beezyshaw

I'm with this guy ... http://www.illwillpress.com/xmas.html

Here is a math trick that might get you thinking... 1. Grab a calculator. (you won't be able to do this one in your head) 2. Key in the first three digits of your phone number (NOT the area code) 3. Multiply by 80 4. Add 1 5. Multiply by 250 6. Add the last 4 digits of your phone number 7. Add the last 4 digits of your phone number again. 8. Subtract 250 9. Divide number by 2 Do you recognize the answer?

THE FOLLOWING IS A VERBATUM EXCHANGE FROM HINDS COUNTY CHANCERY COURT .. This case involved a 73 years old Black man in the court to answer the complaint by a 19 yrs. old Black female seeking child support. Attorney: Your honor my client has raised this child by herself with no help from the defendant in the 5 years this child has been on this earth. Judge: FIVE YEARS? How old are you young lady? Girl; 19 sir Judge: Well then, are you telling me you were 14 when you had this child. Girl: Yes sir Judge: Willie (Defendant) do you know that you have committed a felony crime punishable by up to 25 years in Prison. You have committed statutory rape. Defendant: I ain't raped that girl Judge. She wanted to. Ax her, she wants to right now. Judge: Willie it makes no difference, she was only 13 years old when you laid with this child. THAT IS STATUTORY RAPE. I am now gonna have to bind this over to the Grand Jury and inform the District Attorney. Defendant: No your honor. When did you white folks come up with that law. Judge: It has been a law for quite some time. Defendant: Well Judge ya'll needs to tell us Nigga's bout these new laws. I been fucking under the old rules. True transcript from Hinds County Chancery Court. Hon. Charles A. Brewer presiding.

Life should be this good... http://www.toonedin.com/movies/WhiteTrashXmas.html

Two bowling teams, one of all blondes and one of all brunettes, charter a double-decker bus for a weekend bowling tournament in Atlantic City. The brunette team rides in the bottom of the bus and the blonde team rides on the top level. The brunette team down below is whooping it up having a great time, when one of them realizes she doesn't hear anything from the blondes upstairs. She decides to go up and investigate. When the brunette reaches the top, she finds all the blondes frozen in fear, staring straight ahead at the road and clutching the seats in front of them. They all had white knuckles. She says, "What the heck's goin' on up here? We're having a great time downstairs!" One of the blondes looks up and says to her, "Yeah, but you've got a driver!"

PM me your email address and I'll send you the video, it's like 3 meg. Edit: Or easier yet, when you play it in windows media player, you should be able to ckick "file", "save media as", then save it to your computer and send it to your friend via email.

Suuuuure, Andy. Just a little pretend game... Now YOU know that I know

http://www.hiperusa.com/stranger_game.mpeg

Here's the story behind the name... Back around 96, when I was on the road/demo tour with Precision, we had just begun packing all our demo canopies that way. (George Galloway and I had developed the technique together a few months before and had tested it extensively before actually packing demos that way.) At this point we still were tossing around ideas for what to call the method. We were promoting the Batwing at that time, so we thought about BatPack, Precision Pack, and a few others, but nothing had the right "ring" to it. Anyway, as I was on my knees getting ready to bag a canopy, I noticed a pair of sneakers standing beside me. I looked up, said "hello", and this guy had the most puzzled look on his face as he said, "are you actually going to JUMP a canopy packed like that?" I of course replied that I pack everything that way, and then he got a REALLY strange look on his face, just shook his head and said, "man, you are PSYCHO!" I got a huge chuckle out of his reaction, and when I went back to work the next Monday I told George the story and at the exact same time we looked at each other and said, "That's it! We'll call it the Psycho Pack!" Later we decided it was a terrible name with connotations we didn't want, but by then it was too late, our great way of packing a zp main was forever to be the "psycho pack".

I pack my 365 zp tandem canopy using the psycho pack. I've got over 1000 tandems without a malfunction using the technique, and I can't imagine packing a big canopy any other way. I conducted a seminar last PIA symposium on psycho packing tandems. It's very easy to control the pack job and especially easy to bag the canopy...when done "correctly".

Oh, so that's her name; she being oriental, I always thought she was saying "Irene"

This formerly unknown painting, now attributed to Ruebens, was recently found in the basement of the National Archives by Sandy Burglar.

OK, somebody explain how she does this? (SFW) http://www.hiperusa.com/Japanesetalentshowwinner.wmv

A blonde wanted to go ice fishing. She'd seen many books on the subject, and finally getting all the necessary tools together, she made for the ice. After positioning her comfy footstool, she started to make a circular cut in the ice. Suddenly, from the sky, a voice boomed, "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE." Startled, the blonde moved further down the ice, poured a thermos of cappuccino, and began to cut yet another hole. Again from the heavens the voice bellowed, "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE." The blonde, now worried, moved away, clear down to the opposite end of the ice. She set up her stool once more and tried again to cut her hole. The voice came once more, "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE." She stopped, looked skyward, and said, "IS THAT YOU LORD?" The voice replied, "NO, THIS IS THE MANAGER OF THE HOCKEY RINK."

And guess who that is doing the pack job in those pics?

The best way to psycho pack is not to "roll" the canopy like you would a sleeping bag, but rather make 3 bag-sized "folds", using one hand to hold the canopy in place while you use the other hand to make the fold. And very important, as you do this, you pull the canopy back towards you to keep good tension on the lines. As someone else also said, hard to explain but very easy to demonstrate. Maybe I'll make a video of the technique and post in on the web.

