Farting in the office

[genoyamamoto 0]

I just let a big one rip. I have a herman miller aeron chair so the fart just blasted right through the mesh seating. The office smells like ass and I need to wipe mine because it felt like a wet one.

Gotta go... plaything needs to spank me
Feel the hate...
Photos here

[pop 0]

i cant stand when you have to question your own fart...like...did it leak or did it just feel taht way...

7 ounce wonders, music and dogs that are not into beer

[sunshine 2]

You don't post forever, then you come along with this little tidbit...hehe

___________________________________________
meow

I get a Mike hug! I get a Mike hug!

[EdC 0]

I have one of these at the office. It was a gift, I think they are trying to tell me something.

Big Ed

[Tink1717 2]

I once cleared an entire kitchen of my fellow firefighters with ONE fart. They never fed me pizza after that.

Skydivers don't knock on Death's door. They ring the bell and runaway... It really pisses him off.
-The World Famous Tink. (I never heard of you either!!)
AA #2069 ASA#33 POPS#8808 Swooo 1717

[genoyamamoto 0]

Quote

You don't post forever, then you come along with this little tidbit...hehe

This is my holiday gift to dropzone.com.

Gotta go... plaything needs to spank me
Feel the hate...
Photos here

[genoyamamoto 0]

That reminds me of another story. Back in school I let a nasty one go just as another student was coming in to use the computer. Poor kid was choking but he had to work on the computer so he stuck it out.

Gotta go... plaything needs to spank me
Feel the hate...
Photos here

[Girlfalldown 0]

HA! Weirdo.

--------------

(Do not, I repeat DO NOT, take my posts seriously.)

[swedishcelt 0]

Quote

That reminds me of another story. Back in school I let a nasty one go just as another student was coming in to use the computer. Poor kid was choking but he had to work on the computer so he stuck it out.

I once gave 3 of my H.S. Senior students discipline referrals for farting. The Principal completely backed me up because when he came up to my class to check out their story the room smelled sooooo bad and it was 30 minutes later.

[chuckbrown 0]

This reminds me of one time I was working late at the office & thought everybody else had gone home. I let a juicy one rip. Then lo & behold one of the traders comes over to my office to ask a question. The look on his face as he stood in the office, then walked out and then walked back in, and then walked back out again was priceless. I still laugh about it today.

He never said anything. It was just our little secret.

[swedishcelt 0]

Yeah... I bet it was a secret, all your co-workers probably secretly have a farting connected pet nickname for you that you are completely unaware of...

[Zoter 0]

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i cant stand when you have to question your own fart...like...did it leak or did it just feel taht way...

Always best to check though....right?
Although can leave you with a dilemma if there is no toilet close by .....suddenly everything around you is assessd for its 'absorbability' rating......

[Zoter 0]

Quote

He never said anything. It was just our little secret.

What the feck does that mean?
Do you have a 'buddy' relationship with your ass, like its a person that you can keep secrets with ...

[RoysPlayThing 0]

Okay... This sounds like a major problem!...Here is the Fart dictionary... Are you saying yours was the one I bolded? .... Or was it a combination of a few of these?


air biscuit n as in "Who launched an air biscuit?"


air blast n A powerful fart that when released, makes only a loud "whoosh" sound



air buffet n Like an air biscuit, but hangs around a long time and may be revisited many times.



air tulip n the kind of fart done by the Queen or Penelope Keith


arse cruncher n your bum crunches shut suddenly after this one


ass rumble n the ominous noise inside your body before a fart lets fly


assasination n dropping a silent one in a crowded room and getting someone else to take the blame thus killing their street cred.



B


Balloon fart n you know when you blow up a balloon and then pull the neck out so the air escapes with a long squealing shriek? Some people can do this with their bum!!



Ball tearer n more ferocious than the nut knocker q.v.



