SpeedRacer 1 #26 January 12, 2007 It's called a "JOKE." Speed Racer -------------------------------------------------- Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
freethefly 6 #27 January 12, 2007 QuoteHonestly he thinks Tom Araya from Slayer is god, so he wouldn’t have a problem with it. Now, that is just freaking CRAZY!!!!! Ask any Metalhead and they will tell you that there is but one God and his name is OZZY!!!!!!!"...And once you're gone, you can't come back When you're out of the blue and into the black." Neil Young Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
freethefly 6 #28 January 12, 2007 QuoteI am surprised to see you trivialize the name of Jesus in your original post. Doesn’t your religion consider him to be a Prophet? How do you think that will reflect on you when you have to face Allah someday? What? God ain't got no sense of humor? He created humans, did he not? People are just plain funny. I'd reckon Allah has a few good ones himself."...And once you're gone, you can't come back When you're out of the blue and into the black." Neil Young Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
AFFI 0 #29 January 12, 2007 QuoteI am surprised to see you trivialize the name of Jesus in your original post. Doesn’t your religion consider him to be a Prophet? How do you think that will reflect on you when you have to face Allah someday? It was right there in the subject header: Non PC humor - Do not open if you are easily offended. It's Christians like you that give the rest of us a bad name by your incessant desire to save the rest of the world... Geez man, give it a rest... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
freethefly 6 #30 January 12, 2007 If the joke in the OP offended you, please read on... An Indian man dies and arrives at the Pearly Gates. "Yes, how can I help?" asks St Peter. "I'm here to meet Jesus," says the Indian man. St Peter looks over his shoulder and shouts, "Jesus, your cab is here!" Jesus came upon a small crowd who had surrounded a young woman they believed to be an adulteress. They were preparing to stone her to death. To calm the situation, Jesus said: "Whoever is without sin among you, let them cast the first stone." Suddenly, an old lady at the back of the crowd picked up a huge rock and lobbed it at the young woman, scoring a direct hit on her head. The unfortunate young lady collapsed dead on the spot. Jesus looked over towards the old lady and said: "Do you know, Mother, sometimes you really piss me off." Hitler walks up to the Pearly Gates and says to St Peter, "I'd like to come in." St Peter: "Not likely!" Hitler: I've repented and I've given back all the gold and treasures that I stole from the Jews, and I'm really sorry." At that point, Jesus walks up and asks what's going on. St Peter: "It's Hitler here, he wants to come in." Jesus: "Bugger off!" Hitler: "No, it's true! To prove it, I've got a six foot solid gold cross I can't find the owner of. I could give that to you." Now Jesus was partial to crosses, so he went to see God. Jesus: "Hey Dad, I've got Hitler outside and he wants to come in now he's repented." God: "Tell him to get lost!" Jesus: "But Dad, he's given back all the gold that he stole from the Jews - except for a six foot, solid gold cross he can't find the owner for. He says I can have it." God: "And what do you want with a solid gold cross? You couldn't even carry a fuckin' wooden one!" The Pope woke up early one morning with a huge erection. Thinking that it wasn't very Catholic, he tried to get rid of it. Unfortunately, walking around the room, thinking about the Bible and even getting some fresh air on the balcony all failed to soften him up. With only one option left, he sat down on the balcony and did what needed to be done. Later, he was walking around Rome when a man with a camera approached him. "Hello, Mr Pope," the man said. "Six o'clock this morning, on the balcony, I think you know what I'm talking about." "I'm sorry, I don't know what you mean," the Pope replied. "Oh, I think you do," the man retorted, "and 50 thousand will buy you the camera." Worried and confused, the Pope paid up and took the camera. Back in the Vatican, one of the Pope's aides asked about the camera. "A chap in town sold it to me for 50 thousand," the Pope explained. "50 thousand?!" exclaimed the aide. "Wow, he must have seen you coming." Joke removed by myself. It is verboten but it was damn funny Mother Superior calls all the nuns together and says to them: "I must tell you all something. We have a case of gonorrhea in the convent." "Thank God," says an elderly nun at the back of the room, "I'm so tired of Chardonnay." Q: How does Jesus masturbate? A: through the hole in his palm Adam is sitting in the Garden of Eden and feeling lonely. God comes to him and says, "I have just the thing for you. I will make you a companion, called Woman. Her beauty will be beyond compare. Her wisdom will be deeper than the deepest ocean. Her love for you will be beyond understanding. But it'll cost you. I'll need all your front teeth, an arm, a leg and a kidney." Adam thinks for a moment and says, "What can I get for a rib?" A Jewish man goes into the synagogue and prays. "O Lord, you know the mess I'm in, please let me win the lottery." The next week, he's back again, and this time he's complaining. "O Lord, didn't you hear my prayer last week? I'll lose everything I hold dear unless I win the lottery." The third week, he comes back to the synagogue, and this time he's desperate. "O Lord, this is the third time I've prayed to you to let me win the lottery! I ask and I plead and still you don't help me!" Suddenly a booming voice sounds from heaven. "Benny, Benny, be reasonable. Meet me half way. Buy a lottery ticket!" Twelve catholic priests were about to be ordained. The final test was for them to line up in a straight row, totally naked, while a beautiful, big-breasted nude model danced before them. Each priest had a small bell attached to his penis. They were told that anyone whose bell rang when the nude model danced in front of them would not be ordained, because he had not reached a state of spiritual purity. The beautiful model danced before the first candidate, with no reaction. She proceeded down the line with the same response from all the priests until she got to the final priest. As she danced, his bell began to ring so loudly that it flew off and fell clattering to the ground. Embarrassed, he took a few steps forward and bent over to pick up the bell... Then all the other bells started to ring. Joke removed by myself as it is verboten but it was damn funny. What's the difference between real Jesus and a picture of Jesus? It only takes one nail to hang up the picture."...And once you're gone, you can't come back When you're out of the blue and into the black." Neil Young Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
