Skydivings hilarious!!??

[losty 0]

Ne1 know ne good skydiving jokes??

Yahoo Serious

[disillusio 0]

A young man with a strong urge to empty his bladder walks around looking for relief. He spys it up ahead in the form of an upraised fist. Extended from an arm with biceps bulging it was posted to an entry of a male urinal. He kicks the door open with his feet, avoiding having to chance infection from the handle. Before entering he looks briefly over at the entry to the Ladies toilets. He is faintly amused as the Marquis de Sade's words echo in his head "And a womans power resides between her legs". The sign on the door was a leg dressed up in sexy lingerie.

With this thought in mind and the resultant smile upon his face he walks in and surveys the situation. Around him are men waiting to rid themselves of their burden. A brief glance showed all cubicles to be engaged and the urinal to be full of men carefully avoiding being seen to make contact with the eye to genitalia. He pondered this amusing fact, wondering about homophobia and mens attachment to penis size. He looked around at the other men waiting. One guy was still in his jumpsuit, still fresh from the days competition. He tapped his foot impatiently as his fingers spidered up against his leg, the few beers he'd used as a filter were trying to worm their way out.

Suddenly there was an opening at the urinal. The man in the jumpsuit was closest but looking in the direction of the cubicles his face was a betrayal of nervous longing. The other men deferred to his proximity as he stood there indecisive wishing he was somewhere else. The amused young man siezed the moment and sauntered cockily up to the space. He sighed audible relief as he unzippered his pants. As he stood there waiting for his lizard to bleed his thoughts returned to mens importance of size. In the urinal, he observed, the social hierarchy of men reverted to caveman days. The "pecker" order became the pecking order.

At this though he laughed out aloud to himself, the lizard was almost dry, he felt alot better. The men next to him thinking that his laughing was an insult to their manhood stiffened at the sound. He turned around and was about to ask how the man next to hims day in competition was, when he realized the man was making an appraisal of his package. He was checking "Who was HE to laugh?" The man stared in shock and awe, quite obviously intimidated. This only served to increase his mirth and he burst into fits of laughter. This caused all the men to look in his direction and notice the look on the stunned embarassed man.Following the line of his focus a collective murmer of astonishment was released.

The man just laughed as the man to his right gave him an angry stare.

"How man jumps do you have ?"

"300 or so" he replied casually. "You?"

"1200..." The shocked man stammered slowly still staring into his eyes. In his head he was computing the simple equation ( Penis(Inches) divide by Jump numbers) that he used to assign a man a value in his world. The laughing man was 8 times the man he was!!! He lowered his eyes.

The man sighed and as he left the urinal a few lines of one of his favorie pets came unbidden to his lips.

" Oh thee of a vile cancerous wit... "
" Dont thee know the swarm will fit? "
" Oh yes! said he, rubbing his hands in glee "
" But dont you SEE!!?? "
"Or is it just me "

[BASE813 0]

whats the difference between a good 4 way team and a bad 4 way team?


if they go in trying to turn out the last point, the bad four way team goes thump,thump,thump,thump......

and the good 4 way team goes THUMP




..........well the joke goes something like that anyway..................

[jceman 1]

Quote

Ne1 know ne good skydiving jokes??

Do us all a favor and save the text message speak for your cell phone.

We thank you for your support.

Faster horses, younger women, older whiskey, more money.

Why do they call it "Tourist Season" if we can't shoot them?

[shmali 0]

You forgot two things, the good team goes bounce turn point thump and there is an extra thump in there for the camera guy

Some classics i've seen:
1) What's the difference between a golfer and a skydiver:
A golfer goes "whack, o shit", a skydiver goes "oh shit, whack"

2) How does a blind parachutist know when to open his chute? When the lead on his guide dog goes slack.

Pineappe Death Juice, If you have to ask you'd rather not know!

[karenmeal 0]

and the third part of that joke as a friend told me:

and a BASE jumper goes "sh-whack"

"Life is a temporary victory over the causes which induce death." - Sylvester Graham

[Extrakt 0]

Whats the difference between a skydiver and a pizza?
The pizza can feed a family of four.

"If murder and suicide are illegal, then why is it ok to kill yourself and others with cigarettes?????"

www.myspace.com/Hypoxicmusic

[Skyliving_Dave 0]

What do you call a skydiver whose girlfriend just broke up with him?



Homeless!

--------------------------------------------------

'Everybody needs a mate called Dave'

[nbblood 0]

A skydiving student was quite apprehensive about his upcoming jump and the instructor tried to reassure him.
The student asked, "What if my parachute doesn't work?"
The instructor, noticing the student's worry and fear tried to calm him. "Don't worry, the chances of a malfunction on your main are very slim. Besides, you've been trained in emergency procedures and you've demonstrated the ability to handle the situation should the main malfunction. Then the reserve will deploy and you'll be just fine. I'll be here to talk you down on the radio and I'll pick you up on the DZ with the truck. There really is no need to worry. Just remember your training."
The student, somewhat reassured, boards the plane with his static line jumpmaster and off they go. At altitude the student climbs out and executes a picture perfect exit. The main deploys and to the student's horror is a shamble of shredded fabric that does little to slow his rapid decent towards the earth. Remembering his training the student arches hard, reaches for his handles, and perfectly executes the emergency procedures he had been taught. The main releases and the reserve pilot chute springs, pulling with it what is apparently a load of dirty laundry, leaving the student hopelessly in freefall. The student, by this time very disgruntled with his instructor, mutters, "Great, I'll bet he ain't waiting with the fucking truck either!"


Another student shows up at a careless drop zone that doesn't much mind BSRs or FARs. Having never jumped before he is surprized when the DZO hands him a rig and an altimeter, telling him, "When you get to 5000 feet, pull this ripcord. If that doesn't work, pull this cutaway handle, then the reserve ripcord. Have a good jump."
The student, thinking that people do this all the time, figures this is the normal procedure for training a first-time jumper. He boards the plane and rides to altitude. He carefully watches the other jumpers on the load exit and tries to get any further knowledge he can about how they go about this business of skydiving. Finally, the student finds himself at the door, takes a deep breath to muster courage, and out he goes. Tumbling wildly through the air and spinning out of control, the student quickly realizes his training has not been sufficient. He decides not to wait for 5000 feet and pulls the main ripcord. The parachute deploys in a tangled mess and the student, although not well trained, realizes that this is not what it's supposed to look like. He pulls the cutaway and the main releases. Somehow finding himself belly to earth the student pulls the reserve ripcord. Upon pulling the ripcord the student is astonished that nothing happens! Nothing at all! Suddenly he looks down and he can sees he is right over a neighborhood. And amazing as it may seem, a man is screaming upward nearly straight at him at a tremendous rate of speed. He figures that the man may be his last chance. As they close, the student screams at him, "Hey, do you know anything about parachutes??!!"
The man yells right back, "NO! Do you know anything about gas barbecues??!!"

Ok, that's my contribution. If you think they're funny they are mine, if not, they're somebody else's

Blues,
Nathan

Blues,
Nathan

If you wait 'til the last minute, it'll only take a minute.

[jsaxton 0]

and a GREAT 4 way team goes "Thump - meeker - Thump"