kbordson 8 #26 August 26, 2007 You are correct, sex is an important part of intimacy - it confirms trust, passion, desire. It fulfills a "need" for release. But you don't need sex to have a fulfilling and enduring relationship. A rel'nship is so much more than the carnal expression of lust. There is more to the human spirit than just fucking like animals. And, honestly, if you can't see that in the relationship that you are in... you both might deserve better. Sex is important... but it is NOT the relationship. (now... I will be the first to say though... sex IS important) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Squeak 17 #27 August 26, 2007 Quote (now... I will be the first to say though... sex IS important)I dont even think it's all that important in the long run, In all the good long term relationships that I know of sex plays a very minor in them. I have had this dicussion a few time with firends over the years, and invariably all those couples in long term relationships list sex very low on the priority scale. Communication, care, understanding and respect come in way agead of physical gratificationYou are not now, nor will you ever be, good enough to not die in this sport (Sparky) My Life ROCKS! How's yours doing? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ryoder 1,397 #28 August 26, 2007 Quote Some people look for more substance in their lives than just hedonistic pleasure In the words of my role model Dan Fielding: "I gotta be me.""There are only three things of value: younger women, faster airplanes, and bigger crocodiles" - Arthur Jones. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
kbordson 8 #29 August 26, 2007 QuoteCommunication, care, understanding and respect come in way agead of physical gratification Agreed. 100% Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Jib 0 #30 August 26, 2007 The reason for not having sex has more bearing on a relationship than having sex. The reason can say something about personal philosophies which is rather important to a relationship. There's a big difference between I want to get to know you and I'm saving myself for Jesus. I don't think wanting something I can't have is as powerful as I get older. I miss my fiance when she's away; I don't think I can't wait to have sex with her. -------------------------------------------------- the depth of his depravity sickens me. -- Jerry Falwell, People v. Larry Flynt Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
enflyt 0 #31 August 26, 2007 Quoteits a personnal choice i hate it when people feelpressured to have sex because of this and that Quote I dont feel pressured to have sex. I think its the opposite. I feel like i've been pressured to wait for something... a 3rd date, anniversary, a 'perfect night'.... but usually I dont wait and then i feel all guilty by society's standards... then again, maybe i just suffer from a guilty conscience.. cause i almost feel guilty if i dont have sex when I wanted to in the first place. ah well. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Douva 0 #32 August 26, 2007 Quoteok...question for ya. Whats your philosophy with a couple in a committed longterm relationship where the sex goes to shit? For example, she has a total hysterectomy due to medical reasons so the hormones are no longer there... Given all things being equal, like it or not sex IS an important part of a relationship. If you were the male in the aforementioned relationship, what would you do? If you're looking for me to give you a black and white answer, like "That shouldn't matter" or "The man should seek sexual gratification outside the marriage," you're barking up the wrong tree. Only fools look for such simple answers to such complex problems. Of course sex is important, but as several people have already stated, it's not the relationship. If sex is the backbone of your relationship, you probably have a very shallow relationship. If a man's wife loses her sex drive because of a medical condition or can't have sex because she's in some sort of accident, that's a hurdle that the couple must get over together. It should not be a dilemma the man faces alone. Therefore, your "What would you do?" question is flawed because the question you should be asking is "What would you and your wife do?" And clearly, not having a wife, I can't answer that question.I don't have an M.D. or a law degree. I have bachelor's in kicking ass and taking names. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites swedishcelt 0 #33 August 26, 2007 In my opinion, if she doesn't experience pain and can still get pleasure from the act, then there's a whole other reason for her not wanting to have it with you. All my friends felt liberated by not having to worry about protection etc. Their libido increased if their partners were supportive. Has the Dr. checked her hormone levels? That just sounds weird unless her surgery was recent. If she did have it recently then she may just not want someone f-ing with her down their until she feels physically able. It's kind of traumatic. Other than that...have you both had a romantic vacation together lately? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites kbordson 8 #34 August 26, 2007 Good point- Just having had a hysterectomy does not mean that she can not have a sexual relationship.... However, if : 1. it was because of endometriosis and she had SIGNIFICANT pain with intercourse/period/anything prior to the hysterectomy... even if the endometriosis is gone, her memory of the pain isn't. That needs to be something that with patience and understanding that a couple can work through. 