wmw999 2,177 #1 December 17, 2002 jfields, pay attention now. Good thing for me I have a son... Rule 1: "My name is MR. (whatever). My first name is SIR" Rule 2: If you pull into my driveway and honk, you'd better be delivering a package-because you're sure not picking anything up. Rule 3: You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off my daughter's body, I will remove them. Rule 4: I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys your age to wear their trousers so loose that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open-minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place. Rule 5: I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, having sex without using a "barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate: when it comes to sex with my daughter, I am the barrier and I am the one who will do the killing. Rule 6: It is generally understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only answer I need from you on this subject is "Early." Rule 7: I have no doubt that you are a popular fellow with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry. Rule 8: As you stand in my front hallway waiting for my daughter to appear, even if more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process than can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful like changing the oil in my car? Rule 9: The following locations are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff t-shirts or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka zipped up to her throat. Movies with strong romantic or sexual themes are to be avoided; movies which feature chainsaws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks' homes are better. Rule 10: Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a potbellied, balding, middle-aged, dimwitted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless God of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me. Rule 11: Don't appear at my door for a date with pierced nose, tongue, eyebrow, etc. I will not allow my daughter to date anybody who gives me the creeps. Rule 12: Be afraid. Be very afraid. The voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit the car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car. There is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine. Wendy W.There is nothing more dangerous than breaking a basic safety rule and getting away with it. It removes fear of the consequences and builds false confidence. (tbrown) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
jfields 0 #2 December 17, 2002 Excellent! Printing now! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Pablito 0 #3 December 17, 2002 excellent, there are trusth in this rules, but for sure i'm the one that this guy doesn't like. CIelos Azules Pablito "If you don't overcome your fears they will overcome you first" Shady Monkey/6Segundos Rodriguez/AKA Pablito Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Push 0 #4 December 17, 2002 http://www.jardmail.co.uk/manwoman/applydatedaugh.shtml I'd keep a few of these on file if I were you -- Toggle Whippin' Yahoo Skydiving is easy. All you have to do is relax while plummetting at 120 mph from 10,000' with nothing but some nylon and webbing to save you. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
mouth 0 #5 December 17, 2002 As a single parent I have already told my daughter she can't date until she is 30, thus I have quite some time before I have to deal with this. MAYBE the styles will change before she starts dating -- Hot Mama At least you know where you stand even if it is in a pile of shit. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Sebazz1 2 #6 December 17, 2002 I happen to know that Duece could use two copies of this... Two adorable twins that he has... Rule#1 - Don't bring em to the DZ Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Chivo 0 #7 December 17, 2002 Wow... this must be tough! I mean, it's ok for the father to be concerned, but to be this overprotective??? Talk about a father-in-law from hell! LOL! ~Chivo Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Tonto 1 #8 December 20, 2002 I have 2 girls, aged 9 and 4.5. Printing now. Thanks, tIt's the year of the Pig. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
