Fear

[phatcat 0]

Okay, new nick, but I’m not new (to the threads, at least). Just out of commission for awhile, but since now that I’m back, and since I hated my old nick, I made a new one. Anyway, I’ve got a question about fear. Long story made short – Two years ago I made 8 jumps on AFF. Biffed lev. 4 5 times, and gave up. Worst thing I ever did and not a day has gone by that I haven’t dreamed of jumping out of a plane and flying through the sky. Last friday I got pissed at my job and said fuck it, and took off to Skydive Hutchinson. I talked to Rose, the DZO, and scheduled, a tandem for the next day. I got there about 2 hours early because a local TV show, called “Whatever” was there filming a segment about skydiving and I wanted to see it. Well I was just sitting by myself observing everything that was going on. It had been so long since I’ve been to a DZ and it was cool just to be there, watching everybody jump out of the King Air, seeing people swoop in, and laughing at the guy that landed on the taxiway (BEER!!) I started thinking (I hate when that happens) about the jump, about getting in the cramped plane, getting in the door – you know, everything that scares the SHIT of us newbies. It was a little cooler than I expected, and I only had a t-shirt and shorts on so I decided to leave for a minute and go to the store to pick up a cheap sweatshirt. After I left the store I looked at my watch and saw that it was only 15 minutes till it was my turn to gear up for the jump. At that time a sensation that I can only describe as absolute panic overcame me. As I was leaving the store I couldn’t help but to take a left (towards home) instead of right (back to the DZ). I just ran away. I felt like shit, and I still do. Previously, on this forum, I have bitched so many times about money (I don’t have any), but I’m just now realizing that it’s more than that. I used to fly planes, and I loved being up in the sky, but it wasn’t enough, I need more. But apparently God has played a very cruel joke on me and made my most important dream also my worst fear. If that doesn’t suck ass more than anything then I don’t even want to know what does. I’ve become frustrated, and have even finally talked to whuffo’s about it, only to be met with a facial expression that only a skydiver can understand (you want to what?!?!?!?!?) So, I’m asking a question about fear. I want to skydive, but I’m scared to do it. I’ve done it already, which only makes it even more confusing. What’s with this fear thing? I know I can get over it cause I already have, so why can’t I do it again?
See ya, Josh
P.S. Don’t even THINK of telling me to take up golf. I HATE golf!!

[Zennie 0]

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What’s with this fear thing? I know I can get over it cause I already have, so why can’t I do it again?

The mind is a very weird thing isn't it. What makes it weird is there's this you-inside-a-you. There's the you that wants to skydive, but this other you wants to run.
One of them is the "real" you. The other is the "fake" you made up of all those irrational hangups and fears that we collect over the years. So the trick is to let the real you get control again. Guess that's what they mean by conquering yourself.
In Zen parlance, that's what we mean by just "being". Easier said than done though. Try some relaxation exercises, the best of which is just concentrate on your breathing when you feel the fear creeping in. Just focus on the air flowing in & out of your nose (no snot please! ). Brings you back in the moment. Do it on the plane as well.

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Don’t even THINK of telling me to take up golf. I HATE golf!!

There's always bowling.
Just kidding!
------------
Blue Skies!
Zennie

[Dutchboy 0]

All I can tell you is that I repeated my level 5 three times till I got it right. I have friends that repeated jumps 6 times, some even more than that. I figured out that I wasn't really afraid of dying, I was afraid that I wouldn't perform. I found this out when I went to the wind tunnel and was just as tense as at the DZ.
What really helped me was to get some confidence by spending some time in the tunnel, and more importantly to just say f@#k it, I'm going to have fun and enjoy myself. I'll do my best to pass this level, but if I don't then I'm going to at least have fun.
Don't psych yourself out. Here is a story not too many people know. I've been a licensed pilot for about 10 years. When you take your flight test you must perform some manuevers to a certain specification that is printed in a little book (practical test standards). I knew these cold. I was doing my checkride and all was great. That is until I was doing "turns around a point" and I realized that my altitude had slipped outside the limits. I had a huge panic attack, swearing at myself for failing my checkride. Well, then I started to fly poorly. Talking to the examiner on the ground he told me I only failed after. I was OK deviating from the standard because I recognized what happened and corrected it. But because I totally psyched myself out and got all pissed off and nervous I ended up failing.
So the moral to my story is do whatever you can to relax. Visualize the perfect dive you will have in your mind. Think of all the fun you will have. Don't worry about how you will be judged, just do it. I'd try and get back to that DZ as soon as you can and do that jump. I'm sure when it's over you'll wonder why you were every nervous.
The Dutchboy
http://www.geocities.com/ppolstra