2. it was because of polycystic ovaries or other ovarian problems (even including endometriosis) and the ovaries had to be removed, then she might have a decreased drive because the ovaries do make testosterone which does influence the sex drive. Most of the time, that can be medically managed. (unless the risk of hormones are too great for her) 3. it was because of cancer... she is probably happy to be alive. If shes had radiation as an adjuvant therapy.... don't EVEN think about going there until she wants to try... and then understand that even then... it's probably NOT going to happen. Find other ways to express intimacy and just be happy about the time that you are given to spend with her. Just having had a hysterectomy though does not give someone carte blanche to sleeping with someone else. (for risk of sending this to SC, I do kindof excuse Former Pres. Clinton for his extramarital reln'ships in the case that Sen. Rodham-Clinton might bat for the other team. But even then, it would still be better for them to have communicated) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Philly215 0 #35 August 26, 2007 Maybe it's just my young and young minded generation, but I know with majority of 18-mid 20's don't connect love with sex at all anymore. I'd say 3% of people i've ever met or seen might actually tie love into the way they feel about it or during it. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites jimmytavino 16 #36 August 26, 2007 what a Goddamned shame......... NOW>>>>>> any ideas... WHY that is.????? It should be ME who feels that way since I grew up in the 'free love' generation..... But i always interpreted THAT to mean... "we are free to love..." NOT.. love is free.... ( without emotional content, and without a certain degree of interpersonal responsibility ) I mean.. it's not just a damn sport !!!!! is it??? good luck... j Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Royd 0 #37 August 26, 2007 After seeing several posts, I was reminded of the Seinfeld episode about being the Master of your domain. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites kallend 1,644 #38 August 26, 2007 QuoteQuote (now... I will be the first to say though... sex IS important)I dont even think it's all that important in the long run, In all the good long term relationships that I know of sex plays a very minor in them. I have had this dicussion a few time with firends over the years, and invariably all those couples in long term relationships list sex very low on the priority scale. Communication, care, understanding and respect come in way agead of physical gratification You apparently haven't talked to many couple where one wanted it and the other didn't. LOTS of divorces from that cause.... The only sure way to survive a canopy collision is not to have one. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Squeak 17 #39 August 26, 2007 QuoteQuoteQuote (now... I will be the first to say though... sex IS important)I dont even think it's all that important in the long run, In all the good long term relationships that I know of sex plays a very minor in them. I have had this dicussion a few time with firends over the years, and invariably all those couples in long term relationships list sex very low on the priority scale. Communication, care, understanding and respect come in way agead of physical gratification You apparently haven't talked to many couple where one wanted it and the other didn't. LOTS of divorces from that cause. like I said the ones in "long term relationships", my idea of a long term relationships is not a 12 month GF/BF thing. The long term relationships I'm refering to are all over 10 years, (mine is 19). If the relationship falls apart after that period of time believe me its due to something more than just a lack of a shagg. If the love in your relationship is hinged on sex, then I'd hazard a guess at saying it's not what I call Love.You are not now, nor will you ever be, good enough to not die in this sport (Sparky) My Life ROCKS! How's yours doing? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites scottjaco 0 #40 August 27, 2007 QuoteIf the love in your relationship is hinged on sex, then I'd hazard a guess at saying it's not what I call Love. Men do not like to feel patronized. Call me shallow, but if she doesn't want to fuck me, I'm ending the relationship. A girl should think long and hard about what it is that they contribute to a relationship when they are holding out. As men, we have to sit through a long and drawn out courting process in which we must listen to you, deal with your emotional and behavioral hiccups and be kind and courteous without showing the least bit of indignation. Having sex will alleviate any doubt between the two of you. This will make the relationship stronger. If you don’t want sex for your own hedonistic pleasure, then do it for him. After all, he has worked very hard to win your favor. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites stitch 0 #41 August 27, 2007 I've always thought you were HOTT in a quirky sort of way. So, I probably wouldn't make you wait more than a month or so. "No cookies for you"- GFD "I don't think I like the sound of that" ~ MB65 Don't be a "Racer Hater" Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Squeak 17 #42 August 27, 2007 Quote Quote If the love in your relationship is hinged on sex, then I'd hazard a guess at saying it's not what I call Love. Men do not like to feel patronized. Call me shallow, but if she doesn't want to fuck me, I'm ending the relationship. A girl should think long and hard about what it is that they contribute to a relationship when they are holding out. As men, we have to sit through a long and drawn out courting process in which we must listen to you, deal with your emotional and behavioral hiccups and be kind and courteous without showing the least bit of indignation. Having sex will alleviate any doubt between the two of you. This will make the relationship stronger. If you don’t want sex for your own hedonistic pleasure, then do it for him. After all, he has worked very hard to win your favor. You're single quite a lot aren't youYou are not now, nor will you ever be, good enough to not die in this sport (Sparky) My Life ROCKS! How's yours doing? