Michele

YOUR CONCEPT OF BEAUTY: Au naturel Lots of make-up and very savvy clothes flexible; dressed and/or made up when the event calls for it everyone has their own idea about beauty - let's just jump! You ascribe to the Mac theory of beauty: if you're not a model, then you're automatically ugly Please add your comments to the post if there is not an option you would choose.

Whuffo you jump out of perfectly good - wait - coughing - err - broken airplanes - uh, hunh? Perfect story. Parachutes saved 8 lives that day. Yay!!!!!!!!!!! ciel bleu- Michele

[steps on soapbox] Um, how about you boys acting like real men.....sorta lol (but not really?) And how about you guys looking to us women not as "prey", but as people? And how about you guys not caring if we have makeup on or our nails polished, but how big our hearts are, and how fun we can be? Or how about not thinking about how much a plane vibrates but how wonderful the sky is? Like any "prey"", we will take incredible evasive action to save our skins. It is when we sense danger that we run. If you can't get a good woman, look at the men who have not responded to this thread..... [climbs down from the soapbox, thinking these guys are, like, teenagers or something....] Good morning! Sorry for the terse response, but it's still early for me and I haven't had enough coffee. If I could have thought of a nicer way to say it, I would have. But wishing you ciel bleu nonetheless..... Michele

Welcome back, Donna!!!!!!!!!!!! Your story is absolutely wonderful. Thanks. Ciel bleu - Michele

Geez, guys, let's see. What do I think of all of you? You're teaching me to fly To soar, to dream, to love, To learn, and yes, to live With the spirit of the dove. And every time I touch the sky, Each one of you is with me. And I learn so much about myself, My lesson is to see. See past the fear, and past the pain See farther than before See far beyond the ground See past my own front door. So into a new world I jump But each time it is with you Not one of you really know How much for me you do. You show me how to do it, And then, when I can't reach, You hold me up so I can see The lessons which you teach. To know myself, to let myself Be what is real and true Faith in myself and in the sky For that I say ciel bleu. You guys, you guys. I will be jumping on friday, back in the air. To keep on jumping then, leaping past the anger and the fear, reaching out into the sky, is the only way I know to really say "Thanks". Ciel bleu- Michele

Sinister - I owe you a huge apology. I was so far in my head about how horrid I had done, that I couldn't share your joy. Forgive me for being a selfish brat. I am so proud of you, and happy for you. I admire you - you have attacked the air, gotten most of your requirements out of the way so fast! And you know what, Jim meant what he said. When we left yesterday, and stopped to talk to him, he was very proud of you, too. I saw the look in his eyes - he would not hesitate to jump with you again, ever! Good for you (and again, please forgive me). YYYYYYYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY FOR YOU!!!! ciel bleu - Michele

Someday, I will be able to flare properly so as to land on my feet. And thanks to you all, I will know how to when that happens. However, yesterday, I landed on the exact opposite - my shoulder and head (my right foot hit first, but I was going sideways, so the very next thing was my shoulder, and then my head - I had a horrible headache! Vid's quite funny, though). Ed says that I have the best PLF he has seen - but I really don't want to keep practicing it. I am in gigantic gear (I think it's 280, but I am not sure...), but then again, I am not a small person (but that is changing), and I still am on student status; I did land it up once, but there was no wind. So I will keep at it until I can teach my body the feel of the right position for me.....and until then, I will just keep the Aleve in my purse. Thanks for all the advice. I really appreciate it. Ciel bleu- Michele

Well, you asked what kind of jumper are you, and my immediate thought is "I am lost in space". BUT - if I eventually get to be o.k. in the air, I think that RW and freeflying will be where I gravitate towards. I watched some CRW yesterday, and at one point while they were landing I really thought that the top guy was going through the bottom guy's canopy. Didn't happen (of course), but as my first taste of real life crw, it really scared me. It was gorgeous, but not for me. I do, however, reserve the right to change my mind (hopefully not in mid-air). Ciel bleu - Michele

