Cheaters! Have you learned???

[Guest]

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Although I am pretty mentally scarred, I refuse to give up hope. I have to believe that there are some good men out there who would give everything for a kind, loving, intelligent FAITHFUL woman to be by their side.

Men get scarred too. They don't start out callous, selfish and thoughtless (nobody does) - to an extent they get conditioned to being that way.

David Boreanz as Angel: "She was innocent."
James Marsters as Spike: "So were we...a long time ago."

mh

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"The mouse does not know life until it is in the mouth of the cat."

[ianmdrennan 2]

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Not everyone cheats and that's the issue at hand here. I still stand by my statement.

Agreed.

Performance Designs Factory Team

[freeflir29 0]

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I still have to think I was lacking in some department for him to not want to be faithful either before or after becoming the "new Nina."

Not even sweety. People cheat because they have some insecurity about themselves. They think that cheating will make them feel better. It only makes everything worse!

[boinky 0]

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If he had some problem with you (and all relationships do), then he should have told you and worked with you to resolve it.

Hmmm...nice theory. Obviously, I'm not shy and don't mind talking about my problems and feelings. Lost a ton of weight and got a new attitude. I even offered to go to a marriage counselor with him. He refused, of course, stating we had no problems.

Oh, and sex? This is how a typical conversation about sex would go:

ME-
HIM-I don't feel like sex tonight.
ME-Why not?
HIM-Because you're always asking for sex. If you'll quit asking, maybe I'll give you some.

[B][U]Final Outcome-Boinky was sexless in Georgia, while SO was out screwing every other willing woman he could find.

Nina

Are we called "DAWGs" because we stick our noses up people's butts? (RIP Buzz)
Yep, you're a postwhore-billyvance

[TypicalFish 0]

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Obviously, I'm not shy and don't mind talking about my problems and feelings. Lost a ton of weight and got a new attitude. I even offered to go to a marriage counselor with him. He refused, of course, stating we had no problems.

EXACTLY my point. The problem was his, not your's.

With his attitude and his actions, you should be glad to be rid of him.

"I gargle no man's balls..." ussfpa on SOCNET

[boinky 0]

Oh, I'm glad to be rid of him. But in my original posting, you'll note that this isn't the first time that this happened to me. It was the 3'rd...and God knows how many boyfriends in between.

My point is that it can't be all their faults, can it? Doesn't it say that I am defective or broken that I can't get a guy to be faithful to me?

Nina

Are we called "DAWGs" because we stick our noses up people's butts? (RIP Buzz)
Yep, you're a postwhore-billyvance

[complexity 0]

my question is why does a guy cheat on his SO/wife repeatedly yet still stay with her and tell her that she is the only one? Like why do men stay in a marriage but have a mistress or another women who they might love/fuck? (and the SO/wife has no idea that he is cheating). Why would a guy do that? You hear about a guy who basically lives two separate lives -- sometimes even has two marriages. I don't understand.

[TypicalFish 0]

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My point is that it can't be all their faults, can it? Doesn't it say that I am defective or broken that I can't get a guy to be faithful to me?

In my opinion (and remember that's all that it is, so don't take any offense), the only thing you might be at fault with doing is making poor choices in mates. As my friend Mablean says; "Look deep before you leap"...

But I will stand by my original point, which is that NO MATTER WHAT, infidelity is a choice, and the responsibility for that choice is his and his alone. No matter what drove him to the edge of the abyss, he didn't have to jump. Let alone throw it in your face.

"I gargle no man's balls..." ussfpa on SOCNET

[sunshine 2]

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While I agree with you on every point below "Ditto", and would never ever cheat on my man, I don't agree with y'all's "People who cheat disgust me" sentiment.

Everyone is imperfect. Everyone screws up. Everyone is weak in some way. To judge like that would be hypocritical IMHO, unless you never ever screw up or hurt someone in a selfish way.

I like your post rebecca. I guess i disgust nightingale...oh well. I freely admit i cheated a looong time ago. Am i proud of it? Hell no. But i can't change the past. And it sure the hell doesn't mean i've cheated on anyone since that incident either.

