Vallerina 2 #1 May 7, 2004 What do you do when someone you dislike is cheating on someone that you care about?There's a thin line between Saturday night and Sunday morning Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
AggieDave 6 #2 May 7, 2004 Is this a married couple, an engaged couple, a dating couple. If dating, is it a serious relationship? If its not a serious relationship, I'd probably just tell the friend. If it was a serious relationship, I would tell the cheater. I can not stand people cheating. I hate it. Maybe its because I've been cheated on before (it broke up a long term relationship...long story besides just the cheating)...anyways.--"When I die, may I be surrounded by scattered chrome and burning gasoline." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ianmdrennan 2 #3 May 7, 2004 QuoteWhat do you do when someone you dislike is cheating on someone that you care about? Whether you like them or not your standpoint should be the same. Anything else is hypocritical. Not an easy situation to be in though. Generally I try and stay out of other peoples personal business but I will not lie for anyone either so if I knew and the partner asked...I'd tell them the truth. Blue ones, IanPerformance Designs Factory Team Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Vallerina 2 #4 May 7, 2004 QuoteWhether you like them or not your standpoint should be the same. Anything else is hypocritical. No, if I liked the cheater, I wouldn't be as vengeful. And, AD, yes it's a serious relationship.There's a thin line between Saturday night and Sunday morning Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Sheenster303 0 #5 May 7, 2004 I've been there and done that. I told the person I knew and allowed them the decision to tell their SO themselves or let me do it. Either way they would find out.I'm so funny I crack my head open! P.M.S. #102 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
AggieDave 6 #6 May 7, 2004 Quote And, AD, yes it's a serious relationship. That fucking blows! No one wins there, everyone comes away hurt and its all to some asshat cheating. Did I mention I hate people that cheat? If it was me, and it was someone I cared enough about to get involved, I'd talk to the cheater, confront her/him about it (in private) and see what happens.--"When I die, may I be surrounded by scattered chrome and burning gasoline." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Vallerina 2 #7 May 7, 2004 Quoteeveryone comes away hurt and its all to some asshat cheating. Which is why I'm vengeful...they don't really get hurt. I feel it's my duty to hurt them. Quoteconfront her/him about it (in private) and see what happens. Yeah, I don't really want to do that. I'm thinking an anonymous email to let them know that I "know."There's a thin line between Saturday night and Sunday morning Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
AggieDave 6 #8 May 7, 2004 Quoteanonymous email Unless you know how to telnet and use sendmail commands, its really really hard to send a truely anonymous e-mail. And its very easy to track down who sent it to you.--"When I die, may I be surrounded by scattered chrome and burning gasoline." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Vallerina 2 #9 May 7, 2004 QuoteAnd its very easy to track down who sent it to you. That actually makes it all worthwhile. They'd get pissed off...waste their time tracking it down....find out it's me....realize what an idiot they are.There's a thin line between Saturday night and Sunday morning Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ChasingBlueSky 0 #10 May 7, 2004 QuoteQuoteAnd its very easy to track down who sent it to you. That actually makes it all worthwhile. They'd get pissed off...waste their time tracking it down....find out it's me....realize what an idiot they are. Cheaters are assholes and the person they are cheating on deserves to know. I really don't see a middle ground on this. It will hurt no matter what, they have had their trust broken by someone they trust...it wasn't you that hurt the victim...but the sooner they learn, the sooner they can start healing. But then again, that's my opinion because I've been cheated on before in the past. I'm gonna stop now before I get on a rant._________________________________________ you can burn the land and boil the sea, but you can't take the sky from me.... I WILL fly again..... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
skygal3 0 #11 May 7, 2004 QuoteThat fucking blows! No one wins there, everyone comes away hurt and its all to some asshat cheating. Did I mention I hate people that cheat? Umm..you're not the [asshat] one hurting them. Tell them. [/]end of story. *aggiedave sumed it up.* Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
