Hipwrddude 0 #1 September 30, 2004 --Post a fictional account of your fictional job-- HAH! My name is Cletus McAfreey, and I am a perfessional dog rassler and cat ackerbatic specialist. By nature, dogs are rasslers and cats are ackerbats. I, for a nominal fee, will come over to yer party and demonstrate before the half-dollar wide eyes of your partygoers, live dog rasslin.’ Dogs love it, people love it, and it’s just god damn pure entertainment fun! I will take your Rottweiler, Doberman, German Shepherd or Chihiuahua, and we weell square off, and, at the sound of a spoon against an empty beer bottle, we weell rassle with reckless abandon. I know yer thinkin’ kids do this all the time. No, they don’t! Kids play with dogs. I, apply scientific rasslin’ methods to my canine brethren ta bring out their primitive instincts. Ya see, man used to run like dog when dogs ruled the earth. Then man had to rassle dogs to get to the top! Stand back. Now don’t you worry, I know it gets frisky in there but yer dog ain’t gonna bite me. Ya see, most dogs love to put their legs on yer shoulders and go at it Greco Roman frothy style, but they hate to fall on der backs. Ya gotta throw’em from side to side until they growl. When I go for the hip throw there can be some leakage, but I am well trained and can handle myself and yer guests will be wildly amused. If yer party needs over the top excitement, I got just the recipe: Cat Ackerbatics! See, Cats are wildly frisky critters who used to leap from tree to tree back in the Stoned Ages. After man fought off the dogs and ruled the world he was stoned for ages. And he was staring at them darned cats! Ya know, man’s been around fer like a million years but cats is been around fer like 6 million years! They even chased dinosaurs away with furballs and then would punt. In my act, I assess yer cats’ leapin, flexin’ scratchin’ and bitin’ ness. Me and ma pardner Toeknee Doodat are total specialists in the art of cat ackerbatics. Graspin’ hind legs or forelegs we whip ‘em up in tha air allowin ‘em to perform amazin’ cat ackerbatics. See! Theys natrals! But catchin' 'em, now Man! That's a Bitch! When we launch ‘em yer guests will be watchin’ and pattin you on the back sayin’ “Damn Purdy, ya done outdid ya self! Thank Yoo Cletus McAfreey!” Damn I loves them aminals! And yer guests will too! Let me sing ma song, “Cats in the stable and rover soon, little toy chew and the fans come unglued, when you comin’ home son I don’t know when, but weell get together then, Bad! You’ll know we’ll have a good time then.. when Cletus McAfreey, Perfessional Dog Rassler and Cat Ackerbatic specialist, comes to town! Yea! Partee!” (Any impression of the author as derived from the text above is pure assumption, yet worthy of several rounds of your favorite beer, wine, other beverage or activity.) You're always the starter in your own life! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Viking 0 #2 September 30, 2004 not sure i can come up with that much detail. but my fictional job would be something to do with all the secret stuff that goes on at secret bases and stuff. I wonder all the time about what we have flying around right now. I mean the F117 was developed in the 70's and we only found out in the early 90's.I swear you must have footprints on the back of your helmet - chicagoskydiver My God has a bigger dick than your god -George Carlin Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
mr2mk1g 10 #3 September 30, 2004 I’m at the forefront of a quango lobby group that campaigns across the world for the abolition of the months of September and October and their replacement by one super-month: SEPTOBER. Just think what a better world it would be if we were now in the middle of SEPTOBER! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
jimmytavino 16 #4 September 30, 2004 that badass harpooneer and friend of Ishmael he has some great tattoo art on his body In the classic "Moby Dick " movie,, with R. Basehart and G. Peck..... when the ships steward asks the son of the warrior Chief,,, "dost thy go to Church each sunday...?"... that bad boy Queequeg.. grunts,,, spits on the ground,,, and then buries the business end of his harpoon into the end of a wine cask,, which is like 50 yards away!!!!..... hahahaha " Make thy Mark" says the steward,,,, and QueeQueg draws a whale,, in place of a signature or..... I would be an OOMPA_LOOMPA they just have a great body...and real good hair..plus they have a nice workplace and the perks are good..... " like the oompa - loompa doopity DO!!!!!!" my fictional jobs are based on literature fiction..... "oh wait a minute... I thought Willy Wonka was REAL!!!!"... ...if it has to be a REAL fictional job,,, as in... doesn't actually exist.. I believe I would be a Rubber Band Repair and Recycle Man..... I would frequent DZ packing areas,,,, carry a battery powered, portable vacuum/heat welder........ with a 3 foot hose on it.... I would stroll around,,, casually sucking up broken rubberbands,,, tubes stows etc..... They would circulate inside my machine,, and it would spit out repaired and rejuvenated rubberbands....... and i would make dozens and dozens of dollars (hey if i'm livin' on a dropzone,, I don't need much)... BUT when the value of my occupation is realized,,, I will start franchises,, and sell the Rubber Band Sucker Upper and Rejuvenator Machine nationwide,, to Professional Packers,, ONLY.....and would then become a hero,, a legend, and a millionaire!!!!!!!!!!! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Hipwrddude 0 #5 September 30, 2004 That cracks me up! "Rubber Band Vacuum Man," with the song 'Rubber Band Man' playing on his radio while suckin up the bands and scooping up dozens of dollars, ha, ha, ha! Septober !@# Rock on! You're always the starter in your own life! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Join the conversation You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account. Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible. Reply to this topic... × Pasted as rich text. Paste as plain text instead Only 75 emoji are allowed. × Your link has been automatically embedded. Display as a link instead × Your previous content has been restored. Clear editor × You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL. Insert image from URL × Desktop Tablet Phone Submit Reply 0
Hipwrddude 0 #5 September 30, 2004 That cracks me up! "Rubber Band Vacuum Man," with the song 'Rubber Band Man' playing on his radio while suckin up the bands and scooping up dozens of dollars, ha, ha, ha! Septober !@# Rock on! You're always the starter in your own life! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