The day begins with two injuries, one serious, one not. I watch the ambulance take the AFF level 5 student who forgot to flare off the fields, lights flashing, bumping over the dirt, and away to the hospital. Not 20 minutes later, someone turns low, and drives himself sideways into the ground. The sound that it makes! I flinch and cringe, knowing he was not getting up from that. And then the arms wave, people shouting call 911, other people running out to him with the medical bag. I stay where I am, knowing I can't help although I am somewhat emergency trained, I at least could hold the damn canopy over him so he's out of the sun, but I also would just be in the way, and I really don't want to see him. And the ambulance is taking forever - where is it, is he still alive? And the waiting and watching is killing me, so I start talking to people, anything to keep me from looking. The ambulance gets there, loads him up. He is hollering from the pain, and I can hear him. Good, I think, he's still alive. Sinister and Albatross are there, as is DiverDave, and I talk to them for a while. They, though, are busy jumping and I am just waiting for the school to call for me. I turn my mind away from what I saw; I am going to jump, but now I am feeling very cautious. I have a new exit, and I can't even visualize how I am supposed to do it. Everyone assures me it's going to be wonderful, and I believe them because they would know, and I can't keep the thought of falling out of the plane from my mind. I walk over to the school, trying to get some quiet time, but I can't escape those little whiney voices telling me I am pushing my luck, look at what just happened, stay on the ground. I can't escape them because they are in my head, and I can't find that switch today. Ed is really backed up, and I consider taking my level 5 with another instructor. The waiting is killing me. I decide to wait for Ed, though, because he knows me, and I trust him beyond anything or anyone else. I go through the harness room with Eric and a lady named Rhonda. She is doing her level 3 (good for her!!! Yay!!). We talk about spinning mals, and when to cut away and Eric asks me "how does it feel to float" and I start laughing, because I can't explain floating, but I know when I'm not. I apologize, because it seems out of place, but then Rhonda catches on and says "Michele, did you have a cut away?" which I didn't want to answer, because I think it would bother her, so I dance around the question while Eric tries to help me out. Some verbal gymnastics later, and she's looking at me, knowing what I am not saying. I am not a good liar. And I have scared myself again. We get out of the harness room, and walk over to see who's on the manifest. I have at least another 40 minutes to wait before I can even get ready, and Ed's in the air, so I walk back over to the packing area to sit still for a moment. I shut my eyes, and discipline my head away from the accidents and the fear, and back to the joy I feel in the air. Ed comes over, and we practice the exit on the pretend plane. Hold on tight, swing the leg, and step off. Again and again we do it, and it just feels wierd. My hands are sweating, I can't keep my grip on the bar; what is going to happen in the air if I can't do it on the ground? Ed sees the unasked question, pats my shoulder, and reminds me I have 7500 feet to recover. Which should have been reassuring, but today it wasn't. What if I can't? I finally get to gear up; I select a much baggier jumpsuit because I don't want to fall as fast. It's way too big for me, and my arms and legs don't make it out the holes. I push up the sleeves, but can't fix the bottoms, so I just walk on them. I examine the rig, not really understanding most of what I see, but trying to do a gear check anyway. Ed asks "anything out of place"", and I say I don't think so. He laughs, and asks if I mind him looking at it just to make sure. He does, there's nothing wrong so I put it on my back. I grab the altimiter, goggles and helmet, and shuffle off to the loading area. I can't think really well. I try to do the dive in my head as I am walking, but I keep going other places in my mind. I am focussing so hard, and failing so miserably in my head that I walk smack into Ed's back. Now my nose hurts, too. I am scared, but it is less than before, and I say a quick little Thank You. We are first out, so last in, and I begin to see the pattern that is loading. I, of course, don't want to be first out, but it can't be helped. That's just the way it is. The plane ride was not fun, but