One nation, jumping PD parachutes...

[Milo 0]

I PLEDGE ALLEGIANCE TO THE FLAG OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA, AND TO THE
REPUBLIC FOR WHICH IT STANDS, ONE NATION, (SPONSORSHIP OPPORTUNITIES AVAILABLE),
INDIVISIBLE, WITH LIBERTY AND JUSTICE FOR
ALL

San Francisco (SatireWire.com) - A U.S. federal appeals court ruled
on Wednesday that reciting the Pledge of Allegiance in public school
is unconstitutional because it contains the phrase "under God," a
decision that has infuriated politicians from both parties, and sent
the United States on a desperate search for a new sponsor.

While the U.S. Justice Department said it plans to appeal the ruling,
officials are quietly speaking with several potential sponsors
interested in having their brands associated with America, and are
already test-marketing the phrases "One nation, under Wal-Mart," "One
nation, under Windows XP," and "One nation, but 24,000 Starbucks."
Until an agreement is reached, however, the U.S. will advertise by
replacing the phrase "One nation, under God," with "One nation,
(sponsorship opportunities available)."

While the words "under God" were only added to the Pledge by Congress
in 1954, God has been the title patron of the United States since its
founding in 1776, and the God name adorns everything from U.S.
currency to the phrase "So help me God" used to swear in judges and
politicians. According to analysts, severing that 226-year
relationship without an alternative is a mistake.

"Over the years, the U.S. under God has been a great draw for the
major players - Einstein, Solzhenitsyn, John Lennon," said government
marketing analyst Gil Treacle. "Without God's brand recognition and
infinite marketing powers, you risk losing the marquis names to
competitors. Then the networks don't renew, the money dries up, the
fans revolt, and the next thing you know, you're Argentina."

But others defended the decision, saying it was wrong to force
religion on anyone. "The phrase 'under God' clearly violates the
separation of church and state," said McDonald's CEO Jack
Greenberg. "However, there is nothing in the Constitution that
separates chicken and state, which is why we're proposing, 'One
nation, six chicken McNuggets and a medium Coke, all for $1.99.'"

Europeans, meanwhile, seemed to be confused by the uproar. "I don't
understand. I always thought it was 'One nation, we are God,'" said
British Prime Minister Tony Blair. "Oh my, I've been worshipping them
for nothing."

Back in America, many questioned whether the United States really
needs a patron, and instead suggested the Pledge should include
verbiage that simply reflects America. So far, the leading
contenders: ... "One nation, under indictment," ... "One nation, road
under repair," ... "One nation, sure, but with
cheerleaders!" ... "One nation, under yellow alert, please report any
suspicious activity," ... "One nation, but kinda two if you count
Canada."

God, in various forms, currently sponsors most nations, with the
exception of officially atheist China and Vietnam, and the
Netherlands, which hasn't been told yet but is in for a nasty shock
tomorrow.
Copyright © 2002, SatireWire.

[drenaline 0]

sooo, how much does the space cost?

"one nation, 20,000 feets jump"

HISPA 21
www.panamafreefall.com