Evelyn 0 #1 November 9, 2004 I'm wondering how someone overcomes being shy. Is it something that can be overcome or are shy people destined to spend their whole life that way? I've always been very shy, and while I'm not as shy as I once was I still am uncomfortable around peple I don't know and it takes me a long time to open up to people even after I get to know them. I hate being so shy and I envy people who are comfortable interacting with other people and not afraid to express themselves. I've read all kinds of self help books about overcoming shyness, but I'm still shy. I'm comfortable jumping at my home DZ, but now that I have my own gear I'd like to be able to jump at other DZ's when I'm out of town, but the thought of going to a new DZ where I don't know anyone terrifies me. Can I overcome my shyness and be comfortable around new people, and make going to a new DZ a positive experinece? I'd welcome any suggestions and would love to hear experiences of others who were shy and overcame it and how you did it. Thanks! Life is either a daring adventure or nothing ~ Helen Keller Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
crewkeith 0 #2 November 9, 2004 beer helps. or if you wanna get to know someone go kiss them then you know a lot more about them .The skies are no longer safe I'm back Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Frenchy68 0 #3 November 9, 2004 That explains why you kept hiding with that case of wine at Chicks Rock! In my experience, Skydivers are among the easiest people to approach at a new DZ. When going to a new DZ, posting it on dz.com beforehand will probably assure you that people will actually be WAITING for your arrival... "For once you have tasted Absinthe you will walk the earth with your eyes turned towards the gutter, for there you have been and there you will long to return." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Evelyn 0 #4 November 9, 2004 LOL. I was not hiding that case of wine. Pulled out a couple of bottles and was waiting to pull out the rest, but went to bed before pulling out the rest, sorry, I'm not a big party animal . Life is either a daring adventure or nothing ~ Helen Keller Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Evelyn 0 #5 November 9, 2004 Quotebeer helps. or if you wanna get to know someone go kiss them then you know a lot more about them . I don't drink beer but I am all for kissing. Yeah, love kissing my friends at the DZ. And it is so innocent, just kissing friends cuz you are happy to see them, nothing more. Life is either a daring adventure or nothing ~ Helen Keller Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Islandcool 0 #6 November 9, 2004 Hmmm.... Just have to get out of the box. Easier said than done. I'm right there with you. Something like the excel camp at elsinore can really help. You get paired up with differnt people all day. So you meet new people but you also meet others through the people you just met. Something like I networking situation evolves. Bridge the gap was a great event also to meet new people. There is a 4 way social on the 20th. Go to their website and check it out. I think there is a dinner the night before with some sort of seminar and the next day you get paired up for some 4 way jumps. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Evelyn 0 #7 November 9, 2004 Are you going to the Excel Camp next week? I will be there and would love to meet you. Life is either a daring adventure or nothing ~ Helen Keller Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
windcatcher 0 #8 November 9, 2004 if ya find out, lemme know. I used to be outgoing, but now I am going down hill the other way, becoming more anti-social (but more playful I think) Mother to the cutest little thing in the world... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
VanillaSkyGirl 6 #9 November 9, 2004 Believe it or not, Evelyn, I have had a HUGE problem with shyness my whole life, also. It's probably hard to believe when you see me at the DZ, though. I have almost a social phobia, and it affects me mostly before going someplace where there are crowds. Sometimes, it's hard to even leave my home on weekends. I am EXTREMELY private, but skydiving is good for people like us, Ev. If you go to the 4-way Social in 2 weeks at Elsi, I will be there, too, Evelyn. We can room together. Maybe we can even room with Darcy if she is going? I was going to call her about it, and I was going to PM you about it, too. Do you think that you can make it that weekend? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Racenic 0 #10 November 9, 2004 Evelyn, Walk up and introduce yourself. Keep telling yourself "you have nothing to lose" and if the person(s) doesn't want to talk to you, it's their problem not yours. Remember your just shy, they have a deeper rooted problem and you don't want them as a friend anyways. Things to tell yourself and to remember: 1. Take a deep breath and relax 2. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain. 3. Be your self, don't try to live up to another persons expectations. 