I'm felling really burned out today!

[steve1 5]

I figure maybe it would be therapeutic to vent a little. I hope I don't drag anyone else down, but here goes.

I work as a middle school counselor on an Indian Reservation in Montana. I've been here about 21 years, mostly as a teacher. I now work as a counselor. Since I started counseling kids about five years ago, I have gained a lot of insight on what life here entails. There a lot of great people here, but there are also tons of dysfunctional families. I meet with their kids each week to try to help them any way I can.

I end up calling Social Services on a regular basis for child abuse, and neglect. The only problem is this agency is so overwhelmed themselves, that little or nothing is done to help most of these trouble kids. If a case is ever brought to Tribabl Court it is usually thrown out. The Tribal Court system leaves a lot to be desired.

So each day I listen to these kids tell me how terrible things are at home, and there is little I can do to help, (other than be a good listener, and try to let them know I care.)

A lot of the kids I work with are suicidal. Many are cutting and scarring themselves as a means of stress reduction. There are few clinical psychologists that I can refer these kids to so I often end up trying to help them myself. Our town does have a couple psychologists on staff, but they are so overwhelmed that they are only skimming the surface of the problem.

This morning I had a girl crying in my office, and she was suicidal. She said she wanted to be with her parents in Heaven. She said that she would give anything to hear her fathers voice again, and even blames herself for his death. She lost her Mom in a car wreck, a few years ago. She too was in this wreck and traumatized by it all. Her dad broke his back. I think he was paralyzed from the neck down. Anyhow her Dad froze to death last winter. He went outside in his wheelchair and couldn't get back inside. This girl blames herself for not being there to help him.

So, this beautiful, intelligent, 14 year old girl is without a decent home. She has been placed in several foster homes and lately has been living with an aunt who hates her guts. Her aunt is often mentally abusive, and came right out and told her that she wants her gone. She even beat her with a belt the other day. I just turned all this in to social services, but I doubt seriously if much will come of it.

At any rate this girl is actively talking about killing herself. I spent the entire morning with her. I took her to Indian Health Service for an evaluation from a psychologist. I then ate lunch with her and another counselor because she was too upset to eat in the lunch room with the other kids. Then I sent her home to the same dysfunctional place where her witch of an aunt lives.

Sometimes it gets to be too much. I guess what keeps me going though is knowing I am helping some of these kids. I'd like to take a lot of them home with me, including this girl.

Part of my problem is that I too grew up in an abusive alcoholic home. Some of this crap really triggers a lot of my own issues. I doubt if I would have stayed this long in a place like this, if I didn't understand what these kids are going through, and think that somehow I could help. Right now I really feel drained!

Tonight I'll spend time with my wife, and this will help me recharge. Tomorrow, I'll be ready to return to the same old grind. Don't get me wrong. I do enjoy my job, even though it takes a lot out of me. It does have it's rewards. If I had to make the choice of professions over again, it would probably be the same one....Steve1

[NWFlyer 2]

I have no words of wisdom, but thank you for doing what you are doing. You're right, you won't reach them all but you do make a difference in many lives. Hang on to that as best you can and take care of yourself in the process.

"There is only one basic human right, the right to do as you damn well please. And with it comes the only basic human duty, the duty to take the consequences." -P.J. O'Rourke

[wmw999 2,175]

I used to be a child abuse worker. I understand some of how you feel, but only from the point of view of someone who couldn't handle it for a year, 25+ years ago.

One thing to think about. Like the guy who picked up stranded starfish on the beach and threw them back, you're helping the ones you can.

I once told a kid "if you run away from your (abusive witch of a) grandmother ONE MORE TIME, I'm just going to have to remove you." Of course, he did, and I was able to. But I knew we had enough foster families at that time.

The situation sucks. You can't help all of it. Is there a boarding school she can get into?

Good luck, and I know those are kind of hollow words.

Wendy W.

There is nothing more dangerous than breaking a basic safety rule and getting away with it. It removes fear of the consequences and builds false confidence. (tbrown)

[steve1 5]

Quote

Is there a boarding school she can get into?
.

Thanks for the kind words Windy. You know boarding school might be a good option compared to the hell hole she lives in now. I know we have all heard horror stories from the old days, about Indian boarding schools, but most of the ones today are okay and this may be a better option. I have parents of some of my students who grew up in boarding school and liked it, (believe it or not).

