SuFantasma

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  1. We the people of the United States Parachute Association in order to form a more perfect union, establish landing patterns, insure dropzone tranquility, provide for the common beer light, promote the general welfare, and secure the blessings of the FFA to ourselves and our posteriors, do ordain and establish this Constitution for the United States Parachue Association

    Article I

    Section 1. All landing powers herein granted shall be vested in a landing zone within the planet Earth, which shall consist of ground and water of landing areas.

    Section 2. The critics of landing affairs shall be composed of members chosen every second year by the skydiviers of the several states of mind, and the whofus in each state shall have the qualifications requisite for whofus of the most numerous branch of the state of mind.

    No person shall be a skydiver who shall not have attained to the age of eighteen years, and been serveral years consuming beer in the dropzone, and who shall not, when leaving the aircraft, be in an state of mind in which he has chosen to be in.

    Skydivers and lift ticktes shall be apportioned among the several states of mind which may be included within this summon, according to their respective numbers, which shall be determined by adding to the whole number of free slots, including those bound to service for a term of years, and excluding Indian Software Programmers not taxed, three fifths of all other skydiving expectators. The actual Enumeration shall be made within three seconds after the exiting an Otter or 4 seconds after exiting a CASA, and within every subsequent interval between belly flyers and freeflyers, in such manner as they shall by pilot-in-command directions. The number of skydivers shall not exceed one for every thirty seconds launch interval, but each state of mind shall have at least one Representative; and until such enumeration shall be made, the belly flyers shall be entitled to choose three, Hybrid flyers eight, Freeflyers and argonauts one, Crew Dogs five, Tandem Masters six, USPA Board Members four, FAA eight, Pilots avoiding mid-air collions one, NTSB investigators six, Lawyers ten, Brewery Companies five, Load Organizares five, and Georgia drop zones three.

    When no-shows happen in any load from any state of mind, the DZO authority thereof shall issue writs of load-management to fill such vacancies.

    The load master shall choose the landing direction and other down-winding unfortunates; and shall have the sole power of landing direction imposition.

    Section 3. The non-acceptable members of the United States Parachute Association shall be composed of two drug smugglers from each state of mind, chosen by the skydivers thereof, for sex over the years; and each non-acceptable member shall have one vote.

    Immediately after they shall be assembled in consequence of the first beer offense , they shall be divided as equally as may be into three classes. The seats of the non-acceptable skydivers of the first class shall be vacated at the expiration of the belly flyers exit, of the second class at the expiration of hybrid flyers membes, and the third class at the expiration of the free flyer membes, so that one tandem may be launched every second thereafter; and if vacancies happen by failure to jump, or otherwise, during the go-around of the airplane of any state of mind, the pilot in command thereof may make temporary stalls until the exit altitude to jump is too low, which shall then make even more interesting the last few exits.

    No person shall be a whofu who shall not have attained to the age of thirty years, and been nine years attempting AFF student status of the United States Parachute Association and who shall not, when shoved out of King Air, be an inhabitant of a neighboring state frim which he shall bought a SkyRide ticket from.

    The Vices Organizer of the United States Parachute Association shall be President of the HellFist Club, but shall have no vote, unless they be he also joins the Rodriguez Brothers.

    The whofus shall choose their other tandem masters, and also a Waiver pro tempore, in the absence of the Vices Organizer, or when he shall exercise the office of President of the United States Parachute Association.

    The whofus shall have the sole power to try all payment forms. When sitting for that purpose, they shall be on good credit standing or cash basis. When the President of the United States Parachute Association is tried, the Chief Rodriguez Brother shall preside: And no person shall be inducted into the Rodriguez Brotherhood without the concurrence of two thirds of the members present.

    Alcohol Choince in cases of impeachment shall not extend further than to removal of lime from the drink mix, and disqualification to hold and enjoy any cute girl at the World Convention, trust or profit under the United States Parachute Association: but the party shall continue nevertheless , and golf cart operators will continue to be liable and subject to indictment, trial, judgment and punishment, according to law.

    Section 4. The good times, places and manner of holding chicks for whufos and skydivers , shall be prescribed in each state of mind by the load organizer thereof; but the FAAmay at any time by law make or alter such regulations, except as to the places of choosing landing zones.

    The skydivers shall assemble at least once in every year, and such meeting shall be on the first blue moon in December, unless they shall by wind conditions blown a different day.

    Section 5. Each drop zone shall be the judge of the chicks, boobs and qualifications of its own members, and a majority of each shall constitute a quorum to do parties; but a smaller number may adjourn from day to day, and may be authorized to compel the attendance of absent members, in such manner, and under such penalties as each beer line offense may provide.

    Each dropzone may determine the rules of its proceedings, reward its members for disorderly behavior, and, with the concurrence of two thirds, expel a member which has not achieve at least half penetration.