Little Zachary, a Jewish boy, was doing very badly in math. His parents had tried everything: tutors, mentors, flash cards, special learning centers. In short, everything they could think of to help his math. Finally, in a last ditch effort, they took Zachary down and enrolled him in the local Catholic school. After the first day, little Zachary came home with a very serious look on his face. He didn't even kiss his mother hello. Instead, he went straight to his room and started studying. Books and papers were spread out all over the room and little Zachary was hard at work. His mother was amazed. She called him down to dinner. To her shock, the minute he was done, he marched back to his room without a word, and in no time, he was back hitting the books as hard as before. This went on for some time, day after day, while the mother tried to understand what made all the difference. Finally, little Zachary brought home his report card. He quietly laid it on the table, went up to his room and hit the books. With great trepidation, his Mom looked at it and to her great surprise, little Zachary got an "A" in math. She could no longer hold her curiosity. She went to his room and said, Son, what was it? Was it the nuns?" Little Zachary looked at her and shook his head, no. "Well, then," she replied, "was it the books, the discipline, the structure, the uniforms? WHAT WAS IT?" Little Zachary looked at her and said, "Well, on the first day of school when I saw that guy nailed to the plus sign, I knew they meant business."

I SHALL SEEK AND FIND YOU. I SHALL TAKE YOU TO BED AND HAVE MY WAY WITH YOU. I WILL MAKE YOU ACHE, SHAKE AND SWEAT UNTIL YOU MOAN AND GROAN. I WILL MAKE YOU BEG FOR MERCY...BEG FOR ME TO STOP. I WILL EXHAUST YOU TO THE POINT THAT YOU WILL BE RELIEVED WHEN I'M FINISHED WITH YOU. AND YOU WILL BE WEAK FOR DAYS. ALL MY LOVE, THE FLU Now get your mind out of the gutter.... And get your flu shot!!!!!!

OK, I'm gonna say that Julio and Christine are good friends and very very nice people, so buy their stuff. Now, to hijack the thread, Christine has got to be the HOTTEST SKYDIVER BABE ever to jump out of a perfectly good airplane. Dayumm I'd love to, uh, ...

Who says lawyers are heartless? One afternoon a lawyer was riding in his limousine when he saw two men along the road eating grass. Disturbed, he ordered his driver to stop, he got out to investigate. He asked one man, "Why are you eating grass?" "We don't have any money for food," the poor man replied. "We have to eat grass." "Well, then, you can come with me to my house and I'll feed you" the lawyer said. "But sir, I have a wife and two children with me. They are over there under that tree." "Bring them along" the lawyer replied. Turning to the other poor man he stated, "You come with us also." The second man, in a pitiful voice then said, "But sir, I also have a wife and SIX children with me!" "Bring them all, as well," the lawyer answered. They all entered the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as the limousine was. Once underway, one of the poor fellows turned to the lawyer and said, "Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you." The lawyer replied, "Glad to do it. You'll really love my place, the grass is almost a foot high."

I think it's probably safe to say that I have as much experience as anyone in jumping canopies with built-in turns, and with taking corrective measures with such. My former position with another canopy mfr. was as customer service manager, and that company, being in business for almost 20 years, has had their share of "turners." That being said, harness symmetry can and does matter, but to induce a noticable turn on a 150 main because of a little more than 1/2 cm. difference in lift web is "unlikely". Not impossible, but "unlikely". Of course if it is the lift web the canopy will turn toward the lift web that is the shorter one. Their are many more factors to consider as well; have the main risers been switched from left to right to check that? I have found risers to be the culprit in several situations. As the various things are checked to try to find the problem, remember to only change one thing at a time as you go through the process. Now, and believe me when I say this, many times the turn is apparent only because has been perceived to exist. In other words, I can take a straight-flying canopy and give it to someone with thousands of jumps and say, "I think this canopy turns to the left, jump it and tell me what you think." It'll come back with the same conclusion most of the time. I can say to someone else that I think it turns to the right, and the same thing will be perceived by others. So, moral of the story is try to have others evaluate the canopy without giving a pre-conceived notion of the problem. Of course if a canopy is a strong turner, there is no doubt about what the problem is. As to the causes, there are more theories on this subject than you can count. Many such theories are sound, many are just conjecture, none of them usually conclusive. Enough on that, except to say that there isn't anyone in this industry who can say with certainty (even though you'll hear things to the contrary) why some canopies are built with this problem. If it is determined that a canopy does have a problem, if it is a slow drift it is easily correctable by several known methods; of course one that really takes off and requires a lot of toggle to stop the turn should be replaced.

Precision has never offered an owner's manual for an Interceptor. They shipped the canopy with an illustration of how to attach the bag and pilot chute with the retractable bridle system. In fact the only owner's manual ever offered was for the Raven, then when the Falcon and Super Raven were introduced they updated the manual to include that canopy in the same manual. Both of those canopies are TSO'd for reserve use. Precision doesn't have a manual for any of their other canopies.

watch it, lady

I was trying to be subtle, but for those who don't know, there's a certain skydiver named Joel who goes by the nickname Peanut !!

OK, edited the original joke to change the name from Fred to Joel. Somebody please tell me they "get it".