Sockpuppet 0 #1 August 26, 2006 Hello, As I'm rubbish at this whole social graces thing.... If you are applying for a job what would the opening on the letter you use be. I dont think its Sir/Madam as I know the persons name (emma) but would Dear Emma be too informal. Cheers Richard ------ Two of the three voices in my head agree with you. It might actually be unanimous but voice three only speaks Welsh. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
downwardspiral 0 #2 August 26, 2006 do a search for resume cover letters. copy, paste, then modify. www.FourWheelerHB.com Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
airtwardo 6 #3 August 26, 2006 http://www.career.vt.edu/JOBSEARC/coversamples.htm You're taking about a cover letter I take it.... Above is a link with some general samples. I actually had a position once in which I had to review incoming applications. The ones that seemed best to me were addressed to the person along with their title.. Emma J. Roundbottom Head of Personnel Better Mousetraps Inc. Greetings Ms. Roundbottom: Then on to your 'introduction' cover letter. One quick word on the cover letter resume thing. You want it to read like you have some working knowledge of your language...writing skills are VERY important. Grammar, punctuation, spelling...the whole thing. ...and don't use "I" a hundred times when describing your goals and achievements... Good Luck! ~ If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn? ~ Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ntrprnr 0 #4 August 26, 2006 Major points (from someone who had to hire a ton...) SPELLING SPELLING SPELLING. And DON'T just rely on spell check. When spell check doesn't know a word, and you assume it won't, (think TD WATERHOUSE) you won't expect it to know it, you'll click ignore. But what if you STILL spelled it wrong? Someone didn't get a call for an interview with my first agency because she had previously worked at "TD WAETRHOUSE." Keep it simple. Dear. I'm applying for... My reesume is enclosed. You'll see that I'm well quialified for this position, in part because of my experience with X, as well as my life-long fascination with Y. I thank you for taking the time, looking forward to speaking with you, blah, blah,, sincerely, sockpuppet. Under 3 paragraphs. More than 3? Too long. Happy to see it after you write it, if you'd like some crit. -Peter_______________ "Why'd you track away at 7,000 feet?" "Even in freefall, I have commitment issues." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
kbordson 8 #5 August 26, 2006 QuoteKeep it simple. Dear. I'm applying for... My reesume is enclosed. You'll see that I'm well quialified for this position, in part because of my experience with X, as well as my life-long fascination with Y. I thank you for taking the time, looking forward to speaking with you, blah, blah,, sincerely, sockpuppet. Under 3 paragraphs. More than 3? Too long. Happy to see it after you write it, if you'd like some crit. -Peter Personally, I agree with that 100%. But I was criticized in my porfolio for not having it what I considered flowery enough. I was advised to make it more flambouyant.... less sterile. this was actually written for me by a placement agency (but I just didn't like it... it seemed to .... something.) QuoteDear Colleague, Soon my residency adventure at ** will come to an end, and my new challenge of private practice will begin. I am hoping you are as curious about your future as I am about mine. Each year in my residency I saw less and less new discoveries for me and an every growing satisfaction from genuinely helping my patients. That unfolded by learning more how to understand their circumstances, and how I could better their lives through my support, skills, and talents. I believe my past nursing career considerably enhanced those insights. I see my professional life continuing to mature in that same direction, but staying current will always be a very important component in my profession. I selected my residency because it has an excellent reputation for installing an unshakeable and absolutely solid foundation. I was less attracted to those who’s scope of training was wide ranging but their foundation lacked strength. Being curious I knew, the wide ranging, would come my way, and it would stand on solid ground. Our residency is small with only three residents per year, but that allows each of us to get the supervision and attention we needed. We work hard. Each of us will average 700 deliveries per year, not to mention our clinical and surgical responsibilities. My professors and attending, I believe, will tell you that I offer an inspiring and optimistic air, as I lead others in any intervention. They will say that I hold my nurses in high esteem, and respect their invaluable contributions to regain the wellness of our patients. I believe they will say I am a hard worker and dependable. Finally, I hope they will tell you that I am attentive, committed, and compassionate with each patient, and perpetually ready to be a relentless advocate for any patient. My personal life is struggling to live it to its fullness, more in dept than width. I am active. I love the outdoors, have a passion for running, and staying in shape. I am adventuresome from traveling to skydiving. Although I have dear friends, my training has limited my social opportunities. I am eager to have the time to grow in that area. If you can get a glimpse that I may be able to bring what you need to your group. Let’s visit by telephone, and see if a wonderful and valuable relationship could happen. Please call me and let’s visit. Respectfully submitted, But again.... personally. Follow Peters advice. karen Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
