OK - now my kid's pissed...need opinions

[Deuce 1]

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"Not one single smart ass remark, just good knowledgable opinions. "

Methinks its now only a matter of time before the usual suspects show up and prove you wrong....

Clearly an indication of the impending apocalypse.

How did that happen?

[themaninblack 0]

ok i gotta speak up here seems nobody here remembers what it was like being a kid...what kind of talk is this? "hes not ready for a phone" crap? ill save the drama and simply state i have nightmarishly vivid recall of psycho parents trying to micromanage every aspect of my life. im 26 now. up till the age of 15 it was always "youre not ready for that" or stupid limitations on so-called "privileges" after months of debate im allowed to have a bicycle....but not to leave the driveway with it...so im left with the pathetic option of riding around in tight little oval loops in the driveway watching every other kid in town passing by on bikes free to roam the city wondering why my parents are this stupid. thanks mom....fxxk you. ...."youre not ready to own a radio yet." when i finally scored a junk clock radio of my own and fixed it i was told how lucky i was they were so lenient as to allow me to keep it....but im not allowed to keep it plugged in. waste of electricity. same for sharp shit....900 kids my age group are being taught to use power tools by their dads and im not allowed to own a buckknife at the age of 13 cause the parental units think 13 is waaay too young to be allowed to own knives while other kids parents buy them whittling knives and swiss knives for christmas....not ready not ready blahblah. same for a tv, a digital watch, a nintendo, a soldering iron, absolutely anything requiring any sort of responsibility. when i was old enough to realize it was an option (about 12-13 yrs) i had had enough and simply cut idiot parents out of the loop and made sure they didnt know what i owned and what i was doing when i wasnt around them. all through childhood and teenage years i was at war with the mentality imposed on me by adults that "you are a child and WILL accept being treated and restricted like one." screw that. a kid is ready for the responsibility of (insert adult responsibility here) as soon as it occurs to him\her to want it and is willing to understand and accept the consequences of its misuse. in this case an explanation of cellphone ettiquette (not in school, theaters, restaurants etc) would suffice. if he screws the pooch and gets in trouble with it, which likely WILL happen once or twice, deal with it! thats how the kids gonna learn! thats how I learned, but i had to do it the hard and stupid way since i had idiots for guidance...for me at least that kind of excessive control and restriction simply taught me that the rules are so senseless they dont apply to me just dont get caught breaking em and dont break the ones thatll get you killed...i decided there WERE no rules and its up to me to decide whats appropriate behavior and behave responsibly so i dont get mangled by some stupid decision. some time later at age 15 the whole stepfamily situation disintegrated and i wound up living with my real dad in the philippines for 2 years, and he reversed everything.....he placed ZERO restrictions on my personal posessions (i could own what i want provided i pay for it...want money? go earn some.) and hooked me up with a bicycle and cut me loose to do as i pleased....i had free roam of the entire city of manila...go where i want when i want, just call if im going to be later than 11:30 or so, no 8 pm curfew crap like typical parents impose on typical teenager, and he asked me basically use my head, try to stay out of trouble, dont hesitate to call if you need backup or pickup but dont make me come get you out of jail huh? with that level of trust and responsibility i never let him down and always DID call if i was going to be late, and proved his judgement sound in giving me as much responsibility as i was ready to ask for. thanks dad!!! putting tight restrictions on a kid's movement behavior and posessions just makes them conclude youre an idiot. give the kid far more responsibility than you think hes ready for, tell him "ok heres how it is im counting on you kiddo heres the basics i know you wont let me down" let him wear adult shoes and he'll grow into them...courtesy of my dad NOT treating me like a child hes the only member of my family with whom i have a cool relationship....hes not just father and valued advisor but a cool friend i can party with too. courtesy of that education by reality exposure i undid the bunk learning and got straight "a"s in the reality school of survival. i follow the rules of the road when driving not because i was told "you will follow rules that dont make sense because you have to learn to follow rules" but because thats how you avoid crashing into things! same for skydiving. there, there ARE no stupid rules the rules exist to keep us alive not just to teach us to follow rules. result: im a very very cautious conservative skydiver. kids can smell rote stupidity miles away and rules that are justified by the possibility that they might abuse the "privilege" just encourage the kid to cut you out of his life and decisions. a cellphone isnt a "privilege" its an ordinary piece of modern life that damn near everyone has. chances are the kid would see it something like "how come for me its a reluctantly granted heavily conditional "privilege" but to other kids its just something they have and use like any normal phone or tech tool?"
ill sum it up with a quote from one of my favorite books of all time and possibly the only one ive ever read that accurately described the thought processes of kids, Ender's Game: "they have a word for people our age, peter they call us children and they treat us like mice."
sorry about the extended rant but i seem to be one of the last people who remembers the fact that kids get routinely treated like property, pets or second class citizens, usually "in their best interests" or "for their own good" and how frustrating it was dealing with it. im opinionated as hell about it....this thread asked for an opinion, theres mine.....of course opinions are like a$$holes....everyone has one and everyone thinks theirs is the only one that doesnt stink.... i hope this rant provokes some debate.....i figure if im gonna vent then it ought not to be wasted.....comments?

evolution WILL be served, one way or another!!!! im not jumping, im imitating a reluctant meteor.