peacefuljeffrey 0 #12 May 7, 2004 Sorry you're caught up in this, Val. I think that it's the right thing to do to make sure it gets found out. HOW is the tricky part. If you simply go to the friend and say they're being cheated on, they may just get angry at YOU. (This happens. In denial, they make up reasons "why you would say such a thing," and often the revealer gets accused of jealousy or ulterior motives.) So the sucky thing is that YOU could end up being disliked. Cheaters are assholes. They're greedy and cowardly: they want it all, and don't want to give up the "benefit" of having one mate in exchange for another; and they're afraid to face the truth that will come of telling their mate they're cheating with someone else. Your friend deserves to know because -- at the very least -- infidelity could be exposing that person to unknown disease risks. It's not just about personal pride and love gone bad and hurt feelings -- it could be life or death. Tell your friend that the cheater is cheating. (Is the cheater the man, or the woman?) --Jeffrey "With tha thoughts of a militant mind... Hard line, hard line after hard line!" Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
wildblue 4 #13 May 7, 2004 QuoteUnless you know how to telnet and use sendmail commands, its really really hard to send a truely anonymous e-mail. And its very easy to track down who sent it to you. Actually, it's pretty easy. No telnet or sendmail commands required - just knowing how to format and email and where to send it is enough. If you want to get tricky, you can even have their responses sent to you, and they *still* won't know where it came from.it's like incest - you're substituting convenience for quality Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
WrongWay 0 #14 May 7, 2004 I think it depends on the situation, more so who is in it. In most cases I'd stay out of it, as it's not my business. However, if it were someone VERY close to me (ie. my best friend, a relative), I'd tell them. Still, it's not a good idea to ever make accusations if you don't have proof or visual confirmation. Word of mouth is NEVER a viable source of info. Check out the facts. Here are two real life cases of what I did/did not do to explain my points. There's a customer of ours who is married to a guy I knew in high school. He wasn't by any means a good friend of mine, but we knew who each other were, and I know he's a good guy. Well, she comes through the bank here all the time with this other guy, kissing and hugging on him, being clingy, stuff like that. They even have an account together. However, when I see her come through the bank with her husband, I keep my mouth shut, because even though I know the guy, it's not my business, and I refuse to make it my business. She'll get hers another way. On the other hand, I have a friend who I've been close with for as long as I can remember. He had been dating this girl for about two years who was also a very good friend of mine. He really cared about her. Well, I was in Chicago with a ton of people, including this guys's girl and another friend of mine. To make a long story short, I actually saw these two completely being all over each other and fondling each other in public view. Later on in the day, the other guy even had the balls to brag to me about it. Even though they were all friends of mine, I needed to do the right thing. I called my friend and broke the news to him as soon as I could. As I said, it all depends on the situation, who's in it, and what facts you have to support your accusations. Wrong Way D #27371 Mal Manera Rodriguez Cajun Chicken Ø Hellfish #451 The wiser wolf prevails. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ianmdrennan 2 #15 May 7, 2004 QuoteNo, if I liked the cheater, I wouldn't be as vengeful. Interesting double standard. You either believe in something or you don't, how can you make exceptions on your moral beliefs just because you like someone? This isn't your war to fight or be vengeful over. Your only responsibility (if any) is to be truthful. Blue ones, IanPerformance Designs Factory Team Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
mr2mk1g 10 #16 May 7, 2004 Hell, just use an internet cafe and create a new hotmail account - simple as that. There's absolutely no way they could trace you from that. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
wildblue 4 #17 May 7, 2004 QuoteHell, just use an internet cafe and create a new hotmail account - simple as that. There's absolutely no way they could trace you from that. Well, that is one way They could probably still figure out a geographic area though. And besides, what fun is the easy way?!it's like incest - you're substituting convenience for quality Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
