I have a weblog and just yesterday, I was journaling about the same issue. Here is the excerpt. The people that read that don't skydive, so some of it's pretty simplistic, but here's my answer. Back Flips Through Heaven I've written about it before, but I have an obsession. I can't stop thinking about it, I can't stop feeling about it and I can't stop wanting to be doing it all the time. Not many people can say that they've done backflips through heaven. I continue to have trouble with flying my canopy and landing smoothly. I love to freefall. I love the feeling of being unteathered and irresponsible with gravity. Up in the air, regardless of who is with you, you are ultimately alone...you are, in the final analysis, repsonsbile for yourself. Even if you are a student, no one else can save you, it is, by nature and necessity, a selfish sport. Each jump is all about you. As long as you are aware of where other people and planes are, you can do whatever you want for 50 seconds with no thought to the consequences, because regardless, it's too late. You can't will yourself back into that plane, and shy of not pulling there isn't a damn thing you can do about it, so no amount of stressing out about the consequences is going to change them. It is 50 second of care free. Canopy flight is another story. As soon as I pull that pilot chute and watch my canopy open, I start to get anxious. I'm going to have to deal with the consquences of jumping out of that plane very soon. Am I close enough to the landing area? Watch, make sure you don't cross over the runway at under 1,000 feet. Do you know where the other canopies are? What's your landing pattern going to be? Can you make it standing up? DON'T HIT ANYTHING! Yin and yang. Release and constraint. The flips side, the yin and yang to the aforementioned yin and yang is that while all you can hear in freefall is the wind rushing into your ears at 170 miles per hour, all you hear under canopy is the gentle flutter of your slider above your head. Freefall is disorienting. Canopy rides are reorientating. Freefall is intense and in some ways, if you can clear your mind, canopy rides are the place where you will find the most peace. You are still very much alone and responsible for yourself, but now, with no wind slamming into your face, you can lean back in your harness and notice that the sun is turning Long's Peak into an orange firework as it sets behind it. You have the unique opportunity to notice that when they built Roger's road, someone couldn't draw a straight line. Occassionally, you will hear the distinctive "pop" of another canopy opening near by, but for the most part, you are flying solo in the sky. Yin and yang in their most complex manifestations. I told this to a jump master who told me I almost had it right. He took a minute to compose his thoughts to correct me where I was wrong. Then, he stopped, he looked at me and said, "No, I'm wrong. You're EXACTLY right." Perhaps this dichotomy is why I love it so much. Why, even on days when I don't FEEL like jumping I jump, because something in my blood says that I don't have a choice and it will mutany me and leave on that plane regardless of whether or not I go. "Once you have flown, you will walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been, and there you long to return". - Leonardo Di Vinci