uneventful. I really don't like the door. I watch the ground recede, and I don't think about it. I am still trying to get my head out of my ass far enough to imagine the dive past the exit, but no joy. Now it's 12.5 and we get to the door. Crouch, hold, switch grips, stand up with my head out of the plane, look at Ed, my feet are slipping shit, o.k., swing the leg, and we are in the air. That was the last good part for me. I arch, but we are still falling sideways. I arch harder, and then we are leveling off. There is no comfort today, no feeling of freedom, no bliss. I do my practice touch and find the handle. My baggy jumpsuit is catching the wind, and whipping around, and Ed lets go. I try to check my alti, but it's covered by the overlarge sleeve. My right arm decides to ignore my brain, and planes back and down. I start turning to the left, I can't stop, here's Ed - wait no, he's gone, and I am trying everything to get a heading. Finally I do, but lose it almost immediately. I don't realize it's my right arm that is thinking out of sequence with my head. I didn't see Ed's alti, so I try again to get my eyes on mine, but again it's just not visible through the sleeve. Shit - where am I? How long have I been here? Look again, can't get it, decide to pull. As I signal, Ed grabs my leg. Finally I am not spinning, and I reach with my right hand, paw frantically at the sleeve, and still can't clear it. Look for the chest mount on the vid guy, can't see that, either. Nope, folks, it's over, I don't know where I am, so I signal, and I reach, and pull. And my canopy opens fine, and now I can see my alti. I am about 4700 feet. I am furious. Lit. Livid. I blew that, dammnit, just blew that. I look out to the horizon, and see the beauty in the clouds, and the lakes and the dropzone, and I still am not finding the quietness I long for. I see it, but it can't get past the upset and anger I feel. It hasn't changed, I am just not making that connection today. So I decide to practice some turns, why not, flat turns, and s-turns, and finally get the courage up to do a really hard turn. I bury the toggle. Well, that scared me, so I stopped. But then I decide that I want to feel how the canopy moves this time, really understand it. It occurs to me that being angry at the freefall is taking attention away from right now, and that it is coloring my experience. So I tell myself I will be angry later, and just play under the canopy. I get set up to land really well, and I wait to flare......and now! I flare. Damnit, I am way too high, so I let up to my shoulders, and then hold it, but the ground is coming fast, so I finish the flare and my belly rolls because I can feel the drop and I know I am going to hit and then I get moving sideways now; I know there is no hope in standing this up and then I am down and trying to roll to the right and bang goes my face into the dirt. I finish the roll, drop the toggle, ground the canopy, but then this leviathan thing fills with air again and the fight is on. I ground it again, and again it fills - back and forth this fight continues, with me trying everything to get it to lay down, damnit, it's like playing with an octopus and it finally does stay down because I just flat out won't let it fill with air. I gather the lines and try to get this huge chute into a semblance of order, get it into one hand, and walk over to Ed. "I quit" says I, "I am not cut out for this". Ed just looks at me and laughs. Right, he says, go put your stuff away, and let's go watch the video tape. ""But I mean it. I really don't like this". Ed just shooes me into the packing area, and runs off to his next class. I am all tangled up in the lines, and the packer and I are trying to get me unravelled and then these arms come around my body from behind, and it is Albatross, and he hugs me hard, and laughs in my ear. And I feel better. I go find Ed, and ask him if he thinks I should go again today, but it's getting late, the winds are picking up, so we just watch the videotape and when the heck did my right arm grow it's own brain? I will learn from my mistakes today. I will be back next week to do this again, and this time, I will have a lobotomy performed on my arm so it will do what I want it to. And I have somes things to think about, too. Does anger and self doubt color my view of my daily world the way it robbed me of the glory today? Does fear prevent me from really and fully transitioning to the new moment from the last? And how much of me gets buried by tentative behavior, caution, no risk? Ciel bleu - Michele