4. Don't take rejection personally, it's going to happen just remember it's not you 5. Don't worry what others may think 6. Don't worry what others may say behind your back 7. Hold your head up and walk with confidence 8. Life is short and there may well be others in the same place with the same fears waiting for some one to break the ice. Only you can come out of your shell/box. Yes it's easier to say than do. Take small steps and you will do fine. Nick Nick D The key to Immortality is- first living a life worth remembering” Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites wmw999 2,166 #11 November 9, 2004 Evelyn -- before you go to a boogie or another dropzone, make your avatar a picture that looks a lot like you. Mine looks like me, and I get a noticeable number of people walking up to me and telling me I look just like my picture... Makes an easy conversation starter. Wendy W.There is nothing more dangerous than breaking a basic safety rule and getting away with it. It removes fear of the consequences and builds false confidence. (tbrown) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Frenchy68 0 #12 November 9, 2004 QuoteWe can room together. Maybe we can even room with Frenchy if he is going? Hmmm... I don't think I'll be able to make it, but thanks for the thought "For once you have tasted Absinthe you will walk the earth with your eyes turned towards the gutter, for there you have been and there you will long to return." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Evelyn 0 #13 November 9, 2004 How can you be more playful but anti social? Can't imagine it going the other way since I've tried so hard to be more outgoing. Life is either a daring adventure or nothing ~ Helen Keller Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites VanillaSkyGirl 6 #14 November 9, 2004 QuoteQuoteWe can room together. Maybe we can even room with Frenchy if he is going? Hmmm... I don't think I'll be able to make it, but thanks for the thought OMG! You freaked me out! I had to double check my post...LMFAO!!! THAT WAS CLASSIC! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites windcatcher 0 #15 November 9, 2004 Well, I think I am able to be more playful, when I am with people I am comfortable with...but lately I don't feel like going out in groups. I really like one-on-one conversations, that way I can focus my all my energy on one person. Mother to the cutest little thing in the world... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Frenchy68 0 #16 November 9, 2004 QuoteOMG! You freaked me out! I had to double check my post...LMFAO What??? "For once you have tasted Absinthe you will walk the earth with your eyes turned towards the gutter, for there you have been and there you will long to return." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Frenchy68 0 #17 November 9, 2004 Quotethat way I can focus my all my energy on one person Such as: {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{fakehugs}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} "For once you have tasted Absinthe you will walk the earth with your eyes turned towards the gutter, for there you have been and there you will long to return." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Amazon 7 #18 November 9, 2004 QuoteI'm wondering how someone overcomes being shy. Hmm I need to work on this too.. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites windcatcher 0 #19 November 9, 2004 okay, Frenchy, you can stop now. I was just tryin to be Funny. But here ya go: {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{hugsandkisses}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} YOU BETTER FEEL SPECIAL NOW!!!! Sorry Evelyn, PM sent. Mother to the cutest little thing in the world... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Hipwrddude 0 #20 November 9, 2004 Oh Evelyn, one can never be "all the way live" with the curtains drawn. To laugh freely, joke loudly, carry on publically, socialize free of self or externally imposed restrictions, to achieve the highest place in Abraham Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs--"Self Actualization," you have to breakthrough by "breaking from" your self-inhibiting nature. In treating phobias, for example, psychologists use "flushing" to expose phobics to their fears. They increase the duration until the fear dissipates. Let's get on to strategy. First, make a personal mission statement to overcome it. Write it down, keep it on your person, reflect on it constantly--push yourself with it. Use positive schema to reinforce your new self-perception (schema is how we talk to ourselves.) Second, identify the situations where you are most shy. Third, find & confide your goal to someone (preferably several people) who fit your model "social butterfly" (i.e. coaches.) Fourth, work up some scripts (things to say) interact with your butterfly, etc., and visualize yourself being social. It's the performance that counts--destroy self doubt. Fifth, enter those frightening situations with positive outcomes worked out in your head and use your "social butterfly(s)" to propel you. Critique it later and go out again. Lastly, release yourself. You'll never overcome it if you don't push yourself past the fear, past the discomfort. Who cares if you're nervous? It'll pass. Exposure breeds composure. And be the you, the world wants to know, all the way live, and any which way you feel. You're always the starter in your own life! