Farflung

How rude of me. I forgot to include some examples of “College Gals” and the reason we all wanted to know the gate guards were facing outside the base. They didn’t need guns to keep people ‘outside’; that’s for sure! Gotta luv those college gals! Smart, fun and not bitter.

Hey, I almost forgot about the good things at Fairchild. Just down the road was the town of Cheney, which was the home to Eastern Washington University. A very nice group of ladies played the role of host, tour guides and reminders of what “Polite Society” had to offer compared to our masculine existence. After going through survival school, it was a welcome relief to be around some delicate and feminine blooms, compared to the harsh scrub we endured the previous weeks. You can imagine going from hearing about PLFs and ‘thumping bunnies’ from some sergeant who was built like a fire hydrant, to getting a tour of Coeur d’alene from some cultured and classy debutantes, who represented the American ideal. That’s some training I can remember.

OK, so I found some information on guys who jacked out of planes AND didn’t spend the rest of their lives bragging about it! I know! Here’s the deal. While going through flight school you are FORCED to endure training which is both bland and banal. No tests, no grades, just forced attendance which is a couple days over a denominator of two years till you arrive at a squadron as a noob. As much as jump training is the center of the universe for some, it was but a passing bit of flotsam, among a storm of flotsam in the USAF. How does the average skydiver (code for all) jump from a plane? One ‘G’ straight and level, AND with every intent of jumping at that time. This is defined by ‘some’ as heroic and taking all the God given skills they have. In fact, it is claimed many, many times as a mantra to justify some sort of existence. Here’s some ‘college boy’ in a situation where he’s forced to “jump”! Oh my, I’ve eaten some seat cushion! Hold me! For this flight, where he had no intention of jumping, has shit the bed, with frothy stool, produced by the gods of improbability and system redundancy, when they have buttseks. Yep, according to all the charts and graphs, this “should NOT be happening”! Quite a different motif from the 1 G, straight and level, standing at the door, sipping latte environment, so many “self proclaimed” heroes have occupied. I wonder (code for no I don’t) who has actually experienced 2 Gs in their non-delusional lifetimes. Hmmm…. Anyway, some serious shit hits the fan and in some uncontrolled attitude of 4 – 6 Gs, a guy jacks out of his plane and…… He can’t remember. You see he rotated the arming handles, noticed the canopy depart the airframe, then woke up on the ground. My goodness. That can’t be! He must have used all his skill and training to pull off a feat which others can only lie about. Just a few moments before he was a whuffo and now has talents which those can only brag about, in a deluded cloud of self importance. What can be said about an F-15 jock, whom bails in a 6 G, flat spin, which was unplanned, and managed to reach the ground in a state of unconsciousness, AND uninjured? He didn’t use 21 and a half years of skill or any training. He only got a couple days of familiarity with the parachute and was a novice, crap your pants, doesn’t stand a chance, will surely die, if not for being college educated, pilot. Wow, sorta puts some perspective on all this crap about skills and whatever, since half of the Air Force ejections where done without being conscious. What does it all mean? That people who use “all their skills” to do the same are in fact stupid? And this stupidity is backed up by the fact that they seem unaware of the number of sub-conscious ejections, in multiple G environments every year? Can a sleeping or dead person truly do what you claim to be a unique and single most monumental skill in your life? That’s embarrassing. That’s also the experience an F-15 driver passed along from his mishap. His “training” was irrelevant since the instructors managed to miss any of these attributes. I can back that up as well; the training was minimal, forgettable, and forced without any measure. Not tests; just show up and pray to stay awake. Typical worthless military “make work”. So Cooper must have been quite skilled since there are hundreds of examples similar to the above, if anyone feels like searching the internet instead of reading these ‘experienced’ comments. At least they are humble. Yep, no instructor, no training, no single G environment, no planning to jump, and they managed to perform and live. Oh well, don’t let that impede the delusions of grandeur.

