JENNR8R 0 #1 December 16, 2007 Few people have Norman Rockwell painting lives. Most families have some communication problems, tension with family, history of problems, roles one is expected to play. Society tells you that you are supposed to be with your happy family on Christmas, and that you are supposed to be happy on New Years Eve. When you assume that others are doing these nice things, you feel bad. When asked, people say that their holiday was good so no one realizes that everyone struggles. The holidays are hard for people who don’t have the perfect situation. Christmas is just a day. The 26th of December will come quickly. Even if you sleep through the day or watch rented movies because you don’t have anyone to spend it with, the 26th will be here tomorrow. Your life is not a disaster if your holiday is not perfect. Manage your expectations. Don’t be surprised when Uncle John does the thing that Uncle John does every year. You can choose not to be upset and let it go. Set realistic expectations and don’t be surprised by old familiar patterns. Anticipate that there might be a few bumps. Your worth is not determined by how your holidays go.What do you call a beautiful, sunny day that comes after two cloudy, rainy ones? -- Monday. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
grannyinthesky 0 #2 December 16, 2007 Good advice, JENNR8R. My daughter is having a tough time this year. Her ex, related to the Grinch or Scrooge, decided he wanted to have the boys this Christmas--in Texas--It will be the first time they've been away at a holiday. I'm not thrilled with the idea myself, especially since he has never had much holiday spirit."safety first... and What the hell..... safety second, Too!!! " ~~jmy POPS #10490 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
NtheSeaOrSky 0 #3 December 16, 2007 The 'best' parts of the holiday can be celebrated any time of the year Life is not fair and there are no guarantees... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
grannyinthesky 0 #4 December 16, 2007 Yeah, we're planning on Christmas coming after New Year's Day this year. It should be a challenge for my daughter to leave the tree up. She's one of those take the tree down the 26th people. "safety first... and What the hell..... safety second, Too!!! " ~~jmy POPS #10490 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
NtheSeaOrSky 0 #5 December 16, 2007 Well just remind her January is not soooo bad, it could have needed to be in July. Just ignore the twitching she may encounter! Life is not fair and there are no guarantees... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
grannyinthesky 0 #6 December 16, 2007 Quote Just ignore the twitching she may encounter! Igore it? No, I plan on it being one of those mom gets even moments. "safety first... and What the hell..... safety second, Too!!! " ~~jmy POPS #10490 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Jewels 0 #7 December 16, 2007 Right on! TPM Sister #102 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
virgin-burner 1 #8 December 16, 2007 i said stuff it to one part of the family. i'm going to the xmax-boogie..“Some may never live, but the crazy never die.” -Hunter S. Thompson "No. Try not. Do... or do not. There is no try." -Yoda Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
JENNR8R 0 #9 December 16, 2007 I heard the things that I wrote on the radio this morning from a psychologist. I thought they were great a perspective on a time of year that's hard to get perfect! What do you call a beautiful, sunny day that comes after two cloudy, rainy ones? -- Monday. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
iluvtofly 0 #10 December 16, 2007 That's a great way of looking at it. I myself will not be able to make it home for the holiday's. I live in western PA and my family lives down by Atlanta. Due to class and tests I'm not going to visit until mid January. But I look at it this way, I can volunteer to work all day Christmas so that others can be with their families. That's what'll get me through, knowing that I allowed others to spend the holiday with their family. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
JENNR8R 0 #11 December 16, 2007 Quotei said stuff it to one part of the family. i'm going to the xmax-boogie... That's perfectly fine too. Your family will have to manage their own expectations and deal with your absence.What do you call a beautiful, sunny day that comes after two cloudy, rainy ones? -- Monday. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
peregrinerose 0 #12 December 16, 2007 Good words Jennifer. And I'd take it a step further... for those so inclined, find someone you know that doesn't have a great holiday season and help them out. Invite them over or go to their home, get them a gift that is useful, not some crappy shit that gets thrown away later. There's a family I know, the grandmother runs register at the local convenience store. Her husband has dementia, she just lost his pension, he's in a nursing home, her son is a total loser so she's raising his two kids (age 4 and 6). She's a hell of a woman. To top it all off, she has an ankle injury and can barely walk right now. Next week, I'll be handing her a card with a $100 gift card for the local food store in it. It's the only Christmas present I'm giving this year (I'm not Christian), but know it will let her have the Norman Rockwell Christmas she deserves. I don't want pats on the back... I want someone else to read this, and think of a waitress, a cashier, a vet tech, someone in their life that may not have a lot, and do the same thing. Do or do not, there is no try -Yoda Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Muenkel 0 #13 December 16, 2007 Jen, Thanks for this thread. It's all about attitude, and you have the right one; as does others who have posted. I've been fortunate as I always seemed to have that Norman Rockwell Christmas. Plenty of family, friends, never lacked for gifts