Brian425 0 #1 March 25, 2004 What is Retrosexuality??? My Restrosexuality is defined by the following Retrosexual code: A Retrosexual, no matter what the women insists, PAYS FOR THE GODDAMN DATE. A Retrosexual opens doors for a lady. Even for the ones that fit that term only because they are female. A Retrosexual DEALS with shit. Be it a flat tire, break-in into your home, or a natural disaster, you FUCKING DEAL WITH IT. A Retrosexual not only eats red meat, he often kills it himself. A Retrosexual doesn't worry about living to be 90. It's not how long you live, but how well. If you're 90 years old and still smoking cigars and drinking, I salute you. A Retrosexual does not use more hair or skin products than a woman. Women have several supermarket aisles of stuff. Retrosexuals need an endcap (possibly 2 endcaps if you include shaving goods.) A Retrosexual does not dress in clothes from Hot Topic when he's 30 years old A Retrosexual should know how to properly kill stuff (or people) if need be. This falls under the "dealing with shit" portion of The Code. A Retrosexual watches no TV show with "Queer" in the title. A Retrosexual does not let neighbors fuck up rooms in his house on national TV. A Retrosexual should not give up excessive amounts of manliness for poontang. Some is inevitable, but major re-invention of yourself will only lead to you becoming a froo-froo little puss, and in the long run, she ain't worth it. A Retrosexual is allowed to seek professional help for major mental stress such as drug/alcohol addiction, death of your entire family in a freak woodchipper accident, favorite sports team being moved to a different city etc. You are NOT allowed to see a shrink because Daddy didn't pay you enough attention. Daddy was busy DEALING WITH SHIT. When you fucked up, he DEALT with you. Cowboy up, pussy. A Retrosexual will have at least one outfit in his wardrobe designed to conceal himself from prey. A Retrosexual knows how to tie a fucking Windsor knot when wearing a tie. A Retrosexual does not strip naked, get into a sweat lodge, and bang on drums to bond with other guys. That shit is gay. However dressing in kilts, banging on drums around a campfire, and drinking heavily is just fine. A Retrosexual should have at least one good wound he can brag about getting. A Retrosexual knows how to use a basic set of tools. If you can't hammer a damn nail, or drill a straight hole, practice in secret until you can or be rightfully ridiculed for the wuss you be. A Retrosexual's asshole is an exit ramp on the road of life. Ladies, contrary to what Cosmo says, spontaneously sticking a finger back there is a good way to be launched off the bed (or if Hooters hot wings have been recently consumed, lose a finger). Make you a deal, we won't mess with yours unless you want us to, and you won't mess with ours period. A Retrosexual will buy feminine hygiene products if he has to, but only under protest. This falls under unpleasant things you have to fucking DEAL with. Get some Hagen-Daas while your at it. A Retrosexual gives a lady his seat on the bus/subway/etc. A Retrosexual does not order an apple martini at the bar. A Martini has fucking gin and vermouth in it dammit. And maybe an olive. In fact, why not just get a beer and a shot of scotch?? A Retrosexual doesn't get squeamish about having to DEAL with a pest animal, even if he has to kill it. A Retrosexual does NOT use unisex perfume. The brand of after shave his dad used is good enough for him. Retrosexuals build and fix stuff. If you can't change a light switch, install a ceiling fan, fix a broken toilet or build a tree house, learn how. A Retrosexual teaches his children how to deal with bullies in a way that doesn't involve "examining the other child's motivation for aggressiveness". A Retrosexual does not wear designer clothing (unless it is a really nice suit to impress a potential mate). A Retrosexual knows what sex is and doesn't need a Democrat to define it for him. A Retrosexual meets the young men his daughter she dates at the door and lets them know that Dad is the barrier method that will prevent the young man from attempting to get into his daughter's pants. A Retrosexual knows that owning a gun is not a sign that your are riddled with fear, or are trying to make up for a small penis. Massage and cunnilingus skills are the way to make up for a small penis, guns are fucking TOOLS and are often essential to DEAL with shit. Plus it's just damnned fun to shoot. The only time you should look down on someone is when you are offering them your hand. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
buckleme 0 #2 March 25, 2004 geez....this sounds really familiar!!!! :) REPOST! .Blue Skies! Mary B Sandillas Rodriguez Muff Brother #2959 TF #77 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Lee03 0 #4 March 25, 2004 Ivan is gonna get you! -------- To put your life in danger from time to time ... breeds a saneness in dealing with day-to-day trivialities. --Nevil Shute, Slide Rule Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
champu 1 #5 March 25, 2004 QuoteA Retrosexual does not order an apple martini at the bar. A Martini has fucking vodka and vermouth in it dammit. And maybe an olive. In fact, why not just get a beer and a shot of scotch?? you had a typo in there but I fixed it for you. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Brian425 0 #6 March 25, 2004 Sorry about the typo. I took it from an e-mail. I agree with it 100% though. Is it a repost? Am I going to have to Deal With Ivan. LOL Just kidding Ivan. B The only time you should look down on someone is when you are offering them your hand. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
bch7773 0 #7 March 25, 2004 Quote Is it a repost? Am I going to have to Deal With Ivan. just make sure to duck under the lightsaber and you should be ok MB 3528, RB 1182 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
wildcard451 0 #8 March 25, 2004 to hell with reposts.....this should be made a sticky. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
FrogNog 1 #9 March 25, 2004 QuoteA Retrosexual knows what sex is and doesn't need a Democrat to define it for him. Point of order: it is Republicans (or a significant subset of Republicans) that earn the rap for making laws that intrude into bedrooms. Not sure if this directly contradicts the point meant in the post, but something to mention. So, in total, am I right in understanding that a Retrosexual could also be called a "Reactionary"? -=-=-=-=- Pull. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Amazon 7 #10 March 25, 2004 QuoteA Retrosexual knows what sex is and doesn't need a Democrat to define it for him. But see its the Democrats who DO know what it is and defines it for them.. so they can make laws against it. For the other guys having fun in the bedroom is sinful..hence laws gotta be made. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
pa2themd 0 #11 March 25, 2004 mmm **scrathing head** are there actually any of these men left?? If so point them in my direction!! "Most of us can read the writing on the wall; we just assume it's addressed to someone else!" Ivern Ball Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
CrazyIvan 0 #12 March 25, 2004 There's also a new classification, REPOSEXUAL, people who repost. __________________________________________ Blue Skies and May the Force be with you. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Brian425 0 #13 March 25, 2004 I knew Ivan would visit. This is my first re-post. I think the easiest way to deal with it would be for me to buy some beer. The only time you should look down on someone is when you are offering them your hand. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
wildblue 4 #14 March 25, 2004 Quoteto hell with reposts.....this should be made a sticky. Sticky?! It's one of the most absurd 'rants' I've ever heard. Well, ok, the first one was in rant form. This is just 'label' form. Still retarded.it's like incest - you're substituting convenience for quality Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
