Nataly

Oh my GOSH little Benjamin is so freakin' cute you want to take a bite out of him!!!!!!!!  

WOW!!!  Congrats to both of you - how wonderful!

On 12/31/2020 at 2:00 PM, GARYC24 said:

SOMETHING TO PONDER: George Carlin

 

 

Well, even if those aren't his words, your post had me go down a wonderful rabbit hole of his stand up & I absolutely LOVE George Carlin, so thank you 

13 hours ago, TriGirl said:

And Nat -- I do give myself permission to say aloud that I can only handle so much on my own, and that's okay.  

Sometimes, just hearing/reading about someone else dealing with similar levels of "this just sucks right now" is therapeutic.  So, THANKS Wendy & Nat! 

Too right!!!! Sometimes all you can do is stop the boat from sinking...  Also, if you don't manage expectations, you better believe they will just keep piling it on...  And then they will be surprised if the quality of your work goes down and/or you just have a meltdown!!!   

You are just one person - there are always ways you could improve but you can't increase your output indefinitely.

5 hours ago, oldwomanc6 said:

Yep, it did get a little off topic and started talking about what is or not in your control vs your original idea of putting a false front on what one is actually feeling.  

I think the younger me would have tried to pretend that everything is ok. 

I *am* resilient/fearless/strong but I don't feel that way ALL the time...

So today I went for my annual check-up at the gynecologist...  Guess I really am getting old because it is the first time he has NOT given me the lecture about how I need to hurry up and have a baby before it's too late!  

Going back to the original topic, I was reflecting today on the past few months and thinking how (badly) I have been coping with my job loss...  It occurred to me that I was going through something like the stages of grief.  Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance...  And a bit of back and forth between these...  I've just been too preoccupied to see the pattern!!

And obviously when I googled it, this isn't a novel idea but today I found it very comforting to see that tons and tons and tons has been written on the subject...  It's funny how you don't *really* think about these things until it happens to you.  Must be a coping mechanism - guess if you stopped to think about *every* horrible thing in the world, you'd just want to kill yourself!!!  

On 12/15/2020 at 7:46 AM, oldwomanc6 said:

I have to disagree with you on this point.

Fear is what it is.  Just because you weren't afraid (while you had some modicum of control), doesn't mean that she chose to be afraid in a situation out of her control.      Even you admit to being afraid  after the fact.   Why would you dis her for being afraid during the incident?

How would you have felt if the shoe was on the other foot?

Yep - some very good points...  I myself have been surprised by people's fight/flight responses in a crisis...  It truly is difficult to guess who will lose their shit, who will be calm, who will stand out as a leader...  

My work colleague told me of a time where a fire broke out on a ship he was working on...  Without missing a beat, someone took charge, addressed the situation, stopped the fire...  When the actual fire-fighters arrived on the scene, no one could identify who had been the big hero!!!  (Because he/she was wearing a full fire-protection suit and a mask...)  Through a series of interviews, they deduced that it was one of the engineers and oddly this engineer had ZERO recollection of the event.  A complete blank.  Years later he still maintained that he remembered only that there was a signal from the horn that announced there was a fire onboard, and next thing he knew, he was talking to the fire-fighters!!!!  And yet when the shit hit the fan, in complete confidence he masterfully dealt with the situation.

Crazy!

So sorry for your loss.  

11 hours ago, riggerrob said:

Yes, something scary happened, but she was the one who chose to be terrified.

I - on the other hand - was too busy avoiding a collision to get scared. It was only afterwards that I acknowledged that I was scared.

We hope that is the difference between the general public and skydivers. We hope that skydivers are too busy solving problems (fight or flight) to relax into "freezing" in the face of danger.

I know exactly what you mean!!  I'm very level-headed and calm under pressure...  I have a friend for whom EVERYTHING is a drama.  I don't know how he can live like that! 

I told him once that I was annoyed that I had dropped my bike.  I was pleased that it was only very minimally scratched.  Half an hour later my doorbell rings and there he is - almost in tears - trying to give me a big hug...  I'm like "dude, what's wrong, what happened?"  (I thought his dad died or something serious.)

And he went on a long rant about how *I* nearly died (by dropping the bike in a parking lot!!!) and he couldn't believe he had almost lost me and why wasn't I more upset???  Honestly it took me a second to realise WTF he was on about...  He was just turning absolutely nothing into a mountain of anxiety...

We're not such good friends anymore...  I don't need that kind of nonsense in my life!

On 12/10/2020 at 12:30 AM, d123 said:

feeling, thinking, speaking and acting upon are totally different things, with different implications. 