[dropdeded 0]

Yeah,well,she STILL dont need a friggin cell phone
dropdeded

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The Dude Abides.
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[AndyMan 7]

Apart from the general lack of punctuation.... well said.

Kids don't need to ride bikes, either - never mind the dangers involved. Despite that, somehow we think it's not only allowable, but a right of passage.

The question I'd ask to anyone who says no to a cellphone... Why not?

Is it the cost? make the kid pay for it themselves.
Is it the innapropirateness of using it in school? let it be confiscated.
Is it that you didn't have one when you were a kid? Don't be a fuddy-duddy. Deal with change.

I'm not the kind of guy that sticks his head into affairs and tells parents how to raise their children. I'm only voicing my opinion here because the Dad asked. That's an invitation for comments. So I comment.

Q: how much is this an issue between you and your kids mother? Are you worried that his mother is using the cellphone as an attempt to 'buy' his love, and you're not interested in a bidding war? Are you worried that she's excerting her authority over you? Is this REALLY over the cellphone, or something else between you an his mother?

Wether a kid has a cellphone or not really isn't the issue here, is it? If so, why?

_Am

__

You put the fun in "funnel" - craichead.

[SkyDolphin 0]

I got a cell phone for my 10 year old daughter. It's a prepaid. Here are my reasons. I work and she walks home from school every day. They won't bus kids in our school district if they live within a mile of the school which is cool because the kids could use the excercise anyway. We live just under a mile away. She has friends and other kids to walk with all but the last 2 blocks that she has to walk by herself. The way the world is today, with all the kidnappings and shit, it gives me peace of mind to know that she can contact in an instant if she needs to while she is walking home. She knows to keep it turned off at school and in her backpack and she is not allowed to use it to call friends. Luckily, at her age, she isn't really interested in talking on the phone much anyway.

Rhonda

[ECVZZ 0]

Quite correct...I did ask for opinions. And I value each opinion, no matter if they differ from my own. Most every reply on this thread gave me things to consider.

That being said, I will respond to some of your points.

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i have nightmarishly vivid recall of psycho parents trying to micromanage every aspect of my life.

Actually, being quite stable is how I managed full custody of my child for 3 years. His mom only recently began something resembling a regular "visitation" with him.


The following are but a few of the "things" my son has:

A bicycle

A digital clock/radio/phone

A television

A very nice stereo, and more cd's than I have

An expensive digital wristwatch, with all the bells and whistles.

So many knives that I've lost count. And not junk either. Swiss army knives, Franklin mint collector knives, buck knives (fixed, and folding), Uncle Henry folders, Schrade hunting knife, and several Old timer pocket knives of various sizes and blade configurations.

A .410 shotgun

A .22 rifle

A Sig P-239 in 9mm para

All of which (with the exception of his bicycle, and firearms) he has in his room to use as he wishes. In addition to which, he wears nothing but $42/pair Levis and $80/pair Vans.

He also has access to all the reading and educational materials a kid could ever want, including my computer, and we live about 4 blocks from a library. Go three blocks the other direction though, and you're on BLM land on the side of Peavine mountain.

Everything you see listed above was bought by me, not his mother. I haven't seen (nor do I want) one nickle of monetary support from his mother since we were divorced.

Nick also gets to go to local concerts with his buddies (on me), and last week I paid for him to take his g/f to a Guttermouth concert (I'll admit to staying up till he gets home though). All this for a kid who isn't even responsible enough to put his dirty clothes in the laundry so I can do the wash!

A kid who I busted smoking dope at 13-1/2 yrs old, and took to a drug education program at night for 6 weeks and sat through it with him because his mom knew he was smoking, and let him do it at her house!

My son...underprivileged and overcontrolled??? Not fucking hardly! As for partying with him; Not in this lifetime!!! I'm his friend, but I'm his Dad first.

Oh, and Andy...you had a question too. Yes, it is about the phone, or I wouldn't have made the question about the phone!


All you young studs out there who think "oh, this poor kid", go have a kid, raise him to this age (he's not that much younger than you, btw), then come back and tell me what you've learned.

BTW, as a point of interest, I moved out of my Dad and Mom's house when I was 15. I quit school, went to work, and got an apartment with my 17 year old g/f, who I lived with till I was 21. During this time I went to RCC, took the entrance exam, passed it and had 2 years of college.

So Yeah...I've been around a little. Enough to know what responsibility is, and to know that my son has none. I'm sorry that you had such a rotten childhood, but that has not a thing in this world to do with my son having a cell phone. Maybe some counselling would help you though.

G. Jones

"I've never been quarantined. But the more I look around, the more I think it might not be a bad idea."