One Damned Expensive Plane Ride.

[Nightingale 0]

Well... I wussed.

I went in, I did my half hour of training with an instructor I'd met briefly before. I was ok at this point. A little shaky, but ok. I was told that he was going to be my main jumpmaster, on the right side.

Then, its a different plane. This plane, we have to go out the back, instead of the side. Ok... new exit.

Then, when we're about to board the plane, I get told that no, this other guy is going to be on the right side. The first guy's gonna be second JM, on the left. I don't know this guy. I didn't even catch his name...

Thing is... first AFF, I didn't pull my own ripcord. I couldn't find it. Shelly pulled it. Now, if I can't find it, I have to trust some random JM whose name I don't even know... I know in my head that they're all qualified, and that they all know what they're doing and they're all wonderful, but I just couldn't get my head around trusting someone with my life when I don't even know their name...

I was getting more and more freaked...

And then the door opened... and then, people started jumping out...

My head was spinning and my hands were shaking, and at that point, with everything that was going on in my head, I had to make the call that at that point in time, I was not in the right headspace to make a safe skydive.

So, I rode the plane back down.

It was probably the hardest decision I've ever had to make. I wanted to be out there. I wanted to feel the wind on my face and reach out and grab my own little handful of sky. Having to make the decision that I wasn't ready is something I will probably never forgive myself for, because I gave in to my own fear, which is something I've never done in my life, and I hope I'll never do it again. Even now, I'm so upset at myself that I have tears running down my face.

So, after we landed, I got off the plane and hugged my friends who'd just done tandems. Then, I excused myself and ducked into the ladies room to have a bit of a cry. I was angry at myself for not being able to control my own fear and for giving in to it and for taking the easy way out, even though I know it was probably the right decision for me at the time.

I pulled myself together and went into the Bomb Shelter to have lunch with my friends. Well, they had lunch... I pretty much just moved food around on my plate. We talked a little bit about what had happened up there. My friend went over to the bar and bought me a beer. When I looked at that drink, I realized if I drank it, I couldn't try to skydive again today. At that point I realized that if I didn't jump out of a plane today, I would probably never do it again. If I let fear get the better of me and left the dropzone without making a jump, it would be a hundred times harder to go back.

So, I handed my friend the beer and drank his gatorade instead, and marched my butt back into the school. I realized at that point that if I went up in the plane with my own parachute for level 2 again, I'd probably choke again. $400 on plane rides is a bit much for my budget, especially since the destination is the same place as the departure! (now, if I was flying to Ireland or something, $400 on plane fare would be fine... LOL). All of a sudden, I needed to learn how to trust my instructors and my gear all over again.

So, I asked for a tandem and requested a specific instructor. the DZ knocked $20 off the cost of the tandem for me, which was nice, but it was still an expensive day!

They tell me that no problem, John could be my tandem instructor. He did my first tandem, and I was comfortable with him. Shelly doesn't do tandems. They tell me its going to be about an hour and a half. I'm ok with that.

So, I drift into the SquareOne store, and run into Keith, who asks me how it went. I admit my wussage. He asks me what it would take for me to do AFF 2 instead of a tandem. I said that I didn't want to do that, because if I choked again, I couldn't afford the extra money to do a tandem after paying for AFF 2 twice, and I knew I HAD to jump today. He said he understood my position on that one.

So, I ducked back into the school to figure out how much longer the wait was going to be. I ran into Shelly, who asked me what happened up there. She'd already heard, but I told her anyway. She took me out back and introduced me to Sarah, who just finished AFF not too long ago. Sarah and I had a nice chat about the student experience, which helped me a lot.

So, then its time to jump. I get in my jumpsuit, and put on the tandem harness. It felt so weird getting on that plane without my own parachute, but I knew it was what I needed at the time, because at that point there was no way John was going to let me wuss. And he didn't. We basically did a level 2 skydive, but tandem. He had me run through forward motion, practice rip cord touches, altitude awareness and everything I was supposed to do. I pulled the rip cord. He had me check for shape/spin/float and let me steer the canopy (helping out a bit because tandem canopies take more strength to steer). We landed it together.

Afterwards, he took me into the back and showed me all the parts of the parachute, how they were packed, and why a parachute WANTS to open when you pull the ripcord. He explained the science behind it, and what caused the major malfunctions. Coming away with a little gear knowledge is making me a little more confident for next time... now, it doesn't feel like I have this magic backpack that will wonderously pop open when I pull the little orange handle and save my life... now, it feels like there's some good, solid scientific principles strapped to my back, and science is something I can put a whole lot of confidence in.

I'm glad that I had the guts to get back up there, even if it was just a tandem, but I'm still very upset at myself for not doing what I came to do (and costing myself $200 in the process).

sigh.

