jumpinfarmer 0 #1 May 5, 2005 Yesterday May 3, 2005 started like any other morning for me. After eating breakfast I went accrost the road to the farm and puttered around untill my cousin who I work with came out of the house. I saw my mother come up the road and turn into my grandpa's drive accrost from the farm, she checked on him every morning and night. I was working on something when I heard a scream that I can't get out of my head. As I came out of the barn I heard another scream, MARC. I saw my Mom comming accrost the yard at my grandpa's, I kenw he was dead. I ran there as fast as I could she was trembling as she told me he had shot himself. I got her over to my cousins house and quickly went to tell my aunt who also checked up on him every morning. I told her and made shure she was alright then returned back to the farm. By then the Sheriff had been called along with several other family members. An uncle and two neighbors were there almost instantly. From there the day just turned into a blurr of people comming and going, leaving food, offering help, ext. We have went through all the what if's and why's. He left an extensive letter that he had wrote over what seems like several weeks that answered and doughts we may have had. My grandma had died in February and he was just not able to live with out her. He also had a battery of medicle problems that left him in a wheel chair. he and my grandma had been together for over 50 years and both had been on the farm all there lives. The only thing he wanted was to be with her and be able to be out on a tractor, he could do neither so he decided to end his time here. I had thought I was handling it pretty well untill this afternoon when I thought I was going to have a panic attack just doing a simple repair on a piece of machinery. I never told anyone about that till now. I just spent the rest of the day in the tractor, plowing for corn, and thinking. Thank you for listening and letting me rant. Marc Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Punky_Monkey 0 #2 May 5, 2005 prayers to you and your family...******* Punky Monkey You may never get rid of the butterflies, but you can teach them how to fly in formation Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
skysprite 0 #3 May 5, 2005 You have my condolences. It's a difficult time, but it helps to talk about it and get it out. Look to your family and loved ones for support. Will keep you and yours in my thoughts and prayers.~skysprite Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
gmittar 0 #4 May 5, 2005 Many condolences. Sounds like he lived a good life with a woman that he really truly loved. Most of us would be well satisfied with that. Peace be with both of them. |>.<| Seriously, W.T.F. mate? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
jumpinfarmer 0 #5 May 5, 2005 Thanks. I have a large and rather close family, a lot of friends and live in a rather close comunity which helps. This is the first time that someone in our family has taken there own life. His passing isn't so much the shock it's how it happened. Things like this happen all the time but, it's always someone else. When it's your tragety it becomes all togeather differant. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
justaflygirl 0 #6 May 5, 2005 hugs and prayers for you and your family...... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
sunshine 2 #7 May 5, 2005 Oh marc, im so sorry. If there is anything i can do, let me know. I wish i was there to give you a big hug in person and give you my shoulder to cry on. ___________________________________________ meow I get a Mike hug! I get a Mike hug! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Dagny 0 #8 May 5, 2005 I'm sorry for your hurt. You couldn't have changed anything, no one could. It's okay to vent and it's okay to cry. Remember him with love. I wish you strength and peace.Take me, I am the drug; take me, I am hallucinogenic. -Salvador Dali Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ACMESkydiver 0 #9 May 5, 2005 I'm so sorry sweet pea. Hugs from over here...~Jaye Do not believe that possibly you can escape the reward of your action. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
PrairieDoug 0 #10 May 5, 2005 Marc -- I'd like to echo the condolences offered by others on this thread. I hope you find support from family & friends and are able to make your peace with this. Doug Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
AggieDave 6 #11 May 5, 2005 I'm sorry to hear this, I can't imagine what your family is going through. Take care of yourself and your family. *hug*--"When I die, may I be surrounded by scattered chrome and burning gasoline." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Michele 1 #12 May 5, 2005 Marc, hugs to you, and lots of love from this side of the country. If you need to talk about things, I'm never farther away than a pm. Hang tight, know your Grandpa is now with his lifelong love, and he is happy and content again. Know also that he sees you, is with you, loves you, and will be at your side forever. Love is eternal. Ciels- Michele ~Do Angels keep the dreams we seek While our hearts lie bleeding?~ Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
GiaKrembs 0 #13 May 5, 2005 My sincere condolences. May your family find peace in his passing. g Raddest ho this side of Jersey #1 - rest in peace brother Beth lost her cherry and I missed it .... you want access to it, but you don't want to break it. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
wartload 0 #14 May 5, 2005 QuoteMy grandma had died in February and he was just not able to live with out her. He also had a battery of medicle problems that left him in a wheel chair. he and my grandma had been together for over 50 years and both had been on the farm all there lives. The only thing he wanted was to be with her and be able to be out on a tractor, he could do neither so he decided to end his time here. Marc - I know that this must be emotional hell for you and for all your family. You will have many unanswered questions. They will, unfortunately, probably remain unanswered. Save these sentences that you wrote, and remember them when it hurts. He sounds like a great guy ... so devoted to his wife, to his land, and to farming. The pain of doing without them clearly was unbearable for him, and he made what was, for him, a rational decision to end that pain and to be with his wife ... and ultimately to become part of the land. Part of you already understands that, and the rest of you will accept it eventually. I'm sure that you and your family have a million great memories of your grandparents. They are what you need to have in your mind now. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
jumpinfarmer 0 #15 May 6, 2005 First thank you to everyone. I finaly broke down this morning at the strangest of all places. I had to go get a starter for a tractor and when I walked into the John Deere dealer there were about a dozen or so people both employees and customers. I knew all of them and as soon as I came in you could have heard a pin drop. They one by one started to give condolences as I sat down at the parts counter and started to cry. I know it was a strange place to do that but there was so much emotion pent up in me as well as the true heart felt compassion of friends and neighbors who I have known for many years that I just couldn't hold it back any more. This afternoon we met with the pastor of our church. He came out to plan for the service. He answered most all the questions we had, and was a great help. He is a great guy, almost makes me want to go to church. Thanks again Marc Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
sunshine 2 #16 May 6, 2005 You are loved, sounds like you have some awesome friends/family around you right now. Hang in there buddy. ___________________________________________ meow I get a Mike hug! I get a Mike hug! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