Barking Spider n The instrument through which the fart issues



Barn burner n farmyard favorite, synominous with cow sheds



beefer n a long juicy fart with plenty of side orders



bender n when you bend over the bowel is compressed and any fart lurking is instantly and noisily expelled



B.P n Bad Patrol - from the gas generated by fear during military combat



Big Stinky, The n When your grandpa farts



blazer n ideal for lighting, although you didn't hear that from us



blowing heat n rather like packing heat, as in carrying a gun, with intent to do harm



blow off n typical juvenile fart



blow your horn v quite timely of musical connotation, Begins in Forte and slowly diminishes



blupper n when you let out a fart very slowly to be able to hear every single clap that your bum makes



boa's belch n when your colon becomes so full of gas that it takes on a life of it's own. Often likened to a boa-constrictor with a full belly. The resulting burp is long and very satisfying



Boom n, BOOM!!!



botty burp n loud but of short duration.



breather n feels like a big one but upon release simply exhales a small amount of air like a sigh


breezer n large and silent, makes curtains move, not to be confused with the popular Barcardi drink



Bronx Cheer n farting in a rough New York bar while singing 'Maria' from West Side Story



brown pants fart n leaves a brown spot on your pants. Judging by the number of people who submit farts 'when you do a bit of poo in your pants' I feel we can no longer ignore this phenomenon.



buddy n a rapid firing, bumpy fart, sounds great on a wooden chair



bum blower n we have it on good authority that this like a doorbell gone wrong (and not in any way related to any other bottom activity)


burnout n so hot and long it fries it's own follow through



butt burp n American for Botty Burp qv



butt buster n actually inflicts pain as it passes



butt flapper n occurs in those with unusually loose bum cheeks



bvoy n good ferts (we embrace farts of all nations)



C

cabbage fart n brassica hell



cano fart n and I quote, "this is a fart wen you fart shoot out you crap like a canon,"



carpet slipper n Old ladies who let one on the sly and pretend they can't smell a thing



carpet stainer v a fart so colourful it leaves a stain on your shag pile



cheek flapper n when your mudflaps go flappa-flappa-flappa



Chemist's Fart n presumably they do and when it happens it probably smells like some kind of mad experiment



chuff v to blow smoke from one's arse al la Thomas the Tank Engine



Church fart n in church or chapel, let it rattle



Clean But Itchy adv the effects from a good feed of Guiness, (we are guessing this one came from Ireland where they know a good thing when they feel it!)



Cockney cheers n Farting in a crowded public house whilst singing 'Knees up Mother Brown'



code blue n so pungent the victim requires emergency resuscitation



cop fart n a) fart dropped in a patrol car at the end of the shift just before the next cop gets in b) a fart heard in the middle of court and every cop in the courtroom snickers cos they know who did it



coughing fart n cough to cover up a bad fart. see kachoo



country cough n best done in the open air, preferably near a farm yard



covered wagon n see 'Dutch Oven' qv



crap a fart v follow through of the worst kind, you don't wanna do this



crop dusting v silently passing gas while walking past others then quickly vacating the area leaving the others to suffer the ill consequences



cushion creeper n emitted whilst the posterior is seated on the sofa. The sound can be defined as a walrus being suffocated by a 20 year old "Easy Night" feather based pillow



cut a walnut v mmmm, just like biting into a crisp walnut, and fulsome too



cut the cheese v as in smelling as bad as a ripe camembert



D


dog fart v to fart in the vicinity of a dog, thus being able to blame the hapless canine



dribbly n quite a scary fart, this one, due to the chance your Mum will find the evidence



drop dead fart v the opposite of Drop Dead Gorgeous



drop your guts v to smell this is to know the meaning of fear



duck tread v to have such loose control that with every step a distinct quack can be heard



Dutch Oven n to fart in bed and then push your partner under the covers to enjoy the atmosphere



duvet lifter n an early morning fart capable of raising 13 togs



E


eggberter n eggy, mmmm, oh so eggy!



enclosed fart n any fart released in an enclosed space, ie car or lift. Can be responsible for the sudden onset of claustraphobia in others



F


fahrt n German word - literally means 'it goes' therefore applied to Continental farts



fanny fart n loud emission 'phrrrts' from your front botty



fart v.i. (vulg.) Emit wind from anus. ~ n. (vulg.) Emmision of wind from anus.



