Stupid Student tricks....

[Kramer 0]

Hilarious story man...keep em comin!

-Kramer

The FAKE KRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMER!!!!!!!!!

[hooked 0]

Absolutely wonderful story!!!!

J

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Sometimes we're just being Humans.....But we're always Human Beings.

[gerryfuss 0]

excellent story telling. Your stories are very enjoyable to read. If you have anymore we are all ears...

[Luv2Fall 0]

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Ok... here we go...

"GRIP"
As fledgling jumpmasters, we were taught to be encouraging, supportive and informative… so when we had a student that needed help or was struggling to accomplish a certain task we all did whatever was necessary to help the student through it. Such was the scenario with a young airman named Steve.

Steve was an "almost"…
He was "almost" as good looking as a low-end Tom Cruise, "almost" as sharp a dresser as stand-in for Gary Cooper, drove a car that was "almost" a sports car and in the end Steve was "almost" a skydiver. It was obvious that when he walked onto the DZ he was there to prove something… mostly to prove something to himself. The way he carried himself, it was obvious that this guy was practically scared of his own skinny shadow and that if he drove the right car, and wore the same clothes as Tom Cruise in Top Gun and did all the cool things like "Mav" he might even be able to find himself a girl like Kelly McGillis. Therefore… he "almost" had a clue…

Let's stop here and do a bit of background that will come into play later. Our little DZ in Eastern New Mexico was backed by two people, Glenn (a leather faced skydiving instructor from the mid-west with 6 old Wonderhogs and a student radio system) and Bill (he owned 4 newer student rigs, the airplane and was the pilot). Bill and Glenn would show up at the small airport and we all would get together and skydive on the weekends using their gear because at that time we were poor college students and we didn't have our own. The only way we were able to pay for our jumps was jump-mastering students and packing rigs. Bill was a retired Air Force type and resembled a version of Archie Bunker. The things that set Bill apart from Archie was that he was even tempered, very quiet, not so opinionated and had super thick glasses for a slight impairment to his vision that caused him to blink incessantly… hence we called him "Blinky". Other than those things… he looked just like Archie.

Now back to our story…
Steve showed up to the hangar we were using and slipped his Ray-Ban aviator shades down onto his nose as he rose out of his Saturn wearing a knockoff vintage bomber jacket and strolled over to us pretending to be cool and said "Hi, I'm Steve and I want to make one of those parachute jumps." It was a slow day and Glenn sat him down and started teaching him immediately. The rest of us, Gary, Holt and myself sat in and helped teach young Steve about making his "parachute jump". After 6 or so hours of classes, hanging harness training, PLFs in the weeds off the tailgate of Glenn's S-10 pickup… Steve was "ready".

Now Steve's little frame was wearing a beat up old Pro-Tec, a military surplus olive green flightsuit and this HUGE rust and tan colored Wonderhog that seemed to swallow him, topped off with a pair of Kroops goggles. He looked like something right out of the Kevin Costner flick "Fandango"… he even had the "What the f&@# am I doing?!" displaced look on his face as he, Gary and 3 other students waddled over to the airplane. Gary decided that the best thing for this kid was to send him out first because he was the smallest, the most nervous and obviously by his gait to the airplane… the most uncomfortable one there.

After a quick radio check, they loaded the 206 we had at the time with Blinky at the helm, 3 students in the back, Gary in the JM position and poor Steve in the "#1 slot". Holt was designated the radio guy and off they went down the runway. About 10 minutes later Blinky announced that they were 5 minutes out and as was relayed to me later Gary got Steve ready and hooked up his static-line. Gary spotted the plane over the big grassy landing field and called "DOOR!!!" Gary then proceeded to give his exit commands to Steve… "Put your feet out and stop!"… and Steve did it. Gary then barked "All the way out!" pointing towards the abyss that had have been closing around Steve like a vice. Steve sat there for a minute and then shook his head briskly "NUH UH"…"NUH UH"…"NUH UH". At this point Gary knew trying to get him any further out was going to be impossible. Steve was petrified. So Gary closed the door, told Blinky to make a long go-around and proceeded to figure out how to move Steve from the #1 position back to the back with a full load of students and get the next jumper into position to go.

Anyone who has ever jumped a small Cessna knows that there isn't much room left for anything larger than a shoe horn. Gary eventually got everyone in the right place but said it was like those little picture puzzles with one square missing and you have to line them all up. The other 3 students all jumped successfully and Gary had to ride the plane down with Steve and Blinky… not something he liked to do. They taxied up to the hanger and without a word, Steve got out, dropped his gear and for all practical purposes sprinted toward his car and took off… embarrassed.