Exactly!!!  Acknowledging that something is shitty isn't a bad thing.  A long as you are doing your best to deal with it.

Pretending everything is great is just ignoring reality...  And anyway, I don't want to be that person who needs outside validation to feel OK.  I want to work towards *actually* being OK - and that ain't always pretty!!  

4 hours ago, TriGirl said:

Hey, Nat,

Sorry I missed this last month.  I know how you feel about being in a pandemic for a milestone, though. I joined the Half Century club back in April.  Right when everything was starting to lock down!  I currently live in Papua New Guinea, so I was looking forward to getting friends to meet me in Cairns for some sailing on the Great Barrier Reef, or maybe do some camping on the south island of New Zealand.  Alas, still here in PNG, with 51 right around the corner.

You have 10 years to plan now.  Make 50 a party to make up for it all!  Here's an idea: my boss said she did her cerebration in Hawaii.  Get it?  "Hawaii 5-0"  

Surreal isn't it?!!  Love your idea about Hawaii and I might not even wait for a milestone as an excuse to go - hahahaha!!

On 12/8/2020 at 1:58 AM, NewGuy2005 said:

Take it from someone that's a 61 yeas old student of human nature.  That's about as good as it gets.  Congratulations!

Yay??

5 hours ago, oldwomanc6 said:

Wow,  Nataly, I never once thought you ever faked anything (at least here).  

You have always struck me a person with your heart on your sleeve (a good thing, IMO), but with a genuinely positive outlook.  

You can always come here to vent when needed, as far as I'm concerned.     Sometimes, a place to do that is needed by everyone at times.

Well, I am a straight talker...  I went through a period of oversharing (and learned my lesson).  But like everyone, the temptation is strong to always present a positive image.  I'm sick of that.  I'm not doing it anymore!

You gotta keep some things to yourself jn a professional context.  That's unavoidable.  But I'm not superwoman.  I'm flawed.  I fuck up all the time.  I'm not pretending everything is a life lesson anymore.  Know what I mean??

I feel so bad for this current generation who is growing up with their "image" being so public and on display and so easy to judge and criticise...  We keep driving the message that people should be happy / grateful / positive / woke...  And they should be these things ALL THE TIME.  Ah, but they should also be "authentic" and vulnerable and flawed...

Jesus...  What a mind-fuck!!  We are robbing people of the ENTIRE range of human emotions, which INCLUDES all the "ugly" ones like anger, envy, depression, frustration...  These are not only normal, they are healthy!!!  We can't be perfect all of the time.  People are a hot mess of feelings, and that is a good thing!

OBVIOUSLY we should practice gratitude for the things we have.  OBVIOUSLY we should try not to be too self-absorbed / tone-deaf.  OBVIOUSLY things could always be worse and/or someone *else* has it worse...  No one is so unique that he/she is the first to experience whatever-it-is-he/she-is-going-through.

But yeah.  Nothing and no one is perfect.  Spending all your time "faking" positivity seems to me like it's just as bad (if not worse) as dwelling on *only* the bad stuff...

I know one thing...  Last year I decided I sure as fuck was not going to pretend anymore that everything was always fine.  Everything is NOT fine, and here's the real irony: giving myself the freedom to say so has meant that I have never been happier!!  Some things in my life are super shitty, and that's ok!  I'm working on it.  Some days are bad...  Some are good...  I have profound moments of self-doubt and short bursts of joyfulness...  But I am sooooooo DONE with faking it.

Yesterday was a hard day.  Today was better.  I don't know about tomorrow...  And that's fine.  Not great.  Not amazing.  Not horrible.  Just fine.

On 11/19/2020 at 7:44 PM, riggerrob said:

oldwomanc6 is right. Natalie is still a puppy, kitten, cub, ... you know what I mean.

hehehe - thanks babe!! 

It's kind of funny because overall I am kind of crushing it...  What I say / how I feel / how I behave are all very very very aligned...  I am focused...  I have never felt better / happier / more fulfilled.  I have great friends, am achieving some of my biggest goals in life...  There are little but significant things in my day-to-day that are so joyful!

BUT I lost my job in August and despite all of the above being true, it simultaneously seems like everything is falling apart!  

A strange/surreal feeling, for sure!!  2020 has been really...  Weird.

8 hours ago, sfzombie13 said:

i don't hate it as much as am sick and tired of outsiders coming into my home and writing about how it is without getting it right.  i have talked to several folks who have seen it and read many reviews of it. 