fartaholic n someone who thinks day and night about farts. Admitting you have problem is halfway to solving it.



fartattack n fart after fart after fart. Nasty.



fartcar n someone who is filled up with gas and destroys the ozone layer when the fumes exit the 'car'



fartknocker n someone who is very proud of their farts



fartorama n Some kind of museum of farts which attracts vistors with the following catchy ditty: 'If you got a Fart, Bring it right here, We love to hear, Anytime of the year'



feather fart n light and tickly, this one gives you the power of flight



fire in the hole adj. hot wind after a vindaloo



Flatulent adj. Generating gas or air in the alimentary canal; caused by, attended with, troubled with, accumulation of this; (fig.) inflated, puffed up, windy, pretentious.
Flatulence v.Flatulently adv.



Flatus n Gas, air, in stomach, or bowel.



floorboard lifter n can actually draw nails from planks



flotch n don't even think about doing the Daz washing powder challenge after this one


fluid drive n wet result of trying to fart too hard



fluffy n particulary feminine fart, silent but ticklish



flutter blast v fart so powerful it is capable of blowing away small animals or children.



fog horn n, very loud fart capable of confusing oil tankers 20 miles out



follow through v Loud wet raspberry sound followed by a swift squirt into ones pants, Not recommended whilst suffering from Diarrhoea



freep v The pathetic little fart that sounds like a trimphone.



frit v tight nylon knickers, plastic office chair



G


gas n the substance a fart is composed of, and that's more information than you really need!



gale force wind n weatherman's favourite, blows away wigs and lays the nation low



great big flowery woof woof v An on stage performance by a theatre 'Lovey'.



greaser n leaves an oily residue



guff v a relaxed release of wind, often whilst in good company.



gusse v to fart whilst suffering from diarrhoea, see follow through qv



gustus interruptus n The sudden contraction of the spincter caused by the realisation that the 'product' may not be entirely gaseous



H


Hershey Squirt n a somewhat chocolatey substance which appears after executing a fart



Hold Your Nose Fart n you have been warned, just think about it!



Honker n sounds like an irrate driver who is late for work leaning on their horn



hurl fart n, sounds like someone vomiting and the smell of which makes you feel like vomiting



hydroflatus n farting underwater. The bubbles can be ignitied at the surface



I


Iron Giant n, when a construction worker farts really loud on a sheet of metal and the metal amplifies the sound



J


jumper n emitted by children skipping rope and women during 'high impact' aerobics



K


kachoo n, v a fart you have been holding back some time but which escapes loudly when you sneeze



karaoke fart n a sequence of farts comprising of tunes to sing a long to



knicker knocker n has enough force to blow the pants off anybody



knicker ripper n able to slice through silk like a hot knife through butter



L


laid an egg n few things in life smell as bad as a rotten egg but this is one of them



launch a loaf n akin to an airbiscuit this fart is more your sarnie




L.B.P. n Loud But Proud, an uplifting trumpeting sound, particulary associated with Louis Armstrong (he was partial to a curry)



let off v the coast is clear, there's no one to hear, it's safe to 'let off', especially when you haven't had the chance for a while and the pressure has been building



let Polly out of jail v rather talkative botty burb with plenty of character



let rip v to expel excess gas with enough force to "rip" one's pants.



lingerer n no, it still smells in there even after half an hour



lit the match v to fart so violently it actually ignites the match. Do not try this one at home



L.O.G. v Letting One Go. Being powerless to might of the Fart



lonesome fart n One who farts freely and wishes there was someone else with them so they could at least be embarrassed



low rider v very low pitched and noticeable, may cause rumbling of the cheeks, best on leather couches.



