Having a meltdown

[Michele 1]

All the recent stuff has been piling up. Yesterday, at my midterm Microbiology Lab exam, there were some things he never lectured on, and is not in the textbook. After class, I stayed to "talk" to him.

I left in tears. I felt so stupid and incapable (both of which I'm not), and getting an A in that class is impossible. I've done everything - even he has said I've done everything - and that his class is designed to teach concepts and how to not make assumptions. Well, fine...concepts I grasp, and I don't make assumptions. But he's the instructor, and if he doesn't lecture the material, how the hell am I supposed to learn this stuff?

He has 120 points of quizzes throughout the semester, and all that counts towards the final grade. Quizzes are no problem...except he quizzes on stuff he hasn't lectured on yet. In other words, new material. He says it's to make sure people read the book, but even reading the book doesn't allow one to understand the concepts; if it did, we could all just take an internet class in Micro, and be just fine.

Anyway...three days of 2 hours' sleep, the pressure of a midterm Lab exam, and the instructor insulting me on top of all the rest of the crap that's been going on - and I'm having a meltdown.

How do I know this?

I just bought chocolate for the first time in months....

At least after today's english stuff, I am on break for a few days (9, to be exact). Unfortunately, jumping is not in my immediate future (cash...), so I think I'll lay in bed and cry because I'm stupid.

Thanks for listening...I needed to get this out.

Ciels-
Michele
I am sooooooooooooo frustrated. He told me "not everyone is capable of getting this material. Maybe you're one of those people." I nearly exploded. Skydiving isn't for everyone...that's true. But telling me that maybe I'm just not capable of getting the information in this class is a total wad of bullshit.

Let's put it this way; his nickname is "the Nazi", and that's the truth.

~Do Angels keep the dreams we seek
While our hearts lie bleeding?~

[Icon134 0]

awe... that sucks... I wish I could help... but I'm not sure I know how...

Livin' on the Edge... sleeping with my rigger's wife...

[Michele 1]

Send chocolate. Or shoot my professor. Actually, listening works too.

It's at times like these when I am just so depressed and fighting to stay afloat that my kitties are such a blessing...they cuddle, love, snuggle, and comfort me. And Simon won't leave my side when I'm "vibing" like this...it's like he knows I need lovin; and he gives it.

Sigh.

Thanks, my friend. Just so much going on right now I want to run away; and I think "heck, a career as a cashier at a supermarket is looking better and better all the time..."

Ciels-
Michele

~Do Angels keep the dreams we seek
While our hearts lie bleeding?~

[kbordson 8]

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He told me "not everyone is capable of getting this material. Maybe you're one of those people."

He is an ass and obviously not a skilled instructor or teacher. What motivation does he give you to learn whe "maybe you're one of those"!!!!

YOU ARE NOT STUPID!!!!

Take a deep breath... and a chocolate or two.... and realize that you're exhausted, embarassed, hurt and frustrated. Take this time off to read ahead and show that MF a thing or two.

edit to add: cashier at the supermarket would be a break on the mind... but don't you WANT to help the poor lil animals peoples in pain? Just think about your reasons for learning and focus on that.

edit again to add: Begging for humble apologies for being so confused and befuddled in my old age and mixing up dreams and aspirations.

BUT... what ever you want to do - I do have faith that you will be able to achieve that goal!!!!!

[Shell666 0]

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It's at times like these when I am just so depressed and fighting to stay afloat that my kitties are such a blessing...they cuddle, love, snuggle, and comfort me. And Simon won't leave my side when I'm "vibing" like this...it's like he knows I need lovin; and he gives it.

Chin up, buttercup. It'll get better.

My kitty, 'Mere, sends you some kitty lovin' too.


Well, he's ACTUALLY "kitty lovin'" a pen I have but you know what he means ...

'Shell

[Icon134 0]

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He is an ass and obviously not a skilled instructor or teacher. What motivation does he give you to learn whe "maybe you're one of those"!!!!

YOU ARE NOT STUPID!!!!

What She said is true as well...

Livin' on the Edge... sleeping with my rigger's wife...

[Michele 1]

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He is an ass and obviously not a skilled instructor or teacher. What motivation does he give you to learn whe "maybe you're one of those"!!!!

You're so right. He even started out by saying "sorry I'm failing you as an instructor, but you've got to try harder, too."

WTF? I tape and listen to his lectures. I read and reread both the study notes he gives and the book. I perform beautifully in the lab (haven't missed a point yet), and spend probably 20 hours or more per week on his material alone.

The only reason I'm not gone from his class yet is because I can't fathom this course in a 6 week summer session...just not something I want to do. So I stay and plug along...

He's an asshat, to be sure. But I've got 16 more sessions with him, and I have to learn something so I can at least get a B in the class. Anything less than that and it will impact the rest of my life.

I've just got to make it through...somehow, some way, I've got to make it through. And I don't have the first notion on how to do that.



