Sonic 0 #1 November 19, 2002 One day while walking down the street a highly successful Human Resources Director was hit by a bus and she died. Her soul was met at the Pearly Gates by St. Peter himself. "Welcome to Heaven," said St. Peter. "Before you get settled in, it seems we have a problem. You see, we've never had a Human Resources Director make it this far and we're not really sure what to do with you." "No problem, just let me in," said the woman. "Well, I'd like to, but I have higher orders. What we are going to do is let you have a day in Hell and a day in Heaven and then you can choose whichever one you want to spend an eternity in." "Actually, I think I've made up my mind, I prefer to stay in Heaven," said the woman. "Sorry, we have rules... " And with that St. Peter put the executive in an elevator and it went down to hell. The doors opened and she found herself stepping out onto the putting green of a beautiful golf course. In the distance was a country club and standing in front of her were all her friends - fellow executives that she had worked with and they were all cheering for her. They ran up and kissed her on both cheeks and talked about old times. They played an excellent round of golf and at night went to the country club where she enjoyed an excellent steak and lobster dinner. She met the Devil who was actually a really nice guy and she had a great time telling jokes and dancing. Everybody shook her hand and waved good-bye as she got in the elevator. The elevator opened at the Pearly gates and she found St. Peter waiting for her. She spent the next 24 hours lounging around on the clouds and playing the harp and singing. She had a great time and before she knew it her 24 hours were up and St. Peter came and got her. "So you have spent a day in hell, and a day in Heaven. Now choose your eternity," he said. The woman replied: "Well I never thought I would say this, I mean, Heaven has been really great, but I think I had a better time in Hell." So St. Peter escorted her to the elevator and again she went back to Hell. When the doors opened she found herself standing in a desolate wasteland covered in garbage and filth. She saw her friends were dressed in rags and were picking up the garbage and putting it in sacks. The Devil came up to her and put his arm around her. "I don't understand," stammered the woman, "yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and a country club and we ate lobster and we danced and had a great time. Now all there is are wastelands and garbage and all my friends look miserable." The Devil looked at her and smiled. "Yesterday we were recruiting you. Today, you're staff....."----------------------------------- It's like something out of that twilighty show about that zone Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Ducky 0 #2 November 19, 2002 Ummmm isn't it Tuesday??? kwakSometimes your the bug, sometimes your the windshield. Sometimes your the hammer sometimes your the nail. Question is Hun, Do you wanna get hammered or do you wanna get nailed????? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
happythoughts 0 #3 November 19, 2002 Quote Ummmm isn't it Tuesday??? kwak It's good that he doesn't procrastinate. I suppose you're into old am/pm thing too. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Sonic 0 #4 November 19, 2002 Look man, I've just come back from the pub, I've had a bad day etc etc. I have NO idea what day it is, and I don't care ----------------------------------- It's like something out of that twilighty show about that zone Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Sonic 0 #5 November 19, 2002 That's better ----------------------------------- It's like something out of that twilighty show about that zone Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
QuickDraw 0 #6 November 19, 2002 Three Drunk Women had a very late night drinking. They left in the early morning hours and went home their separate ways. The next day, they all met and compared notes about who was drunker the night before. The first girl claims that she was the drunkest, saying, "I drove straight home and walked into the house. As soon as I got through the door I blew chunks for 10 minutes. "The second said, "You think that was drunk? Hell I got into my car and wrapped my car around the first tree I saw. I don't even have insurance!" The third proclaimed, "Damn, I was the drunkest by far. When I got home, I got into a big fight with my husband, knocked a candle over, and burned the whole house down!" The room was silent for a moment. Then, the first girl spoke out again, " Listen girls, I don't think you understand... Chunks is my dog." -- Hope you don't die. -- I'm fucking winning Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
chronistin 0 #7 November 19, 2002 Reminds me... ---- A guy dies & meets Petrus who tells him: You drank too much. You lied too often. You betrayed your wife. You'll have to go to hell. The guy begs & is ready to make every promise, but to no avail: he has to take the road to hell. very afraid, he arrrives & meets one of the devil's aids, who shows him around. What he sees is a nice beach with beautiful blonde babes strolling around. the devil's aid asks him: so, what would you like to drink? over there's our beach bar, you can have any drink you can imagine. the guy is still shy, avoids eye-contact with the beach-babes & turns down the offer for a drink. for a while he walks the beach alone & finds a deep hole with flames & people crying & wailing. "I knew it", he says to himself. He walks back to the devil's aid and asks him about the hole. the small red guy says: "oh that. i don't understand it either, but the boss said it's for the catholics. they kind of need it." ---- ;) Chronistin (Home @ http://www.fallschirmspringer.net/) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
