New jumper, still pretty fearful after 18 jumps

[souleil 0]

I need some advice, It took me 3years to get through AFF because I broke my ankle on my 4th AFF jump, and because of surgery (I have a metal addition to my skeleton)I took 2 years off for healing. So now I'm at 18 jumps, but getting out the door (I don't hesitate) still unnerves me. Those 1st 6 seconds until I'm completely belly to earth and stable are very challenging. My husband who has around 500 jumps wants to be my only instructor, he is only B licensed and all the LO's and instructors at my DZ are all willing to fly with me and help me, but my husband is insulted that I won't ask him to teach me everything I want to know. I am looking for suggestions to help me get over my fear#1, and suggestions on how to get him to understand that as great as he is, I would still like to learn from professionals who are qualified to teach without hurting his precious male ego.

[skymama 35]

Welcome to the forums!
I really think you could benefit from jumping with others, especially with people more experienced than your husband. Is he normally this controlling? I would just jump with others and not worry too much about his ego. Then again, I'm on my second divorce so many I should have practiced that more often.

She is Da Man, and you better not mess with Da Man,
because she will lay some keepdown on you faster than, well, really fast. ~Billvon

[jrmrangers 0]

Flying with your husband is probably adding to your nervousness. Your trying to make him happy and trying to learn at the same time. I'm sure your husband means well but he is not helping you in this situation, try getting another instructor ro speek to him. Good luck and blue skies!

Wait , I pull what first?

[jumpsalot-2 2]

If you have a couple extra bucks, you can BOTH go to a wind tunnel ( mostly for you ). You MUST use their instructors. Then you can learn the proper techniques without offending him. Then take those techniques into your skydiving....

Life is short ... jump often.

[souleil 0]

Hi, thanks for the response...He's a little controlling about this issue..I can fly with some of my coach rated friends, he's picky about who I jump with, and definitely wants to be included. I've been divorced too and so I'm really trying to keep the peace here. I just find it challenging enough to learn without having to also deal with testosterone issues..oh well
The good news is, he's SUPER supportive and encouraging, and really can't wait until I'm A licensed so he can 'legally' fly with me. It's that his teaching skills are a little on the commanding side, lol.

[souleil 0]

Thanks for understanding, he's a large and in charge kinda guy...and you hit the nail on the head. I know enough people out there, I'll get someone to talk with him without letting him know I asked them to talk with him..

[souleil 0]

Gotta say that we've done windtunnel and the 1st time the burble thing happened..not cool , but then he managed to deal with the airspace without sucking the wind out of the tunnel and we flew together fairly well, I stayed at his level and hung out, did some turns and no one got crashed into. Love the tunel actually, I wouldn't mind just learning tricks to do in the tunnel. I'm fearful of doing a lot in the sky, did perfect backflips on AFF#6, I'm working on exits, so I can get stable faster. I've ended up upside down twice when doing the floating exit. Also did not like the backwards exit from the skyvan. Too weird to fall out backwards..I correct quickly and don't freak out, it's just not my favorite to be on my back, or head down.

[jumpsalot-2 2]

In the wind tunnel, did you use their instructor, or was it the same thing...your husband insisting on training you ? You should break that pattern somehow. As far as the Skyvan is concerned, just dive out the back, put your belly into the relative wind and fly off the hill, if it's a fun jump.

Life is short ... jump often.

[Somatic 0]

Hurm. I can't really help with the fear aspect, but for your other issue, It sounds like there could be some jealousy problems. Maybe he's worried that you're going to get caught up in the random hookup culture of some DZs.

Have you reassured him that your jumping with other instructors and more experienced jumpers has nothing to do with him, and that you are only trying to be the best and safest that you can be?

Maybe ask him that if (for example) he were going to take Nascar racing lessons, wouldn't he want to learn from the absolute most experienced drivers available to teach him?

[BoogeyMan 0]

+1

[souleil 0]

In the tunnel, he has a preference for who coaches me, but in that case it's cool, cause she's amazing!! He also gets coaching from her as he's learning to sitfly. We did great in the tunnel the 2nd time we went, no issues at all. I'm liking the sport, it definitely 'ups' my 'cool' factor. Hoping the fear goes away soon. I think as I get less fearful this may all work itself out, I do need to just jump with some of my coach rated female friends...I think if I show less fear and and start to own it more, things will probably work out. Thanks for the info on exiting the skyvan. I was told to just walk off backwards and it was so weird..hated it.

[skymama 35]

You should be able to jump with anyone you want at the dz, male or female. This is a sport, we're all pretty much equal in the sky. Seems to me like he needs to work on his insecurities while you work on your skills in the sky with experienced people.

