freakydiver 0 #1 July 17, 2003 I have a retarded neice in my family, so I mean no disrespect to wheelchair bound individuals anywhere. But the fact that she told me about this is insane. NO OFFENSE MEANT - it is the funniest joke I've heard in awhile though! What's the hardest thing about eating a vegetable? Getting her back in the wheelchair. Keep in mind, my neice in the wheelchair told this to me. Wonder what she's been doing with herself lately Edited to add - got any good jokes? -- (N.DG) "If all else fails – at least try and look under control." -- Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
SkydiverRick 0 #2 July 17, 2003 What do you call a women with one leg? Peg never pull low......unless you are Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
txblondie 0 #3 July 17, 2003 A woman had had terrible luck with men and finally decided to place a personal ad, which read: I'M LOOKING FOR A MAN WHO WON'T HURT ME, WON'T LEAVE ME, AND IS GOOD IN BED. A couple of days later, a man called her, and she arranged for him to come over. The doorbell rang, and she opened the door to find a man with no arms and no legs. She was not happy, but she was desperate, so she asked him why he had answered the ad. "Well, I have no arms to hurt you with and no legs to leave you with." She nodded. "Okay, but what about sex? That was included in the ad." He smiled. "How do you think I rang the doorbell?" ***************************************** Blondes do have more fun! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
GARYC24 3 #4 July 17, 2003 What do you say to a woman with no arms and no legs? ...nice tits! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
SkydiverRick 0 #5 July 17, 2003 Why do women have short feet? So they can get closer to the stove. never pull low......unless you are Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Rebecca 0 #6 July 17, 2003 Why doesn't a woman need a watch? There's a clock on the stove. Why doesn't a woman need a driver's license? There's no road between the bedroom and the kitchen. you've got to ask yourself one question: 'Do I feel loquacious?' -- well do you, punk? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
AggieDave 6 #7 July 17, 2003 So this guy is walking along a beach when he happens upon a women with no arms or legs sitting by the water. She was crying, so the man stopped to ask what was wrong. She replies "I've never been hugged before..." and starts to weep much more. So this gentleman, being kind, bends over and hugs her. She smiles and then starts weeping again. The man is perplexed and asked why. She responds, "I like dthe hug very much, but I've never been kissed before..." He responds by bending over and giving her a very caring kiss. She smiles but once again begins to weep, much harder this time. Growing weary, the man asks, "Why are you crying now?" The women responds, "I've never been fucked before..." So the man bends over, picks her up and throws her out into the water, yell's "You're fucked now!" and runs off...--"When I die, may I be surrounded by scattered chrome and burning gasoline." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Brisco 0 #8 July 17, 2003 Why do brides wear white? To match the stove and the dishwasher! Brisco Experience is what you get when you don't get what you want. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
MuffDiver 0 #9 July 17, 2003 How do you change your dishwasher into a snowblower? hand her a shovel. __________________________________________________ Don't take life too seriously. You'll never get out alive. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
evilivan 0 #10 July 17, 2003 What's the definition of making love? Something a woman does when a guy is fucking her."If you can keep your head when all around you have lost theirs, then you probably haven't understood the seriousness of the situation." David Brent Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
evilivan 0 #11 July 17, 2003 ...this one is a little more tasteless... What's better then winning gold at the special Olympics? Not being retarded."If you can keep your head when all around you have lost theirs, then you probably haven't understood the seriousness of the situation." David Brent Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
evilivan 0 #12 July 17, 2003 ...and getting worse.... What's brown and sticky? A stick."If you can keep your head when all around you have lost theirs, then you probably haven't understood the seriousness of the situation." David Brent Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
MuffDiver 0 #13 July 17, 2003 Why is sperm shaped like a tadpole? you know she would never swallow a whole frog __________________________________________________ Don't take life too seriously. You'll never get out alive. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
evilivan 0 #14 July 17, 2003 ....and bottom of the barrel.... What's brown and runny? Linford Christie."If you can keep your head when all around you have lost theirs, then you probably haven't understood the seriousness of the situation." David Brent Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
AggieDave 6 #15 July 17, 2003 Whats black and white, and doesn't make a sound if you run it over with a car? A mime.--"When I die, may I be surrounded by scattered chrome and burning gasoline." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
nubain1 0 #16 July 17, 2003 QuoteWhats black and white, and doesn't make a sound if you run it over with a car? A mime. Ooh that was bad.Don't you remember all the public service announcements from the '80s that say "A mime is a terrible thing to waste" Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
AggieDave 6 #17 July 17, 2003 If a tree falls in the woods and hits a mime, does it make a sound?--"When I die, may I be surrounded by scattered chrome and burning gasoline." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
evilivan 0 #18 July 17, 2003 If a man is talking in the woods, and there are no women around, is he still wrong?"If you can keep your head when all around you have lost theirs, then you probably haven't understood the seriousness of the situation." David Brent Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
robskydiv 0 #19 July 17, 2003 How did Helen Keller masturbate? She used one hand to do the deed and one hand to moan. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
SkydiverRick 0 #20 July 17, 2003 How did Helen Keller burn her face? She tried to answer the iron. How did she burn the other side? They called back. never pull low......unless you are Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
FeMike 0 #21 July 17, 2003 Why did Helen Kellers dog run away? Youd run away too if you were named "blaahhhooofffgghhhhssss" Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
SkydiverRick 0 #22 July 17, 2003 A man was walking through the woods with a little kid. The little kid says "it's scary out here". The man says "how do you think I feel, I have to walk out by myself?" never pull low......unless you are Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
jimmytavino 16 #23 July 18, 2003 " hey,,,, pack the bags!!!! I have just won the lottery!!!".. The husband calls out,,, "should I pack for the mountains, or the beach? " She says,,, "I don't care... just GET THe Hell OUT !!!!" ....disclaimer.....not quite tasteless,,, but pretty funny.........skydive with enthusiasm Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
scotts 0 #24 July 18, 2003 What's green and goes backwards? (snort in thru your nose loud and hard) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
LadySkyDIve 0 #25 July 18, 2003 Why did Helen Keller have yellow shoes? Her dog was blind too! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
