D22369 0 #1 May 10, 2007 If you ever wanted to understand men, here are our laws from The International Council of Manlaws, Ltd. | 1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella, you have already called into question your manlyness just owning one of these. | | 2: It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following Circumstances: | (a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master. | (b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her Blouse. | (c) After wrecking your boss's car. | (d) When she is using her teeth. | | 3: Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his buddies. | | 4: Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours. | | 5: If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever unless you actually marry her. | | 6: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge is forbidden. However complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable. | | 7: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your buddy's birthday is strictly optional. At that point, you must celebrate at a strip bar of the birthday boy's choice. | | 8: On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest. | | 9: When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing. | | 10: You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend. | | 11: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach and it's delivered by a topless model and only when it's free. | | 12: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another guy in the nuts. | | 13: Unless you're in prison, never fight naked. | | 14: Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. | Issue closed. | | 15: If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything. | | 16: Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers. | | 17: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight. | | 18: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both, that's just greedy. | | 19: If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer. | | 20: Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of | yours, except if she's withholding sex pending your response. | | 21: Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while lifting weights: | a) Yeah, Baby, Push it! | b) C'mon, give me one more! Harder! | c) Another set and we can hit the showers! | | 22: Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing: | i.e., both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. | For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need. | | 23: Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. | Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if necessary. | | 24: The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a friend" have carnal, drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason for you not to nail each other again before the discussion occurs about what a big mistake it was. | | 25: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours. | | 26: Thou shalt not buy a car in the colors of brown, pink, lime green, orange or sky blue. | | 27: The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for | Christmas?" with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets an Xbox. End of story. | | 28: There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men's Gymnastics. Ever. | | 29: We've all heard about people having guts or balls. but do you really know the difference between them? | In an effort to keep you informed, the definition of each is listed below: | | "GUTS" is arriving home late after a night out with | the guys, being assaulted by your wife with a broom, | and having the guts to say, "are you still cleaning or | are you flying somewhere?" | | "BALLS" is coming home late after a night out with the | guys smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your | collar, slapping your wife on the ass and having the | balls to say, "You're next!" | | We hope this clears up any confusion, | | The International Council of Manlaws, Ltd. RoyThey say I suffer from insanity.... But I actually enjoy it. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
DFWAJG 4 #2 May 10, 2007 So that explains everything. My old roommate (a guy) gave me a similiar list, only everything was numbered one, because they were all important. Two of them were about colors. I distinctly remember "we only know colors as black, brown, red, orange, yellow, purple, blue and grey. We don't know what magenta is. " Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
D22369 0 #3 May 10, 2007 We don't know what magenta is. " *** if any male knows what it really is..... they must surrender thier man card....immediatelyRoy They say I suffer from insanity.... But I actually enjoy it. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Frenchy68 0 #4 May 10, 2007 Quote (d) When she is using her teeth. Funny you should mention this... "For once you have tasted Absinthe you will walk the earth with your eyes turned towards the gutter, for there you have been and there you will long to return." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
PikzeeVikzen 0 #5 May 10, 2007 I laughed my ass off and adamantly agreed with everything but 25. I think it needs a clause. She can drive your car if she drives better than you. I'm the twist that turns your key.... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
D22369 0 #6 May 10, 2007 I know not of what you speak They say I suffer from insanity.... But I actually enjoy it. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Thanatos340 1 #7 May 10, 2007 Quote She can drive your car if she drives better than you. Women are Lousy Drivers for the same reason they have trouble landing thier canopies.. Their Depth perception is totally screwed.. Their whole lives they have been told This ------------------------------- is 8 inches. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Broke 0 #8 May 10, 2007 QuoteI laughed my ass off and adamantly agreed with everything but 25. I think it needs a clause. She can drive your car if she drives better than you. If she drives better? Is that possible?Divot your source for all things Hillbilly. Anvil Brother 84 SCR 14192 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