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Evelyn 0 #21 November 9, 2004 OMG Rosa, I would never have thought that you'd been shy since you are so outgoing and know everyone. I'd love to room with you, and I'm sure my husband will be okay with it since he met you at Chicks Rock. So let's do it. Can't wait to see you again. Love you sweetie! Life is either a daring adventure or nothing ~ Helen Keller Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites skyyhi 0 #22 November 9, 2004 Yes, you can overcome shyness. . .Just ask Ed (islandcool) who I think I introduced you to at Chicks Rock. . .but not sure. He was once painfully shy. . .and still is shy to a degree. . .sometimes you just have to MAKE yourself get out there. Rosa: Yes I will be at the 4-way social. I think I am also going to go to Excel camp this weekend. Rooming in the bunkhouse as usual. . .________________________________________ Take risks not to escape life… but to prevent life from escaping. ~ A bumper sticker at the DZ FGF #6 Darcy Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites VanillaSkyGirl 6 #23 November 9, 2004 Yes, yes...let's you, me and Ev get the bunkhouse room with the three beds! It will be SOOOO much fun!!!! Edited: I do not think that I'm going to ExCel camp this weekend. I've never been. What day is it? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Evelyn 0 #24 November 9, 2004 QuoteQuoteI'm wondering how someone overcomes being shy. Hmm I need to work on this too.. Jeanne, You are so funny. You are the person I aspire to be!! Life is either a daring adventure or nothing ~ Helen Keller Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites VanillaSkyGirl 6 #25 November 9, 2004 QuoteI'm wondering how someone overcomes being shy. Hmm I need to work on this too.. Jeanne, You are so funny. You are the person I aspire to be!! Omfg...I missed Jeanne's post! I'm dying of laughter! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Racenic 0 #10 November 9, 2004 Evelyn, Walk up and introduce yourself. Keep telling yourself "you have nothing to lose" and if the person(s) doesn't want to talk to you, it's their problem not yours. Remember your just shy, they have a deeper rooted problem and you don't want them as a friend anyways. Things to tell yourself and to remember: 1. Take a deep breath and relax 2. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain. 3. Be your self, don't try to live up to another persons expectations. 4. Don't take rejection personally, it's going to happen just remember it's not you 5. Don't worry what others may think 6. Don't worry what others may say behind your back 7. Hold your head up and walk with confidence 8. Life is short and there may well be others in the same place with the same fears waiting for some one to break the ice. Only you can come out of your shell/box. Yes it's easier to say than do. Take small steps and you will do fine. Nick Nick D The key to Immortality is- first living a life worth remembering” Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
wmw999 2,166 #11 November 9, 2004 Evelyn -- before you go to a boogie or another dropzone, make your avatar a picture that looks a lot like you. Mine looks like me, and I get a noticeable number of people walking up to me and telling me I look just like my picture... Makes an easy conversation starter. Wendy W.There is nothing more dangerous than breaking a basic safety rule and getting away with it. It removes fear of the consequences and builds false confidence. (tbrown) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Frenchy68 0 #12 November 9, 2004 QuoteWe can room together. Maybe we can even room with Frenchy if he is going? Hmmm... I don't think I'll be able to make it, but thanks for the thought "For once you have tasted Absinthe you will walk the earth with your eyes turned towards the gutter, for there you have been and there you will long to return." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Evelyn 0 #13 November 9, 2004 How can you be more playful but anti social? Can't imagine it going the other way since I've tried so hard to be more outgoing. Life is either a daring adventure or nothing ~ Helen Keller Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
VanillaSkyGirl 6 #14 November 9, 2004 QuoteQuoteWe can room together. Maybe we can even room with Frenchy if he is going? Hmmm... I don't think I'll be able to make it, but thanks for the thought OMG! You freaked me out! I had to double check my post...LMFAO!!! THAT WAS CLASSIC! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