Ciels-
Michele

~Do Angels keep the dreams we seek
While our hearts lie bleeding?~

[Michele 1]

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Well, he's ACTUALLY "kitty lovin'" a pen I have but you know what he means ...

If I were there, he'd be lovin on my chin, I know it. Man, he's a gorgeous boy...

I had Oliver my Bengal on a leash outside today. He's taking to it well...hopefully, someday he'll be comfortable enough to ride in the car with me, and go into the petstore on his leash. That would be a kick in the pants.

Thanks for posting that - made me grin and grab Booger Simon for a snuggle.

Ciels-
Michele

~Do Angels keep the dreams we seek
While our hearts lie bleeding?~

[vortexring 0]

'I've just got to make it through...somehow, some way, I've got to make it through. And I don't have the first notion on how to do that.'

Don't eat chocolate! You'll make it through easily enough through your motivation - which you obviously have. Might not seem so easy now, and for the coming days and weeks, but trust me on this - you'll look back and think, 'yeah cheers dickhead - piece of piss.'

All the best

'for it's Tommy this, an' Tommy that, an' "chuck 'im out, the brute!" But it's "saviour of 'is country" when the guns begin to shoot.'

[Carpediem 0]

Just remember, they hired him for his research, not his ability to teach. . .


Don't take it so personally. Go to a pub with a few friends, smoke a few doobs and get laid. Then all is well.

Those who do, can't explain. Those who don't, can't understand.

[Michele 1]

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Quote

He is an ass and obviously not a skilled instructor or teacher. What motivation does he give you to learn whe "maybe you're one of those"!!!!

YOU ARE NOT STUPID!!!!

What She said is true as well...

I know I'm not. But man, sometimes I leave there thinking I'm a dunce with no business studying something like this. Then other students come to me for help ('cause they won't go to him; they have no interest in being humiliated and discouraged...), and I can help them...and I don't feel quite as dumb.

But last night, as I leaned against the hall wall and just cried, I felt like the stupidest person ever to grace the campus...and cashiering became a goal.

[

And tonight I have a phone conference with my English professor...thank God she thinks I'm good at writing and smart....

Simon says:
0-pppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppp
pppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppp. :/

He wrote that. That's exactly how I feel about my professor. :/ and :p and :0. My booger boy knows his Mama's feelings...and he can type, too. Maybe he should go to school.

Good grief.

Thanks, you guys, for reassuring me. I need to hear good things sometimes too...not just the noise in my head.

Ciels-
Michele

~Do Angels keep the dreams we seek
While our hearts lie bleeding?~

[Michele 1]

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trust me on this - you'll look back and think, 'yeah cheers dickhead - piece of piss.'

I will have a ball the day I can say that. I will open up a great bottle of champagne, and celebrate. And I will get to say that...someday. For the moment, this will have to suffice:

"Fuck you, Professor!!!!!! You're an Asshat of the Top Tier. And you have Little Man's syndrome, too; and to top it off, your research sucks assssssss and has no validity! I'm published, you're not, and you're a fucktard."

Man, I feel better already. Someday I'll say that to his face. Or a reasonable facsimile thereof.

Ciels-
Michele

~Do Angels keep the dreams we seek
While our hearts lie bleeding?~

[Michele 1]

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Go to a pub with a few friends, smoke a few doobs and get laid. Then all is well.

I have no doobs. If I did, I'd be smokin' them. That's why I got chocolate.

As for the rest, tomorrow I will be seeing a dear friend, and we will have a few drinks. No, he's not quite my type, so no getting laid.

Well, 1 out of 3 isn't too bad.

Ciels-
Michele

~Do Angels keep the dreams we seek
While our hearts lie bleeding?~

[vortexring 0]

You know, the day you get there, you probably won't really care about telling the prof. to go fuck himself - you really won't. And you'll feel so much better for feeling above all that shit too - you might even find yourself viewing him going about his sad little life - perhaps, even feeling sorry for him!

'for it's Tommy this, an' Tommy that, an' "chuck 'im out, the brute!" But it's "saviour of 'is country" when the guns begin to shoot.'

[Icon134 0]

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I know I'm not. But man, sometimes I leave there thinking I'm a dunce with no business studying something like this. Then other students come to me for help ('cause they won't go to him; they have no interest in being humiliated and discouraged...), and I can help them...and I don't feel quite as dumb.

But last night, as I leaned against the hall wall and just cried, I felt like the stupidest person ever to grace the campus...and cashiering became a goal.

I think sometimes we all have days like that... I know I do... I'm feeling like an idiot tonight and I'm probably bringing these feelings upon myself...

but that's ok... because "this too shall pass..."

Livin' on the Edge... sleeping with my rigger's wife...

[kbordson 8]

Been there too.

1995 - Active duty Air Force working perpetual nights as a nurse, taking Organic Chemistry and Physics II (calc based) during the day. Organic Chem professor: "Women just can't understand the complexities of Organic Chemistry..." and other hideously sexist and stupid comments. I worked my ass off to get that B (just shy of an A, but I was happy even passing that bastards class).... some people just shouldn't teach. But that should just furhter inspire us to reach for our goals IN SPITE of their arrogance.

