wind. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
turtlespeed 212 #23 September 12, 2003 QuoteDo I look like a give a fk? Who the FK gives a fg s**t?I'm not usually into the whole 3-way thing, but you got me a little excited with that. - Skymama BTR #1 / OTB^5 Official #2 / Hellfish #408 / VSCR #108/Tortuga/Orfun Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
happythoughts 0 #24 September 12, 2003 QuoteDo I look like a give a fk? Judging from the only pic I have of you (your avatar), I'd say you are a little under the weather. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
wlie 0 #25 September 12, 2003 QuoteWho the FK gives a fg s**t? You mean "Who the FK gives a fg fMy other ride is the relative wind. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