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Zenister 0 #43 August 27, 2007 Quotedon't connect love with sex at all anymore. no reason to at all.. Sex is a biological process. Love is an emotional/mental attachment. they dont HAVE to be connected at all.(its nice when they are however) the only reason they are/have been historically is social engineering.____________________________________ Those who fail to learn from the past are simply Doomed. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites skymama 35 #44 August 27, 2007 Are you serious?She is Da Man, and you better not mess with Da Man, because she will lay some keepdown on you faster than, well, really fast. ~Billvon Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites popsjumper 2 #45 August 27, 2007 Quote ...And clearly, not having a wife... Why am I not surprised at this... Why am I thinking you used "wife" as a euphemism for SO of any sort... Credibility... Go ahead...submit your reply about "I have had many SOs before...." My reality and yours are quite different. I think we're all Bozos on this bus. Falcon5232, SCS8170, SCSA353, POPS9398, DS239 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites kallend 1,644 #46 August 27, 2007 QuoteQuoteQuoteQuote (now... I will be the first to say though... sex IS important)I dont even think it's all that important in the long run, In all the good long term relationships that I know of sex plays a very minor in them. I have had this dicussion a few time with firends over the years, and invariably all those couples in long term relationships list sex very low on the priority scale. Communication, care, understanding and respect come in way agead of physical gratification You apparently haven't talked to many couple where one wanted it and the other didn't. LOTS of divorces from that cause. like I said the ones in "long term relationships", my idea of a long term relationships is not a 12 month GF/BF thing. The long term relationships I'm refering to are all over 10 years, (mine is 19). If the relationship falls apart after that period of time believe me its due to something more than just a lack of a shagg. If the love in your relationship is hinged on sex, then I'd hazard a guess at saying it's not what I call Love. Just the facts, ma'am. A huge mumber of divorces are caused by sex issues. Dispute it all you want with your romance theories, but that's the way it is. PS I have had a long term partner without a break since January 1968 - how about you?... The only sure way to survive a canopy collision is not to have one. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Squeak 17 #47 August 27, 2007 Quote Quote Quote PS I have had a long term partner without a break since January 1968 - how about you? Cite whatever you want, but I'd say sex is the EXCUSE not the reason for the divorce. in 68 I was 5, you old fucker Been with my wife since 1988You are not now, nor will you ever be, good enough to not die in this sport (Sparky) My Life ROCKS! How's yours doing? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites kallend 1,644 #48 August 27, 2007 Quote Quote Quote Quote PS I have had a long term partner without a break since January 1968 - how about you? Cite whatever you want, but I'd say sex is the EXCUSE not the reason for the divorce. in 68 I was 5, you old fucker Been with my wife since 1988 You can theorize all you want. FACT is that sex problems cause divorces.... The only sure way to survive a canopy collision is not to have one. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Squeak 17 #49 August 27, 2007 Quote Quote Quote Quote Quote PS I have had a long term partner without a break since January 1968 - how about you? Cite whatever you want, but I'd say sex is the EXCUSE not the reason for the divorce. in 68 I was 5, you old fucker Been with my wife since 1988 You can theorize all you want. FACT is that sex problems cause divorces. FACT is that sex is CITED as the reason not FACTUALLY the reasonYou are not now, nor will you ever be, good enough to not die in this sport (Sparky) My Life ROCKS! How's yours doing? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites kbordson 8 #50 August 27, 2007 WOW!! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Prev 1 2 3 Next Page 2 of 3 Join the conversation You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account. Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible. Reply to this topic... × Pasted as rich text. Paste as plain text instead Only 75 emoji are allowed. × Your link has been automatically embedded. Display as a link instead × Your previous content has been restored. 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Douva 0 #32 August 26, 2007 Quoteok...question for ya. Whats your philosophy with a couple in a committed longterm relationship where the sex goes to shit? For example, she has a total hysterectomy due to medical reasons so the hormones are no longer there... Given all things being equal, like it or not sex IS an important part of a relationship. If you were the male in the aforementioned relationship, what would you do? If you're looking for me to give you a black and white answer, like "That shouldn't matter" or "The man should seek sexual gratification outside the marriage," you're barking up the wrong tree. Only fools look for such simple answers to such complex problems. Of course sex is important, but as several people have already stated, it's not the relationship. If sex is the backbone of your relationship, you probably have a very shallow relationship. If a man's wife loses her sex drive because of a medical condition or can't have sex because she's in some sort of accident, that's a hurdle that the couple must get over together. It should not be a dilemma the man faces alone. Therefore, your "What would you do?" question is flawed because the question you should be asking is "What would you and your wife do?" And clearly, not having a wife, I can't answer that question.I don't have an M.D. or a law degree. I have bachelor's in kicking ass and taking names. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
