lurch 0 #1 May 21, 2003 Ok. Somebody has got to appreciate the humor of this... I jumped twice yesterday, one a coach jump sitfly 2-way that went so much better than expected I was all but bouncing off the walls...Thanks Reed! anyway after jumping, went over to the Wulf's place to hang out and see a flick. The Wulf is this old friend of mine, non-whuffo, has done a tandem and is hooked for life but was prevented by circumstance (newborn daughter) from pursuing further jumps. Nevertheless he most definitely "has a clue" and knows some about how it works up there. His fiancee however is.....not. A fairly intelligent but utterly clueless flaky female whose dominant interests in life seem to be wedding cakes jewelry and junk psychology. One of those I'm-utterly-helpless types, she once called the Wulf out to help her get her car unstuck from 2 inches of snow. The Wulf got in, backed it up 8 feet on to dry pavement in one simple movement without so much as spinning a tire, got out, and said "there you go." Get the idea of my victim? so.... Here I am with my 100th jump video in the bag, (Thanks Tom! Awesome!!!) before we sit down to watch TITUS I pop in this little baby and show em both whats been happening lately. 8-way celebration jump with pieing. Allie, the fiancee, starts asking me a few questions about human flight...the usual ones...cost, training, how do you do it...then she asks me how do you breathe in freefall...you can't, right? Oh god I can't help myself.... No, I explained to her as the video played behind me, you can't breathe in freefall...for one thing the air's too thin up there to survive for long and in any case, you don't NEED to. There aren't any closeups in this video but there were in others you've seen and you no doubt observed the jumpers cheeks flapping furiously. This is a tricky part of the training not everyone can do. Falling that fast you get loads of oxygen transfer straight through the skin by osmosis, they teach you to flap your cheeks like that during the fall to enhance oxygen transfer in the skin and ensure enough o2 permeates the tissues closest to the brain...this is why some first time tandem students pass out and are revived either under canopy or on the ground...they didn't do the flapping right and lost conciousness. She said it must be kind of hard to get used to...I said it is, its tricky...This is also why skydivers are forbidden to jump through clouds...its very dangerous. Moisture in the clouds condenses on the skin and the jumper suffocates. Now the Wulf has a bad neck right now and was curled up on the sofa maybe 5 feet to my right...I had been spinning this tale with an utterly straight face until when I got to the part about the suffocation in clouds at which point I was interrupted somewhat by this horrible rhythmic squeaking sound coming from the sofa as the Wulf finally failed to contain his stifled laughter entirely...I looked in his direction, can't see his face, he's still curled up but now shaking in rhythm with the continuing squeaky sound. At which point I started to break up myself, and the fiancee wanted to know why we were laughing. The Wulf being unable to speak I locked my face down and told her its cause of Wulf's first tandem...he had a bit of trouble himself mastering the flapping during his training and it was funny as shit if you were there and saw it. She said well he -did- get it, right? I said oh yeah he did get the art down and did awesome on his tandem, stayed concious, got hooked on it, maybe again someday....the squeaking noise continued....conversation moved on to other things...... I will be haunted by that somehow terrible squeaking sound coming from the sofa for the rest of my life. It should be criminal to do what I just did...but I figured some jumper might appreciate it....Live and learn... or die, and teach by example. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
divingduck 0 #2 May 21, 2003 WOW. Way to take advantage of a whuffo... in other words, you rock my socks! haha... If I loved you anymore I would have a stroke Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Lioness 0 #3 May 21, 2003 Oh that was REALLY funny! I may have to use a similar story like that one day when a whuffo really get's to me. Thanks for thw laugh! I needed that one today!______________________________________ Be glad of life, because it gives you the chance to love and to work and to play and to look up at the stars. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
dterrick 0 #4 May 21, 2003 ROTFLMAO !!!! Y'know, someone tried to pull the 'no breathing' part on me very early on in my skydiving career (s/l method, no CLUE about freefall). I dont try and scare the whuffos... much ... but I'm gonna remember that one Dave [edited to add:] Just thinking about it for a minute more and I guess I DO scare them... Among the things I've said include: Naah, remember when I totaled my racing car in '98? Ya every time the parachute opens it's like that, only $10,000 cheaper. Landing? Remember the last time you jumped off your garage roof? Well it's not like that ... but I practise on weekdays. Flying just like a bird? I'm still not good enough to take a shit on somene's car in midair but we have a special award given out when you succeed Life is very short and there's no time for fussing and fighting my friend (Lennon/McCartney) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ERICCONNELLY 0 #5 May 21, 2003 Quote Flying just like a bird? I'm still not good enough to take a shit on somene's car in midair but we have a special award given out when you succeed This one I'm stealing! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
