Smile be happy!!

[Slappie 9]

A prisoner escapes from his prison where he had been kept for
15 years. As he runs away, he finds a house and breaks into it.
He finds a young couple in bed. He gets the guy out of bed, ties
him up on a chair, ties up the woman to the bed and while he
gets on top of her, he kisses her on the neck, then gets up, and
goes to the bathroom.
While he is there, the husband tells his wife: "Listen, this guy is
a prisoner, look at his clothes! He probably spent a lot of time in
prison, and has not seen a woman in years. If he wants sex, don't
resist, don't complain, just do what he tells you, give him satisfaction.
This guy must be dangerous, if he gets angry, he will kill us. Be
strong, honey. I love you.
To which the wife responds, "I am glad you think that way. Sure,
he has not seen a woman in years, but he was not kissing my neck.
He was whispering in my ear. He told me that he found you very
sexy, and asked if we kept any Vaseline in the bathroom. Be strong,
honey. I love you too..."
My New Website with 24hr Chat

[freeflir29 0]

EEEEWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Funny though..........
"and I'm not easily impressed...Ooohh look...a blue car!" -Homer Simpson

[SkyDekker 1,141]

Sounds like a regular Saturday night occurence in Texas to me...........
Just kidding
"We cannot do great things, only small things with great love" Mother Theresa

[SpeedRacer 1]

Keep 'em coming! I'm feeling depressed right now about the whole
Middle East thing. I need to be cheered up.
Here's one:
What's the difference between a Northern and a Southern Fairytale?
.
.
.
.
.
.
A Northern Fairytale begins with….."Once Upon A Time…" A Southern Fairytale begins with….."Y'all ain't gonna belive this shit…"
Speed Racer
What contemptible scoundrel has stolen the cork from my lunch?!
-WC Fields

[SpeedRacer 1]

Found another one:
Proposed Country Song Titles
1. I Still Miss You, Baby, But My Aim's Gettin' Better
2. I'm So Miserable Without You, It's Like Having You Here
3. Mama Get A Hammer (There's A Fly On Papa's Head)
4. She Got The Ring And I Got The Finger
5. You're The Reason Our Kids Are So Ugly
6. If I Had Shot You When I Wanted To, I'd Be Out By Now
7. My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend, and I Sure Do Miss Him
8. Her Teeth Was Stained, But Her Heart Was Pure
9. Get Your Tongue Outta My Mouth, 'Cause I'm Kissing You Good-bye
10. I Wouldn't Take Her To a Dog Fight, Cause I'm Afraid She'd Win
11. I'll Marry You Tomorrow, But Let's Honeymoon Tonight
12. Please Bypass This Heart
13. How Can I Miss You, If You Won't Go Away?
14. I Don't Know Whether To Kill Myself, Or Go Bowling
15. I Just Bought a Car From a Guy That Stole My Girl, But It Don't Run; So We're Even
16. I Keep Forgetten' I Forgot About You
Speed Racer
What contemptible scoundrel has stolen the cork from my lunch?!
-WC Fields

[NtheSeaOrSky 0]

Nah, nahh, you got it wrong! Here in the South its "Hay Bo, wartch theis shit!"

He he the spell checker's gonna have a ball with this one!

[rgoper 0]

slappie:
you ever heard of a comedian named rodney carrington? this is one funny sob! he tells this joke, it goes a little like this:
ya know, you just cannot lie to your wife when you've been to a titty bar! ya come home at 2:30 in the morning, and she says "where in the hell have you been?" he says "titty bar" she says "how much money did you spend?" he says "right about $9,000.00" she says "where's your truck boy?" he says (whimpering) "they took that too!" she says "wheres your clothes?" he says "i'm not real sure!" she says "who's that naked women with you?" he says, "hell, i thought she was you!" she says "did you like it in there?" he says "hell no, jeez-us-h, it was terrible, all them tall georgeous blonds with them big beautiful tittys, it made me want to puke!"
i let my wife listen to that track, she never even cracked a smile, is it me? LOL!
Take Care:
Richard
"Stay Out Of That Hay!"

[Divadiver 0]

Forgive me, I usually don't do the male bashing thing, but some of these are kind of cute.
Men are like.....Laxatives. They irritate the shit out of you.
Men are like.....Bananas. The older they get, the less firm they are.
Men are like.....Vacations. They never seem to be long enough.
Men are like.....Bank Machines. Once they withdraw they lose interest.
Men are like.....Weather. Nothing can be done to change them.
Men are like.....Blenders. You need one, but you're not quite sure why.
Men are like.....Cement. After getting laid, they take a long time to get hard.
Men are like.....Chocolate Bars. Sweet, smooth, and they usually head right for your hips.
Men are like.....Coffee. The best ones are rich, warm, and can keep you up all night long.
Men are like.....Commercials. You can't believe a word they say.
Men are like.....Department Stores. Their clothes are always half off.
Men are like.....Government bonds. They take so long to mature.
Men are like.....Horoscopes. They always tell you what to do and are usually wrong.
Men are like.....Mascara. They usually run at the first sign of emotion.
Men are like.....Popcorn. They satisfy you, but only for a little while.
Men are like.....Snowstorms. You never know when they're coming, how many inches you'll get or how long it will last.
Men are like.....Lava Lamps. Fun to look at, but not very bright.
Men are like.....Parking Spots. All the good ones are taken and the rest are handicapped.
Diva

[Divadiver 0]

Here's one I just got.
Diva

[freeflir29 0]

"Men are like.....Bank Machines. Once they withdraw they lose interest"
Well....if you wouldn't start talking!!!! "and I'm not easily impressed...Ooohh look...a blue car!" -Homer Simpson

[SpeedRacer 1]

Women are like.....dogs@#t, the older they are, the easier they are to pick up!

Speed Racer
What contemptible scoundrel has stolen the cork from my lunch?!
-WC Fields