BAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!

[phatcat 0]

Perfect! Just freakin perfect! It’s been absolutely gorgeous here for weeks and I finally did the FJC course again and the weather totally turned to shit and I didn’t get to jump at all this weekend. The worst part of all, and I’m almost embarrassed to admit it, is that I felt RELIEVED about it. As someone who’s turned into a complete nutcase from not jumping in two years that’s not quite what I expected, but I was so nervous about it. I really want to jump, I NEED to, but my stupid brain seems to have other plans. Oh, well, I’m keeping an eye on the weather and hopefully this weekend will be better and I’ll get the nerve to drive to the DZ without making up an excuse to turn around – “No, next weekend would actually be better because blah, blah, blah.” It’s really simple. Step 1 – get my ass in the plane. Step 2 – get my ass out the door. If I can do that just once, I know I’ll be okay after that. Sorry to whine, but I’m really pissed at myself right now.
Josh
"Well I may be crazy, but YOU'RE boring!"

[FallingMarc 0]

Hey man, don't be pissed at yourself. You haven't jumped in two years, of course you're gonna be jittery. On my first 10 or 15 jumps, I felt the same way... some part of me knew I had to do it, and I wanted to do it, but when I was grounded for wind or whatnot, there was always the relief of not having to make the decision to go. It doesn't mean you don't really want to jump, it's just part of the way the brain works.
Soon enough you'll be in the air again, living it up...
Blue skies,
Marc

[Michele 1]

Hey, Phatcat
Not like I understand this or anything......hahahahahahaha
On the day of my mal, the first time I tried to get into the air, we got put on wind hold as we were approaching jumprun. I was thrilled, angry, relieved, and pissed off at the wind. Thrilled because I didn't have to make the decision. Angry because I had to make the decision to get in the plane again. Relieved because I didn't have to make the decision just yet. And pissed off at the wind because I had to go through all this again. And then the mal. Yeah, that was a fun day!
But you know, everything worked out. I made it out, I made it down, and I made it back into the air.
I so understand, Josh. And I know you will be able to get out the door next weekend. You are a skydiver. This is what skydivers do: they get out the goddamned door. Go to it, Josh, and get out the door.
Ciels-
Michele
"What of the dreams that never die? Turn to your left at the end of the sky".
~e e cummings~

[nimbus 0]

Hey Josh, I know exactly how you feel. It's been wintery or windy many weekends lately, or I've been working or had an essay to do for uni, or friends had birthdays and the decision to even go to the dz has been out of my hands. One weekend I actually made it there, and the Sunday was perfect. Blue skies, nice breeze, few clouds. And what did I do? Sat around watching other jumpers spill out of the sky, land safely and beautifully under their canopies before me, and head back to the hanger to go again.
I sat around watching clouds roll over in the late afternoon and then realised I was waiting for the point of wind or failing light when, as a student, I couldn't jump no matter how much I wanted to. I annoy myself no end with this procrastinating.
Like you I want to, want to, want to, but then some part of my brain takes over and says nu-uh! Too much thinking is my problem. I'm reading a book called Inner Skiing which talks about different fears, one based on reality that gives you clarity, awareness and ability, and one based on the endless possibilities of what may go wrong, which gives you the choking fear that holds you back. Try the book, the mental approach is applicable to skydiving I think.
And just be patient with yourself. The jumping will come. One day both the weather and you will be ready at the same time.
good luck and blue skies
Larissa
"...when I decided that I too must pass through the experience of a parachute jump, life rose to a higher level, to a sort of exhilarated calmness."
- Charles Lindbergh