I know you'll do great! Don't let him bring your confidence down.

Sleep... kitty hugs .... and belief.... that's what you need right now!

[vortexring 0]

Kitty hugs!

'for it's Tommy this, an' Tommy that, an' "chuck 'im out, the brute!" But it's "saviour of 'is country" when the guns begin to shoot.'

[Michele 1]

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Sleep... kitty hugs .... and belief.... that's what you need right now!

The first two are easily had...the last? Not so much.

I have the confidence in clearer-minded moments to realize he's simply a jackass. In my less clear moments, like last night when I'd been preparing so hard for the Lab exam for several days and just exhausted...well, not quite so clear. And then when he told me that...well...the confidence plummeted.

I'll get the best grade in that class that I possibly can. It won't be an A, but maybe I can get a high B. Thanks for understanding - and yes, you've been there.

And no apology is needed, Karen. You're neither old nor befuddled...it's just a Friday.

Ciels-
Michele

~Do Angels keep the dreams we seek
While our hearts lie bleeding?~

[Michele 1]

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Kitty hugs!

Indeed.

Kitty HUGS!!!! And KITTY SNUGGLES!!!!! And KITTY PURRS!!!!!!!!!

Some of the best medicine available, no doubt. I've got one in my lap right now...he's fast asleep and purring. Brought a smile to my face, the first one today.

Ciels-
Michele

~Do Angels keep the dreams we seek
While our hearts lie bleeding?~

[Richards 0]

You sound stressed and your professor sounds like a nightmare. I found a little anecdote once that helps me at times like this. I have adapted it to your situation....

"Stressed? Sometimes it helps to think pleasant thoughts.

Picture a feild, a pastoral feild, a feild with a babbling brook.

You're there on a lovely fall day holding your professors head under the water...........now your letting him up to breath for a second...then BLAM!! back into the icy water. Again, and again!

There, feel better?"

My biggest handicap is that sometimes the hole in the front of my head operates a tad bit faster than the grey matter contained within.

[vortexring 0]

http://www.kessels.com/CatSounds/index.html

There are loads of cat 'sounds' - I played one of them on full volume (by accident) when my little psycho killer was asleep next to me whilst on I was on the comp. I now have some extra white dotted scar tissue on my right thigh.

'for it's Tommy this, an' Tommy that, an' "chuck 'im out, the brute!" But it's "saviour of 'is country" when the guns begin to shoot.'

[Michele 1]

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You sound stressed and your professor sounds like a nightmare.

I am stressed. And he is a nightmare.

And your post is perfect. Add the rest of the class cheering me on, and you've got the ideal situation.

I can fantasize, anyway, about it. I can't do it, but I can sit in front of his class, dreaming about drowning him. And I bet I will.

Ciels-
Michele

~Do Angels keep the dreams we seek
While our hearts lie bleeding?~

[Michele 1]

That's a great site! My herd are used to each other fussing and meowing, so the adult cat sounds didn't do a thing. Nor, interestingly, did the lions. I didn't play the angry cats, because I don't want to upset the herd.

But the kitten sounds? Brought three of them running - crawling all over the computer desk to see where the babies are hiding. Right now, I've got three pairs of eyes locked on me, accusing me of keeping babies away from them. LOLOL. They want to help.

Thanks for that. Made me laugh. And I understand about the scar tissue...not something I'm unfamiliar with at all.

Ciels-
Michele

~Do Angels keep the dreams we seek
While our hearts lie bleeding?~

[jimmytavino 16]

" illigitimi non carborundum"

..." Don't let the bastards wear you down"...

well you earned an 'A' in Anatomy
and so a 'B' in Biology sounds about right

you get a 'C' for the chocolate...
just DON'T take a French class....... ( F )


stay on top of things and you'll be OK....
I do NOT like your prof. he is not nice.

relax during your time off,,, and come back charging,,,,, for april and may....

it ain't over till it's over....

ps edited to add..... meltdown and chocolate are a bad combination.... so do your best to stay coooool.........

jaytee

[Michele 1]

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" illigitimi non carborundum"

..." Don't let the bastards wear you down"...

A Handmaid's Tale. Great book by Margaret Atwood. Hrm. I need to read that again sometime soon.

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stay on top of things and you'll be OK....
I do NOT like your prof. he is not nice.

relax during your time off,,, and come back charging,,,,, for april and may....

it ain't over till it's over....

You're right. And I expect that with a few bookless, pressure-less days, I'll be recharged enough to sit through his class until May 29 - the day of the final. And then I can tell him to KMA, and that he is NOT nice.

Thanks for being in my corner, JayTee...it helps.

Thanks all for being in my corner. It really does help.

Ciels-
Michele

~Do Angels keep the dreams we seek
While our hearts lie bleeding?~