-N-

[mailin 0]

I probably would have done the same thing. My AFF 2 was tandem - AFF 3 and beyond won't be.

Don't feel bad - its so much better to feel right with it than to get all nervous and have something bad happen.

You went back up - thats great! It takes alot just to do that sometimes.

Chin up, it'll get better! Keep talking to people and get as much (valid) information as possible, so you can make educated decisions and not ones based on lack of information (which can cause un-needed fear).

Good luck - be sure to get back up there soon. I hope to do the same!

Jennifer

Arianna Frances

[Amazon 7]

Good for you on the salvage of the day.. it does get easier... you made a good decision.. for you at that time....

Now.. next weekend... wait till you can dive with the people you feel comfortable with.... just breathe deep.. it will all be alright..and remember... you are having fun.

Jeanne

[Guest]

Nice story, and thanks for sharing.

I would remind you, however, that almost all of us have been where you are. If it was easy, everybod would do it.

Egressing a serviceable aircraft while it's in flight isn't called "The Unnatural Act" for nothing. In fact, I like to tell whuffos that the only thing more unnatural than jumping out of a perfectly good airplane involves sheep.

So hang in there. If you stick with it, you'll become habituated, and it'll get a lot easier. You just have to persist long enough to get over the hump.

mh

"The mouse does not know life until it is in the mouth of the cat."

[Amazon 7]

OMG.. Clay has a competitor

Jeanne

[jumpinjackflash 0]

So impressive.

It takes real guts to take care of yourself and not just blindly "get in line".

As said in this thread, it is an highly "Unnatural Act". One that comes with great benefits, but you have to be on your game.

Good Choice! Even more impressive, pushing the beer away and gettin your butt in the air. WOW!

I tell my kids all the time, it's easy when it's easy, the time your really measured is when it's tough.

So cool, So completely cool.

I've gotta tell you. I graduated AFF today. Went out on solo, dived out (which is beyond groovy) and just relaxed and fell. Well, my dz rules, now say that I can pull at 4K instead of 6K (wave off at 6K rather, and pull)...

Anyhow, I'm at 7,000 over a fairly sizeable factory, watching the ground for the first time (in aff, your always focused on the objectives and looking at your instructors for signals, etc...) so I'm watchin the ground rush up, and the altimeter, and I get to 6K, first thought?

I can go 2000 more feet. Next?

:-)

6 seems like a perfect height! Yeah, I'll wave and pull NOW!

lol

anyhow, I really think you did good. always take care of yourself, always question, and don't go, if your not up to it.

Keep this in mind though. I've had the "switching jm's" issue a few times. Don't sweat it, manifest is working hard, instructors are working hard, loads get built and ran...

Your DZO has those instructors for a reason, and each and every one of them can take fine care of you. If you don't know one of their names, ask, and get ready to fly. They will watch over you, you can bet it. Believe in them.


Congrats! Be Proud, you beat it.


jjf

It's a gas, gas, gas...

[champu 1]

taking a pass is harder than just going along with it a lot of times.

I was in clewiston back in june to demo a rig I was planning to buy with a main canopy I'd never jumped before. I was manifested, geared up, and on a 1 minute call, and as I watched people "land" in the wind that had picked up in the last 10 minutes or so I got uncomfortable about the jump. So I stepped out of line from boarding the plane and took myself off the load.

I say it's a good move on your part. Sure it might have gone fine, but remeber, it's -always- better to be on the ground wishing you were in the air, then in the air wishing you were on the ground.

[Nightingale 0]

When I was getting ready for my tandem, John told me that I could request specific JMs and that the dropzone would do their best to let me jump with the JMs I request... I didn't know this... it never occurred to me to ask! LOL. so...

I'm going back either friday or this weekend to do AFF 2. When I make the appointment with the school, I'm going to specifically request Shelly and John as my JMs. I think familiar faces will help a lot.

• Quote

[PhreeZone 15]

Fimilar faces help, but different instructors also bring different teaching and learning concepts to the table. You might not be getting a point that one instructor is trying to teach, but another can word it so you can understand in no time.

I think that for your L2 its a great idea to go with a fimilar face or two, but try to mix it up going forward. Try and learn something from each instructor that another one did'nt teach you.

Yesterday is history
And tomorrow is a mystery

Parachutemanuals.com

[Nightingale 0]

very true!

[Skymonkey13 0]

When i first started jumping, years ago. I remember, i would drive to the DZ every week-end and would be looking out the window, and say to myself, "Damn, if it would just start raining, i wouldn't have to do this". I knew i wanted to do it, but i was scared shitless. Fear is a good thing. Without fear, there would be no rush. The good thing is, you got back in the air.
There are still days when i'm going to the airport and i'm scared shitless. And when that happens, i just say "Damn, this is going to be a great day".