    Each dropzone shall keep a journal of its parties, and from time to time publish the same, excepting such parties as may in their judgment require secrecy; and the yeas and nays of the members of either House on any question shall, at the desire of one fifth of those present, be entered on the Parachutist Magazine.

    Neither dropzone, during the session of skydiving, shall, without the consent of the other, adjourn for more than three days, nor to any other place than that in which the two dropzones shall be sitting.

    Section 6. The whofus and skydiviers shall receive a compensation for their services, to be ascertained by law, and paid out of the treasury of the United States Parachute Association. They shall in all cases, except corking during freefly, felony insertion into a big way, disrupting the peace of an AFF jump , be privileged from arrest during their a drinking session of their respective dropzones, and in going to and returning from the same; and for any speech or debate in either dropzone or dropzone.com, they shall not be questioned in any other place.

    No whofu or skydiver shall, during the time for which he has been in freefall , be appointed to any civil office under the authority of the United States Parachute Association, which shall have been created, or the emoluments whereof shall have been increased during such time: and no person holding any office under the United States Parachute Association, shall be a member of either dropzone during his continuance in office.

    Section 7. All bills for raising lift tickets shall originate in the dropzone of skydivers; but the whufos may propose or concur with amendments as on other lift ticket fees.

    Every bill which shall have passed the skydivers and the whufos, shall, before it become a reason to party, be presented to the President of the United States Parachute Association; and he must approve and shall sign it, but if not he shall return to the World Free Fall Convention, with his objections to that dropzonein which it shall have originated, who shall enter the objections at large on their journal, and proceed to reconsider it. If after such reconsideration two thirds of that dropzone shall agree to pass the bill, it shall be sent, together with the beer cases, to the other dropzone, by which it shall likewise be reconsidered, and if approved by two thirds of that dropzone, it shall become a party standard. But in all such cases the votes of both dropzones shall be determined by yeas and nays, and the names of the persons voting for and against the bill shall be entered on the Parachutist Magazine section of each dropzone respectively. If any bill shall not be returned by the President of the USPA within ten jumps(Weather Holds Excluded) after it shall have been presented to him, the same shall be a law, in like manner as if he had signed it, unless the dropzone operators by their adjournment prevent its return, in which case it shall not be a law.

    Every order, resolution, or vote to which the concurrence of the whufos and skydiviers may be necessary (except on a question of landing patterns) shall be presented to the President of the United States Parachute Association; and before the same shall take effect, shall be approved by him, or being disapproved by him, shall be repassed by two thirds of the whufos and skydivers , according to the rules and limitations prescribed in the case of a beer outage.

    Section 8. The USPA shall have power to lay and collect chick, assing meaningless duties, imposts and excises, to pay beer line offenses and provide for the common driniking funds and general welfare of the USPA; but all duties, imposts and excises shall be uniform throughout the USPA;

    To borrow money on the credit of the USPA (moot point);

    To regulate commerce with foreign skydivers, and among the several chicks, and with FAA;

    To establish a uniform rule of exit order, and uniform laws on the subject of banning postings throughout the dropzone.com domain;

    To set lift ticket prices, regulate the value thereof, and of foreign gear, and fix the standard of weights and wing loading;

    To provide for the punishment of swoopers hooking too low the baring of dissenting USPA member ;

    To establish landing zones and off-landing ruls=es;

    To promote the progress of science and useful farts, by securing for limited times to authors and inventors the exclusive right to their respective flatulence in flight and discovery by all other parties affected;

    To constitute tribunals inferior to the sky gods;

    To define and punish bad exits and incomplete formations on the high jumps, and offenses against the desires of the pilot in command;

    To declare war, grant letters of marque and reprisal, and make rules concerning dropzone poliltics, wether warranted or unwarranted;

    To raise and support tents, but no appropriation of money to that use shall be for a longer term than two jump days during a boogie;

    To provide and maintain a air fleet;

    To make rules for the FAA and regulation of the land zone and beer light fees ;

    To provide for calling forth the sky gods to execute the laws of the dropzone , suppress students and repel swoopers;

    To provide for load organizing, load manifesting, and disciplining, the ones who are late for a load, and for governing all parts of their jump as sanctioned by the USPA, reserving to the dropzones respectively, the appointment of the ST&A, and the authority of training the whufos according to the discipline prescribed by USPA;

    To exercise exclusive legislation in all cases whatsoever, over such landing zone(not exceeding ten miles square) as may, by cession of particular states, and the acceptance of drop zone owners, become the seat of the government of the USPA, and to exercise like authority over all planes purchased by anyone for the purpose of skydiving magazines pictures , beer line offenses and other needful activities;--And

    To make all laws which shall be necessary and proper for carrying into execution the foregoing powers, and all other powers vested by this Constitution in the government of the USPA , or in any department or officer thereof.

    Section 9. The migration or importation of such persons as any of the states now existing shall think proper to admit, shall not be prohibited by the dropzones prior to the year one thousand eight hundred and eight, but a tax or duty may be imposed on such importation, not exceeding ten dollars for each person.