and so forth. When you have this, there's a tendency to forget that not everyone does. My family started a tradition some years back. We pool the money we were going to spend on eachother and adopt a less fortunate family (The Kennedy's have really appreciated it. J/K on that part, just had to throw it in.) The family we adopt receive the money around Thanksgiving so they have enough time to do their shopping. This is not a small amount of money as there are 17 adults in my family. As for the kids in our family, we still give them gifts and Santa does visit. They deserve to have happy memories in their childhood. There's one rule though, they must donate one of their gifts to a needy family. It's not easy for the real little ones because they're not too keen on giving up a gift. In their case, we purposely buy something that is not on their list to Santa. They're generally a little more flexible with that one.Anyway, this is just one way you can brighten up someone's holiday. I bet we can all come up with a ton of other ideas. Thanks again Jen and you and everyone else here have a very happy holiday season. _________________________________________ Chris Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
psipike02 0 #14 December 16, 2007 Wow Jenn, Your post couldn't come at a more perfect time. I've never really understood how people can be depressed around the holidays. I mean, I just never could grasp how its possible.....until this year. My parents are worried but my dad told me to make sure I go out and spend money on myself or do something fun. Being on my own for the first time and with money being tight right now due me still adjusting and getting settled, I'm not able to fly home this christmas/holiday to spend it with my family. I have a few family members here in CO, but I've never met them and to me that's just awkward to me to spend christmas with them when I know nothing about them, even if they are family. My family being in PA, it costs about $700 for a plane ticket right now which is not doable whatsoever. This is the first time I won't be home for christmas and it sucks. I finally understood this year why depression abounds during the holiday season, because you guys are right. You look around and see everyone else with their family and you long for that same feeling and happiness. But my goal is not to focus on it too much and just think about it as another day. I'm going to go buy a charlie brown christmas tree and make my apartment a little more christmas-like. Thanks for posting that though....definitely puts things in perspective.Puttin' some stank on it. ----Hellfish #707---- Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ACMESkydiver 0 #15 December 16, 2007 Great post, Jen. And great post (other) Jen, too...hope you have an outstanding holiday season. We're doing Christmas early at our house (22nd) due to dad's radiation schedule. Even with that, it's going to be a great Christmas. The challenging inlaws aren't here any more...(I used to get through holidays with 2 big glasses of whiskey -not sying it's right, I'm just saying that I'm a survivor, that's all...) and we're not going nuts on presents. I'M cooking this year!! I always help with stuff, but this year it's all me...and it's a tiny bit intimidating, but I'm excited! I never understood holiday depression until I had to live up to this person gets mad if stockings aren't done this way; recently separated in-laws under one roof bitching at each other...'that present you gave your neice is so cheap!' -shit like that. I have a whole new sympathy for those people that deal with holiday depression. I don't any more, and I am incredibly greatful, thankful, and humbled by the 'peace' in my still-loud/busy/boisterous home. Jen (rose) -I know you weren't looking for a pat on the back but have one any way. I love reading those kind of stories...such a beautiful thing to share with someone in a manner according to their faith when it isn't even one that you share. That's beautiful. ~Jaye Do not believe that possibly you can escape the reward of your action. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
waltappel 1 #16 December 17, 2007 This is not directed at you or anyone in particular--it's just my perspective on the holidays. As long as I can remember, the holidays have been a "feel bad" time of year but this year is different. With all the people we have lost this year, I don't think I can justify feeling bad. As with many who hang out here I have lost friends this year. Sure it hurts but I'll make new friends and find new people to jump with. Those closest to the people we have lost will not have the luxury of having another brother, sister, father, mother, husband or wife, nephew or niece or SO that fill the same place in the hearts. No matter what my Christmas is like, it's going to be a lot better than theirs. It's going to be a lot better than the Christmas had by those serving our country by putting themselves in harm's way halfway around the world. It's damn sure going to be better than the Christmas had by the families of soldiers blown to shit by an IED. If you think life sucks because your Christmas is not like a Norman Rockwell painting, then SUICC--I'm sure there are people who would gladly trade places with you. Walt Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
faulknerwn 37 #17 December 17, 2007 Reading this made me think - we should make a list of folks (kinda like the drunk dial list) who don't really have anything to do on Christmas or no local family, and send it out to everyone else on the list for random Xmas calls. Heck, then at least rather than sitting at home alone, you can call someone and share No shit there I was stories!!!! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ACMESkydiver 0 #18 December 17, 2007 Great post, Walt. So true.~Jaye Do not believe that possibly you can escape the reward of your action. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