Amazon presumes incorrectly about Air Force lesbians with: “Gee another one of those hot shot college boys who calls all women that shoot them down for a date as a lesbian... .. saw a LOT of those” Far from it. It was Air Force women who ‘fingered’ the dykes. Big time. There were a couple women complaining about how they couldn’t take a shower without being watched by the BBB-D (bitter barracks bull-dyke), which was defined as anyone who could get separate rats, but stayed on base. Every time and any time, the shower valve would squeak, you could count on a visit from SSgt Manhands. So they get set up with a 35 mm camera (big deal back then) take a folding chair, put on robes, flip flops (part of the ruse) and go into the shower and turn the valve. Squee-Eeak! Four, three, two…..one…. ‘click!’ Surprise, you’re on ‘What the fawk are you doing fully dressed looking into the communal shower camera?!’ Busted, dead to rites. Apparently there were no more ambush visits after that, but the women didn’t press charges which would have ended in her discharge that month. One thing’s for sure, none of those lesbians were going to accuse anyone of anything since they all knew full well they had fraudulently enlisted. Quite the Sword of Damocles for those who viewed the communal living quarters as ‘easy pickins’. Sick. I recall the women being in disbelief that there wasn’t a similar problem for the males. No such thing considering how we lived on alert or deployed. When it was suggested that they (the women) complain to officials, they made it very clear, we (the men) didn’t understand how bad it really was. I thought you would have a ton of barracks closet lesbian stories. Sure seems odd that so many women would tell me those tales or ask for some help. But that’s just one anecdote of many. I recall how they (the hetero women) would say that BBBDs represented the worst of all worlds combined into one disgusting package. You had the aggression of a male, along with the associated butthurt from rejection, COMBINED with an eternal, seething desire to get even and never forget, like a female. Throw in some rank and supervisory powers and there’s you a recipe for despair. Now just a dirty, filthy, dark secret from history. Good times.

Your attachment is titled “not exactly lesbians” I’ll ask for the last time: How do you know they aren’t lesbians? If they or anyone of them is, then it shouldn’t matter. You have anointed yourself as USAF lesbian detector? How did you arrive at this conclusion? Is it just more talking out of your face again?

How do you know they aren’t lesbians? What wrong with being a lesbian? Your statement infers that and isn’t polite. You should be polite.

It’s obvious that most don’t understand jump or flight pay, and what the requirement means in actual practice. This is truly a sad condemnation of commons sense, and exposure of how little these value these ‘self proclaimed’ EXPERTS add to the analysis. Flight and Jump Pay is/was paid to personnel to….. wait for it….. little longer….. hang on….. Fly and Jump! I know, so mystic! If you were a crewmember, flight medic, PJ or any job in the USAF which required flight of jumping as part of your job, THEN YOU GETTY THE FLIGHT or JUMP PAY! It this really that hard to grasp? Seriously. There also happens to be a moving window of 90 days, in which you must leave the ground or jump at least one time in order to maintain your flight, or jump pay for another quarter. So this begs the natural question- “Who gives a shit?” And a fine question at that, so here’s the dirt: NO ONE. NO ONE gives a shit about when flight or jump pay expires because they haven’t spent a week without flying or jumping. What the hell is that job title again? Pilot? Oh yeah, the type who flies four times a friggen year! Or Paratrooper? That’s right, the one who jumps with that pilot with the same frequency. So what do these dorks do during the other 361 days a year? Apparently make up BS. Cuz it aint flying or jumping for their dinners. A twenty year career could be 80 jumps? Really?? Great value for the money there Uncle Sam. Now for the ‘real world’, sans deluded revisionism. You will be on a flight or jump schedule during your first term (enlistment) which will allow no such fantasy about not getting your pay for flying or jumping. This is, unless you were some Code 3, problem child, who spent their career DNIFed or having the personnel in the unit actively request avoidance of them, for purposes of SOF (safety of flight). Who else would be jumping or flying so infrequently they would need to write home about it? Is this still so utterly vexing to decode? If you fit that description, it is because you were a hazard in the air, to others, or yourself. In civilian speak; a loser. I spent my entire time getting waivers for the max number of hours flown every month, and so was everyone else that I can recall. The only people who gave a shit about ‘timing out’ were Colonels and First Shirts who were counting down the days to retirement. The evidence shows (to those with military experience anyway) that Kenny rarely jumped, to the point of ‘having to’ in order to maintain his jump pay. Yet the puzzle of DB Cooper is somehow easier for all these ‘EXPERTS’ to solve. Puulllllllease. It’s a big world out there and it isn’t as stupid as you think. Keep that in mind while you weave your next tale (this applies to whoever).

matthewcline, Try checking the relative pay and benefits for 1971 and decide how lowly $517 @ month (you know, Kenny’s wages?) may be. This is truly beyond spoon feeding at this point. If jump pay in 19…whatever is $50, then you may….just may consider 1949 as similar or lower. It’s not MY data, it is just data. Ownership of information is for the likes of Stalin and other losers. You could post some more refined data or everyone could just take your good word for it because "you said so".... just like Knoss. No duplicity there.