She is Da Man, and you better not mess with Da Man,
because she will lay some keepdown on you faster than, well, really fast. ~Billvon

[Divalent 89]

For me, door fear evaporated once I had confidence in my ability to reestablish stability if I ever got unstable. (I think that is the whole point of doing flips and barrel rolls). Which meant that I could try things that pushed (and often exceeded, LOL!) the limits of stable free fall (like aggressive tracking postures, odd body shapes to fall faster or slower or move sideways or turn rapidly, etc.) without the fear I'd be unable to regain control in short order.

I may be misinterpreting (and/or overanalyzing) the words you wrote, but it sounds like you still don't have that confidence (and hence your reluctance to try challenging things once you are stable). If that's the case, maybe some jumps where FF is just a series of flips and rolls interspersed with moments of stability would help build that confidence.

[MikeJD 0]

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In the tunnel, he has a preference for who coaches me, but in that case it's cool, cause she's amazing!!

Uh-huh. Maybe you should insist that he get himself a male coach, and see how he likes it!

[Andy9o8 0]

I agree with the others - your husband's presence on your jumps is probably hurting your performance because you're intimidated. I've seen it before, and not just in jumping.

Some years back, I was a member of an arbitration board presiding over a private arbitration hearing (essentially a trial) to resolve a civil lawsuit. One party's attorney was a young, rookie attorney. His boss was his dad, who was sitting in the back row of the hearing room. Now, being a new attorney on trial is nerve-wracking enough, right? Well, every time this young attorney did anything Dad didn't like, Dad would noisily sigh, shuffle around and all that kind of shit. Each time Dad did that, the kid would get flustered and his performance would degrade. It kept getting worse and worse, and it was awful to watch.

Eventually, we'd had enough. The other arbitrators and I had a whispered huddle, and then we kicked Dad out of the hearing room. Dad sputtered and protested, but tough shit; he was outta there. Then we resumed. As soon as Dad was out of the room, the kid heaved a sigh of relief, and his performance improved 100%.

You need to create some space from hubby while you jump.

[CazOfDaGhetto 0]

How does the DZ/S&TA permit "B" licensed "instructors"?

[Andy9o8 0]

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How does the DZ/S&TA permit "B" licensed "instructors"?

It looks like she's using it as a novice's generic term for coach.

[souleil 0]

Just want to thank you all for the support and advice....jump 19 is tomorrow....will keep your thoughts in my head, and try the flips, turns and weird tracking body positions, and reaffirm my ability to get stable, and land safely

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[RonRandomguy 0]

Well, I have a few ideas, although I'm even more of a noob than you are, so not sure it will be too helpful.
As for the husband thing:

1) If there is a female instructor there, that you like and trust, maybe you could say that you would like to jump with her, because she wants to teach you some extra stuff for a 'woman only' boogie, if your DZ has them. Or maybe you could somehow figure out a way to make it that you are able to learn better by her, because she's a woman, and we all know that us men NEVER have the first damn clue as to what you women are talking about, so that might work.

2) If your hubby doesn't happen to have a camera, although he probably does, you could say that you would like to jump with someone that is willing to videotape your jumps, because it will help you see firsthand, how your performance is. This is actually very legit anyway, because I was amazed at what I saw, when one of my instructors recorded my jump.

As for the confidence thing, this will probably sound crazy as hell, but it actually helped me, and may have even helped save my life on my 5th jump.

1) I decided to watch some 'cutaway' videos on YouTube, so that I could see exactly how things would go in real life, if they were to go badly. I was surprised at how quickly they were able to deal with the situation, and pull their reserve. That basically showed me that it might not be quite as bad as I had thought it would be.

2) I would also suggest watching the video "breakaway" a few times, so that you can really see how the emergency procedures are used, and how to react to each type of situation...at least the ones that they show in the video.

3) I ended up having a cutaway, and a reserve ride on my 5th jump, because I screwed up when throwing my pilot chute. Long story short, I had a weak pitch, threw the PC in front of my arm, instead of to the side/behind me, which caused it to wrap around my arm and so I had a horseshoe malfunction. Once I got my arm out, the main had severe line twists, and I started to spin, so I decided to cutaway and pull my reserve. I was surprised at how calm I actually was while doing this, and I think a lot of that had to do with watching those videos. This may sound stupid, but I started feeling a lot more comfortable jumping after that, because I knew that my emergency gear will work, as long as I stay calm, and do what I was trained to do.

4) I also really like 'Divalent's' advice. Once I learned how effective a hard arch really is, I don't worry one bit about being unstable, while I'm still well above my pull altitude, because I know that all I have to do is arch, legs, arms, and I will DEFINITELY become stable every single time!

