bshl

Don't you wish you could do that? Blue skies and happy landings!

DEAR ABBY: "P.O. in New Jersey" was angry because her sister-in-law purchased an identical wedding dress after seeing hers. Here's another way she could handle the situation: The wedding day was fast approaching. Everything was ready and nothing could dampen Jennifer's excitement, not even her parents' nasty divorce. Her mother had finally found the perfect dress and felt she would be the best-dressed mother of the bride ever! A week later, Jennifer was horrified to learn her new young stepmother, Barbie, had purchased the same dress. She asked Barbie to exchange it, but Barbie refused. "Absolutely not! I'm going to wear this dress. I'll look like a million bucks in it." Jennifer relayed the conversation to her mother, who graciously replied, "Never mind, dear. I'll get another dress. After all, it's your special day, not hers." Two weeks later, another dress was finally found. When they stopped for lunch that day, Jennifer asked, "What are you going to do with the first dress? Maybe you should return it. You don't have any place to wear it." Her mother grinned and replied, "Of course I do, dear. I'm wearing it to the rehearsal dinner!" -- JUDITH, HOUSTON Abby's Response: DEAR JUDITH: I like her sense of humor. Blue skies and happy landings!

There are three kinds of people in this world: 1. Those who learn by reading 2. Those who learn by observation 3. Those who learn by peeing on the electric fence Blue skies and happy landings!

Damm. We're busted. Now, they all know skydiving isnt real and we use blue screens. The next thing you know they'll have proof we landed on a stage in Hollywood in the '60s rather than the moon... Blue skies and happy landings!

When I say to move, it means to go someplace else, not switch positions with each other so there are still two of you in the way. The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest. The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help, because I fall faster than you can run. I cannot buy anything bigger than a king size bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue to sleep on the couch to ensure your comfort. Look at videos of dogs and cats sleeping, they can actually curl up in a ball. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space used is nothing but sarcasm. My CDs are not miniature Frisbees. For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, try to turn the knob, or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. When I exit this room, I will come out the same door I entered. In addition, I have been using bathrooms for years. Canine or feline attendance has never been necessary. The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dogs' butt. I cannot stress this enough. It would be such a simple change for you. In return for your following these simple rules, I have posted the following message on our front door: Rules for Non-Pet Owners Who Visit and Like to Complain About Our Pets: 1. They live here. You don't. 2. If you don't want hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. 3. I like my pet a lot better than I like most people. 4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly. 5. Dogs and cats are better than kids. They eat less, don't ask for money all the time, are easier to train, usually come when called, never drive your car, don't hang out with drug-using friends, don't smoke or drink, don't worry about buying the latest fashions, don't wear your clothes, don't need a gazillion dollars for college, and if they get pregnant, you can sell the results. Blue skies and happy landings!

D'oh! I'm a Mozilla guy so the issue of pop-ups (no pun intended) never occured to me. Gotta love it! Blue skies and happy landings!

If only it were this easy for me... Blue skies and happy landings!

No attachment. Blue skies and happy landings!

Use Masculout! Blue skies and happy landings!

At least there's no surcharge... Edited to add picture. Duh. Blue skies and happy landings!

Thanks for the tips, Gary. We've had great success calling businesses and, if they want to help, setting an appointment to pick up their donation. The thing that mildly surprised me was that practically nobody wanted a tax receipt. I'm guessing there's some sort of rule where they can write off a certain amount without having to itemize. Thanks also for the help from GG. If anybody else has anything to donate it would be greatly appreciated. It doesn't have to be big; everything helps. Have a great day... Blue skies and happy landings!

A looooooong way below the door. Blue skies and happy landings!

My daughter's school is trying to raise money to buy playground equipment. One of the fund raisers they're doing (and that I'm helping with) is an auction. We're touching base with a bunch of local businesses to see if they'd like to donate goods or services for us to auction off. The money all goes directly into the playground fund. Here's where you can help. If you have a business or some sort of good(s) that you'd like to donate to the auction, please PM me. If you'd like, I can have the school mail you a tax receipt so you can write it off on your income taxes. Holler at me for more details. Thanks in advance for the help! Blue skies and happy landings!

Saturday Night Live: DeNiro does a C-Span briefing on terrorism.

Why fat people shouldn't bungee Blue skies and happy landings!

Okay, so it ain't a video clip. Considering the crowd that lurks the hallways here, this is appropriate. Blue skies and happy landings!

When 'ya gotta go, 'ya gotta go... Blue skies and happy landings!

Ever wonder what your friends will do if you find yourself in something of a pickle? Think fast.. Blue skies and happy landings!

Every once in a while I see links to amusing video clips posted. How 'bout let's post a series of 'em here? I'll start. Enjoy! Blue skies and happy landings!

Bad Times computer virus Warning: If you receive an e-mail entitled "Badtimes," delete it immediately. Do not open it. Apparently this one is pretty nasty. It will not only erase everything on your hard drive, but it will also delete anything on disks within 20 feet of your computer. It demagnetizes the stripes on ALL of your credit cards. It reprograms your ATM access code, screws up the tracking on your VCR and uses subspace field harmonics to scratch any CDs and DVDs you attempt to play. It will program your phone to call only your mother-in-law’s number. This virus will mix antifreeze into your fish tank. It will drink all your beer. It will leave dirty socks on the coffee table when you are expecting hyper-sensitive guests. It will replace your shampoo with Nair and your Nair with Rogaine, all while dating your current boy/girlfriend behind your back and billing each hotel rendezvous to your Visa card. It will cause you to run with scissors and throw things in a way that is only fun until someone loses an eye. It will rewrite your backup files, changing all your active verbs to passive tense and incorporating undetectable misspellings which grossly change the interpretations of key sentences. It will leave the toilet seat up and your hair dryer plugged in dangerously close to a full bathtub. It will not only remove the forbidden tags from your mattresses and pillows, it will also refill your skim milk container with whole milk. It will leave the cap off the toothpaste as well. It’s truly bad stuff. Blue skies and happy landings!

Uh, Sunshine, what's up with the new avatar? Blue skies and happy landings!

Set it on fire and swoop through the smoke! Blue skies and happy landings!

How long is your average orgasm and how much effort do you put into that? Ah, but that's a different type of art... Blue skies and happy landings!

Ah, but think of all the jump tickets you could buy selling this kind of thing to sit on tables and look pretty at fancy weddings, bar mitzvahs, ... Blue skies and happy landings!

I wish I had talent like that Blue skies and happy landings!