Help needed - What went wrong?

[LadiDadi 0]

Rain. Rain. More rain.

Delayed until tomrrow.

Gahd dehmmit.

If you can't laugh at yourself, I'll be happy to do it for you.
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Be like the cupcake and suck it up.

[LadiDadi 0]

I'm a big weenie. I rode an airplane today. Yay me! That's all I did today. I went up, got in the door, freaked out, the pilot circled around, I freaked out some more and then put my seatbelt back on.

The worst 'shame walk' ever...

But, hey - I went on a plane ride...


*sigh*

If you can't laugh at yourself, I'll be happy to do it for you.
****************************
Be like the cupcake and suck it up.

[danielcroft 2]

That's not the update we were hoping for.

[fred 0]

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I'm a big weenie. I rode an airplane today. Yay me! That's all I did today. I went up, got in the door, freaked out, the pilot circled around, I freaked out some more and then put my seatbelt back on.

The worst 'shame walk' ever..

So is that it? You're giving up? Are you going to try again?

What went through your mind this time? What made you decide that you couldn't go out that door and onto the strut?

[LadiDadi 0]

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So is that it?

Nope.

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You're giving up?

Nope.

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Are you going to try again?

Nope.

Well... Not a static line jump. I am going to go do AFF. I do feel a bit like I'm jumping ship on the folks at Snohomish (but it's a lot closer to me and I'll be spending a lot of time and money there in the long run).

I tried. I really and truly tried to do the static line jump but I was unable.

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What went through your mind this time? What made you decide that you couldn't go out that door and onto the strut?

Wow... About ten thousand things a second were going through my mind at first. I spent several hours at the DZ on Thursday waiting for the weather to clear up (it only got worse) and used that time to talk to several different people about my mistakes, fears, issues, etc. We worked on a standing exit rather than the hanging exit so that I would be more at ease (and, more importantly, not get hurt). I was unable to jump on Thursday but I went home feeling confident.

I went back yesterday (Friday) feeling confident. Feeling that I could do this. I got suited up, tried on two different rigs this time so I felt comfortable in in it rather than just taking the one that was handed to me. We practiced in the plane mock-up on the ground several times - with and without gear. I felt confident. We loaded up and I felt fine.

I was first out and I felt fine. Door opened - fine. I scooted up and swung my feet out and looked for the spot and was excited. I was really excited. He said "Okay, go ahead and climb out" and that's where I fell apart.

That strut was suddenly so far away. The step was suddenly so slippery. My ass was suddenly glued to the floor. The only part of my body that worked was my head and only in a shaking-it-side-to-side manner to indicate 'no'.

What was going through my mind initially was simple - "Spot. Strut. Step. Spot. Strut. Step." I was just frozen in place.

The pilot made another pass for me and I went back into "Spot. Strut. Step." and "YOU. CAN. DO. THIS."

We got over the spot and the mental conversation was "You can do it - your hand is on the strut. Haul your ass up." "Can't. My feet are slipping." "No shit they're slipping - there's no weight on them. Stand the fuck up and there will be." and so on and so forth. My little mental conversation quickly reached the "you'll get hurt like last time or what if it's worse" point and there was no arguement for that.

I was simply physically frozen. One of the other guys in the plane had to help me get back in the back of the plane because I was so paralyzed I couldn't even do that.

It sucks. I beat the hell out of myself up there and it sucks. I don't plan on this being the end of it but I must be reasonable and let go of the static line/wing strut stage at this point. Ignoring that level of fear and overriding that level of sympathetic nervous system response is, in my mind, just as deadly as complacency.

So...

I'm off to AFF. One day I'll hang from a wing strut but it's going to have to wait.

If you can't laugh at yourself, I'll be happy to do it for you.
****************************
Be like the cupcake and suck it up.

[peregrinerose 0]

Just so you are aware... you still need to climb out of the plane, on to the step, put your chest on the strut, etc. with AFF. What are you hoping to gain by switching methods?

About riding the plane down... don't sweat it. It takes far more balls to ride the plane down than to jump out of it... planes CRASH on landings sometimes... that's some dangerous shit landing with an aircraft!!! I damn near puked down a friend's back when we had to ride the plane down due to weather.

Do or do not, there is no try -Yoda

[bigbearfng 16]

I just read thru your whole thread and it sure did bring back some memories.......
My first jump was AFF out of a cesna.
I was told I did a slow climb out-yea no shit!!!!
Later AFF out of an otter-still sensory overload, but way different-at least for me.
My point being that I can still remember that climbing out feeling/fear as a student to this day.(even if I am an old fart!)

So if you're considering an AFF program and it's still out of a cesna you'll probably still hit that feeling.
But AFF exit out of an otter would more than likely accomplish what I think you're looking for.
Good luck!!!!

[LadiDadi 0]

Peregrinerose,

Oh ye baker of cupcakes... This cupcake failed you. Hell, I didn't even get the chance to chant "BE the cupcake" - I never made it that far. I didn't forget about it though.