Well, I hope some of this may help, but not really sure that it will. Either way, I hope things go good for you, and you're able to figure out how to handle these problems. Just remember that this is your life, and that's more important than anything, even hurting his "precious male ego", you know?

Good luck to you, and take care.

Life's not permanent, don't take it too seriously! :-)

[obelixtim 102]

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so he can 'legally' fly with me.

There's the bit that he isn't getting. Your STA isn't doing his job, allowing him to jump with you at this stage.

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It's that his teaching skills are a little on the commanding side, lol.

It doesn't sound like he has any teaching skills. He needs to get involved in instructing properly if thats what he wants to do, otherwise he needs to back off.

A little knowledge can be a dangerous thing, and in skydiving its important to learn from an experienced instructor who instills confidence as well as proper skills.

You can tell him I said that if you like. He needs to grow up.

My computer beat me at chess, It was no match for me at kickboxing....

[popsjumper 2]

OK...a couple of things.
1) Fill in your profile.

2) Tell the boy that YOU are in control of this and he is to butt out.

3) If he is not rated, he has no business teaching you anything at this point.

4) People in a relationship teaching each other at this level is rarely a good idea...rated or not.

5) Why have your instructors not yet told him to butt out?

6) "Cool Factor" is not at all good reason to be skydiving.

7) You take charge of this. It's your butt on the line, not his.

8) Your stability fear is all to common to those who don't understand that stability begins the second you leave the door. If you are not stable on exit, you are only having to recover stability later...two different things. Learn to exit stable. Your Instructors should have already had you doing stable exits by now. Ask them why they haven't helped you with that yet. Meh, maybe they have and you just haven't developed the skill yet.

9) You say he's "supportive" but nothing you've posted points that way.

10) You may want to use the Women's Forum to discuss husband issues.

My reality and yours are quite different.
I think we're all Bozos on this bus.
Falcon5232, SCS8170, SCSA353, POPS9398, DS239

[popsjumper 2]

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2) I would also suggest watching the video "breakaway" a few times,

Maybe not good advice. We have no idea on how she was trained. Her job is go with the instructors at this time. If THEY OK it, then good-to-go but it's their decision and a mistake for us to offer this type of advice.

My reality and yours are quite different.
I think we're all Bozos on this bus.
Falcon5232, SCS8170, SCSA353, POPS9398, DS239

[souleil 0]

Read through all of the info you've given me. I appreciate the time you all have taken to guide me.
Actually didn't do #19 last week, doing it tomorrow. Worked in the tunnel yesterday, got my exits figured out..hips weren't forward enough,so my arch at exit wasn't as strong as I thought it felt. They had me fly at his airspeed..really tough. He docked on me really hard, from the side and it felt like an anchor...Promised not to do that in the sky. I'm working on getting him to understand that I'm still learning and that as good as he thinks I am in the tunnel, I don't have the sky experience to just 'play games' up there yet. I'd like to learn from the pro's.

The DZ has a rule about needing an A license before jumping with random other jumpers...He just says He will be last out and pulling high. I still have this evening to make him feel it's his idea and in his best interest, if I'm happier and more confident for him to back off some and let me get more pro advice..

[BoogeyMan 0]

Hang out with your local rigger. Perhaps understanding the how and what of a rig might help your confidence.

[obelixtim 102]

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He docked on me really hard,

If he did that in the tunnel, he has absolutely no business getting anywhere near you in the sky. He doesn't have the skills to dock safely, and you will have other things to worry about than where he is and what he is doing.

He is now presenting a real hazard. Talk to your STA about it . Its better to be divorced than injured or dead.

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The DZ has a rule about needing an A license before jumping with random other jumpers...

So he's willing to endanger you and blatantly flout a DZ rule which is in place for a very good reaon, just to satisfty his own ego... He is a jerk.

Again talk to your STA, or refuse to get in the plane with him.

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He just says He will be last out and pulling high.from the side

But you will still be anxious about his presence....not good for your own peace of mind or focus on your skydive.

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I still have this evening to make him feel it's his idea and in his best interest, if I'm happier and more confident for him to back off some and let me get more pro advice..

No, its time to tell him straight to back off. Else you are going to have this crap for the rest of your skydiving career. Skydiving has enough inherent dangers without him adding to them, which is exactly what he is doing. You have enough on your plate without this shit.

The best thing for you to do if he carries this on is to point blank refuse to get in the plane with him.

Do NOT be afraid to take this option, it might then start to get through his thick skull that he is out of line.

My computer beat me at chess, It was no match for me at kickboxing....