Jump Master In-Tow over Texas

[patworks 5]

Jump Master In-Tow over Texas --
A jumper in tow means that a jumper is hung up on the aircraft and cannot separate on his own. Many years ago the most common cause, of this uncommon event, was a static line that did not release. Normally, it is the student who (with pin-type static line) get suspended below the jump ship requiring knives, carabiners, heroics, else great bodily harm and etc. In this way, Jumpmaster could save students and aircraft both and avoid littering the area with parts of either.

In the dim daze of yesteryear, in about 1965? at Wallace's DZ, there is the true story of our jumpmaster, Mr. one-ear Brumley.

OneEar Brumley was a Houston Fireman. I dunno, how he lost his ear. We jumped a Cessna 195/196. The Pilot was Rufus Ramsey the round weed roller. Except for the participants, it was a sorta normal jump. There was one static student. A first-timer, she was a butt-ugly fat chick. Her Jump Master (one-ear) and three other skydivers who’d planned a 4-way with OneEar.

On the low pass, On Jump-run, the student Butt-Ugly (aka BU), refused to exit. Froze up. Nope, was not going to leave, no-way; no how. Her being too big to just kick in the head and encourage out, BU was relocated behind the pilot for the high-pass.

At 7500 feet (normal high altitude then) the skydivers exit. Whooosh!

Except for Jumpmaster one-ear. One ear is hanging below the Cessna kicking and screaming a bit. Rufus Ramsey the round weed roller and pilot leans out the door and notices one ear. They have some sort of a discussion. There is agreement that OneEar is caught by the foot from the aircraft's step (which is shaped like an "L". The tongue of the step is stuck somehow up OneEars cowboy boot. Rufus Ramsey the round weed roller does some aerobatics; wiggles the plane and such. OneEar accompanies him with what might have been Wagnerian Opera. BU is crying and discussing her family.

This goes on for way too long. Brumley could sing way-loud.

Finally, Rufus Ramsey the round weed roller gets BU to switch places with him..."Jus hold it straight and steady... I will return in a jiffy… just be a moment..." Rufus then hangs himself out of the open door and wrestles with OneEar, the wind, the cowboy boot and lady luck. Since Rufus was not wearing his parachute, most of the remaining passengers were rooting for Rufus. Rufus wins. Boot comes off. One Ear hitchhikes back to the DZ arriving about 45 minutes after the airplane lands.

On landing, BU exclaims to the world in general her current feelings about the sport. (Not real positive at all). Called a Heroine, a savior of One Ear, a budding pilot, a wonderful person... etc (we only had the one airplane and pilots were hard to find, too). Anyhow, she quickly asserts that this hero stuff is all B/S. Big-eyed, like the wheel is spinning, but the hamster is dead. Sez, she, “… I did NOT fly any airplane, never! That man! (Rufus Ramsey the round weed roller) Forced me into that tiny seat. The steering wheel thing was squished against my bosoms (and chest-mounted reserve)... I could not have drove that airplane to save my life...."

About then, OneEar arrives back from the near-dead. His faith renewed, he proclaims his undying love and respect for Butt-Ugly and proposes marriage as heartfelt thanks. Lord love a duck, they do marry.

The cowboy boot was never found.

Pat 2-cat works. B1575

Pat Works nee Madden Travis Works, Jr .B1575, C1798, D1813, Star Crest Solo#1, USPA#189,

[BillyVance 34]

Daaaaaaamn....

Thanks for the story. That was great!

"Mediocre people don't like high achievers, and high achievers don't like mediocre people." - SIX TIME National Champion coach Nick Saban

[steve1 5]

Thanks Pat! I laughed all the way through that story. You and Airtwardo tell the best stories. They kind of have a sick twist to some of them. Maybe that's why I like them so much.

This isn't a jump story, but it does involve a gentleman named "One Ear". I know it's not in good taste, nor is it politically correct to make fun of handicapped people, but here goes anyway.
Last summer, my wife called the cable company to hook us up to satelite. I was working outside. When I looked up there was the satelite company truck with a guy standing there staring at me. My eyes are bad, and I thought maybe my eyes were playing tricks with me.

As I walked closer, I realized this guy looked like a monster. His face was horribly burned, and he had a big plastic ear on one side of his head.

I shook his hand and tried not to stare. In a gruff voice, he almost shouted, "I'm here to hook up your TV." I was wondering if I did something to piss him off. But then I figured it's not an easy thing being disfigured like that.

Well, I introduced him to the wife and he started going on and on about how he didn't like log houses, because there was no easy way to run the cables, and how he got paid by the job, and this one was about impossible.

I could tell by the look on my wife's face that he was starting to piss her off. Now my wife is a gentle soul. She likes young children, and kittens, and spends time sniffing flowers and such, but believe me you don't want to piss her off!

At this point I still felt sorry for this guy, so I pitched in to help him out. I was drilling holes and pulling wire, and I think I did more work than this disfigured guy, who was still complaining.

When he was out of ear shot, the wife made a comment about ole "One Ear" being such a grumpy bastard. I kind of got a chuckle out of that, and went back to helping him.

We had to get some tools out of his van. All the doors were open and one of my mules had his head stuck inside. Well ole One Ear came face to face with this mule. They stared into each others eyes for a few seconds. I'm sure each of them had never seen the likes of each other before. I thought "Oh shit, I hope this doesn't piss off ole One Ear!" About then he started to giggle. I figured this is a good thing. Up until then, I wasn't sure if One Ear could laugh or not.

We finally finished the job, and both my wife and I waved good-by to this poor soul as he drove off into the sunset.

About then we realized that he had left us with only one remote. We were supposed to get two of them. My wife got right on the phone and started complaining to the satelite company, with a real "Naggy" voice. She complained about how this grumpy guy probably made off with the damn thing.

The next morning, One Ear drove up, and unhappily handed my wife another remote. He grumbled something and left. My wife didn't wave that time.

Two weeks later, the wife was digging through a drawer, and low and behold, there was that other remote. Ole One Ear hadn't took it after-all. We felt kind of bad about that.

Next time I run into One Ear, I'm going to have to appologize.....

[Trafficdiver 8]

Quote

Since Rufus was not wearing his parachute...

This was the point in the story I yelled "Holy Fucking Shit!" out loud to an empty room.

[fastphil 0]

"Lord love a duck",

haven't heard that in quite a while...