M


machine gun n rapid succession of ballistic farts



Mariah Carey v many people think Mariah is named after the wind. In fact it is because she is like a high pitched squeal emitted from the arse capable of shattering glass



matchlighter n a fart only released by a person by the name of Corey



Mexican Fart n you fart, then the person next to you farts and then their neighbour farts and so on around the room, the cumulative smell of which brings tears to the eyes



mmmBop n sounds like the chorus to that Hanson song, usually occurs in rounds


monkey claw n feels like a thousand monkeys are trying to tear up your colon (though how you might know this is anybody's guess)


musky turnip n smells like your grandmothers bedroom closet



N


nasty n, adv. particulary pungent, first use linked to bad tempered tennis star, Ille Nastase



nut knocker n, adv. when gaseous emmisions pass by testicles with too much force



O


open yer lunchbox v to let off a fart reminiscent of yesterday's egg sandwich.



one cheek sneak v to lift one buttock in order to ease the quiet expulsion of gas



P


pant ripper n the combination of corrosive gases and powerful action mean this fart is Calvin Klein's nightmare



parp v a new manifestation of road rage, drivers release this fart when some idiot pulls out in front of them



patuni n foreign for fart, possibly onomatopoeic, ie sounds like what it is



passing gas v to give gas to someone else



pedo v viento ligero que sale del ahujero y anuncia la cagada (couldn't have said it better myself)



peeling the paint off the wall v a fart so bad it bruises your bum cheeks and fills the air with a flagilant odor, causing the paint to exit the drywall



peep v when birds fart



peter v released during a good laugh, often accomapnied by a bit of pee



piffle n, small, feminine and baffled by the gusset



pip v tiny, almost imperceptable, fart



pipe rotter v lesser known reason for many diseases of the bowel



plopal v an uncomfortable feeling of something more than just gas



pocket frog n the noise made by a captive amphibian



poketoot n small, Japanese, over rated and everywhere



poop gopher n when you fart and a little brown fellow just pops out his head



poot n a cute little fart, often applied to yappy little dogs when they are sleeping



pop n when you feel gasier and gasier until finally 'POP!'



pop off n derived from the Russian, popov, for small inconspicuous fart



pump n adult posh name for small squeaky fart



pyroclastic flow v The fart typically moves at speeds of over 60 miles per hour (100 km/hr) and reaches temperatures of over 800 Degrees Farenheit (400 degrees celsius).



Q


quack n bird-like in the wet, waddling sense



queef n not really a fart in the Biblical sense, this is a noise made by females, suffice to say it tickles



quiffer n done in the bathtub, accompanied by a blast of bubbles



R


Rabbi rattler n on Yom Kippur, to hurry up the sermon from the Rabbi so you can exit the 'gog' to facilitate an early breaking of the fast i.e. reload !



racing stripes n tracks left in the underwear of one who 'follows-through'. Often described as the Turin Shroud of Farts



Rapid Fire n repeat action, high velocity, as used by the Royal Marines



Raspberry n Succulent soft fruit ~ Two Ronnies style farting sound made with the tongue



Remote Controlled Fart Machine n simply the funniest gag of this or any other millennium



rhino stopper v A fart so pungent it can stop a charging Rhino. A very rare fart, in fact there have only been two independantly witnessed 'Rhino Stoppers' in recorded history



rip n short, sharp retort sounding like tearing linen



ripper n see above, now stop submitting it



ripsnorter v Very loud fart, large quantity of gaseous emmisions usually applied to pirates, medieval kings, crazed despots and ballet dancers.



Rolling Dutch Oven n winding up the windows in the car to allow the passenger no respite from your noxious fumes, see Dutch Oven qv



rose n your own fart is a rose by any other name



room clearer n self explanitory



Rooter n medium fart, occaisionally overheard in quiet libraries



Rumble in the Bronx n A fart that is so powerful, if you are sitting down, it will shake whatever shelter you are in



rumbler n long lasting fart that rumbles anything or anyone out of the way and lasts a whole minute!!