windcatcher 0 #15 November 9, 2004 Well, I think I am able to be more playful, when I am with people I am comfortable with...but lately I don't feel like going out in groups. I really like one-on-one conversations, that way I can focus my all my energy on one person. Mother to the cutest little thing in the world... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Frenchy68 0 #16 November 9, 2004 QuoteOMG! You freaked me out! I had to double check my post...LMFAO What??? "For once you have tasted Absinthe you will walk the earth with your eyes turned towards the gutter, for there you have been and there you will long to return." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Frenchy68 0 #17 November 9, 2004 Quotethat way I can focus my all my energy on one person Such as: {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{fakehugs}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} "For once you have tasted Absinthe you will walk the earth with your eyes turned towards the gutter, for there you have been and there you will long to return." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Amazon 7 #18 November 9, 2004 QuoteI'm wondering how someone overcomes being shy. Hmm I need to work on this too.. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
windcatcher 0 #19 November 9, 2004 okay, Frenchy, you can stop now. I was just tryin to be Funny. But here ya go: {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{hugsandkisses}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} YOU BETTER FEEL SPECIAL NOW!!!! Sorry Evelyn, PM sent. Mother to the cutest little thing in the world... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Hipwrddude 0 #20 November 9, 2004 Oh Evelyn, one can never be "all the way live" with the curtains drawn. To laugh freely, joke loudly, carry on publically, socialize free of self or externally imposed restrictions, to achieve the highest place in Abraham Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs--"Self Actualization," you have to breakthrough by "breaking from" your self-inhibiting nature. In treating phobias, for example, psychologists use "flushing" to expose phobics to their fears. They increase the duration until the fear dissipates. Let's get on to strategy. First, make a personal mission statement to overcome it. Write it down, keep it on your person, reflect on it constantly--push yourself with it. Use positive schema to reinforce your new self-perception (schema is how we talk to ourselves.) Second, identify the situations where you are most shy. Third, find & confide your goal to someone (preferably several people) who fit your model "social butterfly" (i.e. coaches.) Fourth, work up some scripts (things to say) interact with your butterfly, etc., and visualize yourself being social. It's the performance that counts--destroy self doubt. Fifth, enter those frightening situations with positive outcomes worked out in your head and use your "social butterfly(s)" to propel you. Critique it later and go out again. Lastly, release yourself. You'll never overcome it if you don't push yourself past the fear, past the discomfort. Who cares if you're nervous? It'll pass. Exposure breeds composure. And be the you, the world wants to know, all the way live, and any which way you feel. You're always the starter in your own life! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Evelyn 0 #21 November 9, 2004 OMG Rosa, I would never have thought that you'd been shy since you are so outgoing and know everyone. I'd love to room with you, and I'm sure my husband will be okay with it since he met you at Chicks Rock. So let's do it. Can't wait to see you again. Love you sweetie! Life is either a daring adventure or nothing ~ Helen Keller Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
skyyhi 0 #22 November 9, 2004 Yes, you can overcome shyness. . .Just ask Ed (islandcool) who I think I introduced you to at Chicks Rock. . .but not sure. He was once painfully shy. . .and still is shy to a degree. . .sometimes you just have to MAKE yourself get out there. Rosa: Yes I will be at the 4-way social. I think I am also going to go to Excel camp this weekend. Rooming in the bunkhouse as usual. . .________________________________________ Take risks not to escape life… but to prevent life from escaping. ~ A bumper sticker at the DZ FGF #6 Darcy Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
VanillaSkyGirl 6 #23 November 9, 2004 Yes, yes...let's you, me and Ev get the bunkhouse room with the three beds! It will be SOOOO much fun!!!! Edited: I do not think that I'm going to ExCel camp this weekend. I've never been. What day is it? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Evelyn 0 #24 November 9, 2004 QuoteQuoteI'm wondering how someone overcomes being shy. Hmm I need to work on this too.. Jeanne, You are so funny. You are the person I aspire to be!! Life is either a daring adventure or nothing ~ Helen Keller Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
VanillaSkyGirl 6 #25 November 9, 2004 QuoteI'm wondering how someone overcomes being shy. Hmm I need to work on this too.. Jeanne, You are so funny. You are the person I aspire to be!! Omfg...I missed Jeanne's post! I'm dying of laughter! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