NoShitThereIWas 0 #6 May 21, 2003 Wow, I can't believe she was actually believeing all of that! It is amazing the things whuffos will believe. That is one of the things that makes this sport so much fun. As we go on and experience more, we conquer more of our fears of the unknown and we learn more about a survival skill.Roy Bacon: "Elvises, light your fires." Sting: "Be yourself no matter what they say." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
AirMail 0 #7 May 22, 2003 Quote Flying just like a bird? I'm still not good enough to take a shit on somene's car in midair but we have a special award given out when you succeed Stop that!!!! I just sprayed my computer with Gin and Tonic thru my nose. Patrick-- It's never too late to have a happy childhood. Postal Rodriguez, Muff 3342 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
julius 0 #8 May 22, 2003 Patrick,Thats alcohol abuse! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
jumprunner 0 #9 May 22, 2003 Sorry, but I have this one beat. This chick was a bungie jumper: Bungie Chick: Well, on a bungie cord, you dont have to worry about getting killed because the bungie cord stops the fall. Reply: Thats what we use parachutes for. Q: But, what happens if the parachute doesnt open? A: You have a reserve and you depoy it. Q: But, what if the reserve doesnt open? A: Thats what we use bungie cords for, so you can bounce back up to the plane and try it again! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
dreamsville 0 #10 May 22, 2003 We must remember: there is a frame of mind that will never understand people who make a sport out of an emergency procedure.| I don't drink during the day, so I don't know what it is about this airline. I keep falling out the door of the plane. Harry, FB #4143 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
tbrown 26 #11 May 22, 2003 What ? You don't have your Star Crest Bombardier number yet ? I'd get a move on it, while the numbers are still low (I think they're up to 56 by now...) We had an observer on a Beech load, this was in the seventies, and she was expecting to see the old chest mounted reserves, but by then of course everyone and their auntie had gone piggyback. We just told her that reserves were too expensive and only losers needed them, not us. Then we told her about the "brick load" (my idea), which is when we'd do some advertising for the DZ by tossing bricks out over some stretch of the downtown shopping district with the DZ's name and phone number. If a brick actually hit anybody, they'd get their first jump for free. Your humble servant.....Professor Gravity ! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
NoShitThereIWas 0 #12 May 23, 2003 Quote What ? You don't have your Star Crest Bombardier number yet ? I'd get a move on it, while the numbers are still low (I think they're up to 56 by now...) We had an observer on a Beech load, this was in the seventies, and she was expecting to see the old chest mounted reserves, but by then of course everyone and their auntie had gone piggyback. We just told her that reserves were too expensive and only losers needed them, not us. Then we told her about the "brick load" (my idea), which is when we'd do some advertising for the DZ by tossing bricks out over some stretch of the downtown shopping district with the DZ's name and phone number. If a brick actually hit anybody, they'd get their first jump for free. OMG that is so funny. Sounds like something right outta Fandango. I can only imagine what was going through this lady's mind ... Roy Bacon: "Elvises, light your fires." Sting: "Be yourself no matter what they say." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Luminous 0 #13 May 23, 2003 My favorite: "doesn't it hurt when you open your parachute and get jerked back up like that?" BSBD 'In an insane society a sane person seems insane.' Mr. Spock Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
jumprunner 0 #14 May 23, 2003 Quote My favorite: "doesn't it hurt when you open your parachute and get jerked back up like that?" BSBD Oh yea, sometimes I dont open my parachute because of that. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
BenGriffiths 0 #15 May 23, 2003 Quote Oh yea, sometimes I dont open my parachute because of that. The perfect solution to stop a hard opening - why did I never think of that---------- Ben G Still Sinking :-( Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
wmw999 2,121 #16 May 23, 2003 I think mine was "isn't it true your skin peels off if you get going fast enough?" For years after that, I told FJCs that there is only one stupid question, and gave them that one. It usually broke the ice and let them ask the rest Wendy W. There is nothing more dangerous than breaking a basic safety rule and getting away with it. It removes fear of the consequences and builds false confidence. (tbrown) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
jumprunner 0 #17 May 24, 2003 Quote I think mine was "isn't it true your skin peels off if you get going fast enough?" For years after that, I told FJCs that there is only one stupid question, and gave them that one. It usually broke the ice and let them ask the rest Wendy W. Actually that makes sense, it explains why I keep seeing skeletons comming down under canopy.Always wondered about that... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