There are almost no other placements available in this area. Often times kids are placed with other relatives who are sometimes worse than the home they were taken out of.

I've honestly given thought to trying to adopt this one myself. I know my wife will be against it, but it's worth a shot. Maybe I'm not thinking very rationally right now....Steve1

[steve1 5]

This situation has been a nightmare over the past few days. Social services showed up and questioned this girl in my office. When the social worker was done she said it was legal for a guardian to spank their kids in Montana. My first reaction was, "Jesus Christ" "SPANK!" this girl was hit five times with a belt and some of the hits were in the upper body.

When I discussed the mental abuse the social worker said this was unsubstantiated. In other words she believed the aunts story and not this girls story. So instead of being placed in another family, the girl was ordered to return to the aunt's house that night. At that point I had some heated words with this social worker. Both this girl and I were sick.

I felt really bad for turning this situation into social services. About all that was accomplished was that I had made life for this girl worse, and it was my fault. Later this day, I could tell the girl was desperate.

Finally this girl asked, "Mr. Anders I was wondering if I could stay at your house a while?" Gee whiz, I felt rotten at the moment. I told her it would be fine with me, and I'd talk to my wife about it, but it might not be possible.

So, I started racking my brain, as to what I could do next. The system seldom works in this town. I knew of a woman who sometimes took in homeless kids. I've known her for over 20 years and knew she would be perfect for a new home for this girl. I called this lady up and she agreed to meet with us the next day.

I also called up this girls grandparents in Oregon. They had legal custody and had no idea what was going on at the Aunt's house. They felt bad, but they really didn't want this girl to live with them either.

At any rate, this girl was scared to go home to the aunt's, and she didn't. She stayed with some friends that night, and was safe. A police report was made by the aunt.

The next day the girl returned to school. She had no other safe place to go. I called the grandparents again and they said they wanted her to live with the woman I had in mind, if I could arrange it. In other words I had verbal permission from the legal guardian.

I called the woman whose home might be available, and she agreed to take this girl in. This girl was starting to feel good for the first time in weeks.

Then I called the social worker and she said we couldn't do things like that. She suggested a long drawn out legal process, and that this little girl had to return to her aunt's abusive home right away. This led to some more heated words, and I ended up hanging up on the social worker. Not very professional on my part, but it felt like the right thing to do at the time.

I talked to this girls psychologist and he said it would be fine for this girl to go to this new home, and it would be perfectly legal. Everything was looking up and we were all happy. Everything was arranged and we were going to go through with it, even if the social worker didn't like it.

About an hour later I noticed a police officer escourting this girl out of the school. I caught up with him and he had said he had no choice, but to arrest this girl. An arrest warrant was still out on her since she hadn't come home last night. So, the girl was hauled off to a juvenile detention center in tears. I was just sick. She was kept there until this morning when she went to court. We tried to get her out last night, but they wouldn't let her out. This was the Aunt's one last chance to hurt this girl. She still had temporary custody. I'm sure she felt great that this girl was now locked up.

This morning this girl went to court. She ended up being placed with the woman I had called earlier. YIPPEEE! It's a great feeling knowing that this girl is now safe and in a good home, and that I was the one who made it happen. I talked to this girl a little this afternoon and could tell she was drained by the ordeal she had just been through. So, anyhow tonight life is looking great from my side of the fence! I think I'll get in the hot tub and drink a cold one.....Steve1

[girlygirl 0]

I feel for your need to vent but am wondering, and I ask this gently and out of curiosity, is it entirely ethical to be sharing such a confidential story in such public forum as this? Doesn't it violate a rule or law of confidentiality of some sort? Please don't be offended by my post here, I just wonder and worry for you and the little girl is all.

[Hipwrddude 0]

There's no legal violations whatsoever in discussing this matter (much of it is in the public record.) This sort of thing plays out throughout the country every day (unfortunately, often without such a comforting outcome.) What people may not be aware of is that it was only in the latter part of the 20th century that societies around the world began recognizing the damage caused by child abuse. The majority of death row inmates have low IQs and were beaten as children. Studies show that the degree of violence in disciplining children and/or the level of psychological abuse, can have terrible affects on the child's self-esteem, social development and personal relations. A beaten child will actually seek the love of the abusive parent more then the less abusive one because they want the abusive one to love them. Oh my goodness. Steve, thank you. Thank you for touching their lives and giving them hope. Hope is the one thing that keeps them alive. Thanks.

You're always the starter in your own life!