S


salsa n when your ass cheeks flap at a very high rate like you're livin' the vida loca.....extremely dangerous



S.B.D. n Silent But Deadly, There's something in the Geneva Convention about this one.



scooter v Someone who just dashes past whilst farting and leaving a horrendous smell



Scud Missile n You know it's coming, but there is sod all you can do about it



scutters n, v especially wet and leaky, having 'the scutters' is a bad thing



Seismic n when someone sharing the same piece of furniture exclaims,"Hey! I felt that!"



shot a bunny euph. a fart sedately dropped by an upper class lady



shower fart n wettest of them all. Occur during showering process or slightly after. Bubbling may occur.



silent but violent n a fart stealthy in volume yet supremely pungent in odour, cinema goers curse



skunk n emits a fine and noxious spray with a sssssssssss sound



sledgehammer n so smelly that when wafted into someone's face they instantly recoil, complaining that the smell felt like a sledgehammer blow to the nose. Give yourself a pat on the back for this one.



sleeping fart n when you wake up coughing and fart at the same time.



soup cooler n To fart with ones bumcheeks slightly parted. The net effect is a silent breeze suitable for blowing over a bowl of hot soup



sneezenfart v see kachoo



Snickers blast n a huge, tremendous blast so deadly it can rip a hole through the fartee's pants (sometimes occurs with brown chunks)



Snickerdoodle n the type of name for a fart one uses when having fart wars


sonic blast n Smell followed by sonic boom, for use only on Concorde


spank fart n happens when your Mum spanks you. The implications for future normal development are bad


spoofy n a fart in comic imitation of someone



sputter v A rapid "putt putt putt" from the rear



squeek n so much more than just the sound a mouse makes, this little beauty is likely to clear your house of vermin



stainer n capable of writing your initials in polycotton



stinger n combines a sound and scent with a strange sensation



string of pearls n many small bubbly farts released in quick succession as if a string of gas pearls are being pulled from your bum



supersonic n swift and decisive squirt of air



T


tanker n, sounds like a Mack Truck burning rubber, smell also reminiscent



tear jerker n, literally brings tears to the eyes. Good for use in a Dutch Oven qv



three, two, one, Blastoff n, v Three little farts followed by one big one



thrifty n one who always has farts in store



Tommy Squeaker n long whining sound, always gets a laugh when friends stay over, but usually hums like roadkill



toothless speech, the n, v when the great toothless one makes a loud, unpleasant oration



tootrun n three or more consecutive farts released whilst jogging



touching cloth n, v one of the follow through variety



toxic streamer n silent fainter, deadly as nerve gas, whatever you do, don't cross the streams!!!!



traf n a schoolboys hot gust that blows easily out of the side of short grey trousers early on a cold February morning



trouser cough n often covered with a pretend mouth cough (rumoured to be the Queen's favourite ruse)



trouser trumpet n often covered with a brass band (rumoured to be Alan Titchmarsh's favourite ruse)



trump n a jolly, social fart, used on Bridge evenings



turtle head n the uncomfortable feeling that something more than gas might pop out when you next fart



twang n as if a Banjo resides in your pants. Results in involuntary farts at the mention of Deliverance or George Formby



V


Very Sore Fart n when old bits of poo stick to your bum hole then when you fart your bum cheeks rub together and the sharp bits of poo scratch



W


water fart n leaves you with that uncomfortable hot feeling that you might have peed your pants



wet one n leaves your bottom suspiciously moist



wet willy n warm, wet and powerful, responsible for much freak monsoon weather



whopper n very large fart which whops you round the head



window rattler n gusty



windy v to be gassy. n, large botty breeze, brisk at first, gusting force 8



Worthington Wallop v happens after ten pints and ten hours later you fart and the wife wallops you



Z


zipper n, when you have just gotten into your sleeping bag and zipped it right up in order to fart and let it leak out slowly, good for sleepovers



zump n short, sharp and squeaky

_______________________________________________
My mind is like a parachute...it functions only when open.

[Zoter 0]

That quite possibly is the funniest post I have read all year.....
Bravo
Edited to add: I have only gotten half way through the list and have to stop.........I dont think my sides can take much more splittin'

[TheAnvil 0]

You're obviously a talented man. See if the office will take you out for a bean burrito at lunch.

Vinny the Anvil
Post Traumatic Didn't Make The Lakers Syndrome is REAL
JACKASS POWER!!!!!!

[headoverheels 291]

How could they miss "hiney hiccup?" That term really gave my friend's kids the giggles.

[flyhi 24]

Were you on the BART train to Dublin last Friday about 4:00?

Shit happens. And it usually happens because of physics.