hobbes4star 0 #1 January 8, 2003 1. Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected. 2. I'm not into working out. My philosophy is no pain, no pain. 3. I'm in shape. Round is a shape. 4. I'm desperately trying to figure out why Kamikaze pilots wore helmets. 5. Do you think illiterate people get the full affect of alphabet soup? 6. I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific. 7. Ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window? 8. Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster than you is a maniac? 9. You have to stay in shape. My mother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 now and we have no idea where she is. 10. I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them. 11. One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you. 12. They show you how detergent takes out bloodstains. I think if you've got a tee shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn't your biggest problem. 13. Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it's because they're such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the walls. 14. A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, "Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?" I said, "I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too." 15. Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.if fun were easy it wouldn't be worth having, right? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
lippy 788 #2 January 8, 2003 Quote You have to stay in shape. My mother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 now and we have no idea where she is. BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! ROTFFLMFAO7 MORE DAYS!!!!!!!!I got nuthin Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
bbb2003 0 #3 January 8, 2003 Quote 3. I'm in shape. Round is a shape. OK, that just sent me into a fit of giggles. I'm going to use that one next time I'm bathing suit shopping. HAHAHA -Things that make you go hmmm Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
SpeedRacer 1 #4 January 8, 2003 I have the body of a God! Buddha! Speed Racer -------------------------------------------------- Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
jessd 0 #5 January 8, 2003 I think I too will remember that one when I try on bathing suits this year! "Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away..." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
wingnut 0 #6 January 8, 2003 Quote I'm going to use that one next time I'm bathing suit shopping. ooh, ooh, can i go with you........puhlees take me.... ______________________________________ "i have no reader's digest version" Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
VivaHeadDown 0 #7 January 8, 2003 4. I'm desperately trying to figure out why Kamikaze pilots wore helmets. You know, I've been asked that by non-skydivers relating to my mindwarp plenty of times. I bet you'd have to be a kamakazi pilot to understand why they do. Let me know how that goes! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Tonto 1 #8 January 8, 2003 I don't know why we wear helmets... Seinfelt thinks the helmet wears us for protection... tIt's the year of the Pig. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
VivaHeadDown 0 #9 January 8, 2003 BRAIN BUCKET: If your chutes don't open, you make less of a mess for the maintanence guy to clean up after. YOU ALL SCARE ME: Ever see one of those "special" kids with a helmet on? Well, most skydivers act like that in the air. I know that's why I wear a helmet. Those are my usual answers. Nobody likes a boring, safety oriented answer. I once had a class of 4th graders chanting at me to pull the silver handle...just after I had a repack. They didn't know what would happen, or care, just that it had to be exciting since I said not to touch it. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
BPO 0 #10 January 8, 2003 Quote YOU ALL SCARE ME: Ever see one of those "special" kids with a helmet on? Well, most skydivers act like that in the air. I know that's why I wear a helmet. Hehe.. excellent answer.. will remember that for the next time someone asks.. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
bbb2003 0 #11 January 8, 2003 Quote ooh, ooh, can i go with you........puhlees take me.... Only if you are a good boy till then -Things that make you go hmmm Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
wingnut 0 #12 January 8, 2003 QuoteOnly if you are a good boy till then i'll be really good i swear......i promise to tel ya exactly how they look and even refrain from wisling at the really good ones.... ______________________________________ "i have no reader's digest version" Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
lippy 788 #13 January 8, 2003 When my FJC class was asking our instructor stupid questions like 'what happens if the reserve doesn't open?', he said: "Take your helmet off and stand in it, that'll contain the mess"Alex is a funny guy I got nuthin Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