    The privilege of the writ of habeas reserve canopy shall not be suspended, unless when in cases of rebellion or invasion the public safety may require it.

    No bill of attainder or ex post facto reserve-repackk Law shall be passed.

    No de-capitation, or other landing manuever shall be undertaken while getting laid, unless in proportion to the coccensus of other drunk skydivers , before directed is to to be taken.

    No tax or duty shall be laid on reserve packing from any state.

    No preference shall be given by any dropzone for revenue to tandem students of one state over those of another: unless approved by Skyride.com; nor shall airplanes bound to, or from, one dropzone, be obliged to enter, clear or pay duties while droping skydivers over the load of another dropzone in Georgia.

    No money shall be drawn from the beer fund, but in consequence of appropriations made by law; and a regular statement and account of receipts and expenditures of all public intoxication shall be published from time to time in Parachutist Magazine.

    No title of nobility shall be granted by the USPA : and no person holding any office of the Board (including skysurf boards) , shall, without the consent of the skydivers, accept of any present, emolument, office, or title, of any kind whatever, from any sky god, drama queen, or foreign person with a cute accent.

    Section 10. No dropzone shall enter into any treaty, alliance, or confederation; grant letters of marque and reprisal; coin money; emit bills of credit; make anything but gold and silver coin a tender in payment of debts; pass any bill of attainder, ex post facto law, or law associated with SkyRide.com domain.

    No dropzone shall, without the consent of the skydivers, lay any imposts or duties on imports or exports, except what may be absolutely necessary for executing Rodriguez Brother initiations: and the net produce of all duties and imposts, laid by any dropzone on chicks or dudes, shall be for the use of the treasury of the USPA; and all such parties shall be subject to the revision and control of the skydivers.

    No dropzone shall, without the consent of skydivers, lay any duty of coaching fees, ground instructors, or marginally airworthy parachutes, enter into any agreement to do a Mr. Bill with a foreign chick or engage in sex, unless actually being filmed by USPA authorized camera flyer.
    Y yo, pa' vivir con miedo, prefiero morir sonriendo, con el recuerdo vivo".
    - Ruben Blades, "Adan Garcia"

  5. Quote

    In case anyone wondered what a Space Shuttle External Tank (ET) looks like, here's one being taken to the Vehicle Assembly Bldg. (VAB) at Kennedy Space Ctr. They are transported on a barge from the manufacturer in Michoud, LA, near New Orleans. As you can see, it's a big-ass tank.

    This photo is a couple months old, as this is the ET for STS-118, which will be rolling out to Launch Pad 39A in a few days for a launch on 8/7.

    Kevin



    So ET is being taking to the Vibrator Assmebly Building (VAN), at Kennedy's Sluts Center... They are transported in Ted Kennedy's upside down floating car (Barge) manufactured in Michigan (Loud Section) near Lower Alcatraz (LA), near New HoLand.... A you can see it's a big-ass wank....

    (Sorry, I was replying to a proposal for presindential campaing funds, wrong forum)
    Y yo, pa' vivir con miedo, prefiero morir sonriendo, con el recuerdo vivo".
    - Ruben Blades, "Adan Garcia"

  6. Chris: there is no such thing as "skinner or heavier" than you like ... it's all in range
    Y yo, pa' vivir con miedo, prefiero morir sonriendo, con el recuerdo vivo".
    - Ruben Blades, "Adan Garcia"

  9. Nah, wait, I think the perpetrator hid the gun, according to the first victim, the perpetrator looked rather wet... policemen are scuba-diving the lake looking for evidence.
    Y yo, pa' vivir con miedo, prefiero morir sonriendo, con el recuerdo vivo".
    - Ruben Blades, "Adan Garcia"

  10. Hmmmm... police is waiting for testimony from the victims?
    Y yo, pa' vivir con miedo, prefiero morir sonriendo, con el recuerdo vivo".
    - Ruben Blades, "Adan Garcia"

  12. Shit, and we spent how many billions on that Hubble Telescope?

    Happy Fourth Boinky !
    Y yo, pa' vivir con miedo, prefiero morir sonriendo, con el recuerdo vivo".
    - Ruben Blades, "Adan Garcia"

  21. Go to the airport's airline lounge, get your lungs filled with French smoke (yeah, the still smoke at airports), buy some expensive perfume, some cheap post cards and have some sweets.... that's about 8 hours worth...
    Y yo, pa' vivir con miedo, prefiero morir sonriendo, con el recuerdo vivo".
    - Ruben Blades, "Adan Garcia"

  22. Child birth is not mission critical !

    USAF 1981 - 1987
    Strategic Air Command (SAC)- "To Err is Human, but it is not SAC policy"
    Y yo, pa' vivir con miedo, prefiero morir sonriendo, con el recuerdo vivo".
    - Ruben Blades, "Adan Garcia"