As I approached the A, all I kept thinking to myself was "Antennas make us stronger, and sometimes kill us" (Someones signature I had read here.) I started to slowly climb, all the while wondering what in the hell I was doing out here alone. I went over everything I had done to this minute, from inspection to packing. There were mixed emotions of excitement and an overwhelming feeling of sadness, loneliness. The higher I got on the A the lower the feeling in my stomach sank. For the first time in a while, I felt like I was going to puke. Atop the antenna (650ft) I watched the city scurry below. People were driving to and fro completely unaware of the life in the balance above them. As I watched the clouds move across the moon, and the shades of night envelop the ground, I thought back to the first time I stood on the edge, ready to step forth into a new world. On that very night that I was initiated into a world of self realization, I was not as scared as I was now. Thoughts of "Will my chute open?" have been replaced by thoughts like "Will I be able to handle the off heading that will put me into the wires?" and "who will it be that calls home to tell them I am dead?" I have learned so much since I survived my first jump, and yet even though the knowledge has made me a safer jumper, it does nothing to comfort me about the dangers I am about to face. in fact it heightens my awareness of the dangers around me. After about 40 minutes of watching the city, clouds and flashing red lights, I picked up my phone...called home and simply told my mom "I Love You" Though I didnt tell her where I was, she knew. She simply replied "Im ready" I didnt ask her what that meant, I simply hung up and stepped out into the darkness. Is this what I had prepared my mom for. The call saying "Your son is dead - High speed impact with the earth."? For the first time this is what I was thinking in freefall. And then SNAP - The sound of my canopy filling with life. A beautiful on heading opening. I grabbed toggles, and as fast as it had started...It was over. The feeling of loneliness had been replaced with a sharp feeling of relief. That feeling only lasted a short while, as I was already thinking about the next time I would step out into the unknown. If anyone else had these feelings they would be classified as BiPolar - But I - I am just a Jumper and for that there is no cure....Just an on going treatment that keeps us patched up. Daniel Protect Yourself and Your Loved Ones Tasers - Pepper Spray - Stun Guns and more! www.dallassecuritysupply.com