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What are you hoping to gain by switching methods?

I'm going down there today to check things out and talk with the instructors about my sob story and such. They mostly jump from Twin Otters and a Caravan there. They do have a Cessna but they don't use it for AFF typically. So, my major obstacle is temporarily removed.

I say 'temporarily' because it will always be an obstacle for me and I will have to overcome it.

What I hope to gain is that I will learn to be safe and stable and skilled in freefall and safe and stable and skilled under canopy. I will learn how to handle myself in the sky so that I can climb out on to the step and hang from the strut and know that if I slip or let go with one hand first and try to hang on with the other causing me to twist in the air (what happened to me last time) that I have the skills to recover from it and see myself safely to the ground. I will be able to correct crappy body positions, arch, get stable, deploy my chute and be safe rather than freak out, not have the chance to recover (even if I knew how), and have the chute open for me while I am in the process of twisting my entire body and slightly back down. That's my hope anyway. I hope I managed to word it correctly so that my thoughts make some slight bit of sense.

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It takes far more balls to ride the plane down than to jump out of it

No SHIT!! I figured that my 'punishment' for not jumping was having to land. I'm actually scared of flying. Scared in commercial jetliners forget little wind-up Cracker Jack toys. I only referred to it as my 'shame walk' because I like to use humor to mask my true feelings. Hey - at least I admit it.

I felt no shame whatsoever for what I did Friday. Just the opposite. In addition to feeling frustrated and disapointed with myself, I feel proud. I am proud of the fact that I listened to my gut and did not do what my gut was SCREAMING at me to not do. I think it takes a lot of courage to sit in that door for two passes and say 'no' and scoot back into the plane.

I was to be the first out so the second guy (S/L jump) had to climb over me to make his jump. There was a third guy who was to make a solo jump with the instructor to get his license but he had to ride down with us. The pilot couldn't land with a student in the plane and no instructor and the third guy couldn't jump without the instructor so we all had to go back down. I apologized to everyone for screwing up the schedule but I didn't feel guilty for what I did.

I honestly think that my last two 'events' and the lessons learned will carry with me for the rest of my life. Not just in skydiving either.

1- On my 5th jump ever and first static line jump I got hurt. It was nothing major but I did find out that my arm getting stuck in the lines possibly prevented line twists so the 'damage' to my arm is a fair trade off. I learned that in this sport there is no margin for error. You can get hurt in a matter of seconds - before you even know you are hurt. It doesn't take much. It is serious business. I took it very seriously before but now I have a bit of a better understanding of it.

2- Never, EVER, override your gut. It is not brave to jump out of a plane. It is brave to say 'No. I don't feel confident that I can do this and I don't want to get hurt again.' That fear can not and should not be overcome while sitting in the door and 5 entries in your log book. That needs to happen on the ground.

I will do this thing. I'm off today to bug the hell out of some instructors and likely follow my husband's advice and do a tandem today so I can relax and be reminded of why I fell in love with this in the first place.

Wish me luck. This cupcake's off to get some sprinkles!!!

If you can't laugh at yourself, I'll be happy to do it for you.
****************************
Be like the cupcake and suck it up.

[peregrinerose 0]

I think you need to change your user name to Sprinkles from your last line in that post

You might want to consider sliding your scale of 'getting hurt' a bit. Honestly a bruised arm wouldn't even register worth calling an injury to me. But I'm also extraordinarily clumsy on the ground and used to bruises, I can fall over absolutely nothing at all... which made falling from the sky perfectly logical... I figured it makes sense to use that long honed skill of falling for constructive use

Seriously though, you're going to get banged around quite a bit in this sport, you'll get lots of bumps and bruises, often never having any idea where they came from. My husband and I snicker over our various colorful lesions in the shower together at the end of every weekend. That's just the nature of the sport, especially when you're a student (apparently also if you're an instructor!).

You definitely didn't fail me... the only way I'd say you'd fail me is if I was riding the plane down with you and you didn't have a barf bag handy to hand me in the event I yakked

Otter and caravan exits are very different from cessna. As a student, cessnas scared the shit out of me, for the same reasons you mentioned. If I didn't already have 4-5 AFF jumps out of a King Air prior to my first cessna jump, I may well have backed out too
Which brings me to tandem... I would NOT recommend another one. Tandems foster bad bad bad habits in students that are very hard to break. Butt landings, hanging on to rip cords, and crappy body positions.... watching students really struggle to unlearn what they 'learned' on tandem jumps is tough. And there are safety issues. I've seen more jumpers hurt with butt landings than any other injury on the DZ. So be careful with considering that one again... it really is a backslide in your training.... it's time to leave the nest grasshopper, and quit hanging on to the apron strings of tandem instructors (how mixed a metaphor is that one!)

YOU CAN DO THIS. You know it, I know it, everyone on here knows it, so be the cupcake oh sprinkled one

Do or do not, there is no try -Yoda