Oh my god.  Just watch it.  Or don't.  But if you don't, you're hardly in a good position to criticise it and pick it apart!!!  

ETA - you probably wasted more time writing that comment than it would have taken you to watch the movie...  Just sayin' 

Funny how someone else's mess can make your own life seem pretty good...

So nice that you cared and listened to him.  Maybe a bit of kindness was all he needed at that moment.

Just watched this - really awesome performances.  I was at the edge of my seat, rooting for all the characters...  They weren't particularly likable but they were layered and very relatable.  So heartbreaking at times.  Loved it.

ETA - This post reminded me that I wanted to watch "The Wife" with Glen Close.  Oh my gosh...  I just finished it and it is AMAZING.

Oh my gosh!!!  When did I write that???!!!!!  

Well, thank you for remembering!!!  We are confined again over here, so like many other people this year, it wasn't possible to have much of a celebration...  But messages and phone calls poured in all day, and that was very nice 

EDIT: hahahaha - found the topic from way back in 2015  I had forgotten all about that thread/experience as well...  Funny trip down memory lane!!!

2 hours ago, SethInMI said:

the title reminded me of three point one four by the bloodhound gang

Hahahahaha!!  Been aaaages since I heard that!!  My title was kind of inspired by the below meme...  I don't know if Betty White actually said that, but it sounds like her and she is just such a national treasure...  LOVE that gal!!

Hehehehe!!!  Thanks, buddy!  This is exactly what I needed today :)

On 10/10/2020 at 6:51 AM, oldwomanc6 said:

Thank you. 

I am glad to see things changing for the better (meaning more family support, now).

Knowing what you "signed up for"  (My MIL's favorite expression)  is one thing, but it doesn't make going through it any easier or less painful (during).

It's a balancing act, because the military can't accommodate inconvenient things like family life (nor should they, given their purpose).

Yes for sure...  Also...  Funnily enough,  when you are a teenager and you "sign your life away" the farthest thing from your mind is that your future family will find things challenging...

Yes, it's good they are slooooowly realising family and personal life are important.  It makes soldiers more human and empathetic, and the world needs more empathy.

On 10/8/2020 at 11:28 PM, piisfish said:

Could be worse.. You could be associated with the dramatic season of Below Deck MEditerranean.

What is/was your job in the yachting industry ? I believe land based. Broker ?  

I have seen the trailer...  So much drama - eeeek!

Yes, my job was at the shipyard, managing the finances for a yacht under construction.  Not many of those positions going around.  Was a really fantastic learning experience.

Just today I was contacted about an interesting position...  Even if it doesn't materialise, it's encouraging :)

I've been very boring for many years now so have managed to set some money aside for a rainy day...  I'm also a Chartered Accountant and being numerate means makes me highly employable.  Now...  Highly employable doesn't mean I will find a job I like, or even that it will pay well...  But the fact that I should be able to get a job is already something.  I can get through this.

7 hours ago, oldwomanc6 said:

Out pops a baby.

[...]

Sorry for not a funny post.  no extra credit, I guess.  

 

Well, the first line certainly had me laughing out loud!!  Great segue!!

Wow...  Not a great time for a mini stroke - sorry to hear that.  Obviously, health problems are never "convenient" but you know what I mean...

I spent 7 years in the military...  Back then, they were getting better at recognising the importance of family, but there was still "old school" people at the top who had a complete disregard for things like "the birth of your child" and allowed service members to be posted in different units to their spouses; go on non-essential courses when a family member was ill/dying, when it wouldn't have been THAT hard to re-shuffle things to accommodate the human factor... 

Lots of divorces & dysfunctional children...  They are getting better at it all the time, but being or living with someone in the military is a hard life.  Can be great and rewarding as well, but not easy.

11 months without seeing his child??  Dude, that's rough.  On everyone.  Kudos to him, you, and your (now-adult) kid for your sacrifices.

How do *you* react?  Bonus points it it's funny :)

Like many other people right now, I have lost my job.  I knew very well that in our industry (yachting), none of us were immune to it - but it still came as a shock.

I had a pretty great job...  Realistically, I will probably have to do something shitty until a good one comes along again.  Even if not appealing, at least I have *some* options.  I wish I had a funny side to it - maybe the humour will hit me later!!!  I'm doing everything I can to make the most of a bad situation.  It's not "fun" but I'm certainly not alone, and for sure things could be way, way, way worse. 

Ahhhh, 2020...  You are like a bad breakup...  Can you finish already so I can go back to quietly knitting cute sweaters for my cat??!