[cyberskydive 0]

Everyone has fear. And everyone overcomes thier fears in thier own individual way. To me fear means that you are scared, that you believe that something is going to happen that you dont want to happen. So how you deal with it is up to you entirely. Only you know exactly why you're afraid.
Skydivng is definately not for everyone, and I'm not telling you to give up by any means. What you have to do is evaluate the reasons why you want to skydive, and why you dont. Take some time to think about things objectively and realisticaly.
Chill out-relax-and have a good time man.
you've already overcome one of the biggest fears among alot of people. Saying to yourself and everyone else that you're afraid.
wheres the beer?
D.Chisolm C-28534
[email protected]
http://www.sunraydesigns.com

[Brokeneagle 0]

Don't be alone, phat- and don't give up on yourself yet. For what it's worth, I know where you're comin' from- I have a strong fear of heights, yet I've dreamed I could fly from the time I can remember. I took up jumping as a tandem passenger- fell in love with the sport and the people that participate in it-and took 14 more tandems till I could screw my courage to the sticking place and do it alone- went to static line- did good till my 3rd freefall jump- got scared out of my mind by too much altitude(can you imagine that?) and a built-in left turn in freefall. Took 6 mos. off because I was too scared to go back, always looking up at the sky, wishing I was up there, then took 2 more tandems to re-remember why I loved this sport; then took up the AFF program- did fair, still had that built-in left hand turn--until level 3... couldn't pass that to save my life- you better believe they told ME to go bowling! But instead I went to Flyaway and bought a 10-flight package- finally, on the 7th attempt, I passed! Went straight thru the rest of the program, even skipped level 5...if skydiving is something you REALLY want to do, then don't worry, you'll find a way to do it. Your desire must just surpass your fear.....and I still get scared before a jump, but I always remember how much I love it in plenty of time to override that fear...

[skymama 35]

I think what you are feeling is a very normal response for a lot of people when they first start. It was like that for me, and I think I'm pretty normal!
When I first started, I lost 10 pounds in the 3 weeks preceding my first tandem purely from nerves. The ONLY reason I jumped was because I decided that the fear wasn't going to beat me. Shoot, you are throwing yourself out of an airplane after all, but remind yourself that it's a pretty safe sport if you take it seriously, and then think of how many jumps are done every day with no one getting fatally injured. I still ended up popping pepto-bismol all last year on the ride to the dropzone, and I've mentioned before that I ended up losing 50 pounds all together, and a lot of it was from nerves.
And, I'll admit, the weekend before last, I didn't have that great of jumps and I spent all week thinking of all the things that could have gone wrong. It got me pretty nervous again. Sunday came, and it was the day I had set aside to jump. My stomach was upset all morning. Finally, I literally made myself go out to the DZ, just to see how I felt. The great thing about hanging around the DZ is that most of the people genuinely care about each other, and will help you. And, as soon as I voiced my concerns, 2 great guys started talking to me (thanks Warren and Shane!) and reminded me that I knew what to do, and then one of them offered to do a real easy jump with me. And, guess what! I was fine, had a blast, did 3 jumps for the day, and was wondering why I let myself get all worked up about the unknown.
Face your fears, live your dreams!
Andrea

[Keys 0]

If you can still think and react while your in a state of fear, I think you should keep trying. Not only will
you accomplish a goal of finishing but the fear will make you a stronger person.
Plus, SKYDIVING ROCKS! There was a girl at our DZ who did level 4 - 11 times. She didn't give up. She passed, graduated and now is a descent diver. Her nickname of course is 4.

[cdunham 0]

It's all right to have butterflies in your stomach. Just get them to fly in formation.
--Dr. Rob Gilbert

[froggie 0]

josh,
Im not going to tell you that you should or shouldnt skydive. its too personal of a desicion for me to make for you. But what i can tell you is that it is normal. I admit it~ at least one time before every jump i think "why the hell am i doing this?!?! im terrified! is it worth it?" and then i remember all the good times ive had up there. i think of the 425 seconds of freefall time that i have accumulated and to be quite honest, those were the best 425 seconds of my life! i can remember most of them in clear detail. And i want to remember days more worth of freefall time. I remember how amazing and how different they all were. I remember the feelings of pride and accomplishment from the first time i landed my own parachute. The first time I was released and freefalling by myself. I remember the minutes of canopy rides that i have flown. I remember setting up my pattern and feeling so amazing when i landed upwind on all of those jumps but one where i landed crosswind with 3 mph winds. So when i become afraid i know that in only a matter of minutes its going to be over and im going to love every second of it. I know that im going to be so proud at the end. I know that im going to pull my own pilot chute and be responsible for keeping myself alive. Its like the ultilmate survivor test.. the question is, can you do it?
we all get afraid. we all doubt our abilities. we all spook ourselves. the important thing is to remember how amazing it is. how great it feels. how much you love it.
Good luck!
kel

