Kids, love, and the internet

[Blahr 0]

Hi All,

Question: What should you do if your 15 year old son believes he is "In love" with a girl that lives 2000 miles away and has never met?
That this is even possible from their conversations I cant imagine how (how r u? lol, rofl, WTF? my dad is a dick cuz I cant play EQ 16 hours a day, school sux, etc)

This relationship hasnt a chance in hell of ever going anywhere and thus far I have only offered advice.
My instinct tells me that this can only lead to trouble and hurt. Already happened once when he discovered that she had "cheated" on him. How does that happen?!? He stayed in his room for 2 days and wouldnt talk.
I fear this is just a taste of the shitstorm to come.

I am not against online relationships per se, in fact thats how I met my wife.

This one just aint gonna work out though for obvious geographic and age related reasons.

He has never had a "real life" relationship.

How far should I let this go before I put on the breaks?
I'm afraid that just pulling the plug is not a good answer, but I also feel that letting it play out is not a good answer either.
I'm not even sure what "experts" might have good advice.

I'll entertain any suggestions.

Thanks,

Chris
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[Push 0]

Maybe it's better to wait for the shitstorm and help him weather it? Sometimes we just have to make mistakes.

EDITED TO ADD: Remember, even if you don't take it seriously, he does. To him, his feelings is all he knows.

-- Toggle Whippin' Yahoo
Skydiving is easy. All you have to do is relax while plummetting at 120 mph from 10,000' with nothing but some nylon and webbing to save you.

[Blahr 0]

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EDITED TO ADD: Remember, even if you don't take it seriously, he does. To him, his feelings is all he knows.

Absolutely, I know its serious for him. Thats why it worries me.
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[wmw999 2,126]

Been there, done that, and it was EQ.

We live in Houston, the girl lives in NYC. In his case, it had lasted as a deepening friendship for about 6 months, with (very) occasional phone calls. That summer's vacation was to NYC (I thought they were just friends), and they liked each other even better. I could see the attraction -- there's something about a cute, tiny, brown-eyed 15-year-old looking up at you adoringly when you're a hazel-eyed 16-year-old. And she was nice.

They both discovered the joys of prepaid phone cards after running up a bill on outraged parents
She visited using her dad's frequent flyer miles, and he visited her using his dad's frequent flyer miles.

And, since they were 2000 miles apart, she eventually started going out with someone else. She's played him a few times (he really fell hard for her), but overall this is not something I regret his having gotten involved with. He's learned a whole lot about relationships from it, and had several in between the times she played him (he's 19 now). He's also learned about relying on unreliable people partly from her. And all this is from someone who is 2000 miles away, and couldn't really hurt him that much (when they still live at home, it helps).

I'd let him buy phone cards with his money and call her. If nothing else, he'll figure out on his own that long-distance relationships are a lot more expensive than local ones in some ways (phone bills, travel), and cheaper in others (dates are a whole lot cheaper when you can't go anywhere).

Wendy W.

There is nothing more dangerous than breaking a basic safety rule and getting away with it. It removes fear of the consequences and builds false confidence. (tbrown)

[BlueEyedMonster 0]

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Maybe it's better to wait for the shitstorm and help him weather it? Sometimes we just have to make mistakes.

EDITED TO ADD: Remember, even if you don't take it seriously, he does. To him, his feelings is all he knows.

EXACTLY! If you put your foot down, its your fault then. And, he won't learn his lesson. And I personally have been one of those goofballs that has fallen in love with someone 2000 miles away. It can work, but it takes money a job and the ability to move away from home. Give him time. It will pass and your son will laugh about it in a few years.
--Jason

[cptfunky 0]

let him make his own experiences. tell him what you think about it and why you think that this will make him more sad than happy.
and just be there for him when the girl is "leaving" and DON'T say then:"that's what i've always told you".

What, BTW, does you make so sure that the relationship has no chance? what chance? maybe your son is just happy that he found someone to talk with?

[Laurel 0]

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Maybe it's better to wait for the shitstorm and help him weather it? Sometimes we just have to make mistakes.

EDITED TO ADD: Remember, even if you don't take it seriously, he does. To him, his feelings is all he knows.

VERY well said. You can't protect your kids from hurt feelings but you can be there to hold them when it happens.

.....................................................................
PMS#28, Pelogrande Rodriguez#1074
My Pink M

[Blahr 0]

Wendy,

Thanks, this is exactly the kind of thing I was hoping for
when I posted. :-)

I actually found out about it by accident. I run my own mail server and got a bounced message because he had misconfigured his client AND sent the message to a bad address. The postmaster account got the bounce insluding the original message.
There is no confusing this with mere friendship, take my word for that. :-)

Anyway, my inclination is to let it run its course, I am basically just looking for someone to say that its the right way to deal with it.

That seems to be the consensus :-)

Thanks again!
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[andy2 0]

maybe this will be a good chance to open up the doorway for serious discussions about sex, girls, emotions surrounding them, etc. My first "girlfriend" at 14 gave the oppurtunity for my dad to talk to me about that kinda stuff. Ya know, I can't remember her all that well, but I can remember what my dad taught me about girls during that time.

---------------------------------------------
let my inspiration flow,
in token rhyme suggesting rhythm...

[Blahr 0]

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let him make his own experiences. tell him what you think about it and why you think that this will make him more sad than happy.
and just be there for him when the girl is "leaving" and DON'T say then:"that's what i've always told you".

Good advice :-) Thanks

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What, BTW, does you make so sure that the relationship has no chance? what chance? maybe your son is just happy that he found someone to talk with?

Simply that they are both barely 15, no money, and 2000 miles apart.
I wont underwrite this romance via telephone or otherwise. Thats gonna make it hard to work out.
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