DZBone - yes, they really said that. My mental jaw opened, and let the flies in. And Starz, don't know how I missed your first post about being relaxed. And not wanting to get my hand slapped any further, or get into any sort of disagreement with (any of) you, I will just not offer any additional comment. Sorry. Zennie, you're right - mine happened very fast and violently; and perhaps Starz's didn't. I can only share what I felt. And try to offer that as an experience. Perhaps I shouldn't have. I have had a horrid day - and there are two guys from Perris who had it worse. I walked away. Neither of them did. Ambulances on the fields of Perris is not a good sight. As I feel my inexperience creeping up, and threatening to bite me in the ass, I think I will go now. Michele

I have dreams like that, but I don't have a broken anything - there's no excuse for me...... Talk about craving freedom, PT, what a great dream. Thanks for writing it out! Ciel bleu and healthy elbows - Michele

Send me to bed at 8:39 p.m.??????? On a Saturday night? Alone? Geez! I am in AFF at Perris, so if you're ever there, let me know!! Ciel bleu- Michele

Zennie, You wrote "the one we're discussing is different". The original post opens with: Jump 22, major Line over, spin started slow (Sabre 260) and progressed into a serious G force spin. I was completely aware and ready to react...." How is this different? Perhaps the thread had gotten "diffferent", but the original situation seems pretty similar, other than he had something in his hands, and I didn't. I was posting in response to the original post, rather than the topic it may have become. And I am not - repeating here, NOT - offended; I value the information and the discussions on these boards. I learn something vitally important everyday (such as morphine makes Doasfu very sleepy...). I look to you guys to help me, and teach me, and hold my mental hand. You all are doing something right, and I can only learn from you. As to me second guessing myself, well, that is the story of my life (rueful lol). I try to not let it get to me too much, but I am jumping tomorrow and am nervous and anxious about it; and so most likely your post triggered a more emotional response than normal. The young man who was worried about his $$ is a sweetheart, and I want to see what sort of man he grows into; and it bothered me greatly to hear someone say that, so casually and unconcernedly. And my ass wasn't hanging from his harness. (And just for the record, there is a photo of a line over in the cut away section of our harness room. If we students see it, we are absolutely supposed to cut away). As someone with only 5 jumps, I have no understanding, no real concept, of what to do. I am learning, slowly but surely, about how to take care of myself. And I value everyone's opinion, and treasure those which make me think. I am a woman, though, and reserve the right to get emotional occasionally for no apparent reason......... Ciel bleu, and thanks for your response. Michele

Zennie, you have made me think. I read your response, and at first it pissed me off. Why? Because I thought you were criticizing me about my decision to cut away, that perhaps I should have fought it (which is something that I do think about); and about what I had posted about pride and wallet. And it is because I so respect you that I refrained from immediately responding. I was not being critical of any of the postings here. I was being critical of those people who weigh the financial costs of cutting away, actually thinking "nope, will cost me $". It's this type of thinking that, I feel, may get a person into more trouble rather than eradicate/temporize the problem. The person who was worried about scaring his girlfriend has about 25 jumps - and his death would have scared her more. I completely agree that using the reserve is the last resort; but not using it *because* it may cost you a few jump tickets is ridiculous. My personal situation had become untennable; I was face down, spinning, and I had zero control - nothing in my hands, nothing in reach, nothing I could do. I was spinning so fast that when I cut away, according to someone who watched it from under canopy, I went sideways during freefall, arching and free spinning while I pulled the silver. (I don't recall this whatsoever.) His exact words? "You got flung away from your main, and I held my breath until you whipped it out". I realize that I am not angry at you. No reason to be. I guess I am upset because I have fought second guessing myself, and don't want to feel that I should have done something different. I have been so concerned about repeating this mal (did I do something to cause it? Did I complicate things? Did I make the right decision, did I do right? Huh? What could I have done differently?) that I had a talk with a good friend of mine who jumps, and he pointed out that it had not happened prior to, nor since, the mal, and that it seems to be just one of those things. I am still insecure about my capabilities, even though the empirical data would suggest that I am capable in handling myself. Maybe in about 50 (or 100 or 500) jumps, I will be more competent to control the situation. By then, I will have more education and technical expertise under a canopy, and will be able to get control of this type of thing. But maybe, if this happens again to me, I will make the same choice. I'll let you know then. But you will never hear me say "I cut away too low because I didn't want to spend the $50 to replace the pillow". Then again, you may never hear it from someone who thinks that, either; they may not be here to say it. Ciel bleu - Michele Edited by michele on 7/7/01 07:01 PM.

