Okay, new nick, but I’m not new (to the threads, at least). Just out of commission for awhile, but since now that I’m back, and since I hated my old nick, I made a new one. Anyway, I’ve got a question about fear. Long story made short – Two years ago I made 8 jumps on AFF. Biffed lev. 4 5 times, and gave up. Worst thing I ever did and not a day has gone by that I haven’t dreamed of jumping out of a plane and flying through the sky. Last friday I got pissed at my job and said fuck it, and took off to Skydive Hutchinson. I talked to Rose, the DZO, and scheduled, a tandem for the next day. I got there about 2 hours early because a local TV show, called “Whatever” was there filming a segment about skydiving and I wanted to see it. Well I was just sitting by myself observing everything that was going on. It had been so long since I’ve been to a DZ and it was cool just to be there, watching everybody jump out of the King Air, seeing people swoop in, and laughing at the guy that landed on the taxiway (BEER!!) I started thinking (I hate when that happens) about the jump, about getting in the cramped plane, getting in the door – you know, everything that scares the SHIT of us newbies. It was a little cooler than I expected, and I only had a t-shirt and shorts on so I decided to leave for a minute and go to the store to pick up a cheap sweatshirt. After I left the store I looked at my watch and saw that it was only 15 minutes till it was my turn to gear up for the jump. At that time a sensation that I can only describe as absolute panic overcame me. As I was leaving the store I couldn’t help but to take a left (towards home) instead of right (back to the DZ). I just ran away. I felt like shit, and I still do. Previously, on this forum, I have bitched so many times about money (I don’t have any), but I’m just now realizing that it’s more than that. I used to fly planes, and I loved being up in the sky, but it wasn’t enough, I need more. But apparently God has played a very cruel joke on me and made my most important dream also my worst fear. If that doesn’t suck ass more than anything then I don’t even want to know what does. I’ve become frustrated, and have even finally talked to whuffo’s about it, only to be met with a facial expression that only a skydiver can understand (you want to what?!?!?!?!?) So, I’m asking a question about fear. I want to skydive, but I’m scared to do it. I’ve done it already, which only makes it even more confusing. What’s with this fear thing? I know I can get over it cause I already have, so why can’t I do it again? See ya, Josh P.S. Don’t even THINK of telling me to take up golf. I HATE golf!!