kelel01 1 #6 August 26, 2006 Holy grammatical errors, Batman! Did you USE that?! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ntrprnr 0 #7 August 26, 2006 See? That's the problem. I couldn't even be bothered to read that whole thing on here, and it's Saturday, when I've nothing to do. Your job to use big words, be flowery, and impress over more than eight seconds, is WHEN YOU GET THE INTERVIEW. Once in the office, charm the shit out of them. Of course, Karen probably got the job anyway, cause she's cool. QuoteQuoteDear Colleague, Soon my residency adventure at ** will come to an end, and my new challenge of private practice will begin. I am hoping you are as curious about your future as I am about mine. Each year in my residency I saw less and less new discoveries for me and an every growing satisfaction from genuinely helping my patients. That unfolded by learning more how to understand their circumstances, and how I could better their lives through my support, skills, and talents. I believe my past nursing career considerably enhanced those insights. I see my professional life continuing to mature in that same direction, but staying current will always be a very important component in my profession. I selected my residency because it has an excellent reputation for installing an unshakeable and absolutely solid foundation. I was less attracted to those who’s scope of training was wide ranging but their foundation lacked strength. Being curious I knew, the wide ranging, would come my way, and it would stand on solid ground. Our residency is small with only three residents per year, but that allows each of us to get the supervision and attention we needed. We work hard. Each of us will average 700 deliveries per year, not to mention our clinical and surgical responsibilities. My professors and attending, I believe, will tell you that I offer an inspiring and optimistic air, as I lead others in any intervention. They will say that I hold my nurses in high esteem, and respect their invaluable contributions to regain the wellness of our patients. I believe they will say I am a hard worker and dependable. Finally, I hope they will tell you that I am attentive, committed, and compassionate with each patient, and perpetually ready to be a relentless advocate for any patient. My personal life is struggling to live it to its fullness, more in dept than width. I am active. I love the outdoors, have a passion for running, and staying in shape. I am adventuresome from traveling to skydiving. Although I have dear friends, my training has limited my social opportunities. I am eager to have the time to grow in that area. If you can get a glimpse that I may be able to bring what you need to your group. Let’s visit by telephone, and see if a wonderful and valuable relationship could happen. Please call me and let’s visit. Respectfully submitted, But again.... personally. Follow Peters advice. karen_______________ "Why'd you track away at 7,000 feet?" "Even in freefall, I have commitment issues." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
kelel01 1 #8 August 26, 2006 Seriously, my response to that cover letter (meaning from Karen to the person who wrote it for her) would be, "You're fired. Or at least you should be." That hurt to read, kinda like Jeiber's recent drinking experience. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
shredder 0 #9 August 26, 2006 You could always call the company and asked what Emma's last name is, along with her title. Her assistant or the receptionist should be able to give you the information. If they ask why you want it, just be honest and tell them you are sending her your resume and just wanted to write a cover letter with it. The company might even have a website that lists their employees. Good luck!Learn from the past - don't live in it! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
kbordson 8 #10 August 26, 2006 I prefer the KISS mentality. I didn't end up using that placement service.... But I was a bit shocked by the cover letter that they wanted me to use. (Part of me always wondered if I liked mine because it was better or if simply because I wrote it.... so what if it was sterile. "Dammit Jim, I'm a doctor not a poet!") Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Shell666 0 #11 August 26, 2006 QuoteMajor points (from someone who had to hire a ton...) SPELLING SPELLING SPELLING. And DON'T just rely on spell check. When spell check doesn't know a word, and you assume it won't, (think TD WATERHOUSE) you won't expect it to know it, you'll click ignore. But what if you STILL spelled it wrong? Someone didn't get a call for an interview with my first agency because she had previously worked at "TD WAETRHOUSE." Keep it simple. Dear. I'm applying for... My reesume is enclosed. You'll see that I'm well quialified for this position, in part because of my experience with X, as well as my life-long fascination with Y. I thank you for taking the time, looking forward to speaking with you, blah, blah,, sincerely, sockpuppet. Under 3 paragraphs. More than 3? Too long. Happy to see it after you write it, if you'd like some crit. -Peter Yep, spelling is MOST important. I've found that after you've written the letter and reviewed it a MILLION times you might not catch spelling errors. Read it backwards and you'll be more likely to catch them (and have someone else proof it for you as well). The last round of hiring we did, we didn't receive ONE resume/cover letter that DIDN'T have a spelling error in it. In fact, in one cover letter, the person had spelt their own last name TWO different ways! Keep it short and sweet and to the point (focusing on the duties they've outlined in their posting). Good luck! 'Shell'Shell Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Sockpuppet 0 #12 August 26, 2006 QuoteYou could always call the company and asked what Emma's last name is, along with her title. Her assistant or the receptionist should be able to give you the information. If they ask why you want it, just be honest and tell them you are sending her your resume and just wanted to write a cover letter with it. The company might even have a website that lists their employees. Good luck! Cheers for the responses. Her e-mail is firstname.surname the job is working for DHL...time to become a corporate suit and stop sticking it to the man ------ Two of the three voices in my head agree with you. It might actually be unanimous but voice three only speaks Welsh. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