dorbie 0 #31 January 12, 2007 QuoteI am surprised to see you trivialize the name of Jesus in your original post. Doesn’t your religion consider him to be a Prophet? How do you think that will reflect on you when you have to face Allah someday? Hopefully the big guy will have a better sense of humour than you. Maybe you'll have to answer for that broom handle up your ass. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
pajarito 0 #32 January 12, 2007 QuoteHopefully the big guy will have a better sense of humour than you. Maybe you'll have to answer for that broom handle up your ass. What's with the personal attack? Have I insulted you personally? QuoteYou have heard that it was said by them of old time, You shall not kill; and whosoever shall kill shall be in danger of the judgment: But I say to you, That whosoever is angry with his brother without a cause shall be in danger of the judgment: and whosoever shall say to his brother, Raca, shall be in danger of the council: but whoever shall say, You fool, shall be in danger of hell fire. Matthew 5:21-22 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
kallend 1,647 #33 January 13, 2007 QuoteQuoteI am surprised to see you trivialize the name of Jesus in your original post. Doesn’t your religion consider him to be a Prophet? How do you think that will reflect on you when you have to face Allah someday? What? God ain't got no sense of humor? He created humans, did he not? People are just plain funny. I'd reckon Allah has a few good ones himself. IF God exists, sex is the proof that she has a sense of humor.... The only sure way to survive a canopy collision is not to have one. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
AFFI 0 #34 January 13, 2007 QuoteWhat's with the personal attack? Have I insulted you personally? I do not believe it was a “personal attack”, but rather a communicated observation. You come across as a repository of all knowledge and wisdom pertaining to the almighty brimming full of self righteous indignation, as if you know and understand the true meaning of life the universe and everything. That is what I meant when I said it is Christians like you that make it difficult on the rest of us (Christians). It’s okay to not know everything as you seem to portray yourself as being, and after spending 25 years of my life as a practicing atheist I can tell you from first hand experience that you will not be able to convert non-believers into born-agains with the above others attitude and by making God out to be a bully. I likely would have never opened myself up to a spiritual life, especially an organized religion with as much bad press and Christianity had it not been for a book I read that portrayed God as a kind, loving father type entity rather that one who just sends souls to eternal suffering in hell for not believing in John 3:16 (what I meant by the bully comment). This might be the first time I have communicated my personal spiritual beliefs on the internet. To an atheist, agnostic or other (different religions) any Christian that communicates their beliefs to others outside their circle of beliefs as you do, practically everything they say can be taken a personal insult. You may find yourself of better use (to the God you believe in) by trying to take on an attitude that better communicates the more passionate and loving side of possibilities that having an active spiritual life can deliver to the average non-believing Joe out there. Like the old saying goes about catching more Bees with honey. I have struggled with the decision to post this in a forum or a PM and I have decided to post it as you do not seem to be bothered by sharing your personal belief system in public and that maybe we can get feedback from others who may think I am a total prick, way off base, or perhaps plant seeds in the minds of other well intended Christians boisterously attempting the save the world or, other… What I am stating in this post is definitely not intended to be a personal attack what-so-ever and may be nowhere within the realm of reality, but rather an assessment based on my own observations (IMHO) so I apologize beforehand if I have said anything hurtful or inaccurate. You know your own heart and intentions so there is no need to debate or defend, I am just addressing the personal attack statement and hopefully have given you some food for thought to consider calming down the rhetoric a bit. Again, I apologize if I have done anything wrong. Peace brother… -Mykel AFF-I10 Skydiving Priorities: 1) Open Canopy. 2) Land Safely. 3) Don’t hurt anyone. 4) Repeat… Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
pajarito 0 #35 January 13, 2007 QuoteI do not believe it was a “personal attack”, but rather a communicated observation. QuoteMaybe you'll have to answer for that broom handle up your ass. That's not a personal attack? I wonder if he's that brave in person. Where I come from, comments like that will get your teeth knocked in. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
AFFI 0 #36 January 13, 2007 Did not say that is was a well communicated observation. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
dorbie 0 #37 January 13, 2007 QuoteQuoteI do not believe it was a “personal attack”, but rather a communicated observation. QuoteMaybe you'll have to answer for that broom handle up your ass. That's not a personal attack? No it's not quit hiding behind an accusation. Quote I wonder if he's that brave in person. Where I come from, comments like that will get your teeth knocked in. Is that a threat? Very Christian of you! You want to run around pontificating & making conceited remarks about someone's joke like you're high & mighty. Look in the mirror buddy, talk about totally fucking oblivious. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
dorbie 0 #38 January 13, 2007 QuoteDid not say that is was a well communicated observation. Someone thought it was in a PM to me before pantywad posted saying their stomach hurt so much from laughing (which was the whole point)....... now who could that have been....... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
billvon 2,427 #39 January 13, 2007 Both of you cut it out. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
vpozzoli 0 #41 January 13, 2007 Quote THREE ARGUMENTS THAT JESUS WAS ITALIAN: - HE TALKED WITH HIS HANDS - HE HAD WINE WITH EVERY MEAL - HE WORKED IN THE BUILDING TRADES This clearly shows that the joke is quite old. Which is not to say it's not funny, just really not that valid any more. Nowadays most young Italians drink a lot more beer and soft drinks than wine and almost if not all of the people currently employed in the building trades in Italy are North African immigrants. As for the talking with one's hands, well okay I'll have to plead guilty to that myself. Ok you win 1 out of 3 ain't that bad Cheers, Vale Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
