ouch.....

[RemiAndKaren 0]

Appologies to all who will wince.....
Bizarre 'Sex Accidents' suffered by men.
>
Crushed Nuts
------------------------
When a 40-year old man turned up at a hospital asking to see a
doctor
specialising in men's troubles, he was shown into a cubicle, where
he
gingerly unwrapped three yards of foul smelling stained gauze from
around
his scrotum, which had swollen to twice the size of a grapefruit.
On
further inspection, it was discovered that his left testicle was
missing
completely, and, embedded within the swollen, tender and weeping
wound,
were a number of dark objects which the patient confessed were one
inch
staple nails from an industrial staple gun.
It transpired that the man spent his lunchtimes alone in his
workshop,
where he regularly enjoyed the sexual thrill of placing his penis on
the
moving canvas fan-belt of a piece of machinery. One day, the
excitement
had caused him to lose his concentration, and the fan-belt had
snatched
his scrotum into the fly-wheel, throwing him several feet across the
floor
tearing off his left nut.
Rather than go to the hospital, he performed first-aid on himself
with the
stapling gun, then went back to work when his colleagues returned.
It was
two weeks before he got around to visiting the hospital.
>
>
Flower Power..........(I defy any of you not to wince at this
one.!!)
-----------------------
Matt Lamb turned up at a hospital wearing an overcoat, with blood
dripping
down his leg. When he removed the coat, the doctor saw he had a
geranium
inserted in his penis. The man got the flower in without any
difficulty,
but when he tried to remove it, the hairs on the stem of the flower
had
dug into the urethra and ripped it to shreds.
>
>
Dog's Dinner
------------------
A policeman in Staffordshire returned home from a night shift to
find his
wife preparing breakfast. For some unknown reason, he wrapped a
slice of
bread around his penis, at which point the dog leapt up and took a
bite
out of it. The man needed cosmetic surgery to restore the damage.
>
>
>
Make Mine A Stiff One
-------------------------------------------------------------
A 34-year old New Yorker injected a cocaine solution into his penis
to
heighten his sexual pleasure. After enjoying intercourse with his
girlfriend, however, and after three days he went to the doctor in
search
of help. Shortly afterwards, he developed blood clots in various
parts of
his body, gangrene set in, and he lost both legs, nine fingers and
his
penis.
>
>
Game of Rugger anyone?
---------------------------------------------------------
When I was studying in Ireland, I took up rugby. As my first season
wore
on, the lads and I were eventually scheduled to play a team which
had a
reputation for violent play. Considering that we weren't the most
talented
outfit to have ever taken the field, we decided to accept the
challenge
with a "do or die " attitude, hoping things would eventually swing
our
way. They didn't and to make matters worse our star player
dislocated his
hip after a particularly ferocious tackle. He was clearly in a lot
of
pain, so we all stood back to which the medic who, in one swift
movement,
managed to slot the hip back into its socket. Then Alan began a long
blood
curdling scream. To our horror, we realised that one of his
testicles had
also been jammed into the socket and was now firmly held in the
place by
the hip. Incidentally, Alan managed to rip a vocal chord with his
screaming.
Remi
Muff 914

[Nick 0]

I'd just started eating my lunch when I opened this one, I don't want it any more!!!
Nick

[3fLiEr 0]

Easy man............. thats just not proper .....thats not cricket! - you cant post stuff like that !! .......... i feel like crying!!!..............
bsbd
"In a world where we are slaves to gravity I am pleased to be a freedom fighter"

[jfields 0]

Remi,
So, which one of those was you?
Justin

[prost 0]

Ok, this isn't fun anymore.

[Phil 0]

...that's it? And I was looking for some blood and guts.
c u
Phil

[Strynx 0]

And who said skydiving was dangerous?

