helicam 0 #1 January 10, 2003 I hope people approve.... The Rules of Texas: Know them and learn them. 1. Pull your droopy pants up. You look like an idiot. ********************************************************************* 2. Let's get this straight, it's called a 'gravel road.' I drive a pickup truck because I need to. No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way. ********************************************************************* 3. They are pigs, cattle, and oil wells. That's what they smell like to you, They smell like money to us. Get over it. Don't like it? I-20 and I-10 go east and west; I-35 goes north and south. Pick one. ********************************************************************* 4. So you have a sixty-thousand dollar car. We're real impressed. We have quarter-million dollar cotton strippers that we drive three weeks a year. ********************************************************************* 5. So every person in every pickup waves. It's called being friendly. Try to understand the concept. ********************************************************************* 6. We all started hunting and fishing when we were nine years old. Yeah, we saw "Bambi," too. We got over it. ********************************************************************* 7. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of doves are coming in, we will shoot it out of your hand. You better hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time. ********************************************************************* 8. Yeah, we eat catfish, and crawdads. You really want sushi and caviar? It's available at the corner bait shop. ********************************************************************* 9. The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer season. It's a religious holiday held the closest Saturday to the first of November. ********************************************************************* 10. Any references to "corn fed" when talking about our women will get you jack-slapped; by our women. ********************************************************************* 11. We open doors for women. That applies to everyone regardless of age. ********************************************************************* 12. No, there's no "Vegetarian Special" on the menu. Order steak; Order it rare. Or, you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the two pounds of ham and turkey. ********************************************************************* 13. When we fill out a table there are three main dishes: meats, vegetables, and breads. We use three spices-salt, pepper, and Tabasco sauce. ********************************************************************* 14. You bring "Coke" into my house it better be brown, wet, served over ice and plenty of it! You bring "Hooch" into my house it better have 4 legs, a tail, and have a nose for quail, dove, duck, teal, or pheasant. You bring "Mary Jane" to my house she better be cute, know how to shoot, drive a truck, and have long hair. ********************************************************************* 15. Yeah, we have sweet tea. It comes in a glass with two packets of sugar, some lemon, and a long spoon. ********************************************************************* 16. High School Football is as important here as the Lakers and the Knicks, and a dang site more fun to watch. ********************************************************************* 17. Yeah, we have golf courses. Don't hit in the water hazards- it spooks the fish. ********************************************************************* 18. Colleges? Try Texas A&M. They come outta there with an education and a love for God and country, and they still wave at passing pickups when they come home for the holidays. ********************************************************************* 19. We have more Navy, Army, Marines, and Air Force than any other state, so, "Don't Mess With Texas". If you do it will get your butt kicked by the best! ********************************************************************* 20. Our military is only used as a back up. Per capita, each man, woman, and child owns at least two firearms and has taken a NRA Certified Shooter Education Course. ********************************************************************* 21. Also, remember what Governor Sam Houston once said, "Texas can make it without the United States, but the United States can't make it without Texas" GOD BLESS TEXAS!!! ******************************************* I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
AggieDave 6 #2 January 10, 2003 Gig'em! I've seen this many, many times, and each time I read it I tend to sit there and go "Yup." and smile. I think a lot of this has been lost on some people in Texas, though, but that's mainly the ones in Austin, some in Houston too, unfortunately, but I think they probably originally came from Austin.--"When I die, may I be surrounded by scattered chrome and burning gasoline." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
bbb2003 0 #3 January 10, 2003 GOD BLESS TEXAS!!!! I love this state and I couldn't agree more with #18!! Gig Em Aggies!!! WHOOP -Things that make you go hmmm Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Gawain 0 #4 January 10, 2003 Good stuff, even though I'm not a Texan...just you folks remember that while "Don't Mess with Texas" is a the mantra while you're within Texas...in the rest of the country it's fair game like everything else! Example (in reference to driving): One hand on wheel, one hand on hunting rifle, alternating between both feet being on the accelerator and both on the brake, throwing a McDonalds bag out the window: Texas city male. One hand on wheel, one hand hanging out the window, keeping speed steadily at 70mph, driving down the center of the road unless coming around a blind curve, in which case they are on the left side of the road: Texas country male One hand constantly refocusing the rear-view mirror to show different angles of the BIG hair, one hand going between mousse, brush, and rat-tail to keep the helmet hair going, both feet on the accelerator peddle, steering the car with knees, chrome .38 revolver with mother of pearl inlaid handle in the glove compartment: Texas female *ducks and runs* So I try and I scream and I beg and I sigh Just to prove I'm alive, and it's alright 'Cause tonight there's a way I'll make light of my treacherous life Make light! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
bbb2003 0 #5 January 10, 2003 the texas country male seems pretty accurate. BUT i'm a texas girl and the big hair is defiantely out... and what's this about a rattail??? uh, no! I've noticed that drivers in Texas are usually the nicest. When you're on a 2 lane road and someone in front of you is driving slower than you, they almost always pull over onto the right shoulder to let you pass. I've only had that happen once outside of Texas. -Things that make you go hmmm Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
jumperconway 0 #6 January 10, 2003 And these truisms brought to you from none other than a man in South Africa! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
moodyskydiver 0 #7 January 10, 2003 "...just an earthbound misfit, I." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
dave610 0 #8 January 10, 2003 Quote When you're on a 2 lane road and someone in front of you is driving slower than you, they almost always pull over onto the right shoulder to let you pass. I've only had that happen once outside of Texas. and they were probably from Texas Coonass by birth, Texan by choice. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
brits17 0 #9 January 11, 2003 like my fav quote from kevin fowler (you've gotta be a texas country music fan)... "yee-fuckin-haw!" _______________________ aerialkinetics.com Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