PikzeeVikzen 0 #9 May 10, 2007 I have no doubt in my mind I could drive circles around you both. I'm the twist that turns your key.... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
D_22359 0 #10 May 10, 2007 It all makes sence now Roy, Thanks.... I mean the reason we've never talked on the phone for more than a min. The weather's gona be good over here this weekend ya wana check out K-pow's new dig's and the otter??? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Broke 0 #11 May 10, 2007 QuoteI have no doubt in my mind I could drive circles around you both. Thats it I think some time trials are in order. Set up some cones and we shall see who winsDivot your source for all things Hillbilly. Anvil Brother 84 SCR 14192 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
D22369 0 #12 May 10, 2007 hay!!!! Its a gooooood minute.... or so....I gotta find out if todaks got students, but if there is no work and nothing special going on, mebbeRoy They say I suffer from insanity.... But I actually enjoy it. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
PikzeeVikzen 0 #13 May 10, 2007 Bring it on. I'm the twist that turns your key.... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Thanatos340 1 #14 May 10, 2007 Quote I have no doubt in my mind I could drive circles around you both. Thats nice.Dreams are a good thing. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
D22369 0 #15 May 10, 2007 Thats it I think some time trials are in order. Set up some cones and we shall see who wins *** sweeet!!! I am definately in, maybe Nick will loan me his car again.....YO FRENCHY!!!! Roy They say I suffer from insanity.... But I actually enjoy it. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
PikzeeVikzen 0 #16 May 10, 2007 Quote Quote I have no doubt in my mind I could drive circles around you both. Thats nice.Dreams are a good thing. That must be why you are living in one. I'm the twist that turns your key.... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
yardhippie 0 #17 May 10, 2007 Quote Quote I have no doubt in my mind I could drive circles around you both. Thats nice.Dreams are a good thing. Its funny how the new one who know so little of us, boast so. Im no race car driver, at least not in a few years. Goddam dirty hippies piss me off! ~GFD "What do I get for closing your rig?" ~ me "Anything you want." ~ female skydiver Mohoso Rodriguez #865 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
D_22359 0 #18 May 10, 2007 Quote hay!!!! Its a gooooood minute.... or so....I gotta find out if todaks got students, but if there is no work and nothing special going on, mebbeRoy A bet's a bet BITCH you owe one trip to 13k not 12 and Davenport dosn't have a Prime Rib dinner, Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Thanatos340 1 #19 May 10, 2007 I bet I even know a 15 year old girl that could drive circles around the newbie. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
D22369 0 #20 May 10, 2007 A bet's a bet BITCH you owe one trip to 13k not 12 and Davenport dosn't have a Prime Rib dinner, *** tell ya what, you can have 1 trip to 12 and 1 trip to 1k...... I will honor my lost wager, gotta wait for 2 weeks to get the dinner though I b broke (nearly) Roy They say I suffer from insanity.... But I actually enjoy it. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
PikzeeVikzen 0 #21 May 10, 2007 Quote I bet I even know a 15 year old girl that could drive circles around the newbie. I really thought I was going to like you too. *puts name on fecal roster* I'm the twist that turns your key.... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
D_22359 0 #22 May 10, 2007 Quote A bet's a bet BITCH you owe one trip to 13k not 12 and Davenport dosn't have a Prime Rib dinner, *** tell ya what, you can have 1 trip to 12 and 1 trip to 1k...... I will honor my lost wager, gotta wait for 2 weeks to get the dinner though I b broke (nearly) how bought 2 to 6.5 and i'll wear lead and shinguards backwards and we do some kamakizi crw? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
D22369 0 #23 May 10, 2007 how bought 2 to 6.5 and i'll wear lead and shinguards backwards and we do some kamakizi crw? *** quit hijacking my thread ya bastage ahhh, hell with it... answer yer phone Roy They say I suffer from insanity.... But I actually enjoy it. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
TheBachelor 5 #24 May 10, 2007 A few more: The minimum amount of time you have to wait for another guy who's running late is 5 minutes. For a woman, you are required to wait 10 minutes for every point of hotness she scores on the classic 1-10 scale. Agreeing to distract the ugly friend of a hot babe your buddy is trying to hook up with is your legal duty. Should you get carried away with your good deed and end up having sex with the beast, your pal is forbidden to speak of it, even at your bachelor party. The universal compensation for buddies who help you move is beer. Before dating a buddy's ex, you are required to ask his permission and he, in return, is required to grant it. When is it okay for a man to kiss another man? When he is your brother and you are Al Pacino, and this is the only really sportsmanlike way to let him know that, for business reasons, you have to have him killed.There are battered women? I've been eating 'em plain all of these years... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
gonzalesna 0 #25 May 11, 2007 Quote I have no doubt in my mind I could drive circles around you both. Problem is, the roads are usually fairly straightSome people refrain from beating a dead horse. Personally, I find a myriad of entertainment value when beating it until it becomes a horse-smoothie. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
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