swedishcelt 0 #33 August 26, 2007 In my opinion, if she doesn't experience pain and can still get pleasure from the act, then there's a whole other reason for her not wanting to have it with you. All my friends felt liberated by not having to worry about protection etc. Their libido increased if their partners were supportive. Has the Dr. checked her hormone levels? That just sounds weird unless her surgery was recent. If she did have it recently then she may just not want someone f-ing with her down their until she feels physically able. It's kind of traumatic. Other than that...have you both had a romantic vacation together lately? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
kbordson 8 #34 August 26, 2007 Good point- Just having had a hysterectomy does not mean that she can not have a sexual relationship.... However, if : 1. it was because of endometriosis and she had SIGNIFICANT pain with intercourse/period/anything prior to the hysterectomy... even if the endometriosis is gone, her memory of the pain isn't. That needs to be something that with patience and understanding that a couple can work through. 2. it was because of polycystic ovaries or other ovarian problems (even including endometriosis) and the ovaries had to be removed, then she might have a decreased drive because the ovaries do make testosterone which does influence the sex drive. Most of the time, that can be medically managed. (unless the risk of hormones are too great for her) 3. it was because of cancer... she is probably happy to be alive. If shes had radiation as an adjuvant therapy.... don't EVEN think about going there until she wants to try... and then understand that even then... it's probably NOT going to happen. Find other ways to express intimacy and just be happy about the time that you are given to spend with her. Just having had a hysterectomy though does not give someone carte blanche to sleeping with someone else. (for risk of sending this to SC, I do kindof excuse Former Pres. Clinton for his extramarital reln'ships in the case that Sen. Rodham-Clinton might bat for the other team. But even then, it would still be better for them to have communicated) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Philly215 0 #35 August 26, 2007 Maybe it's just my young and young minded generation, but I know with majority of 18-mid 20's don't connect love with sex at all anymore. I'd say 3% of people i've ever met or seen might actually tie love into the way they feel about it or during it. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
jimmytavino 16 #36 August 26, 2007 what a Goddamned shame......... NOW>>>>>> any ideas... WHY that is.????? It should be ME who feels that way since I grew up in the 'free love' generation..... But i always interpreted THAT to mean... "we are free to love..." NOT.. love is free.... ( without emotional content, and without a certain degree of interpersonal responsibility ) I mean.. it's not just a damn sport !!!!! is it??? good luck... j Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Royd 0 #37 August 26, 2007 After seeing several posts, I was reminded of the Seinfeld episode about being the Master of your domain. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
kallend 1,644 #38 August 26, 2007 QuoteQuote (now... I will be the first to say though... sex IS important)I dont even think it's all that important in the long run, In all the good long term relationships that I know of sex plays a very minor in them. I have had this dicussion a few time with firends over the years, and invariably all those couples in long term relationships list sex very low on the priority scale. Communication, care, understanding and respect come in way agead of physical gratification You apparently haven't talked to many couple where one wanted it and the other didn't. LOTS of divorces from that cause.... The only sure way to survive a canopy collision is not to have one. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Squeak 17 #39 August 26, 2007 QuoteQuoteQuote (now... I will be the first to say though... sex IS important)I dont even think it's all that important in the long run, In all the good long term relationships that I know of sex plays a very minor in them. I have had this dicussion a few time with firends over the years, and invariably all those couples in long term relationships list sex very low on the priority scale. Communication, care, understanding and respect come in way agead of physical gratification You apparently haven't talked to many couple where one wanted it and the other didn't. LOTS of divorces from that cause. like I said the ones in "long term relationships", my idea of a long term relationships is not a 12 month GF/BF thing. The long term relationships I'm refering to are all over 10 years, (mine is 19). If the relationship falls apart after that period of time believe me its due to something more than just a lack of a shagg. If the love in your relationship is hinged on sex, then I'd hazard a guess at saying it's not what I call Love.You are not now, nor will you ever be, good enough to not die in this sport (Sparky) My Life ROCKS! How's yours doing? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
