flyhi

Mom!!! Mom is that you????

We routinely takeoff with the King Air's door open. Two situations come to mind:
1) No 2 engine failure immediately after takeoff. Nose yaws right; pilot counters by putting in left pedal. Since aircraft will not initially be in trim, the airflow will divert through the open door and the King Air will act like a giant parachute causing the nose, with both inputs, to whip around to the left. Possible stall/cartwheel?
b) Somewhere below 1000 feet, inadvertent activation of reserve parachute, deploys out the door with attached skydiver still belted in with no chance to release the belt or 'chute. Result?
Waddayathink?

Did you say impaired?
Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the years they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, their activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards. One day they were playing cards when one looked at the other and said, "Now don't get mad at me.....I know we've been friends for a long time.....but I just can't think of your name! I've thought and thought, but I can't remember it. Please tell me what your name is." Her friend glared at her. For at least three minutes she just stared and glared at her. Finally she said, "How soon do you need to know?

All the good advice is already here. Fly your slot. Don't look for or at the grip. If it's your first big way, sit midway between the pilot and the door. Don't give up on the dive. If you go low, try to get back in. Don't give up and track away. They lost a guy at Chicago last year doing that. Visualize. Relax and breath.

Quote

""One can never consent to creep when one feels an impulse to soar" - Helen Keller" -Phatcat
Dude, What did I tell you about quoting blind people on a Skydiving sight? It really does scare the shit out of the dog!

Question: Why can't Helen Keller drive?
Answer: She's a woman.
That is SO wrong.

You won't believe how warm it is when you get back on the ground. You lose about 2 deg C per thousand feet. And check your 3-ring frequently.

I have heard that with Vectran lines you will have to get your canopy relined sooner and it will absorb less opening shock. The benefit is that it has a smaller profile to the wind which means faster speeds due to lower drag. If you believe a thin wallet and bad back are not too high a price to pay to look shit hot, go with the Vectran.
Two elderly women were eating breakfast in a restaurant one morning. Ethel noticed something funny about Mabel's ear and she said, "Mable, did you know you've got a suppository in your left ear?" Mable answered, "I have? A suppository?" She pulled it out & stared at it. Then she said, "Ethel, I'm glad you saw this thing. Now I think I know where my hearing aid is."

A funeral service is being held for a woman who has just passed away. At the end of the service, the pall bearers are carrying the casket out when they accidentally bump into a wall, jarring the casket. They hear a faint moan! They open the casket and find that the woman is actually alive! She lives for ten more years, and then dies. Once again, a ceremony is held, and at the end of it, the pall bearers are again carrying out the casket. As they carry the casket towards the door, the husband cries out: "Watch that goddam wall!"

Quote

So Mr. Anal has gone back to the date I filed for divorce and figured up that this weekend is my weekend and next weekend is his.

Does that mean when you were married, your name was Mrs. Mouth Anal?

Quote

"What of the dreams that never die? Turn to your left at the end of the sky".
~e e cummings~

You think old e (those of us who know him,call him by his middle e) was talking about doing a four way donut? Trying to do one of this has been something of a dream lately. Or maybe a nightmare.

How about:
Skydiving is like sex; it's either good or it's great.
You can't take the FUN out of funnel.
The sooner you funnel the more time you have to rebuild.

Quote

Tony's wife Kate answers the e-mail usually and John or Tony does the phones.

Ordered a frap hat, Time Out, and Altimeter from Kate over the phone and she actually sounded interested about a dumbass cross country I did the weekend prior. She may not have been, but at that point in my life (horribly painful breakup with the main squeeze and low on beer at the same time) that meant a lot to me. I will use them again. And everything showed up in a very reasonable time.

Quote

> TOP 10 REASONS FOR ENJOYING BEING ITALIAN
> ------------------------------------------------------------------
> 1. In-depth knowledge of bizarre pasta shapes
> 2. Unembarrassed to wear fur.
> 3. No need to worry about tax returns
> 4. Glorious military history prior to 400 a.d.
> 5. Can wear sunglasses inside
> 6. Political stability
> 7. Flexible working hours
> 8. Live near the Pope
> 9. Can spend hours braiding girlfriend's armpit hair
> 10. Country run by Sicilian murderers

Forgot one: You can grow a mustache and you'll look more like your mother.
Mange!!

Quote

You should really get yourself a rich girlfriend that can buy all your skydiving stuff for you. Or at least one that works in a gear store and can get you a discount on stuff.

... and packs. Don't forget one who can pack.

I love it when a guy driving a truck made in Detroit, wearing clothes made in New York, listening to a CD player made in Massachusetts on his way to New Jersey has a bumper sticker that says, "The South will rise again".
"I can't imagine a nuclear physicist with a Southern Accent" Lenny Bruce

A HARD toggle turn basically stalls that side of the canopy causing the opposite side to fly forward creating the turn. A riser turn pulls the leading edge of the "wing" down so it's flying down and into the altered relative wind. The key word is flying, i.e. creating lift. If you riser turn, you may, depending on altitude, be able to counter with toggles. If you toggle turn, all you can do is wait for the whole wing to start flying again...and pray.
Sounds like everyone is talking about a good progression. Front riser from straight in, 45 deg, 90 deg, and 180 deg turns. And remember, the low altitude hook turn record can never be broken, only tied.
Less than 24 till the weekend, baby!!!

Went to the Byron Boogie last year. Wings was the unofficial rig of the DZ. They did a Wings-only jump on Sunday morning. It looked real impressive to me as I was lying on the ground holding my head. They all swear by them.

I'm kind of an amateur gynecologist. You may laugh, but there are a lot of openings that need filled in that area and it's something you can really sink your teeth into.

In reply to:
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Blow me where the Pampers is" -Name that movie
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
First Wives Club? Sorry. Personal problem.
"Listen. Do you smell something?" NTM

Apocalypse Now

I was there.
It was sweet.
I'll be back.

Gentlemen prefer blondes, marry brunettes, and have affairs with redheads.
Sign me, "Looking for a redhead"

Shemp Milhouse Flintstone. I'm a writer and part-time ice cream vendor. I like walking in the rain, small fuzzy things, and the color purple.
"Time flies like an eagle, fruit flies like a banana!"

1. Man walks into a psychiatrists office and says I've been having weird dreams. First I'm a teepee, then I'm a wigwam, then I'm a teepee, then I'm a wigwam. What's going on with that? The shrinkologist says, "Your problem is obvious. You're two tents."
2. Man walks into a restaurant and orders Eggs Benedict on a Hubcap. Waitress says, "Why do you want that?" Man says, "Everyone knows there's no place like chrome for the hollandaise."