STRIKE TWO
The next weekend we were surprised to see Steve's Saturn pull up to the hangar. Blinky almost spit out his coffee. In that "I'm cool" strut of his he sundered up to the hangar pushed his Ray-Ban Aviators up onto his head and said "Ok… I'm ready to do it this time." Being the eager jumpmasters that we were, we gave him a slue of encouragement, went over the basic safety procedures, got him set up with all his gear, and he, 3 more students and Holt as jumpmaster headed for the plane. Thinking that he wouldn't do the same thing twice in a row Holt put him in #1 slot again and away they went. That was a mistake.

To keep a long story short, Steve did exactly the same thing he did to Gary… froze in the door shaking his head like a wet dog mumbling the same "NUH UH" and everyone had to play puzzle again to get him to the back and another student up into #1 position. Needless to say Holt wasn't too crazy about riding the plane down with Steve…

The big difference this time was that he didn't bolt to the car and take off. He was extremely apologetic and vowed he would make his "parachute jump" that day. Gary, Holt and I then decided that we would have to play cheerleaders in order to get him to go. The very next load was going to be Blinky, all the jumpmasters (Gary, Holt and I) and Steve and by George he was going to do it this time.

BALL ONE
We all packed up the rigs from the last jumps as Steve sat there with all of his gear on… his goggles fogged over with sweat. We donned our gear and shuffled Steve to the airplane. THIS TIME, we knew that the pressure of Gary being a senior Air Force Officer, Holt as his previous jumpmaster and myself was going to give Steve the balls to make that jump so we put him in the #1 slot again. We cruised up to altitude and Gary got Steve ready and hooked up a little early in case his climb out was slow. Little did we know what an entertaining treat from several different angles we were going to get.

Gary called for the door and told Steve to "Put your feet out and stop!" … Steve hesitated a moment and did what he was told. Holt, Gary and I glanced at each other briefly and small grins began to dance across our faces. Gary then barked "All the way out!" and to all of our amazement he got up and started inching out across the jump step and out onto the wing strut. All this time, Blinky was staring straight ahead without a lick of emotion on his face. Gary moved up closer to the instrument panel so that Holt and I could poke our bright, smiling faces of encouragement out the door for Steve. By this point Steve was as far out as he could go on the strut and had one foot left on the step. Gingerly he let himself dangle as he took his foot off and looked back at us meatballs geeking him in the door. Gary then commanded with a triumphant grin and a thumb jab backwards… "GO!"… the rest was like something from a comedy…

Steve then briskly started shaking his head and dabbing his foot to get back on the step. Fearing that it was waaay more dangerous to bring him back inside the plane Gary turned around to Blinky was still facing forward, blinking emotionless and said "Bill! Get rid of him!"

The next thing I saw was Blinky, the mild, soft spoken pilot slowly turn his head to Gary as his face turned into the same face as the evil plotting Grinch. His eyes squinted together behind his thick glasses and the most snarled, evil grin sprang from Blinky's face. Steve is still dabbing his foot and Blinky faces forward in slo-mo and starts jamming the yoke of the airplane back and forth, up and down. Poor Steve is out on the strut flailing around like a rag doll and the 3 of us are grabbing for hand holds so we don't fall out of the plane. For what seemed like forever, Steve hung on for dear life. This guy had a death grip on that strut and it didn't seem like he was ever going to let go. Eventually gravity, a 30lb. rig and being bounced around like a ping-pong ball in a mason jar took its toll and Steve safely released and opened under a great big Manta. Glenn guided him to a flawless landing by radio as we climbed to full altitude for a little 3-way "Horny Gorilla" action.

STRIKE THREE… YOU'RE OUT!
When we landed, we were greeted by the most ecstatic individual that ever walked the earth. Steve was on Cloud 9. "I can't believe I did it!" he said gleaming with excitement. Steve continued… "That jump was almost perfect except for the part when I fell off the strut." Gary, Holt and I nearly died laughing… Steve had completely erased the whole flailing on the wing strut scene and actually believed it! He was so excited that he wanted to go back up immediately! So we thought… "OK… he's overcome his fear and he should be ready to go"… heh… yeah right.

Same scenario, him, a jumpmaster and 3 other students with him in #1 slot… he got to the door and froze and Holt had to bring him down again. Like Strike One… he got into his car and bolted. We never saw Steve again. We think he was transferred to another Air Force Base somewhere. But the true ending to the story in that after Steve or "Grip", as we now called him amongst ourselves, left we happened to look at the wing strut where he had been hanging… literally he scraped the paint off of it with his fingernails as he left… WOW… what a "Grip". In all of my jumpmastering and instructing years, I have never since had a student who went up in the plane 4 times and only jumped once.

Hope the story was worth it...

GraficO

The previous JM - Holt Durham?