Here are some more names, colloquialisms and acronyms from the military (USAF): ROAD scholars = Retired On Active Duty ATC (Air Training Command) = Allergic To Combat Base Ace = Personnel who destroyed 5 assignments before retirement Zoomies were Air Force types, Zombies were Air Force retirees Females in the Navy were called WAVES, females in the Air Force were called lesbians FIGMOs (Fawk It Got My Orders) were personnel who functionally and publically quite working till the next assignment (up to 1 year). They were indistinguishable from anyone with a longevity ribbon with an oak leaf cluster. Colonel of the Urinal = Chief of the base housing facilities (rank could be anything) Hangar Queens = Aircraft in a state of constant disrepair or personnel who have evaded the OSI about fraudulent enlistment Tail Gunners = Ref (Hangar Queens)

Rather than rely on the memories of the self deluded Walter Mittys who are experts, but never seem to be able to attach a source, from their “Glory Days” when they were cool. I thought I would attach a historical pay scale for all branches of the service. I know, it’s exciting to see the huge salaries ($506 @ month for E-6, more than 10 years) earned from that time frame (1971): http://www.military.com/benefits/military-pay/charts/historical-military-pay-rates.html There were those who worried about the 90 day, moving window to maintain “Flight Status” in the Air Force, but they were desk jockeys and NCOs (No Chance Outside), who stayed in and were counting the days till they hit 20 years. Hard core aviators NEVER worried about drying out. You can actually see where the “Flight Pay” peaks when the average service member could separate and return to the private sector, and make better money and succeed, versus the future DMV clerks who stay in and receive an extra five bucks per month.

I will now analyze yesterday’s Lottery numbers and tie them to events, which will prove their predictive value. Or I’ll gather the case studies (aka previous Lottery results) and use them as an indicator of future drawings. Sonofabitch. Analysis of last year’s drawings is worthless because there are no trends or numbers represented which fall outside the realm of pure random chance. The data is wrong. Now yesterday’s numbers clearly included: A: My ring size. B: Age when I could vote. C: My favorite caliber of gun. D: Number of ‘Blind Mice’ E: Double the number of Mules used on my brand of soap. There you have it. Clear, concise and irrefutable logic which supports how I should have won yesterday’s lottery. No argument as all of it is true, certified and verifiable. Go ahead and check, I’ve got living witnesses, photographs and recorded interviews which were recorded electronically on electronic recording things you don’t even know. I also support the amazingly brilliant ethos which requires a person to ‘bring’ a suspect in order to have an intelligent dialog about DB Cooper. This truth is so truthy, that we hold it to be, self evident. What better indication of intelligence, than to require a person to do something, that has a 100% certainty, of being WRONG?! Imagine a ‘Cooper Sleuth Club’ with a membership of 100, which followed that criterion. Be definition 99% would have to be dead wrong, with 100% of them thinking this was a great idea. Truly the definition of mutually exclusive.

377 asks: “How you can equate my post to condoning greedy two faced behavior kinda puzzles me. But lots of things about human behavior puzzle me.” I thought I was very transparent with the juxtaposition of whuffos showing gratitude for being allowed to use one out of a quarter million threads, as an act of supreme generosity. Was I really that vague? How does anyone even get bothered by something that is 1/250,000th of anything? Remember the initial question? As far as your viewpoint: I suppose that having whuffos comment on skydiving would be quite infuriating to a seasoned or junior (1?) jumper. The outrage makes sense and I can totally understand that position and can support your platform on this subject. So…. ummm…. just for the sake of ‘argument’, let’s say, in some rare event, not that it has ever happened mind you, that a skydiver BSed on a subject, that whuffos did for a primary living. Like I say here, I’m going way, way, out on a limb, on the tree of ridiculous improbability. Would there be an equal sense of outrage, angst and pants pissing going on? Hmmm…. so deep, so philosophical, and indeed……. unfathomably unanswerable. Thank goodness duplicity and hypocrisy are only gaseous concepts and imponderable theories. Imagine living in a world where that stuff actually existed. Just like the lack of proportionality of a CEO that possesses enough genuine megalomania to actually believe they can perform at a rate of 100,000 X another person, so was the comparison of unbridled despair a single thread could cause in a fabric of 250,000. That was all.