airtwardo 6 #13 August 26, 2006 ...and stop sticking it to the man *** But you ARE the man....! ~ If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn? ~ Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Sockpuppet 0 #14 August 28, 2006 Quote Under 3 paragraphs. More than 3? Too long. Happy to see it after you write it, if you'd like some crit. -Peter Its too waffley I need to cut it down. They asked for the salary stuff to be in the cover letter so that stays. Anything else is fair game. Job is working internationally so stuff about living in a hotel may be helpful as they specify in the ad its not for everyone .... but may be superflous. Not sure about the bit about leaving current job, I've only been in it 3 months which doesnt look great but the work is so boring I must leave! Serves me right for chasing the almighty dollar (well pound). All ideas greatfully recieved..... Cheers Sock. 27th August 2006 Global Business Development – Healthcare , I am writing to express my interest in the position as a Business Analyst and have enclosed my CV. I believe that I would be suitable for the position because my experience as a Business Analyst within logistics and warehousing environment, having worked in many sectors from FMCG to Aerospace with many market leaders such as Jaguar and Vodafone. I also have experience of logistics in the healthcare sector, particularly regarding pick/pack operations to multiple end users. I have also been extensively involved with business process re-engineering and was a principal team member in the design and commission of Vodafone’s new national distribution centre where I was responsible for reviewing and improving existing processes at the present sites as well as creating new processes for the new mobile phone repair centre that was taken in house as part of the development. I can demonstrate a high degree of drive and personal motivation through the numerous charity projects I have completed as well as my time served in the Territorial Army, where I have undertaken officer training at RMAS Sandhurst which has not only proved a challenge but has also increased my analytical and decision making skills, which are transferable into my civilian job. I have a flexible approach to work and during my last role I was often required to spend extended periods away from home living in hotels while working on projects. Although at present I do not live close to Oxford for my last employer I commuted to Cowley, Oxford for extended periods and in the longer term I would open to relocating. My current salary is £xx,000 p.a. with a £x,000 allowance in lieu of a company car however currently I am more interested in the opportunity a job presents rather than the salary. I am currently looking to change jobs as I feel my current position has not developed into the role providing the challenges or the opportunities that were promised when I was taken on. I look forward to your response and would like the chance to meet to discuss this opportunity further. Yours sincerely, Sockpuppet :D ------ Two of the three voices in my head agree with you. It might actually be unanimous but voice three only speaks Welsh. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
gjhdiver 0 #15 August 29, 2006 QuoteHello, As I'm rubbish at this whole social graces thing.... If you are applying for a job what would the opening on the letter you use be. I dont think its Sir/Madam as I know the persons name (emma) but would Dear Emma be too informal. Cheers Richard Try "Oi Fuckwit" See if that works and get back to me. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
NWFlyer 2 #16 August 29, 2006 My few cents... See if you can avoid having (almost) every paragraph start with "I." My eye caught that, for what it's worth. QuoteI believe that I would be suitable for the position Suitable? Too weak. You're "ideal" for the position. QuoteMy current salary is £xx,000 p.a. with a £x,000 allowance in lieu of a company car however currently I am more interested in the opportunity a job presents rather than the salary. Even though you were asked to discuss salary, I wouldn't. I would say "I would be happy to discuss my salary history and expectations at a later date." And then put off the discussion if possible until they have actually offered you a job. Make 'em want you, then discuss the price. QuoteI am currently looking to change jobs as I feel my current position has not developed into the role providing the challenges or the opportunities that were promised when I was taken on. I'd leave this out. Answer the question if/when it comes up, but don't feel the need to bring it up as a preemptive strike. And be ready with more detail than that - why is it not meeting your expectations, how have you attempted to make it meet your expectations (you have TRIED, right? because if you can't say that, then they're going to figure you're going to flake on them if you're bored, too). QuoteI look forward to your response and would like the chance to meet to discuss this opportunity further. Be more specific. "I will contact you the week of [date] to discuss this opportunity further." Then do it."There is only one basic human right, the right to do as you damn well please. And with it comes the only basic human duty, the duty to take the consequences." -P.J. O'Rourke Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
