Conversations Passangers don't hear

[Slappie 9]

Conversations passengers don't hear
Accounts of actual exchanges between airline pilots and control towers from around the world.
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While taxiing the crew of a US Air flight departing for Ft. Lauderdale made a wrong turn and came nose to nose with a United 727. The irate female ground controller lashed out at the US Air crew, screaming: "US Air 2771, where are you going? I told you to turn right onto Charlie taxiway! You
turned right on Delta! Stop right there. I know it's difficult for you to tell the difference between C's and D's, but get it right!" Continuing her tirade to the embarrassed crew, she was now shouting hysterically: "God, you've screwed everything up! It'll take forever to sort this out! You stay right there and don't move till I tell you to! You can expect progressive taxi instructions in about half an hour and I want you to go exactly where I tell you, when I tell you, and how I tell you! You got that, US Air 2771?" "Yes ma'am," the humbled crew responded. Naturally the ground control frequency went terribly silent after the verbal bashing of US Air 2771.
Nobody wanted to engage the irate ground controller in her current state. Tension in every cockpit at LGA was running high. Then an unknown pilot broke the silence and asked, "Wasn't I married to you once?"
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The controller working a busy pattern told the 727 on downwind to make a three-sixty--do a complete circle, a move normally used to provide spacing between aircraft. The pilot of the 727 complained, "Don't you know it costs us two thousand dollars to make even a one-eighty in this airplane?"
Without missing a beat the controller replied, "Roger, give me four thousand dollars' worth."
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A DC-10 had an exceedingly long rollout after landing with his approach speed a little high. San Jose Tower: "American 751 heavy, turn right at the end of the runway, if able. If not able, take the Guadalupe exit off Highway 101 and make a right
at the light to return to the airport." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Unknown aircraft: "I'm f...ing bored!" Air Traffic Control: "Last aircraft transmitting, identify yourself immediately!" Unknown aircraft: "I said I was f...ing bored, not f...ing stupid!"
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Tower: "Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on 124.7." Eastern 702: "Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure. By the way, after we lifted off we saw some kind of dead animal on the far end of the runway."
Tower: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on124.7. Did you copy that report from Eastern?"
Continental 635: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, roger; and yes, we copied Eastern and we've already notified our caterers."
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The German air controllers at Frankfurt Airport are a short-tempered lot. They not only expect one to know one's gate parking location, but how to get there without any assistance from them. So it was with some amusement that
we (a Pan Am 747) listened to the following exchange between Frankfurt ground control and a British Airways 747, call sign "Speedbird 206" Speedbird 206: "Top of the morning, Frankfurt, Speedbird 206 clear of the active runway."
Ground: "Guten Morgen. You vill taxi to your gate."
The big British Airways 747 pulled onto the main taxiway and slowed to a stop. Ground: "Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?" Speedbird 206: "Stand by a moment, Ground, I'm looking up our gate location now."
Ground (with arrogant impatience): "Speedbird 206, haff you never flown to Frankfurt before?"
Speedbird 206 (coolly): Yes, I have, actually, in 1944. In another type of Boeing, but just to drop something off. I didn't stop."
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O'Hare Approach Control: "United 329 heavy, your traffic is a Fokker, one o'clock, three miles, eastbound." United 239: "Approach, I've always wanted to say this...I've got that
Fokker in sight."
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A Pan Am 727 flight engineer waiting for start clearance in Munich overheard the following: Lufthansa (in German): Ground, what is our start clearance time?"Ground (in English): "If you want an answer you must speak English."
Lufthansa (in English): "I am a German, flying a German airplane, in Germany. Why must I speak English?"
Unknown voice (in a beautiful British accent): "Because you lost the bloody war!"
My New Website with 24hr Chat

[rendezvous 0]

good ones !

[TEB6363 0]

I love those crazy pilots
:::OK, Canopy is Open, No Traffic Around, .. Why are these "Extra" Lines Draping Down??, Damn!

[diverdriver 5]

I've got one of my own from O'Hare. Afectionately known as O'Scare. One stormy night when all the departures were shut down and we had all taxied out to be ready once the departures would start again I actually heard this exchange. Many flights had been sitting out there for two hours by the time we came on the frequency and took our slot in line. Ground controller: "To all aircraft, don't call us for departure times because we don't know yet and we are very busy trying to get you out of here." Not even 20 seconds later a United flight: "O'Hare ground when are we gonna be able to get out of here?" Of course the Ground Controller was ticked off by this unprofesionalism while trying to do his job. Ground Control: "I've got a 3 year old and a 5 year old that listen better than you guys do!" Unknown pilot: "Somebody needs a knap." Ground Control: "Oh no, I just got here. You have to listen to me for the next two and a half hours!" Dead silence on the frequency for about 30 more seconds. Another United flight: "Ground, any idea on when we're gonna be getting out of here?" Ground control: "Not long, just as soon as I get a clear shot I'll get you out of there and right over to the Penalty Box where you can sit and think about how you're acting." (The Penalty Box is an actual area of pavement at O'Hare to sit when you've been bad or you don't have a gate to park at.)
Chris Schindler
D-19012
ATP,CFII
www.DiverDriver.com

[lazerq3 0]

those are cool!! thats one thing I love to do ona flight is to listen to the tower. Most flights have a channel you can plug into on there head phones and listen in. God thats a lot of shit to know !!! I still dont know how they can do it!!!
jason

[canopycudler 0]

BAWWWWW.. hehehe.. that is great !!
Blue skies & sunset jumps
...Tina

[tspoond328 0]

Washington center controller to Bluestreak crew:"I love my job. I've never complained about the ride in this chair and I've never had to deviate around any weather"

[Spy38W 0]

Here's one that happened to me in Naples, FL a couple of years ago.
I was taxiing out to runway 14 which was the active, while I overheard ground clearing a jet onto runway 5 (runway 5 is longer and he needed the extra length). When I was ready to takeoff I contacted tower, and heard them clear the jet for takeoff. I think I looked at something inside the cockpit and did not see the jet take off. A couple of seconds later I was cleared to takeoff and asked the tower about the previous jet (who I didn't think had taken off yet, but was in the process) Tower responded by saying the jet had already cleared the runway, and I replied with "Oh, I guess I must have missed him" and right away tower came back and said "That was my intention".... Argh