[zelda 0]

Like everyone else has said, you're the only one who can decide if you're willing and able to proceed. The best way I've found to control my fear (note that I don't say "conquer," I haven't figured that one out yet), is to think long and hard about what exactly it is that I'm afraid of. Is it freefall? Well, maybe. But, as the DZ manager pointed out one day, there isn't anything about freefall to be afraid of; there is a notable lack of trees and other obstacles at 10k!! As long as you pull, freefall is manageable (knowing that helps you relax and stay stable, by the way). I think my biggest hang-up was exits, which always sucked. But then, I had to stop and think rationally about that, too. I always screwed them up (tumble, tumble, tumble)...on my last jump, I was whining about my tumbling exits to my DZO, who said, "If you go ass over tea-kettle, I don't give a shit as long as you show me you can recover quickly." Hmmm. That takes a little pressure off; I know I can recover almost instantly, so I don't let it panic me.
The short version is, break the jump into small, manageable pieces. Think about what scares you about each piece, and tell yourself what you're going to do and why it shouldn't be so scary.
-zelda

[zelda 0]

Skymama, I'm glad I'm not the only one! I thought I must have been a neurotic nut case when I lost 16lbs in a month, just from jump nerves! I've told my whuffo friends that the adrenaline diet is the best weight loss regimen since starvation, but they're just not going for it...
-zelda

[chronistin 0]

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It's all right to have butterflies in your stomach. Just get them to fly in formation.
--Dr. Rob Gilbert

I love that! Who is this Dr. Rob Gilbert???

[phatcat 0]

Hey, thanks everybody. I appreciate all your replies. I guess this whole thing has become an obsession. Actually more of a mission to prove to myself that I don’t have to let fear dictate how I will live my life. Even if I only do one more tandem and decide skydiving isn’t for me – I can live with that, but I need to know, instead of just wonder. There was I time I had what it takes, and I don’t know what’s changed now. Maybe I just need to listen to that little voice in my head that says “stop your damn whining and jump you idiot!” It seems like so much fun, maybe I’m just scared that I WILL decide it’s not for me. That would be a lot of dreaming wasted. I’ll find a way, sooner or later (hopefully sooner).
Thanks again - Josh

[PalmettoTiger 1]

Josh - have you ever thought about bringing a friend (skydiver or whuffo, doesn't matter) along with you for encouragement? You might be better off if you have someone else to back up your resolve.
Blues, squares,
PTiger

[cloud9 0]

Josh
Without being long winded. It may surprise you to know but every skydiver I know went through a period of fear and doubt. A period where we questioned why the hell we were where we were. All of us that jump found ourselves; and kept jumping. Many people never do and quit. The bottom line, you need to decide if skydiving is for you! If it is you will find a way to accomplish your goals. If not no shame, hell you should see me try to shoot a basket ball. This is a sport and like all sports some folks love it, some hate it, and some fall somewhere in between. Now that's hard for us hard core skydivers to understand, but then again what if I told M.J. I don't like basket ball? So enjoy your life, and I hope you jump again, but if not. Hey you experienced something most folks can only dream about!!!!
By the way spiders scare the shit out of me! So we all have our thing:
Bleau Skies dude

[Keys 0]

Those two little twin girls from the Shining, now that was scary.
The only problem with the butterflies in my stomach is that one of them keeps going low in the formation.

[Emma 0]

Josh,
The reason you got so many replies to this post is because everyone saw the title 'FEAR' and went, 'THAT'S something I know about!'
Everyone feels scared sometimes - I am ALWAYS a bit nervous on the plane - sometimes even on the way to the DZ!
However, it DOES get better, and if you decide to continue with your AFF, you'll find it gets easier. One of the biggest reliefs for me was when I could finally jump solo without an AFF JM....it almost became relaxing.
In fact, I can honestly say that now I generally feel scared about screwing up the dive more than 'fear' per se.
Keep at it - I think from your post that you know you need to do this again, you just need some support and to know that the fear will lessen as you do more jumps.
I have to say, I also sometimes feel that an evil twist of Fate 'made my most important dream also my worst fear' - I oftn think that when I'm on the ride up, in fact!
Good luck, I'm sure you'll get there!
emma