scottjaco 0 #40 August 27, 2007 QuoteIf the love in your relationship is hinged on sex, then I'd hazard a guess at saying it's not what I call Love. Men do not like to feel patronized. Call me shallow, but if she doesn't want to fuck me, I'm ending the relationship. A girl should think long and hard about what it is that they contribute to a relationship when they are holding out. As men, we have to sit through a long and drawn out courting process in which we must listen to you, deal with your emotional and behavioral hiccups and be kind and courteous without showing the least bit of indignation. Having sex will alleviate any doubt between the two of you. This will make the relationship stronger. If you don’t want sex for your own hedonistic pleasure, then do it for him. After all, he has worked very hard to win your favor. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
stitch 0 #41 August 27, 2007 I've always thought you were HOTT in a quirky sort of way. So, I probably wouldn't make you wait more than a month or so. "No cookies for you"- GFD "I don't think I like the sound of that" ~ MB65 Don't be a "Racer Hater" Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Squeak 17 #42 August 27, 2007 Quote Quote If the love in your relationship is hinged on sex, then I'd hazard a guess at saying it's not what I call Love. Men do not like to feel patronized. Call me shallow, but if she doesn't want to fuck me, I'm ending the relationship. A girl should think long and hard about what it is that they contribute to a relationship when they are holding out. As men, we have to sit through a long and drawn out courting process in which we must listen to you, deal with your emotional and behavioral hiccups and be kind and courteous without showing the least bit of indignation. Having sex will alleviate any doubt between the two of you. This will make the relationship stronger. If you don’t want sex for your own hedonistic pleasure, then do it for him. After all, he has worked very hard to win your favor. You're single quite a lot aren't youYou are not now, nor will you ever be, good enough to not die in this sport (Sparky) My Life ROCKS! How's yours doing? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Zenister 0 #43 August 27, 2007 Quotedon't connect love with sex at all anymore. no reason to at all.. Sex is a biological process. Love is an emotional/mental attachment. they dont HAVE to be connected at all.(its nice when they are however) the only reason they are/have been historically is social engineering.____________________________________ Those who fail to learn from the past are simply Doomed. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
skymama 35 #44 August 27, 2007 Are you serious?She is Da Man, and you better not mess with Da Man, because she will lay some keepdown on you faster than, well, really fast. ~Billvon Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
popsjumper 2 #45 August 27, 2007 Quote ...And clearly, not having a wife... Why am I not surprised at this... Why am I thinking you used "wife" as a euphemism for SO of any sort... Credibility... Go ahead...submit your reply about "I have had many SOs before...." My reality and yours are quite different. I think we're all Bozos on this bus. Falcon5232, SCS8170, SCSA353, POPS9398, DS239 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
kallend 1,644 #46 August 27, 2007 QuoteQuoteQuoteQuote (now... I will be the first to say though... sex IS important)I dont even think it's all that important in the long run, In all the good long term relationships that I know of sex plays a very minor in them. I have had this dicussion a few time with firends over the years, and invariably all those couples in long term relationships list sex very low on the priority scale. Communication, care, understanding and respect come in way agead of physical gratification You apparently haven't talked to many couple where one wanted it and the other didn't. LOTS of divorces from that cause. like I said the ones in "long term relationships", my idea of a long term relationships is not a 12 month GF/BF thing. The long term relationships I'm refering to are all over 10 years, (mine is 19). If the relationship falls apart after that period of time believe me its due to something more than just a lack of a shagg. If the love in your relationship is hinged on sex, then I'd hazard a guess at saying it's not what I call Love. Just the facts, ma'am. A huge mumber of divorces are caused by sex issues. Dispute it all you want with your romance theories, but that's the way it is. PS I have had a long term partner without a break since January 1968 - how about you?... The only sure way to survive a canopy collision is not to have one. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Squeak 17 #47 August 27, 2007 Quote Quote Quote PS I have had a long term partner without a break since January 1968 - how about you? Cite whatever you want, but I'd say sex is the EXCUSE not the reason for the divorce. in 68 I was 5, you old fucker Been with my wife since 1988You are not now, nor will you ever be, good enough to not die in this sport (Sparky) My Life ROCKS! How's yours doing? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
kallend 1,644 #48 August 27, 2007 Quote Quote Quote Quote PS I have had a long term partner without a break since January 1968 - how about you? Cite whatever you want, but I'd say sex is the EXCUSE not the reason for the divorce. in 68 I was 5, you old fucker Been with my wife since 1988 You can theorize all you want. FACT is that sex problems cause divorces.... The only sure way to survive a canopy collision is not to have one. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Squeak 17 #49 August 27, 2007 Quote Quote Quote Quote Quote PS I have had a long term partner without a break since January 1968 - how about you? Cite whatever you want, but I'd say sex is the EXCUSE not the reason for the divorce. in 68 I was 5, you old fucker Been with my wife since 1988 You can theorize all you want. FACT is that sex problems cause divorces. FACT is that sex is CITED as the reason not FACTUALLY the reasonYou are not now, nor will you ever be, good enough to not die in this sport (Sparky) My Life ROCKS! How's yours doing? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