377 explains with: “Jumpers like to bitch about things non jumpers do (such as paying child support and staying sober). Jumpers really go nuts when non jumpers opine about anything related to jumping. Most of the people here aren't jumpers, and we are opining daily about jump related stuff, so ths forum is a target for negative comments and complaints. Just get used to it and thank Q for not acceeding to those who want to quash this forum.” I don’t know about “getting used to it” or thanking anyone. Wow, that’s actually achieved a new low in a book of pretty awesome lows, that I’ve witnessed in life. This is NOT hyperbole or ‘skydiver-speak’, I truly mean this. I worked for a company that had a prince of a man who installed himself as CEO and spent the next two years in court involving himself with the ISO (incentive stock option) plan, while the company kept writhing in growing pains. Oddly a large group of us were sent out of the country for eight weeks and during our trip were sent a package that needed immediate signatures and return. It had something to do with the ISOs and if we didn’t sign within 48 hours we would be held to the old agreement. Everyone signed except one, because there wasn’t much you could do with such short notice and we frankly didn’t understand what was going on. Turns out the lower level employees were locked out of the program and middle managers and up had their allotments adjusted on some sort of ‘reasonable scale’. The elimination of options were protested, but we were told there simply wasn’t enough left to hand out. The rush to change the program became apparent as the company was filing for an IPO, and as part of the ‘red herring’ had to publish the scale of allotments. It was 100,000 shares for the CEO for every 1 (one, singular) share to a supervisor with a team of around 30 personnel. 100,000 to 1 and along with that he travelled first class everywhere, stayed in separate hotels (the rooms without floors or numbers) and as if that weren’t enough, we were supposed to “like it”. Some people may consider this a bit extreme (spouses sure did) or egotistical, but we all had the ability to quit. So that’s that. All’s well that ends well, I suppose. There were plenty of people who had your outlook and they may still be working there for all I know. So you are either stunned by such a tale or in violent agreement and see nothing but happiness and good tidings on the horizon. I’ll assume you are the latter. For I took a look at the home page of this forum for some perspective. Clearly having a thread some whuffos have access to and participate on is viewed by many, apparently most, and with your tacit agreement, as a beatifying act of magnanimity and generosity. So generous, that one should be ‘happy’ and ‘thankful’ if I may be so bold as to paraphrase. So this one thread, which has so honorably and generously been allowed to exist, in a state of molested and abused gratitude, actually has a denominator of: 241,499. Out of the 241,499 threads on this website, if only one would disappear or give some whiner’s starfish a catbath (while thanking them), all would be good in the world. Wow. Don’t you ever let anyone tell you that perspective, balance or sheer temerity, has ever been so much as an angel’s hair out of true. I can safely say that I never (this is not hyperbole again) thought I would live to see such an inequitable view of anything, for the remainder of my life. Once again proving how wrong I can be.