bob.dino 0 #17 August 29, 2006 Some random thoughts: Eight paragraphs, seven of which start with "I". ...because of my experience... ...distribution centre where I was responsible. My responsibilites included... Replace the entire TA paragraph with "My officer training in the Territorial Army has developed my analytical and decision making skills." Replace the location paragraph with: "I'm flexible with regards to travel and in the longer term I am open to relocating." General style things: more commas in long sentences. Long sentences are bad - break them into multiple shorter sentences. Think "how can I simplify what I need to say". For example, why would a recruiter need to know that your TA Officer training was at RMAS Sandhurst? All just my opinion. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
DrewEckhardt 0 #18 August 29, 2006 Quote Its too waffley I need to cut it down. They asked for the salary stuff to be in the cover letter so that stays. Anything else is fair game. The first party to name a number always seems to loose. If you're under paid they'll only put you a little closer to parity. When you have valuable benefits, companies seem to be good about matching your base salary but ignoring the rest. And when you're making a lot more than they want to pay they may waste your time in the interview process. Quote Not sure about the bit about leaving current job, I've only been in it 3 months which doesnt look great but the work is so boring I must leave! Serves me right for chasing the almighty dollar (well pound). Leaving for money is a bad reason. Leaving because your current position is a bad fit (boring work) isn't. I'm looking for work after 3 months in a position. As I see it, the two biggest reasons to favor one job over another is what you're working on and who you're working with. Neither matches what I was told before I got hired. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Sockpuppet 0 #19 August 29, 2006 Thanks guys all the responses are great. I've got 2 weeks left til the deadline so no rsh..plenty of time to make your changes. I think some of the pap can easily be removed, I wrote this late at night when I was tired. I know leaving a job for another for the $$$ is a bad thing to do (well I know that now...hell someone waving an extra £10,000 at your face when you are 22 is hard to resist). I have treid at the current place but it seems I am a glorified pen pusher. Basically sitting there working out the same figures over and over. Dont get me wrong it could be a lot worse, but I'm still young and would like to have a more challengng role at present. once again, thanks guys you're all great. ------ Two of the three voices in my head agree with you. It might actually be unanimous but voice three only speaks Welsh. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Sockpuppet 0 #20 August 29, 2006 QuoteGeneral style things: more commas in long sentences. Long sentences are bad - break them into multiple shorter sentences. Think "how can I simplify what I need to say". For example, why would a recruiter need to know that your TA Officer training was at RMAS Sandhurst? All just my opinion. I tell ya what. I just used all your suggestions and it now reads a lot better, is a 1/3 page shorter and I'm actually liking it. I dont know why I put the extra info in...maybe I'm still in college mode and used to padding out the answers to get to the required word limit (i used to write very concise answers). ------ Two of the three voices in my head agree with you. It might actually be unanimous but voice three only speaks Welsh. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
piisfish 135 #21 August 29, 2006 Under the Sockpuppet signature, it would be good manners to thank your DZ.com helpers. scissors beat paper, paper beat rock, rock beat wingsuit - KarlM Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
kbordson 8 #22 August 29, 2006 Put it aside for 1-2 days. Then come back to it again. Read it out loud and make corrections as needed. Then post the revised version. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Sockpuppet 0 #23 September 14, 2006 So I got a reply from the hiring people... QuoteFurther to your application for this position, in order for us to further assess your suitability for the role, could you please answer the following questions? The location for this position is in Oxford in the UK, are you happy considering this? What are your current salary expectations? I'll look forward to hearing from you Which is strange as I covered both points in my covering letter. Not sure if to take this as a good sign, followed up with the info they requested on Tuesday. If I've not heard anything by this evening then I will do a follow up e-mail to ask if they recieved the info and reexpress my interest in the job. Maybe I'm just paranoid... ------ Two of the three voices in my head agree with you. It might actually be unanimous but voice three only speaks Welsh. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
kbordson 8 #24 September 14, 2006 I would take it as a good sign. If they weren't interested, they wouldn't have sent you anything. Good luck! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