[GraficO 0]

You are correct... it is Holt Durham... my old roommate. Jumps out at The Point now.

GraficO

GraficO

"A Mind is a terrible thing to taste."

[Luv2Fall 0]

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You are correct... it is Holt Durham... my old roommate. Jumps out at The Point now.

GraficO

Small world...............he was my primary AFF instructor at the Point........quite a person.

[GraficO 0]

Holt is one of the people I most admire in this world. He got me into skydiving.. we went to JM school together, partied like hell and still made it through all of the hard times with smirks on our faces.

Holt takes teaching students very seriously and he's extremely good at it. He is definately an asset to The Point and we certainly miss his expertise here in NM.

Hell... I was the best man at his wedding and we still like each other.

Which reminds me... I need to call him.

Have a great holiday and the next time you see him... ask him this... "Who are the hillbilly angels?" and you'll get another great story...

GraficO

GraficO

"A Mind is a terrible thing to taste."

[Luv2Fall 0]

I agree......the guy is an all-around awesome person and a hell of a JM.....don't come much better. I should see him tomorrow and I'll be sure to ask him who the "Hillybilly Angels" are lol.

A happy and safe one to you and yours as well.

Robert

[FunBobby 0]

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This one has to be the ultimate in Stoopid Stoodent


Per Jeff's link on the same page, go to http://www.skydivingmovies.com look in the "From TV" category and check out 4freefall. (They're having some problems with the server today but it's worth trying back again later.) It's staggering. The twit pulled away from his instructor and cut away his main, thinking he was deploying. His instructor tossed his pilot chute out for him at about the same time. Mr. Brilliant then ended up on his back and couldn't figure out how to arch. He then ended up plowing the only power lines in the area.

What I love about this are the "half truths" (or are they flat out lies) and oh-so-convenient mistakes our hero (NOT!) Scott makes on camera. He says "I deployed the chute..." WRONGO! He pulled the cutaway handle. Then he says "And the chute opened, and I looked up, and it was big and round..." Ummmm, were you jumping a round main?

Yeah, this guy's really sharp.

What was that saying? If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

Is this guy still jumping?

FunBobby

[FunBobby 0]

So this gal comes to the DZ to do a tandem, gets the required training and gets harnessed up. As we're walking out to the airplane, she asks her TM, a buddy of mine, "Okay... so, I guess I jump out, and you're following me? And when we need to open the chute, you come get me and hook up to me before we open the parachute? You know, like in that movie, Dropzone?

What training video did you watch, missie?



All you golden-haired ladies out there, please don't be offended when I tell you that she was blonde.

FunBobby

[flyinghonu 0]

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So this gal comes to the DZ to do a tandem, gets the required training and gets harnessed up. As we're walking out to the airplane, she asks her TM, a buddy of mine, "Okay... so, I guess I jump out, and you're following me? And when we need to open the chute, you come get me and hook up to me before we open the parachute? You know, like in that movie, Dropzone?

What training video did you watch, missie?



All you golden-haired ladies out there, please don't be offended when I tell you that she was blonde.


I'm just impressed that she was up for that .

"Excuse me while I kiss the sky..." - Jimi Hendrix

[AlvaroCarvalho 0]

Well, there i was on my second ASL jump...everything went out fine on the exit and deployment but, after my check i noticed that my chest strap was kinda loose so the altimeter turned over and was facing my chest...i couldn't read nothing at all. I wasn't aware that i could let go the toggles and fix that so, there i was with both hands up and trying to grab the altimeter with my mouth.... Of course i couldn't do that, so i landed fine following the radio.
Blue skies!!


__________________________________________________

Hey...ho...let's go!

[Ugali 0]

Jump No. 20, i did a hop and pop from 10k only i didn't tell anyone on the ground. sice no one could see my canopy ( i was above the clouds) everyone thought i had bounced.
never gonna do that again

Tom, Tom Tom, Tommy, Tom Love

[jurgencamps 0]

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Jump No. 20, i did a hop and pop from 10k only i didn't tell anyone on the ground. sice no one could see my canopy ( i was above the clouds) everyone thought i had bounced.
never gonna do that again

Always, I repeat, always ask first (do not forget the pilot) if you are allowed to do a hop and pop at that altitude (other air traffic ...).

Jurgen

[skykittykat 0]

Check out Richard Branson's AFF jumps - can be viewed on the Wally Gubbins vids.

Liz

[grue 1]

I wasn't there for it, but a series of events allegedly involving a questionable-but-recoverable spot coupled with a student who didn't particularly want to listen to the radio commands. The last words of the ground instructor over the radio when he realised there was no way the kid was going to make it back:

"Farewell and godspeed"

cavete terrae.