Friday Funneez

[SpeedRacer 1]

OK, it's Friday, and that means it's time for some naughty jokes so we can get through the last day of the work week:
A woman storms into her boss's office & says that Bob, her coworker, has just sexually harrassed her.
"Well, what did he do?" asks the boss.
"He told me my hair smells nice!"
The boss said, "Well, I don't see how that would be sexual harrasment."
"He's a MIDGET!!"
Did you hear the one about the prostitute who went on a fishing trip with four guys? She came home with a big red snapper!
Speed Racer
"Come up to my lab,
And see what's on the slab!"

[FallingMarc 0]

What's the difference between meat and fish?
If you beat your fish, it dies.
Yaayyy...

[SpeedRacer 1]

A man is sitting next to a woman on a jet which is getting ready to take off.
Suddenly, the man sneezes. He unzips his pants and wipes the end of his
penis off with his handkerchief. He zips up, and continues reading his
magazine. The woman cannot believe what she just saw. Then he sneezes again,
unzips, pulls out his penis and wipes it off with a handkerchief.
The woman says, "Excuse me sir, but that is disgusting and rude, and if you
do it again, I am going to call the flight attendant and have you removed from this plane.
He says, "I am so sorry that I have offended you. I have this very rare,
embarrassing physical handicap that causes me to orgasm every time I sneeze."
The woman, disarmed by the man's honesty, and somewhat embarrassed by her
own callousness, says, with sympathy, "Oh you poor man, what are you taking for it?"
"Pepper," he answers.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Make room for the tandems!!"
"FUCK the tandems!!"
....(PAUSE)...."Do you think we have time?"
Speed Racer
"Come up to my lab,
And see what's on the slab!"

[FallingMarc 0]

Haha!
Two bananas are lying on a river bank when a turd comes floating by.
The turd looks over and says, "Hey! Come on in! The water's fine!"
One banana turns to the other and says, "Do you believe that shit?

[freeflir29 0]

Did you hear the one about my ex-wife who went on a fishing trip with four guys? She came home with a big red snapper and three more kids!
"I've got pieces of corn in my crap bigger than him" -Fat Bastard
Clay

[fred 0]

A man goes into confessional and says, "Forgive me father, for I have sinned. I'm seventy-two years old, and have been married to my wife for fifty years. But last night, I cheated on her. I had sex with two eighteen year old girls, twice."
The priest replies, "And how long as it been since your last confession?"
"Never. I'm Jewish," he replies.
So the father asks, "Then why are you telling me this?"
"Hell. I'm telling everybody."

[dinki 0]

Quote

Make room for the tandems!!"
"FUCK the tandems!!"
....(PAUSE)...."Do you think we have time?"

"
laughed my balls of
best joke yet
Hey its blue sky lets jump

[bluestar 0]

Three guys were working on a high rise building project: Steve, Bill and Charlie. Steve falls off and is killed instantly.
As the ambulance takes the body away, Charlie says, "Someone should go and tell his wife."
Bill says, "OK, I'm pretty good at that sensitive stuff, I'll do it."
2 hours later, he comes back carrying a 6-pack. Charlie says, "Where did you get that, Bill?"
"Steve's wife gave it to me."
"That's unbelievable, you told the lady her husband was dead and she gave you the beer."
Bill says,"Well not exactly. When she answered the door, I said to her, 'You must be Steve's widow.'"
She said, "'No, I'm not a widow."
And I said, "Wanna bet me a six-pack?"

[bluestar 0]

In a hospital serving victims of land mines, a little girl wakes up from surgery.
Little Girl: Doctor, something is wrong... I can't feel my legs!
Doctor: Yes, we've had to amputate both your arms.

[SpeedRacer 1]

A man's wife had been in a coma for several days following a particularly nasty knock on the head. As usual, one of the nurses in the hospital was giving her a wash in bed. As she washed down the woman's body, she sponged her pubic hair. Out of the corner of her eye she thought she had seen the woman's eyebrows shudder. Not quite sure, she tried again. This time, she actually did see some movement.
"Doctor, Doctor," she called, "I saw some movement!"
The Doctor came in to the room and tried as well. Once more, they both saw movement around the woman's eyes.
"Well this is good news," said the Doctor. "I think we should call her husband and let him know."
Anyway, they called her husband and told him that they had seen some movement. When he arrived, they explained that by touching her pubic hair, they were seeing some sort of reaction in her facial muscles. The Doctor suggested that the husband may like to try something a little more adventurous in order to provoke a stronger reaction. "I suggest that we leave the room and that you try a little oral sex," he said.
The husband duly agreed and so he was left alone in the room. Several moments later, all the emergency alarms and buzzers were activated. The Doctor and a host of nurses ran in to the wife's room where they saw the husband zipping up his jeans.
"Oops," he said, "I think I choked her."
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
God was just about done creating the universe, had a couple of left-over things left in his bag of creations, so he stopped by to visit Adam and Eve in the Garden.
He told the couple that one of the things he had to give away was the ability to stand up and pee.
"It's a very handy thing," God told the couple who he found hanging around under an apple tree. "I was wondering if either one of you wanted that ability."
Adam popped a cork, jumped up and begged, "Oh, give that to me! I'd love to be able to do that! It seems the sort of thing a Man should do. Oh please, oh please, oh please, let me have that ability. It would be so great! When I'm working in the garden or naming the animals, I could just let it rip, I'd be so cool. Oh please God let it be me who you give that gift to, let me stand and pee, oh please.........." On and on he went like an excited little boy (who had to pee).
Eve just smiled and shook her head at the display. She told God that if Adam really wanted it so badly, and it sure seemed to be the sort of thing that would make him happy, she really wouldn't mind if Adam were the one given the ability to stand up and pee.
And so it was. And it was...well, good.
"Fine," God said, looking back into his bag of left-over gifts. "And what do we have left here? Oh yes, multiple orgasms..."
--------------------------------------------------------------

Speed Racer
"Come up to my lab,
And see what's on the slab!"

[mouth 0]

OH YES, YES, YES, YES, YES, YES, YES, YES, YES, YES, YES, YES, YES, YES, YES, YES, YES, YES, YES, YES, YES, YES, YES, YES, YES, YES, YES, YES, ....
Oh my God, LIFE is good!!!

[spectre230 0]

[PLFKING 3]

Two gay men are driving down the road, and they pass a funeral home. One turns to the other and says "You wanna stop and have a cold one ?"

[Jessica 0]

Quote

"You wanna stop and have a cold one ?"

EWWWW!!!!!
"I'm not a gay necropheliac," he cried, half in dead Ernest.

[Watcher 0]

wow that sounds familiar
Jonathan