bkdice 0 #18 May 7, 2004 QuoteWhat do you do when someone you dislike is cheating on someone that you care about? Sorry you are in that situation. My $.02, tell the cheater that if he /she doesn't come clean, you will tell their other half. That is what a good friend did for me many years ago when an EX had messed around on me. I am VERY thankful for that. Some people think it's not your business, stay out of it - but put yourself in your friend's shoes and see if you'd want to be told. While some would 'rather not know', in the end it's better to get out of a bad situation sooner rather than later. Good luck!! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
mr2mk1g 10 #19 May 7, 2004 I'd say her only responsability is to her friend and to see that her friend is not hurt (or at least hurt the as little as possible). That's why I think how she feels about the 3rd party should be irrelevant. If her actions differ depending on how she feels about the 3rd party then she is motivated by malace and not by a wish to help her friend. That saddens me. The trouble is that it can often be very difficult to see which course of action would least expose your friend to upset. Unless of course your friend is of the opinion that anyone who cheats is a no-no... but then something like 60 odd% of women would take back a cheater... Try broaching the subject with your friend suruptitiously - see what her views are about a cheating lover... but be careful not to give the game away. If she believes that a cheat should be dumped then there's your answer. If not, then you are left with the dilema that her not knowing may be the least hurtful circumstances... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Vallerina 2 #20 May 7, 2004 QuoteWord of mouth is NEVER a viable source of info. Check out the facts. I read the asshole's email. Does that count? QuoteSorry you're caught up in this, Val. Actually, it's better that it's me rather than anyone else. QuoteSo the sucky thing is that YOU could end up being disliked. No, that definitely won't happen. They'll still like me if I tell them. Quoteinfidelity could be exposing that person to unknown disease risks. Very true. QuoteActually, it's pretty easy. I'm just using you for your mad computer skills! QuoteYou either believe in something or you don't, Not everything is black and white. I'm pretty sure that I'm just going to send the cheater a non-anonymous email. This will give me the opportunity to give them a piece of my mind (that's always big fun for me.) I'm not telling the person they're cheating on yet because I know them well enough to know that they won't leave the relationship, and it will just hurt them. It may not be my place to make the cheater's life miserable, but it doesn't mean I can't try!There's a thin line between Saturday night and Sunday morning Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
wildblue 4 #21 May 7, 2004 QuoteI'm just using you for your mad computer skills! I'm an inspiration to geeks everywhere. it's like incest - you're substituting convenience for quality Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
WrongWay 0 #22 May 7, 2004 Quote I read the asshole's email. Does that count? Not that I'm defending him, cuz I'm not, cheaters are assholes without a doubt....... But why did you read his email and how did you? Personally I don't think it's right to violate someone's privacy just to satisfy your curiosity, whether you were correct in the accusations or not. Wrong Way D #27371 Mal Manera Rodriguez Cajun Chicken Ø Hellfish #451 The wiser wolf prevails. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ianmdrennan 2 #23 May 7, 2004 QuoteI'd say her only responsability is to her friend and to see that her friend is not hurt (or at least hurt the as little as possible). That's why I think how she feels about the 3rd party should be irrelevant. If her actions differ depending on how she feels about the 3rd party then she is motivated by malace and not by a wish to help her friend. That saddens me. I'll agree with that for sure. Like you though, the malace part bothers me. Blue ones, IanPerformance Designs Factory Team Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Darius11 12 #24 May 7, 2004 I am with AD on this cheaters suck. Be a man or a woman and say you want someone else then do what you want don’t cheat. If it was me and I was SURE that he/she cheated, not flirted or talked sexy too, but cheated. Fuck the cheater I would tell my friend because if it was the other way around I would want to know. If something like that happened and my friend knew but didn’t tell me I would not forgive them. But no one knows your friend you do. I wish you luck thats a hard spot to be inI'd rather be hated for who I am, than loved for who I am not." - Kurt Cobain Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Vallerina 2 #25 May 7, 2004 QuoteBut why did you read his email and how did you? They left it open.There's a thin line between Saturday night and Sunday morning Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