Because of this thread, I went down to the dz yesterday - not to jump, but to watch the packing. I lurked, and I watched, and finally someone I knew needed to pack his chute. I got down on the ground, and really stuck my face in his chute, asking all the questions I could think of. What should have taken him about 10 minutes turned into more like 40, because he kept stopping and explaining, undoing and re-doing, showing and letting me touch, talking and teaching the whole time. I even got to help with the folding of the pilot chute (not a big deal to you, but huge to me.) I now know what line stoes are!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thanks, Pete! ciel bleu- Michele

I have held off til now, because I wanted to see what everyone else said. They are far more experienced than I, (most everyone is.....). And everything I may say is subject to the axiom: your life, your chute, your choice. When I had my mal (AFF 3), I cut away. I was high enough to fight it out with my canopy, but that never crossed my mind. Why? Because I was spinning. Hard. Scared me to see the ground gyrating under me. The decision for me was easy - centrifugal force made it for me. After that jump, did I have second thoughts about the cut away? Of course. Did I replay that over (and over and over) in my head? You betcha. Did anyone fault me for getting a good, safe canopy over my head? Nope, not a one. Have we figured out what exactly happened to cause it? No. I was (and still am) too inexperienced to be able to totally identify what was wrong, and anything determined now I feel may be colored by retrospect and additional education (although we figure it was either a line over and/or an unstowed brake line, or both). Since my mal, I have had many people at my dz tell me they fought something down too low, and feel as if they should have cut away. What boggles my mind is some of the reasons I was given for NOT cutting away: "It's several jump tickets to replace the pillow", "my girlfrind was watching and I didn't want to scare her", "well, it didn't occur to me until I was at about 1500 feet". "I knew I had a Cypres, so I wasn't worried". Granted, their problems weren't spinning, and they all survived to tell the tale. But these reasons! My life is not measured by how much a pillow costs. My life is not counted in how many scares I avoid giving my family (I still haven't told my Dad about this). And I am not waiting for a Cypres to fire (it didn't even occur to me that there was one until someone reminded me hours after the event). My choice was based on getting home safely. I am not saying I made the best choice, or the one you should have made. But I am saying to all those who lurk, read, and wonder: don't let ego or money cost you your life. Please. Ciel bleu - Michele

Hi, Skymonkey I must have miswritten somehow, and I should clear it up - I was not told to have the video, no one has ever insisted that I should have it, but I want it. And I am not sure I am a great student, but I am not a bad student (have not had a form correction since the first time in the air). I choose to have the video for several reasons. First, I am a visual learner, and can see my mistakes in the air which serves to teach me about symmetry, balance, and so forth. Because of this, I can make the corrections in my head to stop a potential problem before it becomes an issue for me. Second, my mother is back east and I want her to see me doing this, and she can't be here to come with me to the DZ; and thirdly, because the video feeds my addiction (which is a good thing, right?). When I rejumped level 3 after my mal, I chose to not have the vid guy with me. Why? Because it presents a distraction that I did not want to deal with right then. Furthermore, I asked my vid guy on level 4 to please stay to the side, so I could focus on my jm, and literally block him out. He did, I did, and life was fine. It's an option I chose; and while I am lucky enough to have the funds to do it right now, I know that many people don't; you are so absolutely spot on when you say that they should not insist - and they haven't, not once. And I am sure that I will not vid every jump I ever make. But right now, when I am learning what my body does in the air, I find it an invaluable asset. Hope that clears it up for you. I appreciate your intention as to not have me (or anyone else) taken advantage of - and if you're ever around Perris, let me know. ciel bleu, Michele

Thanks, you guys. Make me blush, why dontcha? ... here's hoping all your weekends are spent in the sky - ciel bleu - Michele

I have read every post on this thread, every line, every word, and I know I speaka da gud englishe, but I am so utterly lost!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Perhaps after my 6th jump I will understand (well, a girl can hope)! I will be revisiting this thread in the future, and maybe a miracle will have happened and I will be able to comprehend this vast world of line stoes (or stine loews, which is what my eyes insist, because they are crossed now!) ciel bleu - Michele

