CaptainOKaos

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Umm...i have a VCR to record shows. I'm such a redneck.

And the clock still flashes 0:00 doesn't it?

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ANYTHING

Dude you won't be getting ANY Poohdy-Pooh for a LONG time!

OH MY!
that's funny
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Yea Walts kind of like our own private George Carlin here @ DZ.com
I love the fierce competition, wouldn't be the same without it.

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Here honey, let me give you a blowjob before you leave for the DZ.

Good Answer!

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Proper answer is that, no honey, don't be silly, all that ass you have makes your ass look fat.

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"I've told my husband all about you and as soon as he gets out of prison, he wants to have a 3-way!"

Walt
That would fucked up

You're as wonderful as a slinkie!! NOT REALLY GOOD FOR ANYTHING BUT THEY BRING A SMILE TO YOUR FACE WHEN PUSHED DOWN THE STAIRS.

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if that doesn't work, I don't know what will.

No, you just have to say that it looks good on her. The reason we ask that question, i that we're worried ... "Nothing makes you look fat!" sounds forced, and not credible.
This is just my humble opinion.

Exactly my point / experience, that's what makes it a trick question.

Thank You, Thank you, I'll be appearing here every night this week, with bonus matinee performances on Saturday & Sunday.

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"Honey, does this dress, (these jeans, whatever) make my ass look fat?"
The correct answer to that is: "No, but your ass makes your ass look fat."

Yeah, been there (see the particularly when you've been drinking, and you're still ticked.... post)
That's the "correct answer" if you want one of the shoes she also sporting/trying on, whaled upside your head (the big one or the little one - Ouch) and a severe case of "LackaNookie" for the next three months.

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Not exactly a good idea to be bragging about the money you'll be making on the internet... just my 2 cents...

I'll see your Two cents & raise you Two more.

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"I'm Late"
"We're Pregnant"

A man never wants to hear a woman say...
Come on now with the right women it would fall under this thread
Things you always WANT to hear a woman say
I Can't say Never to this one guys
Besides then we get to set a precedent by having KBord deliver the little canvas jockey in Freefall.

Now is that anyway to talk about our "Commander n Thief" where were the SS men?

Alley Thug: Wrong place, wrong time. Nothing personal.

Joe Hallenbeck: That's what you think. Last night I fucked your wife.

Alley Thug: Oh you did, hah? How'd you know it was my wife?

Joe Hallenbeck: She said her husband was a big pimp lookin' motherfucker with a hat.

Alley Thug: Oh, you're real cool for someone about to take a bullet.

Joe Hallenbeck: After fucking your wife I'll take two.

Joe Hallenbeck: The sky is blue, water is wet, women have secrets.

Jimmy Dix: Maybe I could take your daughter horseback riding. How old is she?

Joe Hallenbeck: She's 13, and if you even look at her funny I'm gonna shove an umbrella up your ass and open it.

Mike Matthews: How long have we been friends?

Joe Hallenbeck: I'd say roughly until you started banging my wife.

Mike Matthews: Rough night.

Joe Hallenbeck: I don't know I think I fucked a squirrel to death.

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The movie "Airplane" is currently showing on Spike. It's full of great lines!

"Looks like I picked the wrong week to give up sniffing glue"

"Honey, does this dress, (these jeans, whatever) make my ass look fat?"
DANGER - WARNING - TRICK QUESTION Do NOT Answer, without thinking, particularly if you've been drinking, or you're still ticked off about the ding she put in your brand new truck last week.

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I used to be a man.

Ding, Ding, Ding, we have a winner folks.

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So, uh, when's the wedding?
Walt

And did the proposal involve a Shot-Gun?

"Honey, I really don't need that new Fall Wardrobe, why don't you take the cash out of that account for beer & jump tickets this weekend and go raise hell with all your DZ buddies."

"There are endless possibilities, you might as well just put it in."

Congrats, welcome back to the real world, scallywag!

"Honey, my Mother was in town today, with a real estate agent looking at the house right next door & ..."

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"Im Late"

"We need to talk"

"Where is this going"

Translation - "We need to talk" = "You need to sit & listen while I rant on & on about all the ways YOU'VE been Fucking Up!"
"Yes Dear!"

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Do you & turtle count as 2 separate people?

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Only on Tuesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays.

Yes but Only on Tuesdays, Thursdays and Every Other Saturdays
Fixed it for ya!

If you view that in full size screen, you will note an uncanny resembelance to Michael Jackson, when did he move overseas?

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So last night i do the classy thing and let my friends female friend buy me some drinks, long story short we end up pretty shit faced.
I end up strolling home at god knows what time with a dog in tow who i'd managed to blag off some crack heads girlfriend.
So now my deer old mother is pleased as punch at her new jack russel as ours died not so long ago.
Little guy has taken nicely to home life without being left in a stinking bed sit for days on end with no company.

Isn't that how they ended up with & nurtured you?

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I don't care, as long as it's my own baby-batter that I'm dealing with.

How you doin?

Whaddaya mean?

Duh, THINK about that.