PhillyKev 0 #1 January 10, 2003 Taken From the Los Angeles Times "In retrospect, lighting the match was my big mistake. But I was only trying to retrieve the gerbil," Eric Tomaszewski told bemused doctors in the Severe Burns Unit of Salt Lake City Hospital. Tomaszewski and his homosexual partner, Andrew "Kiki" Farnum, had been admitted for emergency treatment after a felching session had gone seriously wrong. "I pushed a cardboard tube up his rectum and slipped Raggot, our gerbil, in," he explained. "As usual,, Kiki shouted out "Armageddon", my cue that he'd had enough. I tried to retrieve Raggot but he wouldn't come out again, so I peered into the tube and struck a match, thinking the light might attract him." At a hushed press conference a hospital spokesperson described what happened next. "The match ignited a pocket of intestinal gas and a flame shot out the tubing, igniting Mr. Tomaszewski's hair and severely burning his face. It also set fire to the gerbil's fur and whiskers which in turn, ignited a larger pocket of gas further up the intestine, propelling the rodent out like a cannonball." Tomaszewski suffered second degree burns and a broken nose from the impact of the gerbil, while Farnum suffered first and second degree burns to his anus and lower intestinal tract. Top Ten Scariest Things about The Article Taken from The Los Angeles Times 10 "I pushed a cardboard tube up his rectum..." Hello! 9 "...so I peered into the tube..." Aaaaaahhhh! I'm sorry, but that's like looking through a telescope into hell I'd rather use binoculars to stare at the sun 8 That poor gerbil being shot out of that guy's ass like Rocky the flying squirrel on Rocky and Bullwinkle 7 Suffering a broken nose from a gerbil being launched out of someone's anus I'm just guessing here, but I seriously doubt the said gerbil was springtime fresh after his little journey into Kiki's "tunnel of love" 6 People walking around with these volcano-like pockets of gas in their rectums 5 People who do this kind of thing and then admit what they were doing when taken to the emergency room Sorry, but I think I would have made up a story about a gang of raving, pyromaniac, anal sex fiends breaking into my house and sodomizing me with a charcoal lighter before I admitted the truth Call me old fashion, but I just can't imagine looking at a doctor and saying "Well doc, it's like this. See we have this gerbil named Raggot and we took this cardboard tube..." 4 "First and second degree burns to the anus." Wouldn't this make the burning itch and discomfort of hemorrhoids a welcome relief? How does one ever take a healthy dump after something like this? And the smell of burning anus must be in the top five most horrible scents on the face of God's green earth 3 People named "Kiki" which is obviously a Polynesian word for "Idiotic white men who insert rodents up butts 2 What kind of a hospital would hold a press conference about this? 1 This happened in Salt Lake City? What kind of people are those Mormons? I'm starting to get a whole new image of the Osmond family Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
PhillyKev 0 #2 January 10, 2003 P.S. Yes, I know this is bogus...but it's a funny read. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
quade 3 #3 January 10, 2003 Ok, so post a REAL URL to this article at the L.A. Times. Until you do, I'm gonna HAVE TO assume this is urban legend material.quade - The World's Most Boring Skydiver Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
PhillyKev 0 #4 January 10, 2003 pssst....read my follow up post. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
cliffharris 0 #5 January 10, 2003 more importantly...did the gerbil make it? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Sebazz1 2 #6 January 10, 2003 um...uh...uh... Vierd aint it Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
narcimund 0 #7 January 10, 2003 It's really funny when straight people write about gay sex. They have such amusing ideas about it. First Class Citizen Twice Over Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
PhillyKev 0 #8 January 10, 2003 Quote It's really funny when straight people write about gay sex. They have such amusing ideas about it. There you go stereo typing. How do you know a gay person didn't write that? Besides, if you're going to classify what that article describes as "sex" I'm going to have to question your practice of it. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
weid14 0 #9 January 10, 2003 http://www.snopes.com/sex/homosex/gerbil.htm Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
narcimund 0 #10 January 12, 2003 Quote There you go stereo typing. How do you know a gay person didn't write that? A gay person would know that felching has nothing to do with gerbils. First Class Citizen Twice Over Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
sharpfive 0 #11 January 12, 2003 Does this mean the gerbils' union is going to demand hazmat suits? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