___________________________________________
meow

I get a Mike hug! I get a Mike hug!

[complexity 0]

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Oh, I'm glad to be rid of him. But in my original posting, you'll note that this isn't the first time that this happened to me. It was the 3'rd...and God knows how many boyfriends in between.

My point is that it can't be all their faults, can it? Doesn't it say that I am defective or broken that I can't get a guy to be faithful to me?

You are NOT defective and its NOT your fault. However, it would be good to look and see if these guys have certain traits in common? Sometimes we are attracted to a certain type of guy -- one that is unattainable or who treats us poorly or who was the "bad boy" until we met him... its totally NOT your fault at all but sometimes we go for men that are dogs.. and forget that there are really good and decent men behind.

[TypicalFish 0]

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I guess i disgust nightingale...oh well.

Can we start a club, sort of like Frenchy's Goggle thing?

(Yes, I know it is not a laughing matter, but I made my choice, recognized my mistake, learned from it, and take sole responsibility for it. What else can I do?)

Edited for spelling.

"I gargle no man's balls..." ussfpa on SOCNET

[sunshine 2]

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I guess i disgust nightingale...oh well.
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Can we start a club, sort of like Frenchy's Goggle thing?

(Yes, I know it is not a laughing matter, but I made my choice, recognized my mistake, learned from it, and take sole responsibility for it. What else can I do?)

No worries. Deal with it however you want to. I really dont' care if somone i've never met wants to judge me. Everyone makes mistakes. At least we've both admitted to it and moved on.

___________________________________________
meow

I get a Mike hug! I get a Mike hug!

[livendive 8]

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True words. That's their payback, and it's a sad coin indeed.

Speaking of payback... I had a girlfriend who lived with me several years ago who it turned out was cheating on me with someone I considered a friend. I tried for about 6 months to forgive her, but eventually realized I wouldn't ever be able to trust her again and asked her to move out. She left the area for a few months, then called me out of the blue and asked me to marry her. I pointed out the obvious, i.e. that if I can't handle having her as a girlfriend, why would I want to make her my wife? Well, she moved back up here a month later and married the guy she'd been cheating on me with. I found out a month ago that her hubby was recently surprised to learn that she's been sleeping with a couple other men! LMAO - Karma rules!

Blues,
Dave

"I AM A PROFESSIONAL EXTREME ATHLETE!"
(drink Mountain Dew)

[Girlfalldown 0]

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People do mature...

You mean some people mature.

Yeah some people mature but when someone's been a cheater for years he's not going to suddenly stop one day because he got caught. Cheaters are slime. They only want things that they can't have and when they get it they don't want it anymore.

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(Do not, I repeat DO NOT, take my posts seriously.)

[TypicalFish 0]

"Slime, "Disgusting", "Defective", "Insecure", "Immature" (OK, I'll buy that), "Of no use", and a "Cat or Dog"(?)...

OK, I guess I will have to add all of those to my profile.

Generalizations are such a great thing.

"I gargle no man's balls..." ussfpa on SOCNET

[Rebecca 0]

That's why I tried to draw a line.

Some cheaters are slime and disgusting. Probably most. For them, themselves and their needs and their pleasure come first.

Some are people who screwed up royally and regret it for the rest of their lives. They're just people who learned a lesson the hard and avoidable way. Stupid? Yeah, but not slime.

you've got to ask yourself one question: 'Do I feel loquacious?' -- well do you, punk?

[Girlfalldown 0]

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"Slime, "Disgusting", "Defective", Insecure", "Immature" (OK, I'll buy that), "Of no use", and a "Cat or Dog"(?)...

OK, I guess I will have to add all of those to my profile.

Generalizations are such a great thing.

Sorry dude, I dont mean you're slime or that anyone that's ever cheated is. What I mean is that people do make mistakes. I made them when I was young and learned from them. We're human and not perfect. What I have a problem with is people that don't learn from their mistakes and just keep doing it over and over and hurting people. It's like they just don't care that they've ruined someone on the inside. Sure we heal but that takes time and in the meantime we suffer all sorts of self doubt. Doing this over and over again to different people is just fucked up. That's all.