I’ve read so much authoritative rhetoric about why people participate on this thread, and more vexing, why they don’t, that I did some cocktail napkin research. I know! So there are 77 pages, with 25 threads on each page, in the old Trivia & Whatever section, and by page 27 you are deep into Zombie territory. I mean dead, brainless, soul-less, stupid, stumbling, uncoordinated, pants peeing, Zombie threads, over three years dead. ZOMBIE…... thr-rrrr—eeeeaaaaddzzzzzzz. These threads are so unvisited, they make Chernobly look like Disney World on a June weekend. I guess I’m just trying to say that there is a whole lot of nothing going on with this subcategory, on this forum. There are less than 20 responses, on average, to all of the threads on page 27. And knowing that there is boundless knowledge as to what caused people to leave or avoid the Cooper thread, I figured the same people and some others would opine about these threads and the Zombieism they seem to suffer from. Could it be the subject? Were all the ‘Funny Stories’ told and there are no more? How about ‘vintage gear’? Only five replies to cover that topic? Could the ‘Older Texas DZ’s’ topic have started repeating or become saturated with a mere 23 responses? Texas is a big ass state and there should be plenty to discuss regarding such a fabled subject. But I notice it is nothing more than a bunch of incoherent, Twitter-esque, ramblings. Gosh Wally, what is going on? LOL BRB HMFIC More than one person has taken more than one turn, at grasping this thread by the hips, and pumping it with their ‘wisdom’ on this subject. So why not explain the utter lack of participation on more than 66% of these threads for more than three years? Why don’t people chatter away on those subjects? Isn’t there a need for self proclaimed expertise on Godfrog, Iron Crank or Slammer Openings? I mean two thirds Zombie threads and people bitch about the level of participation on this thread? That seems kinda stupid. So what caused the magnificent exodus of over one thousand two hundred threads in the Trivia section? I know with all the precise analysis done here, there should be some amazing and amusing answers about all these damn Zombies. Cuz they aren’t just going to answer themselves. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4xyhVO-SWfM Although once I realized how very few of these threads were active, I did realize what utter Zombies it must have taken to complain about this thread and how it ruins their day. Suburban Zombies always make me laugh. Threadddzzzzzz I need to bitch about your threaddzzzzzzzz, uh… umm.. I mean brainzzzz.

Here’s a case study (I know, I know, the “Star Chamber” hates them) about a body which was found with what I would characterize as extremely narrow search attributes: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/11/30/jesse-capen-missing-remains-superstition-mountain_n_2218676.html Yep, three years to find what was a six foot four inch, 220 pound man, within half a mile of his camp, in the desert. My goodness. Keep in mind that this was someone who got lost walking and not flying or skydiving. Way, way, wayyyyyyyyyyyyyy too much is made about hunters and hikers regarding this stuff. Way too much. Hunters and hikers walk where people walk. Doesn’t seem nearly as profound when presented in the written word, but it is true. Aircraft and skydiver crash sites can be anyplace which is subject to the effects of gravity. So where precisely was Mr. Capen? He was apparently wedged at the bottom of a crevice, of a piece of rock, which was cleaving away from a cliff or butte. This is similar to hundreds if not thousands of formations common to the area. That is someplace which I would be willing to bet that no hunter or hiker, and I’m even going to add - human has ever explored. I’m pretty sure the bodies which end up on trails, sidewalks and moderately flat terrain are recovered relatively quickly. But someone searching, specifically for this man, noticed his sneaker from some distance and managed to close this ‘mystery’. Ever been on a real life (not Walter Mitty) search for something that wasn’t keys, a remote control for the TV, or golf ball with a bad lie? I didn’t think so. But the attached article should allow a bit of perspective where it takes dozens of people, almost three years, to find a missing giant, within a nine football field radius, of his Jeep and tent. And they knew he was on foot. Don’t worry about trying to narrow the search field, because this story had a conspiracy also. Apparently there was some ‘witness’ (code for massive douche bag), who had information that Capen was searching the area with an unidentified person, and may have been a victim of foul play! These people never fail to show up, no matter what. Here’s one from some territory the average ‘Desk Jockey’ could appreciate. Another missing person, who vanished along with his car: http://projectjason.org/forums/index.php?topic=787.0 This is an accounting of how he went missing, search parties were formed, that website created, reward offered and how his body and car were found a week later. That’s right, within 30 feet of an Interstate shoulder and against a sound wall separating the ever vigil suburbs. I’ve attached some imagery of the thicket/wilderness which concealed his car and body from searchers, police and several tens of thousands of drivers who must have passed that location during the week. Hard to believe? I guess having to consider how far our collective heads are up a singular ass isn’t very flattering no matter how accurate. So what are the odds of finding the wing-suit jumper? Cooper? Anyone want to add some ambiguity to the equation with conspiracies, deception or unbridled manipulation? The deck is stacked in your favor if you want to blur the picture as it is already extremely difficult with lots of good information and resources (Steve Fossett) or a painfully narrow search area like these two examples.