[larry 0]

I never jumped while in the military, but did meet a retired army jumpmaster who said that every once in a while one of the students get a nut crushed on opening and they have to remove it afterward. I guess this could happen in sport jumping as well, but I’ve never heard of it. In any case, after hearing that I have always taken extra care to make sure both of my leg straps are routed correctly around my package, if you know what I mean.
Larry

[freeflir29 0]

"students get a nut crushed on opening"
Yep...happened to a friend.. After landing he was just laying there kinda writhing in pain. I walk over and he says "This is gonna sound funny but can you pull my pants off" Coming from this guy you never know what he's up to. He was famous for having pictures of "fruit baskets" during some friendly hazing around the unit. With a little convincing I finally helped him out. He actually had one nut pooped back inside. OUCH!!!! With some major squeezing of his gut...sort of a Heimlich manuever. It popped back out and the pain was much less. He said it was all black and blue for about a week though........
"I got some beers....Let's Drink em!!!"
Clay

[scottbre 0]

YEOUCH!
"Can't keep my mind from the circling sky. Tongue-tied & twisted just an earth-bound misfit, I."

[PalmettoTiger 1]

Quote

I never jumped while in the military, but did meet a retired army jumpmaster who said that every once in a while one of the students get a nut crushed on opening and they have to remove it afterward. I guess this could happen in sport jumping as well, but I’ve never heard of it. In any case, after hearing that I have always taken extra care to make sure both of my leg straps are routed correctly around my package, if you know what I mean.

Yeah, I'm pretty cautious about it too; wearing briefs rather than boxers eases my conscience but "ensuring proper placement of important equipment" includes a nut-check before I get to the door. I wonder what whuffos and first-timers think when they see all the guys in the loading area obsessively fumbling with their nuts?
PTiger

[jfields 0]

Quote

I wonder what whuffos and first-timers think when they see all the guys in the loading area obsessively fumbling with their nuts?

They just think we are a bunch of weirdos, which is true, but not relevant to the nut-check issue.
Justin

[skymedic 0]

I had a dude get his member bit off.....when he drove into the back of a dump truck at 30mph.....just make sure if your woman(or sheep for clay) is giving you head....DONT CLOSE YOUR EYES if your driving....IDIOT...I got more stories...but that is better for some other time.....
then there was the guy who waddled out to the ambulance and said "Don't laugh, but............."
marc
"...a mind stretched with new idea's will never regain its shape"

[freeflir29 0]

"if your woman(or sheep for clay) is giving you head....DONT CLOSE YOUR EYES if your driving"
I had a friend in High School that died because of that. It was hard NOT to chuckle a little at the funeral......I mean....what a way to go!!!!
"I got some beers....Let's Drink em!!!"
Clay

[TheMarshMan1 0]

Yea, I had a friend take out a string of mailboxes doing that. Totalled the car....prolly a good thing there was no airbags in it, or his girlfriend might not have been so lucky...

[larry 0]

LOL
It would be hard to find statistics about how often someone is castrated or dies because of this but I bet it is really common. I bet it is so common that there would probably be a public service announcement about it if it weren’t such a touchy matter. Try to imagine a surgeon general television ad about this. How the hell could you be serious when telling the public about it?
Larry

[TheMarshMan1 0]

Ladies and gentlemen...another friendly reminder:
"Friends dont let friends get roadhead."

[skymedic 0]

The guy says "I think I fell on an apple and its stuck up my butt."
Skymedic starts laughing his ass off while this guy is in great pain.
Guy says"I tryed to cut it up into smaller peaces so it'd come out faster"
Skymedic says"while its in your ass?"
Guy says"ummmm...yes....Is that bad?"
Skymedic now freaks out and calls a trauma alert for the perforated bowel.....
Guy dies 3 days later from peritonitis........
So moral of this little story is...DONT PUT SHIT UP YOUR BUTT.....well unless your of the other persuasian...and then only if its attached...to someone!!!!!!!!!
marc
"...a mind stretched with new idea's will never regain its shape"

[freeflir29 0]

Skreamer had his Human Habitrail installed profesionally.........
"I got some beers....Let's Drink em!!!"
Clay

[larry 0]

"...a mind stretched with new idea's will never regain its shape"
What about an asshole stretched with an apple?
That is some really crazy shit!
Larry

[LawnDart21 0]

I think the SIMS refers to it as a "Ball Over" malfunction. Be most fearful of the "ball over" during a naked skydive. Whenever I jump naked, I have a slightly altered deployment procedure which includes cupping the "marbles" in my left hand as I deploy the PC with my right hand, to prevent either marble from sliding under the leg strap. OUCH!!!!!