I spend my day somewhere, anywhere other than here, aloft in my mind. I look at the ceiling, and I dream of the sky. I watch the clouds through the tight, small windows, and envy them their flight. I cannot help but rail at the cramped office I inhabit, knowing what I can do, the space I can merge into for a short time, this enormity of flight. My office is too small for my dreams. I shut my eyes, and I pretend. I pretend that I am not deskbound, but soaring through the sky, high above the dusty desert. I claim the desert - it is mine. The sky claims me though, and for that short time, I am other than me, more than me, bigger than me. I pretend I am free again, free to taste the air, to feel the gentle breeze, to watch my shadow trace circles on the ground. Do hawks understand their shadows? Do they draw circles and spirals and s-turns while they cruise on the thermals I so long to be in? I am envious - of birds, of clouds. I want to be up and away, lost to the sky, reaching heights reserved for another world. I am jealous of all the time I lose in my office, being productive, making money. Don't they know that this only drives the dream, and serves no purpose but to let me fly? I crave the freedom that flight brings, leaving "it" on the ground, finding its' opposite in the sky. And I resent my car and the speed laws, because I cannot pretend to be flying while I am driving. There are no shadows to marvel at when I am driving. I miss the sky, the clear blue crispness above the murky smog. The colors are different; bright, vibrant, real. The sharp bite of the air, the intensity of thought, the tight focus; details are so clear in the sky. I miss the demanding activity of flying, that harsh master with concise rules. I want the performance wrenched out of me, surprising me continually, proving that I can accomplish flight, that most impossible dream. I want to surprise myself, I want to accomplish something other than a file. I want my merits to be counted in the sky, and not in the amount of profit I can turn for a client. And I am brought back into the world of everyday when the phone rings and it is a client, dismayed about a problem. And yes, while it is a problem, it is not *really* a problem. Don't they understand that it can be handled so easily, just a few phone calls, perhaps a meeting, that it will not disrupt their tidy lives, and that this problem, whatever it is, I can solve because I can fly? No, they don't, and I can't tell them. They wouldn't believe me. They haven't tasted the sky. So I dream during the day. I dream of the hugeness that is this world, the grandness that is the sky, and the freedom that is flying. Weekday musings of weekend flight.

AFF to A license at Perris goes like this: level 1: $309 (includes 4-5 hours ground school) level 2 & 3: 185.00 each level 4-8: 165.00 each USPA membership: $46 (required at level 4) (Video $75 per jump: optional but seriously recommended -no one believes you unless you have photographic evidence) Then there's the RW coaching w/Skydive U: 3 jumps at $80 each. And then an additional 9 jumps at $19 per ticket (weekends. it's $17 on weekdays: $171.00 total for tickets. Then, since you generally rent gear for a while, it is $65 a day for gear, and then the packing costs (I'm ont there yet, so I don't know, and so I'm not figuring it in). Assuming it takes 3 days to accumulate the additional coaching and required jumps (total of 12 additional jumps), gear rental is +/- $195. Licensing fees: $20 Grand total: $2176 (no video, no repeat of any AFF level). And worth a million times as much each time I jump. ciel bleu - Michele

anything else. I am jumping student stuff (big, slow -which is fine for me right now), and I did stand it up once, so I kow that I can do this. Beside the rest of the landing (flare, timing, wind direction, etc) which all needs work, where do I put my feet, how do I hold my legs, where is my upper body in comparison to the legs and feet, etc., and when do I get into this body position? There was some discussion on how to slide it in on a different thread; but that was for advanced people. Me, I'm not advanced (6th jump this Sunday). I would just like to not sit 4 out of 5 jumps. Thanks in advance - ciel bleu - Michele

Hi, Z - As I said last night, I will be doing level 5 sunday, as well. So I'll look for you, and I know you will kick butt and will have a great time!

I am sorry for your accident, and thankful you have posted it. This is not a sport where I get to make all the mistakes, and so I must learn from others. Thanks for being willing to teach me another lesson. And I hope your butt gets back to normal pretty soon! ciel bleu- Michele

You might try Orbitz.com. They are pretty new, and they have some good rates (at least out here on the west coast). ciel bleu - Michele