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(Do not, I repeat DO NOT, take my posts seriously.)

[VanillaSkyGirl 6]

Personally, I find cheating to be disrespectful and extremely hurtful to everyone involved, and I would not stay with anyone who had cheated on me. I would not cheat, nor would I ever help anyone else to cheat on their SO. Yet, after reading Matt and Sunny's replies, I do think that people who make blanket statements about cheaters are being too black and white about it. I cannot just say that ALL cheaters don't EVER deserve to be forgiven because every relationship with its problems is a case by case situation.

Who knows what went on in someone else's life or relationship? I am NOT excusing the behavior, but perhaps some people can move past that kind of thing within their relationships. It's good to forgive, but to not forget things like that. I could not forgive someone if they cheated on me (I would need to break up with the person), but everyone is different.

Also, there are people, like Sunny or Matt, who can learn and grow from their past experiences. Every so often, good people do bad things or hurt people that they love. Sometimes, it takes something this destructive for someone to change one's situation and to make a new beginning for oneself.

My guess is that many people with the strong reactions, like one poster admitted, have been cheated on, so cheaters disgust those poster and are very much disliked because they bring up past painful feelings for them. It's nothing personal against the cheaters, but it may mean that these people who have been cheated on are not over their past hurt either.

I agree with Rebecca the most because although I loathe the idea of people cheating on each other, I truly do think that a few exceptions, like Matt and Sunny, have condemned themselves enough over in the past and would not cheat again. They are still good people in my book. If it makes anyone feel any better, people can always volunteer to spank them for being so naughty.

[TypicalFish 0]

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If it makes anyone feel any better, people can always volunteer to spank them for being so naughty.

I LOVE the way you think, Ro...

Believe me, though, I give myself enough of a beating for everybody. Still. And probably always will.
Seriously, thank you for saying those things.

"I gargle no man's balls..." ussfpa on SOCNET

[JoeyRamone 0]

There are 2 ways to get ahead in life, who you know and how to cheat, i perfer who you know...

[lawrocket 3]

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That's cool.

I guess where I was going with that (in my head) is along the lines of what Jumper03 was talking about - taking responsibility for your actions. That's the rub, and that's (to me) the difference between a 'bad' person and a 'not-bad' person where cheating is concerned.

It's not OK. It's never OK. But is someone who screws up once and than owns up and learns a hard lesson a 'bad' person or disgusting? Not necessarily.

Is someone who always cheats, lies about it, and treats others carelessly a 'bad' person? Probably, but then those people get what's coming to them - a life of emptiness devoid of love and trust.

Interesting. The cheating issue is not one of black and white to many people. But it is to me.

If someone fesses up, takes responsibility and holds themselves accountable to cheating, well, at least he/she did that. It still doesn't mean he/she didn't cheat. If that person lies about it, or does not accept responsibility, then theyre are two things to hold against that person.

Whether the person is "a cheat and a liar" or just a "cheat," the person is a cheat.

Have I been cheated on? Yep. And I promptly ended the relationship. One of them said, "I'm sorry, and I know I was wrong, and I'll take whatever I have coming." Sure, I gained some respect for her after that, but she at the level of a sewer on my respect meter before she fessed up, so I guess her owning up rose her my respect level for her about 10 feet to the level of a gutter.

She screwed up and learned a hard lesson - that some sins are not forgiveable. Hopefully she learned the hard lesson and is living happily and truly with someone else. But not with me.

Am I coldhearted? Maybe. Would I ever be able to forget it? Nope. I guess if I was coldhearted it wouldn't have hurt nearly as badly. The betrayal of trust. And some betrayals do not deserve second chances.

And I deserved better than that. And any innocent party does not deserve to face a life of questions about his or her spouse. Who can be happy like that? It would take an angel to forgive that. I can admit I'm no angel. But I'm no cheater, either, and if I can control my ionispheric libido, then so can she.

You mentioned that these people get "what's coming to them - a life of emptiness devoid of love and trust." I'd venture to say that there are plenty of natural sociopaths out there (I'd estimate 2-5 percent of the population) who don't care about love and trust. So what do they lose?

My wife is hotter than your wife.